The Dink Network

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joshkozxiii@comcast.net
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aSongCalledHope

The year 2105 was upon us. My Edhi name is Ral Dryer. I became affiliated with the Fraternal Elder Sky Trooper Brotherhood at the last international Creature Wars convention. I have been a fan of the Creature Wars Sextette since I was 14. I began playing a role-playing game based on the alien legions of Mal Horder. I met my wife through the game, she is Si Gorgon of the Waffle Bounty Hunters Society. Ever since we met, we have been working on creating a real life Energysword based on the Creature Wars universe.

I have stumbled upon an interesting device while working on our Energysword project. I discovered that heating a Magtonic Crystal to a certain degree would warp the family ronca beast (cat) through time. It would simply vanish, and then reappear in a minute or two in the exact same position. I began experimenting with high-powered torches but could only get the crystal hot enough to send the cat to the next day or two. So I demonstrated my discoveries to the Brotherhood for consultation.

Ernie Radon's eyes beamed at the glowing heated crystal. "A time machine!" he said, spilling a giant smile. "We need to get it hotter," someone else in the chamber pointed out. "Oh I can get it hot," said another. He was new to the brotherhood and I did not recognise him. He continued, "We use this liquid at my profession to dispose of unwanted materials, it will heat anything to a billion degrees or more. But nothing survives a billion degrees, not that I know of." "Test it out!" Ernie shouted. "I don't know about this..." someone else started, "arent you just a garbage man? Are you sure you know what you're doing?" "Of course," the newcommer said with his back turned, while heading for the door. He came back a couple seconds later with a vial of green liquid. "The reaction starts once the liquid comes in contact with the atmosphere. From then on, anything the liquid touches with heat to a billion degrees."

Well, long story short, it is no longer the year 2105. It is the year 34,056.

People still dress up like Creature Wars characters, but I don't think it's just for fun. They don't even know what a movie is. I did some research at the library, which is on ANOTHER FREAKING PLANET, by the way. Yeah, apparently they have space ships now. The library consisted only of a small computer chip and a rubber hose. You put the hose over your nose and inhale, and all the questions floating around in your head are matched up with the information database, and all the information to answer your questions is projected out onto the wall via laser technology.

I learned that sometime in the year 3000 special effects technology was so advanced that anybody off the street with the necessary skills could produce a movie ten times more sophisticated then the Creature Wars films I watched as a kid for a fraction of a penny. People became enthralled with movie making and it became the newest trend. People no longer watched television because everyone was making movies, so the industry went backrupt.

But people weren't making just any old movie. The trend was to make Creature Wars inspired films. Creature Wars was in all the malls, the toys were in all the McDonalds, the clothes were in all the KMarts. Creature Wars was giant. Everyone was either a total fan or a vegetable. There were so many movies about Creature Wars that no one could watch them all. So many people were making the movies that no one was left to watch them. It came to a point where people only made movies and nobody watched them. So eventually movie making became extinct, and people just started going around acting like Creature Wars characters.

People would develop their own costumes and languages based on the movies. They even made the Energysword which has elluded me and my wife in my own time. People made robots who would understood nothing but Creature Wars. Slowly, Creature Wars was no longer Creature Wars. It was just reality.

So now as I walk the streets as the feared Sky Trooper Ral Dryer, as I fly to galaxies lightyears away which are inhabited by genetically engineered Creature Wars aliens, as I dive underwater to other dimensions of robot civilizations, I myself feel the beckoning to submit to this way of life.

I am no longer a Fan. I am now the real thing.

I find myself on the planet Yeilatong. I have purchased a home with all the life sustaining essentials. I have a diditall generator. A diditall generator can be found in all dwellings in the future. There are no longer phones, TVs, or toilets in every household. There is only the diditall. How it works is rather simple:

I wake up and I press a little red button. At this time, everything I did for the day has already been done for me. Then robots pop out of a drawer and tuck me back into bed. This story is a perfect example of how effective the diditall generator is. I wrote this whole story without ever lifting a finger.

As a user of the diditall generator, I highly urge anyone with the necessary skills to develop a remote controled diditall generator, because it has become quite cumbersome pressing the little red button every morning. Also, why stop there when we could make a robot press the button for us? And we need to make some kind of back-up machine. One time my diditall generator broke and I had to manually press a button to signal a robot to deliver and install a new one. It was rather unecessry, this should be done entirely by machine as well.