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Cocomonkey's Profile

Bard Male United States
Please Cindy, say the whole name each time. 
I'm called Tim. I've been playing Dink since it came out, when I was a young, dumb kid.

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2014-09-09 22:00:23
Bard Male United States
Please Cindy, say the whole name each time. 
166: Blood Scorpions Author: Simeon Release Date: August 15, 2003
"Ain't it great, I just love my blood scorpions!"

"Blood Scorpions" is the last of Simeon's three DMODs, and it's my favorite of the three. It's just a fun DMOD, and something about it makes it very distinct in my mind, although I'm not quite sure what. Perhaps it's the slightly unusual setup.

Graphics from "Stone of Balance" and "Dry" are well-employed to create the desert setting.

Dink wants to join a group of knights sworn to protect a desert town called "The Town of the Ancients." I don't think the Ancients in this DMOD are the same ones the original game was talking about. Anyway, before Dink can join, he has to pass three trials. The first is a timed race through a short course, the second involves fighting some monsters, and the third has you burning down some cacti. The real challenge behind the second and third tests is that you've got to find yourself a weapon and some magic first. You can't leave town until you pass all the trials, so it's necessary to spend some time exploring the town.

The town has some interesting features, like this museum dedicated to the scorpions.

The town is in big trouble because someone has stolen the magical orbs that used to protect it from the hordes of "blood scorpions" (there is a weird and horrible reason they are so called) that roam the sands outside. Without the orbs, it's inevitable that the town will be overrun by scorpions. This is exactly what happens, and there are so many of them that all Dink can do is run and hide. You've had a bit of time to get to know the town and its residents, so it is a little jarring when the scorpions come and kill most of them.

Things could have gone better.

"Blood Scorpions" is a linear DMOD once you leave town, with backtracking often impossible. I fought an awful lot of scorpions. Health restoratives are tough to come by unless you're lucky enough to have a scorpion drop a big heart. It isn't a hard DMOD, but it does require you to play somewhat carefully. The only thing I disliked about the mod is that, at a couple of spots, you're told to go look for something and given no hint at all. There's a certain rock you have to push and a certain, out-of-the-way cactus you have to burn down in order to proceed. It's not a big problem, but it's pointless to make the player hunt around in this way.

There are quite a few screens that really stand out and look interesting.

While I thought Simeon's first two DMODs were good, they didn't seem to resonate with me quite as much as they did with others. Fortunately, "Blood Scorpions" really did click with me, and I found it to be quite an entertaining Dink adventure.

167: The Attack of the Army Author: Glenn Ergo Release Date: August 21, 2003
"After the army chooseed a new leader
It has happend many horible things"

An average rating of 5.2 is enough to make "The Attack of the Army" Glenn's highest-rated DMOD. For somebody with seven published DMODs, that's a bit unfortunate.

This one is competent in a basic way that I do appreciate after playing those ThinkDink mods. Everything pretty much works as you'd expect. I didn't encounter any serious bugs. There's a house you can walk straight through, depth que is frequently wrong and the tiling is lousy, but what else is new?

"Attack of the Army" is one of the least interesting DMODs out there. Even "Rise of the Rebels," which I described as the least interesting mod I'd seen, had a bit more going on. There's a pointlessly big, mostly empty map. You have to fetch a couple of items - they're just lying around on the ground. One of them is a green mushroom. There are actually two of these on the map, but only one of them can be taken. There's no explanation for this.

The only non-boring screen is this bizarre little arrangement.

There's a "secret" huge stash of powerups, but it's very easy to find. This is good, because it's probably impossible to get past the first enemy you have to fight without it. There are three such clusters of powerups in the mod, and when you get them all, everything becomes extremely easy. Dink has to fight a rogue army of knights, including a boss who's just a bigger and tougher knight, and then it's over.

The titular attack of the army.

I mean, truly, what could I say about this DMOD? I guess I could make fun of the text.

King: Your quest is to kill the new leader
Dink: What happens if a desagree
King: You want to be a hero right
Dink: Yes of course
King: Then you dont desagree
Dink: Understand

I certainly "dont desagree" with reviews that describe this DMOD as lackluster and poor. I do think that ThinkDink (of all people!) was a bit too harsh with his 1.0 review that calls it the "worst DMOD ever." It's just a boring, empty thing, and there's really no reason at all to play it.

168: Bloop the Fish 2 Author: Anony Mouse (SabreTrout) Release Date: September 2, 2003
"Made in a couple of hours, because I was bored..."

SabreTrout admitted to having made Bloop the Fish 2 when I went over the original in the 1999 COTPATD forum topic. He had this to say: "I knew how bad Bloop 2 was, hence no uploading it under my own name! I just thought it would be funny if someone made a sequel to such a unique - and poor - d-mod."

I did find the title screen pretty funny. It starts out as just a black screen, then Bloop slowly swims in.

It is kind of funny. "Bloop the Fish" was, no matter what anybody says, a very bad DMOD, but it was a lot more memorable than any other very bad DMOD, and something about it seems to catch people's interest. It seems crazy that somebody would make a followup to such a DMOD more than four years later. Of course, that's nothing compared to IplayDink's Bloop remake coming out in 2014, but let's not get ahead of ourselves.

"Bloop the Fish 2," if you were to evaluate it as a DMOD, does a slightly better job at the same thing as the original. It reuses Instalite's graphics, but adds a new sandy beach for decoration and new jellyfish enemies that don't really do anything. It uses screenlock, so unlike the original, there's a point to fighting the sea urchins. It even has some ending text that actually displays, even if it's just to say it's a joke and insult you. I was kind of disappointed in the lack of a shark boss.

Same type deal. Twice times, twice times.

On the other hand, it doesn't make any sense to evaluate "Bloop 2" as a DMOD. SabreTrout wasn't trying to make it any good. As a joke, it's pretty funny in concept, but there's not much to the execution (although I did enjoy the title screen). For a better DMOD and a funnier take on the same joke, see 2014's "A Fish Named Bloop."

Cocomonkey has released 11 files

Crazy Old Tim Plays All The D-Mods Volume 1: 1998-2004 (PDF)MiscellaneousExceptional 9.9June 16th, 2018
Crazy Old Tim Plays All The D-Mods Volume 2: 2005-2015 (PDF)MiscellaneousExceptional 9.9June 16th, 2018
Dink Smallwood: Achievement Unlocked EditionD-Mod, Add-OnExceptional 9.5February 17th, 2015
Dinkgon WarriorD-Mod, QuestGood 8.0February 2nd, 2015
Malachi the JerkD-Mod, QuestGood 8.9October 6th, 2014
Crazy Old Tim Plays the DMODs of 1998MiscellaneousN/ASeptember 8th, 2014
Crazy Old Tim Plays the DMODs of 1999MiscellaneousN/ASeptember 8th, 2014
Crazy Old Tim Plays the DMODs of 2000MiscellaneousN/ASeptember 8th, 2014
Tragic Death of Zink Smallwood (The)D-Mod, RompFair 6.1May 13th, 2006
CrossroadsD-Mod, UnfinishedTolerable 3.6July 27th, 2001
End of the World (The)D-Mod, QuestTolerable 4.8March 29th, 1999

Cocomonkey has written 5 reviews

The best way to play Dink Smallwood GNU FreeDinkNormalExceptional 9.7March 15th, 2014
Probably the best joke DMOD Goblin TroubleNormalFair 6.9September 15th, 2013
Utterly without value Mike Dingwell's First D-ModNormalHorrible 0.2September 6th, 2013
I Really Liked the Concept For This Dmod World of DinkCFeaturedFair 6.0May 9th, 2006
This Was a Very Good Dmod Green Voice in my Head (The) - Part 1 - Hangover & AgonyFeaturedExceptional 9.0May 9th, 2006

Cocomonkey has taken 165 screenshots

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