The Dink Network

No doubt you guys have been waiting for me to finish typing up The Amulet: The Beginning. I still have yet to do that. Call it laziness, call it enjoying life for the present, I call it 'finishing the idea before finishing typing up the first book'. So, what I'll do is give you guys a story separate from Amulet.
It's called Fallen Moon: Awakening. It's about a boy name Erin Grimm. It's about his sister, Emily. And it's about their father, Jack, who races to protect them from the very thing he is...
Granted, I'm only giving you the Prologue and the First chapter due to size of the story, so I'll post more chapters soon. Comment on it during and after I finish posting.

Prologue:
A cricket chirps as a dark figure makes its way through the forest. It steps on a branch and jumps in fear. It's a bearded man who wears a look of fear in his eyes. He is being hunted. 'Why the hell didn't I listen to that crazy duckhole those few days ago?' he thinks to himself as he wipes the sweat from his brow. He has brown hair, his usually bushy beard is plastered against his jaw and neck. His flannel shirt is soaked with his sweat and his blood. His pants are torn in places. One of his shoes has fallen off, revealing his foot to the harsh terrain. His name is Charles Ford. Charles casts a wary look around the shadowed trees. A twig snaps, causing him to run in fright. He breaks through a tall bush and mutters to himself. "Bullduckingshoot!" He drops to his knees as a large, furry creature walks calmly toward him, its claws sharp and glinting in the full moon's light. The year was 1952, Charles Ford's disappearance would be the first in a long list of Missing Person's Reports. This was when the remote town of Timber Falls would be a small logging town.

Chapter One: Separation
Ever since his mother divorced his father, fifteen-year-old Erin Grimm's life went down what his father called the 'Great Ducking shoothole'. This wasn't exactly what a father would tell his son, but Jack Grimm was the kind of father that would tell his three-year-old daughter where babies really came from. Which he did. Erin had glanced down the street at the car that his father had brought with him into his marriage with Sharon Carver, fought over for custody, and packed the things he was allowed to keep, including the dog he raised from a puppy. Erin and his older sister, Emily, had said their goodbyes to both Sparky and their father. "I'll keep in touch." Jack Grimm had said as he snuck the cellphone Erin was supposed to be grounded from using into his pocket. "Be glad your mother makes enough for me not to pay Child Support, but I'll send something just to piss her off. It'll be for you and your sister to share." Jack embraced his son for what seemed to both of them an eternity, but it was actually ten seconds. "Em?" Jack looked toward his daughter, now aged seventeen, and she looked away, her brown hair that hid half of her face revealed that is was pretty despite the use of make-up. Lots and lots of make-up. There was a line of pink running down her hair. She was tall, skinny. Her breasts were an average size, or what the Seniors at the High School would call a nice rack before getting a broken nose. "Don't call me that." She said. "Em?" Jack started again, but Emily glared at her father with an I shall set you ablaze look. "Just go!" She screamed. Jack had winced at his daughter's coldness, then turned around to see his ex-wife wearing the same look. "Goodbye." She had said. Now Erin's father was gone, leaving him with a pubescent sister who freaked out if she didn't get her way and a cold-hearted mother who had, as she put it, fallen out of love for her husband.
That was a month ago. Now his mother, who had gone back to using her maiden name, had decided to take her children away from the only home Erin had. Not to mention the only friend he could get who wasn't wrapped up in the politics that is popularity. Now all of what he knew was going down his father's proverbial Great Ducking shoothole. "Erin! Time to go!" Erin turned away from his thoughts and looked at his ghost-like reflection in the mirror. He had black hair, his grandfather's hair, big blue eyes, a straight nose, and a mouth that seemed to suggest a hidden secret. Erin picked his backpack up, containing his laptop, journal, and hidden picture of his dad. He took one last glance at his room, and turned away. Turned away from what he thought would be the last normal part of his life...
Deep in a forest sat a remote town, this town was known as Timber Falls because it was once used by a logging company. At least, this was before the disappearances. Detective Julius Caesar Anderson was lounging in his office when a tear-eyed woman stepped in. Julius leaned forward as he listened to the woman. Her name was Faith Allgood, ironic because of her story. Her thirty-four year old husband went missing a week ago hunting. "I didn't think much of it because he always goes for days at a time, but never this long!" She weeped. Julius asked his questions; medical conditions, who would usually go with him, whatever fit the situation. The woman's answers were etched into his brain, and he made different possibilities. One he hoped to God was true. "You will find him, won't you?" She asked. A question he had known would come. "I'll try, and do, my best to find him." This was a truth that he based his whole career as a detective, then later a private-eye. He would do his danged best or die trying. He hoped that the last would never be an option. Faith thanked him and Julius promised he'd call her if anything turned up. When she left, he picked up the phone and punched in the number. "Will, I need a favor." William Jackson was the local sheriff, and a good friend. "Sure, Jules. What d'you need?" Julius then told him of the most recent disappearance. The sixth one this year. This was the twentieth of June...
Erin looked out the window at the trees that flew by as his mother droned on and on about how the move would 'broaden his horizons'. 'Yeah, tell me another one.' He thought as they pulled into a gravel road. In the mirror, he saw his sister shaking her head wildly to some band, most likely Rammstein. "Those guys are soooo ducking hot!" she had said to him when he asked what was so special about them. Her hair flailed wildly, as if each strand had a life of its own. 'Like Medusa.' Erin thought as he remembered his history project on Greek culture. "Look out!" Emily shouted as Erin came out of his thoughts. A man stood in the road, his arms spread out like he was attempting to hug the car. A deep gash cut across his chest. Erin's mother slammed on the breaks, nearly hitting the man. He looked near his forties, and was extremely pale. "Help... Me!" He mouthed before collapsing in front of the car. "We've got to help him!" Emily screeched in Erin's ear, nearly making him deaf. Emily and her mother got out of the car and helped the man in the back...
Julius had spent nearly all of his time in the surrounding forest looking for Faith's husband. Nothing. He sat at his desk, thinking and praying. Mostly praying, but thinking nonetheless. Then, as if God-sent, the phone rang and he answered. It was a nurse from the local clinic. A family; a mother, a daughter, and a son had brought in a wounded man who fit the description of Faith's husband. He hung up, said a quick thanks to God, then called Faith Allgood. "Ma'am, I think we've found your husband..."
Erin had watched the nurses take the man into the clinic, his mother made them stay for lunch. 'We drag a wounded man to a clinic and decide to eat lunch afterward? What the hell?' Erin thought as he picked the onions off of the greasy burger they had served in the clinic's lunchroom, not that he was much hungry. "I'm going to take a walk around, I'm not very hungry." He said as he got up. He left the cafeteria and walked around the Clinic's hallways. He stopped when he saw a sign that notified any people who would happen to have a cellphone to turn it off before entering the ICU. Or what?' He wondered, then added to himself with a bit of wit, Will a ringing phone upset the heart monitors? will it cause a massive heart attack?' He turned around and walked back to the clinic's entrance. He passed a few nurses who asked if he was lost and found the room where the man had been put. "he was hurt pretty badly." Erin muttered to himself. "That gash..." 'was from an animal.' "But what kind?" He wondered. A woman passed by him and entered the room with a doctor. 'His wife? Sister?' "Are you Erin Grimm?" A voice startled him. A man with red hair, blue eyes, and a crooked nose looked at him. "Um, yeah?" The man glanced toward the man in the room. "My name is Detective Julius Anderson. I'm a private detective working with the local sheriff. I'd like to ask a few questions."
Erin, as confused as he was, agreed to the request. "I've already gotten the details from your mother and sister, but I need all sides of the story to make an effective report. Tell me when you're ready." Erin said he was. Julius asked his first question. "When did you first notice the man?" Erin remembered what he saw. "I was thinking about how my sister banging her head like an idiot to her music reminded me of a history project I did when she screamed 'Look out!' in my ear. I saw the man, walking toward us with his arms spread out like he was going to hug the car." Julius jotted down what Erin had said in a notepad. "Is there anything you noticed about the man?" Erin nodded. "A deep gash on his chest. He was pale, most likely from blood loss, but there was fear in his eyes." Again, Julius wrote this down. There seemed to be more to what happened then he thought. Julius then asked one last question. "Did you notice anything else about the area? anything out of the ordinary?" Erin shook his head. Julius had a feeling that the kid would make a great detective. It was a gut feeling. Those feelings were never wrong. "If you see anything unusual around town, call me on my office phone." He gave Erin a business card and turned around to leave. 'That was pretty strange.' Erin thought as he looked at the card. There was nothing special about it, just that the words Julius Caesar Anderson: Private Detective were handwritten alongside a number. Erin absently put it in his pocket and walked back to the cafeteria to meet up with his mother and sister...
Julius relaxed again in his office chair thinking about what the boy had said. The woman and the girl didn't see the man's fear, only the man himself. Erin. A nice name for a boy. "I've got a man who goes missing for a week that suddenly appears just outside of town with a nasty gash on his chest." He muttered to himself. " If only he could see the wound, then maybe things could become clearer. Julius thought Erin had forgotten a detail. No, he feltthat the boy left a detail out. An important one. He picked up the phone and punched in Will's phone number. "Yes?" Will answered. "Will, I need another favor. I need every missing person's report on my desk as soon as possible." Julius said. "This another gut feeling?" Will asked bluntly. "Yes. It's a strong one." A rush of static met Julius' ear as Will sighed. "Fine, Jules. But if you turn out wrong I won't be able to recover from it." "Don't worry, Will. I'll take all the rep from you if I turn out wrong. I'll say I stole them." Will chuckled, Julius could almost see his friend's eyes crinkling around the edges as the light played off of his bald head. "No need, You're a good detective and a better friend. We'll stick like glue." The connection ended and Julius set the phone down. He couldn't relax now, his brain was going over what little information he had in his head like tough jerky...
'This isn't a house.' Erin thought as they pulled into the driveway. 'It's a freakin' mansion!' The 'house' as their mother called it was a two story building with three bedrooms, four bathrooms, six guest rooms, a living room, a kitchen, and a basement. Erin noticed that there was a treehouse in the back yard. It too, was a mansion in comparison to the one he and his father built together. "I love you, Mom!" Emily practically screeched with delight. Erin knew his mother was trying to butter him up. "So?" His mother asked. "So what?" Erin said coldly. He could feel his mother flinch at his coldness. He didn't care. He didn't want this big old empty house, which was as empty as the marriage his parents had. He walked off toward the treehouse. "The treehouse is mine!" He called back. "Just leave him." His sister said as his mother started after him. "He needs time to adjust." Erin climbed up the ladder and up to the highest part of the treehouse. He pulled out his phone and looked for a signal. Four bars. Pretty good for the middle of nowhere. dang good. He punched in a number and listened. "Hello?" Jack Grimm answered the phone. "Dad, It's me, Erin." Halfway across the United States, Jack Grimm smiled. "It's been a while." He said. "Yeah, It has." Erin said, his voice choking up. He cleared his throat and said, "Mom moved us out of the house and brought us to some town called..." He closed his eyes and remembered the broken sign he saw. "Timber something-or-other. It's out in the middle of nowhere. Mom brought us to a huge house, no, mansion to try to butter us up. Emily took the bait but I didn't ." "At least she's taking care of you. Look, I've got to get going. Talk to ya later." "Talk to ya later." Erin repeated. Then he hung up. He leaned against the wooden wall and let tears run down his face. Halfway across the Untied States, Jack Grimm was crying as well. Not because he missed his son terribly, but because he knew where exactly his wife brought his kids. Timber Falls...
Julius looked over the case files and missing person's reports. Many people have been going missing over the years, twelve a year. seventy years of disappearances. Seventy times twelve equals eight hundred forty people missing. "Why the hell hasn't someone launched a search?" He asked himself. Seventy years, twelve people a year, only half of them were found hurt but alive. They would go missing again a few days later. The other half had half found dead, most of them eaten by wolves. "If there is a pattern, then Mr. Allgood is in danger!" He deduced. He contacted Will again. "William, I have a strong reason to believe Mr. Allgood is in danger." Will, not used to being called William, knew that he would have to trust his friend. "I'll send out some deputies to keep an eye on him. Jules, what's going on? What's got you all riled up?" Julius paused for a moment. "I'll tell you later." He said as he hung up. On the other side of town, William Jackson was staring at the receiver, a shocked expression on his face...
Faith Allgood had received a phone call from the clinic. Her husband was healing rather quickly and would be returning home that very night...
Ezekiel Allgood was having nightmares in the clinic that he was being treated in. He saw the full moon, the creature slicing his chest to ribbons, the car with the scared looking family. He awoke knowing something terrible was happening to him. He knew his wife was in danger. There was nothing he could do to help her...

I smell werewolves

No. I haven't been waiting.

tl;dr

It sounds great. Keep it up.

I'm well aware what tl;dr means, Quiz. It means Too long; Didn't read.

Actually give it a read. Unless you're joking.

I'm kind of irritated that the swear filter is taking away from the readability of the story. Here's the next two chapters.

Chapter Two: A Most Unusual Night.
Erin had snuck out while his mother and sister were asleep. He needed a walk to clear his head. He walked down the drive to town. When he reached it, He took note of every detail, making a mental map. Three convenience stores, a laundromat, a school, a sheriff's office that seemed to have a lot of excitement, a small building that had the Detective's business on a window. As he passed the building, the Detective himself hurried out, dropping his keys. "Hey, Mister!" Erin shouted as he picked them up. He raced after the man and bumped into another man who wore a hoody. "Watch it!" the man said as he pulled the hood farther down his face. Erin ran after the Detective who arrived at the Clinic. "Hey, Mister Detective!" Erin shouted as a nurse let the man in. Everything seemed to be going to hell in a hand basket. Erin tried the door. Locked. "Duck my life." He muttered as he sat down to wait...
A man in a black hoody stared at the kid who accidentally bumped into him, then went on his way. He had an important task ahead of him. No runt was going to stop him from achieving his mission. The runt had revealed that the door was locked, however. The man grabbed hold of a drainage pipe that ran down the wall and climbed with ease. He eased himself into a room and slipped through the shadows until he came to the Man's room. He was sweating and muttering to himself. "Faith... Faith... Danger..." He jabbered. The hooded man took a knife made of pure silver and said, "Do not worry, the Woman will be safe." The hooded man plunged the knife into the Man's chest. "Sleep, The moon will hold you no longer." A noise startled the hooded man, who cleaned the knife with a rag and left the Man's corpse behind. There were too many witnesses, simply eating the corpse would leave questions, like how the hell did a Wolf get into a clinic? The hooded man went out the same way he came, but he jumped the four stories down to the ground, bending his knees as he landed. He then walked casually down the street as if he didn't do something incredibly dangerous to a normal human being. The thing was, He wasn't exactly Human...
"God dang it!" Julius cursed as he saw the corpse of Mr. Allgood. The nurse had fainted, a cliche that seemed to come straight out of the movies just for this night. He pulled out his cell and called Will. He told him of what he found. "Duck. I'll call in a forensics team from the next town over." "No need, This was a carefully laid out plan. There are no fingerprints on the doorknob, I know this because there appears to be some kind of powder. White with flecks of gray. Nurse, can you get me some tape?" Another nurse, one with who could stand the sight of the dead man, said, "Yes." She rushed off and returned with some scotch tape. Julius got a sample of the powder and put it on his notebook. The cover was black, perfect for this sample. "I need some gloves." He said as he recalled his time spent in a forensics lab. The nurse brought him some. Julius slipped them on and examined the body. "Cause of death, Stab wound in the chest. It seems a little messy. The body's still warm, so this was recent. Too recent." Julius noticed a brown hair on the corpse. He took two pencils and picked the hair up. Hair meant DNA. DNA meant a suspect. Julius asked for a plastic bag, which he got. He put the hair in and closed the bag. "Will, I've got two bits of trace evidence, a white powder residue and a single strand of hair." Will was silent, then he said, "I'll get some Lab Tech's here to analyze the evidence. I can't believe You just did that." Will hung the phone up. Julius sighed with a smile. He was less than professional...
Erin saw the Detective step out and said, "Finally! I saw you drop your keys outside of your office place. Here." The Detective took the keys from Erin. "Erin, that is your name, right?" Erin nodded. The Detective then asked, "How long were you here waiting for me?" Erin thought back. "Well, You dropped your keys, I accidentally bumped into a guy wearing a hoody as you entered. I waited until you came out." "Did you see anyone leave the building besides me?" Erin shook his head. "There was no one around except that one guy I saw. Why?" The Detective jotted something down in his notepad. "There was a murder here, That's all I can tell you. Remember, it you see anything strange, call me." Erin nodded as the Detective walked off...
The hooded man watched the Humans exchange words. The meddling Detective and the Runt. The hooded man felt a sinking feeling in his stomach, was one life worth risking his Brethren? The hooded man turned around and walked into the forest. The one place where he and his Brethren could effectively protect the Humans. Especially the Runt...
Chapter Three: Rainy Summer
Jack Grimm knew he was being followed, that his pursuer was extremely dangerous. In Jack's hands were two packages. One from Erin's friend and the other was marked Extremely Important! He went into a post office, dropped the packages off, and walked out. It was night and the moon was out. Jack stuck to the shadows like his pursuer, mostly to hide. He needed an opportunity. A car rushed by and splashed dirty water all over a man in a hooded sweatshirt. This one was a custom made one popular among a teenage street gang called Los Hombre Lobos, or The Man Wolves. 'Werewolves, Cute.' Jack thought when he really thought about it. The real question that Jack was asking himself was, why? The distraction allowed Jack to duck into an alley. "Do you really think you can run forever?" A voice asked. "You got me." Jack said as he turned around to see a seemingly ordinary man, but since when did ordinary men have yellow eyes? "Don't act so nonchalant, Grimjaw." The man said, his yellow eyes practically glowing in the dim moonlight. "Grimjaw. That's a name I've long since forgotten." Jack said. The man's yellow eyes widened in surprise, "You did it, didn't you? Did you find a way?" Jack shook his head. "No. My wife divorced me before I could get anything absolute. Not only that, she took them to Timber Falls with her." "Duck!" The yellow eyed man cursed. "Not there, anywhere but there!" Jack nodded, It was coming back to him, a blood lust that he had all but snuffed out when he avoided his kind for over twenty years. "What of the Runt?" The yellow eyed man asked as Jack struggled for control. "He's fine, but right now I need to be as far away from you as possible." The yellow eyed man nodded. Once. He ran away, each step easing Jack's hunger for flesh bit by bit. "dang, I hope there's a dang taco bell nearby." Jack muttered as he held onto the last dregs of his sanity...
Erin had finished unpacking when his sister came in and flung two packages onto his bed. He opened one, a present from his friend, Danny Gomez. It was a book of fairy tales that he had loaned to Danny before the move. A letter told him that things were dull without him. At the bottom of the letter was an E-mail address. The next package was a much older book with a silver talisman wrapped around it. An old, faded note read, This is the true account of Charles A. Ford, open at your own risk. If you do so, keep this book close, and the talisman closer. He looked for a name. Nothing. Just an address and a stamp. Erin opened the book and was immediately overwhelmed by strange diagrams and cryptic letters. He pulled out his cellphone, but decided not to contact the Detective. Why would a Detective want to look into an old book..?
Julius rubbed his temples as he tried to make heads-or-tails of the strange letter left on his desk. One strange symbol, an equal sign, and another symbol. A cipher that needed a cipher. His phone rang and he answered it. "This is Detective Julius Anderson. How may I help you?" At first, there was nothing on the phone. then, "Do not meddle in the affairs of something you can not possibly comprehend." There was a click and the dial tone. A chill went up Julius' back as he put the phone down. Someone, the killer most likely, saw him at the clinic. A name came to mind. Erin. Julius had a feeling that the killer just might kill anyone who could possibly be a witness. Not a gut feeling, but a feeling nonetheless. The phone rang again, Julius picked it up. "Jules, bad news." Will's voice came over the phone. "What is it?" Julius asked. "I got the results from the lab. The hair was a wolf's, the Killer's signature, it seems. The powder residue you found on the doorknob is a type of flea powder. Now, how do you suppose someone could slip in and out without a trace save a wolf hair and flea powder?" To Julius, this made little sense. "I honestly do not know." He said. "Listen Jules. I can't have you looking into this case anymore, it looks bad when the only evidence doesn't relate to the crime. You were the only one there, besides the Nurses, who found the body." "Will, I..." "No, This is for your own good. I'm sorry." Will hung up, leaving Will standing in his office. There was a shocked expression on his face...
Nearly a block away from Julius' office, a man in a black hoody was smiling. "That takes care of the meddling Detective." He said to no one in particular. He took a walkie talkie and said into it, "You did good, Chief William. Your wife will be returned to you shortly. There is, however, a small matter that needs to be done. You must retire or your daughter will meet an unfortunate end." "You dink! No, that is nowhere close. You are a ducking monster!" The words cut deeper than the Sheriff would know. "Tisk, Tisk. Do you want your daughter to die? I expect your resignation by the end of the week." He turned the walkie talkie off and turned away from the Detective's office. Little did he know that Detective Julius Anderson was on the phone with another contact...
Erin had left the 'house' despite the driving rain at noon. He had his notebook, the strange book and a light snack in his backpack. He wore the talisman around his neck because he thought it looked cool. The talisman hung off of a soft leather string. It was flat and silver with a strange design that looked vaguely like a wolf's head. Erin followed the map in his mind and entered a small public library. Inside were a lot of teenagers and little kids who had entered to escape the rain. He sat down at a table and pulled the book and his notebook out. Inside the notebook were decent copies of the strange language in the book with letters next to them. There were twenty-six letters in the strange language. Erin was trying to decipher it. He sat in silence as he tried different combinations of each different symbol. 'This is taking too long.' Erin thought to himself as he gathered the notebook pages he had and put them in his bag. "Hey, you're that new kid who moved into that big place outside of town! Aren't you?" A teenage boy surprised Erin so much a few pages flew from his hands. "What's this?" The boy asked as he picked a page up. He fixed Erin with a glare. Erin took note of the teenager's face. Black hair, tan skin, green eyes with a strange golden tint, and a large scar running from his ear to his neck. "Where'd you get this?" He asked with a laugh, "A cereal box?" Erin shook his head and laughed. "No, I got it from a strange book I got in the mail. I'm Erin by the way." "Edward. But most people call me Eddy." The boy said. Erin took the book out if his bag and opened it. "Wow, Looks weird." Eddy said. Erin noted that Eddy had to be at least sixteen. "What's this?" Eddy pulled a yellowed corner that was sticking out of the book. It had English letters and strange letters that weren't in the book. It was a cipher. "Not much use." he said as he gave it to Erin. "I'll find some use for it." Erin said as he memorized the cipher. He put it in his backpack alongside the book and left the library...
Jack had walked for a week straight, keeping himself under control. There wasn't a doubt in his mind that Erin had received the book. Already he felt his old self reawaken. He had less than two weeks before he lost control. He stopped at a Burger King and ordered a Whopper, something that would have given him a heart attack a week ago. Right now, twenty years of bad food and added chemicals were being purged from his body. this left him with the constant urge to take a dump. "Duck." He muttered as his bladder reacted violently. He set down his half-eaten burger and ran to the restroom. He spent four hours in there with the worst case of diarrhea anyone could ever experience. 'Am I shootting a ducking train?!' He asked himself as another wave hit him. After he flushed the toilet at least fifteen times before he stood up, he glanced in the mirror. What met his eyes was a man who went to hell and back ten times. He also noticed that his eyes had a yellowish tinge in his eyes. "Not much time." He muttered as he left the restroom. He left before anyone could ask him what the hell happened. A group of teenagers wearing Los Hombre Lobos hoodies stepped out from an alley where Jack bumped into one. "Hey! What did you do that for?" One of the teenager's shouted. "He walked out in front of me." Jack said. "Aw, shoot! You messed my nice shoes up!" The teenager he knocked over shouted as he lifted his shoe up. There was a small dirt mark on it. "Hey boss, He's got some nice shoes." One said. The leader raised one eyebrow and said, "Gimme yo shoes." "No." Jack said. "Motherducker better gimme yo shoes." Their leader insisted, putting out a switchblade. The others followed suit. "No." Jack replied. The leader swung the knife at Jack, cutting his arm. "Next time I'll chop yo nuts off. Gimme yo motherducking shoes or I'll ..." Jack's wound closed and he grabbed hold of the leader's neck. "Or you'll what?" Jack asked as he pushed the teenager into a wall. His strength was growing, he could kill the kid with one squeeze. The leader choked, his eyes looking up. "Dude, you're killing him!" The words shot through the euphoria Jack felt as he was choking the kid. He let go and run off. Jack's heart pounded with adrenaline and the prospect of killing. He had to get to Timber Falls before it was too late for him. Before it was too late for Erin...
Julius' mind was in turmoil. On one part, he was trying to figure out how the wolf hair got on Mr. Allgood's chest, the other was asking one question. 'Why?' He looked at the missing person's reports again, searching for any details he missed. Nothing like a different case to take one's mind off of another. He looked at the dates. Eight hundred forty days out of seventy years. He pulled out the year's calendar and looked at the dates. His heart skipped a beat when he saw that each date coincided with the full moon. Mr. Allgood was gone during a week when the Full Moon was out. Julius turned on his computer and Googled the last seventy year's calendars. Every single disappearance happened around the time of a full moon. The first thirty could have been a person taking people away, the next twenty could have been a Copycat, as well as the next twenty. Unless forty years was the Copycat. 'You're jumping to conclusions, Jules.' Julius thought to himself, but he couldn't deny a strong link between the missing persons reports and the recent murder. He immediately thought of the strange cipher, maybe it was a clue. He saw a letter slide into his office from under the door and then a knock. He got up from his desk and picked it up. A letter written in the strange language on the Cipher. This was most likely a threat...
The hooded man watched as the Runt walked up to the Detective's office. He held the Book in his hand. "The Meddling Detective can't help you now." The hooded man said as his cell phone vibrated. "What?" He growled into the phone. "The Chief resigned." A Voice told him. The hooded man hung up and called another number. "Release the Girl." He said. All that was left was the Runt...

Why don't you just post it for us to download?

tl;cnr
thats cannot read

Chill, I just used the abbreviation. vl;dr then.

You should use a program to format the text and put some spaces in it so it becomes more readable and make it downloadable like Skull said. I got the Wall of Text syndrome y'know.

Eh, it was ok. Definitely better than anything else I have read on the internet. (stupid fanfic)

seriosly
do as skull says

the dinknetwork is not very long-post friendly very

Says the person who posted an entire conversation with Cleverbot which took a lot of space and takes a long time to load for slow connections.

Well, I have no idea where to go to do that.

Upload the story to sendspace, for example, and give us the link.

um, Skorn, Hellfire's not the only one who did that...

Sendspace is just one of many websites you could send the document to. If you want I can send you the details for sending your file to my 4shared, though I don't recommend that since some Dinkers can't access it for some reason.

Well, any information would be appreciated.

As I said, in a much different way; my eyes hurt when reading long posts on TDN because of the annoying colors and other stuff. Upload it somewhere as a text file and I have read these first parts in the next two months.

I am utterly inexperienced with whatever websites you're talking about.

Why not just copy-paste it into notepad?

I agree that the formatting needs improvement, though. Right now it's a very discouraging looking block of text. Just adding spaces here and there would do wonders to improve the readability.

The funny thing is, that WAS from notepad.

Okay, here goes.

Download? Hopefully I got it right...

It's okay so far. You need to learn how dialogue works (one line per paragraph), and don't use colloquialisms such as "taking a dump" unless you're writing in the first person.

Either put one space between paragraphs or indent with a tab.

The prologue starts in the present tense, then finishes in the past tense which is kind of weird. It should really be re-written.

Keep working on your writing skills.

The reason I used 'take a dump' was because I'm trying to get people to understand the characters a bit better.

For dialogue, I try to make it as natural as possible. I don't want to bore people with; '"How are you doing" Jack said, "Good." Jill said. "Interesting weather." Jack said.' and have a whole line of he said/she said over and over and over again. I make sure people know dialogue is set and have it go on naturally.

(Example: "How are you doing?" Jack asked with a warm smile. "Good." Jill said as she pushed her golden bangs away from her eyes. "Interesting weather." Jack said, talking his eyes off her. "Yeah. Anything new planned?" "Nope, just playing video games at my house. Wanna come?" Jill nodded.)
I cannot possibly have a dialogue where there's one sentence of spoken word and a few lines of description of the surrounding area. Nobody really cares if Jill's bangs are giving Jack urges. (And if they do care, I don't think I want them reading my books.) If there's dialogue, it's going to be uninterrupted by description that takes away from the seriousness of the conversation. I would eventually get bored using a few pages just to write what could be wrapped up in one page.

With the Prologue, I was getting people into the story by starting with something suspenseful. You don't need to read 'The year was 1952 and Charles Ford was being chased by a large, obscenely furry creature.' That's the start of a 'What the hell is this crap?!' reaction. I've noticed that people hate boring beginnings, so I give them something to enjoy before giving them the boring part. Y'know, start with a bit of action then work on the rising action.

As for working on my writing skills, I do that every day.

A good dialogue example:

Dink approached the shopkeeper with coins in his hand. "How much is that Clawsword?"
The shopkeeper scratched his beard. "Eight Hundie' gold." A quick glance at Dink's palm made him shake his head. "But are ye sure ye have enuf' there, fella?"
"Of course I do..." Dink replied, fishing into his pockets.
"Oh, re'ly?"
"Ya, really..."
"Yer pocket sounds pretty empty to me."
"Oh be quiet." After a moment, Dink's hand emerged and made a chinking plonk sort of noise as more money was dumped onto the counter. "Now gimme that clawsword!"

I think the above is an example of what was meant, right Toast?

ya
that way is good
but the only thing is that it can get confusing if there are more than 2 people talking

I don't let my dialogues get confusing if there are more than two people. I'll always try to make sure the conversation runs smoothly.

thank you
just like i expected
i am sure your books will/are great
i am sorry right now i wont read what you have written in this post
i am kind of busy since my tests are coming

Okay I'm gonna try reading parts of it, or all of it, tomorrow. But one thing I immediately noticed, don't change the tense from present to past as was said before, that looks and reads sloppy

More comments after I finish reading^^

I'm not taking the prologue out, so nobody bother me about it.

And I hope you enjoy it, Kyle.

If you added something about Dink you could upload it here! *hint*

I'm not very good about writing stories about Dink, it doesn't feel right...

Okay, I've read the first few chapters. I must say, I like the content, it's witty and quite originally written. Having said that, you need to work on your grammar and punctuation. I see you're from the US, it shouldn't be a problem for you to try and improve some of your sentences if you put some time into them Of course, it's probably hard for you to notice these mistakes, since you think they're correct or you wouldn't have written it in such a way. So, I'll give you some examples of what could be improved:

"Em?" Jack looked toward his daughter, now aged seventeen, and she looked away, her brown hair that hid half of her face revealed that is was pretty despite the use of make-up.

Aside from some spelling mistakes, this sentence tries to do too much at once, at the cost of readability. It's not that any intelligent reader would have trouble understanding the meaning of what you're writing, but it takes effort to analyze it, perhaps a second read of a part of it. This is never good and breaks immersion. The reader should glide across the page, reveling in the clear structure that creates the world and characters that are part of the story. Again, you do this well from a content point of view though A rewrite of the sentence could be something like:

"Em?" Jack looked toward his seventeen year old daughter, but she looked away. Her brown hair was covering half of her face, yet her natural beauty was still clearly visbile, despite of the layer of make-up clouding her pristine look.

I split the sentence in two so that the two pieces of information you wish to convey are now each given a proper spot without vying for seperation markers: the commas. You can have a few commas in your sentence though, like in my second sentence, as long as they are about the same thing. A master writer could probably still pull off complicated sentences like your first one without sacrificing readability, but neither you nor I could do that I think

Deep in a forest sat a remote town, this town was known as Timber Falls because it was once used by a logging company.

This is an example where the use of a comma isn't warranted. The simple way to fix it would be to remove the comma and the second use of "this town", but there are other ways to improve it. Two sentences might again make it better (there's a reason books are 300+ pages ), but think about how it could also be used in one sentence by moving the comma and putting the information in a different order. You have three pieces of information: the town's location, name and name origin. It could be improved as follows:

Deep in the forest stood the remote town of Timber Falls, its name a remnant of the days when it was still a logging company.

I don't want to assume too much, but is it possible that you're not an avid reader? It looks to me that you have the general touch of a writer with the potential of writing an enthralling story, but you're held back by a lack of experience. This experience needs to come from reading as well as writing. You've already started the writing part, now take your time and read a bunch of books (preferable of different genres and authors) and pay attention to the structure on both a macro and micro level. I think it could greatly improve your writing and I do believe you have the potential for it So, keep it up!^^

The story clearly shows it has been written by an unexperienced writer. I don't think Kyle's corrections would do it much good either.

Jack looked toward his, already seventeen year old daughter. She turned her head, not allowing Jack to take a look at her face.

Yeah, I know. I'm not much of an expert myself and I'm tired at the moment of writing this. Anyway, I still feel that would do more justice to the sentence.

Also, Jack is a terribly... unoriginal name.

Skull, that first comma is just there for no reason whatsoever Aside from that, your sentences sound good enough, but you omitted a lot of information

Of course he's inexperienced at writing, that's why he's showing it to us in hopes of getting some constructive feedback and to improve gradually So that's where we come in^^

I agree about Jack being an unoriginal name, but if you're not writing fantasy, sometimes using common names gives it a realistic touch as well. But yeah, I'm against Jack/John

One of the things I have about names (call it nit-picking) is the use of un-original names for primary not a main, but still important) characters. Unless it's absolutely necesary, and they won't be in the story much, it's better to go for at least a complex name if you don't think originality is too badly needed.
Unless you're working with a last name, in which case originality can be best.

Kyle, the "information" was there just as an example. Of course the writer him/herself can add as much information as he/she likes. I just pointed out what kind of order in sentences and words would be better.

About him being unexperienced as a writer, of course he is. It is good, but something small in the style just gives too much away the feeling of an unexperienced writer. Anyway, forget that. I'm just in a bad mood, so I might pick on the smallest things.

I don't think the name needs to be a complex one, but an original one. Especially the main character's, because you are going to end up typing his name lots of times and if the name is horribly complex, it can get annoying to type it over and over again. A random name that popped into my mind that would feed the purpose: Arthur Terrorwind. Yeah, I suck at coming up names, and I'm still tired.

Unless you're a celebrated author capable of setting writing trends, don't try to break conventions of the English language!

ExDeath is right with his example. Look at any work of fiction to see how to structure dialogue properly. Remember to paragraph break between different characters ALWAYS!

Too many commas as others have pointed out already. Use them far less unless you want your text to read like Stevie from Malcolm in the Middle. Don't use them instead of a conjecture such as "and", "but", or "or".

Jack Grimm knew he was being followed, that his pursuer was extremely dangerous.

There should be an "and" in this example rather than a comma.

I'm not saying that you should take the prologue out, I just think it would be better if it were rewritten in the past tense. I got a "What the hell is this?" kind of reaction from reading it due to it changing tenses. I'll give rewriting a shot.

"Why didn't I listen to what that crazy jerk said to me?" muttered the bearded man under his breath as he paused from running to wipe the perspiration from his brow and beard, which, usually bushy was now plastered to his face and neck with sweat. The trip through the dark forest was made all the more difficult after losing his shoe a few miles back exposing his foot to the thorns and roots of the undergrowth which quickly did their job of cutting away at his toes, causing fresh blood to appear over his socks which were already torn and caked with dried blood along with the rest of his clothes.

A twig snapped spinning him into a state of panic. He bolted like a jackrabbit, but alas as he stumbled through a large bush he stopped, fell to his knees and accepted his destiny. The large, gnarled creature approached him as the bearded man looked up to the full moon. He swore loudly before the beast delivered its mercy or final blow or something.

The case of Charles A. Ford would not be the last missing persons report filed in 1952. The continual disappearance of the townsfolk in the small logging village of Timber Falls over the following months would come to make outsiders wary, and cause it to receive the nickname, "Death Falls".

Keep the names. They are fine.

I never said the names weren't fine. I just said they are unoriginal.

In this day and age, after thousands of years worth of writing, names are almost impossible to be considered original. Sure, it can still be done but even then 50% of names considered original may have already been thought up and used in the distant past, and merely forgotten.

Toast; One of the things I noticed in your example of "and" replacing the comma is that you can still add the and and keep the comma. The sentence would look better with both of them present; In some cases keeping the comma but adding an And/But/However etc is better than just replacing it, but I understand what you're saying.

Edit (because I always add things to what I'm saying):
I liked your rewrite of the prologue, but there were still area's which need a comma in them as well. Not many, but even so you've done a good job so far.

As for re-structuring the prologue entirely, and this is just my opinion, I would prefer to have a description of the landscape before the character. You notice it in movies, though they're obviously not described verbally; An opening cinematic starts off fading up from black, looking at a blue sky perhaps.
Then the camera pans down to show a tranquil landscape with a glowing city in the distance. After a moment the movie camera would start showing action; Tanks appear at the bottom of the screen maybe, steamrolling their way across a parkbench and bushes before driving around a lake on their way to the city.
After the landscape has been "described" in this fashion, we would zoom in on a possible main character sitting atop one of the tank turrets, with the camera panning upwards to show him from feet and legs upwards until you see his face and torso, before resuming the action by the man lifting a radio to his face to issue an order.

Edit 2 & 3
A different way of re-structuring though could start with the action first instead. Because we're talking about writing, the "action" could simply start off mentioning what is doing this. I would think such structuring would only be done for a prologue if it were fast-paced action.
Picturing your own writing, or someone elses in this manner, especially helps if you run it through your head as though watching a movie yourself. I do this a lot when I read by imagining it as I go, though in some books there are extremely detailed locations which just add to the color and difficulty of seeing what you're reading.
Though I must say picturing what the author see's themselves can be difficult with just a loose description such as my "movie" example above. That lacks a lot of detail that I pictured as I thought of it;
The size of the lake compared to the tanks, simple ducks or swan wildlife in the area.
The kinds of trees scattered about, and how much elevation the hills have.
Dirt patches maybe and sandtraps and golfing flags and holes.
The occasional bush or flowerbed.
Or even what sort of city it is; Hulking masses of grey concrete and reflective windows, golden spires or arabic design, Clay chimneys and brickwork factories, Crystaline towers and crimson flag posts, or any number of other ways a city could appear in fiction/non fiction works.

You can check if a name you come up with is original if it's unique among all existing World of Warcraft characters

Bumping because Kyle posted during my edit

EDIT: Also, I'm curious as to what you think on my tl;dr post above.

Yes, when I write I take quite some time describing the area the action/character interaction takes place in. It's one of those things that can take your mind away from staring at a page of the book to a place of immersion. I like to visualize almost everything while I read and therefore I really appreciate it when writers take their time to detail the surroundings (although some authors go too far).

@Kyle:
I see how I could have improved, and it looks a bit better than when I first typed it.

You would assume too much when you think I'm not an avid reader. I love reading, I try to read as much as I can. I'm currently reading 'Odd Thomas' by Dean Koontz. So I'm an avid reader who is still a bit new at writing. (I only started a few years ago. Reading on the other hand, I have read since I was at a young age. Most likely five or six. Which is earlier than most of the kids at school.)

@Skull:
AS I stated, I am inexperienced. Your... Correction? Attempt at helping me? wasn't very good. It's uneven at the best of times and has punctuation where it isn't needed. It also takes out the fact that Emily wears makeup. I appreciate the help, but it won't help all that much.
*Edit* I used the name Jack because it was simple and fit him perfectly. I could have used a long and complex name like, to name a few, Erintor or Sirroc. (Two names that pop up in my Amulet books (Third series).

@YeOldToast:
Yours was the most amusing I have seen so far. With the Prologue, you took some of the important elements and added on to it. At the part where Charles Ford was attacked by the strange creature, you implied that he was killed. I never said he would be killed, leaving those who read it in a state of suspense about his fate. The last part, where you said it received a nickname of 'Death Falls', Erin's mother would have never moved to a town named 'Death Falls', which would mean he would have never came there and there would be no stories. If you read further, to the point of Detective Julius Anderson, you'll notice that there would always be a missing person's report once a month, for a year, every year, and for a length of time. That would be long enough for a person who isn't paying a lot of attention to the local gossip or news to not notice something was amiss. (Well, that's the state of things in my neighborhood. Everyone knows that something happened, and after a while it's forgotten until another thing happens.)

Aha, it's great to hear you love to read Then there's no doubt you'll keep growing and growing. Maybe you could try to focus a little bit on sentence structure while reading, if it doesn't get in the way of enjoying the book

I'll try that.

I agree with Kyle. Reading is awesome.
Making books into movies like this example however doesn't always work; A lot gets re-written by idiots. Harry Potter is a good example of this, imo. I'm not a fan of the movies but the books were good. Although some book-to-movie conversions work really well like Lord of the Rings.
But I'm just going off-topic now.

...The aim of that was to display how an example of how to structure it better, not rewrite the story. You kind of missed the point there.

Well, I tried.

Reading is awesome, if you don't read crap like Twilight or something.

I read the whole series once, I liked it at first. But when I thought about what actually was happening, i realized it was crap. (I only read New Moon because of the so-called 'Werewolves'. More like steroid-popping shapeshifters if you ask me.)

I liked Twilight and New Moon, but the last two had a rather boring story.

Twilight can't even be considered a book. More like a children's bedtime story.

VAMPIRES DO NOT SPARKLE IN THE SUN! GAWD.

Have you even read it Skull? Blind Twilight hate makes you popular these days, I realize

I haven't read the books nor seen the films, so I can't comment them, but I dislike the idea of how it's became an icon for some social groups among girls which you can't be apart of if you don't love the movies.

I think that only a small percentage of the fans read/saw the books/movies because it's something that fits their liking while an average of the fans like it because their (older?) friends tell them how good the books/movies are.

You understand what I'm saying?

I liked Twilight as a romance, I loved New Moon because I actually thought they were at least a form of werewolf. Then I hated it when I learned they were shape-shifters with only two forms. I can't remember Eclipse, and Breaking Dawn was the worst. Anti-climatic.
Seriously?! They're at the very brink of a ducking revolution between Vampires and these Elder vampires and all that happens is that these Elders relent and leave Bella whatsherface and Edward alone! I was pissed with that ending.

@krissknox
as far as i can see
kyle's suggestions are a very good idea
the will change your writing alot
and trust me i am a book addict if its fantasy I MUST HAVE IT
however,i am an inexperienced writer

anyway as far as i have seen kyle's words are true

i HATE reading a page and then not understanding and having to go back
it MURDERS my imaginary world

bad examples
harry potter books
i have read all of them and really dislike the way they can confuse one
however,i did read them all because of one thing
STORY
if a book has a good plot and story no matter how many mistakes are made
they are read

good examples
umm,the red pyramid (a small bit but not to much)(this is what i mean by good plot and story i almost hated the way the book was written (it was confusing) but i liked it)
the best books i have read so far is the percy jakson series
try them the might help

@skull
know that you have been beaten by kyle in this matter
GIVE UP

sorry about the 2* post

if you like a bit of romance i think you should read
the golden compass series
(yea i know what your thinking
golden compass
romance
error !@!)
the romance is in the third book
(warning ad ending)
EDIT :
it put the smile by its self i meant
(warning: sad ending)

Twilight was not a romance. It was a mockery of romance.

Yes, the Breaking Dawn ending was the worst possible ending imaginable, where the entire book is about gathering allies for the fight to come, except there is no fight >_>

It's like me writing my first book and getting my characters ready for a fight, only for them to learn the antagonist died peacefully in his sleep and there would be no battle. That's why I do, in fact, have a large-scale battle.

Whoops.
*innocent grin*

Just to let you know, I finished typing my first book up. (The Amulet: The Beginning, remember?) I'll be proofreading it and fixing typos before even thinking of trying to do anything with it.

i can proofread if you want i am going to be having a bit of free time
waiting for the next chapter(or some more material to read)

Did you download from the link?

have you ever heard of PDF format it is much easer to read

liking the book

it was good

when will i get something els to read

Do you have a Facebook?

yes
EDIT:
you mean an account right?

Yes.

so what about it?

The next one, Nightfall, is on my notes on my profile. The only thing is, only those on my 'friends' list can see it.