Ask Tal: Prelude to Destruction
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, Dinkers and random visitors who have no clue what sheer madness they've stumbled upon by reading this article before attaining a firm grasp on just what the heck this Small Woodink madness or whatever, I am proud to (re-)announce the revival of Ask Tal!
Wait whoa what huh? "What the snot is Ask Tal," you may ask yourself; "I participate in this community to slam talentless authors whenever a slimeball of a D-Mod is released, not to read pointless, rambling articles from a low-grade hick." Well, before I begin my clarification, I'd like to mention that talking to yourself is a serious, rapidly-spreading epidemic that must be stopped (President Bush does it in his sleep!). Quickly-conjured, time-wasting studies entirely devoid of evidence show that talking to yourself leads to depression, depression leads to stress, stress leads to impaired judgment, and impaired judgment leads to doobie-smoking. Do your part to halt this disintegration of society and see your psychiatrist or counselor of choice... that is, if they don't talk to themselves, too.
For more about the history of Ask Tal and what the future holds, read the comments.
Now then, a hopefully-brief rundown of the "glory" that is Ask Tal. At some point in 2001, while serving as staff for and later "operating" the now-defunct Dink World (a competitor of sorts with the Dink Network), I devised a purpose for myself as a Dinker: Ask Tal, a column where I would answer reader-submitted questions in the most amusing manner I could achieve. If I recall correctly, I released one edition of Ask Tal while at the Dink World, and I seem to remember it relating to Cheerios, Nick at Nite, bread, and Bunniemaster. (Hell if I know for sure; that was, like, such a totally long time ago, man.) As critical of myself as I am, I thought it sucked, but a few other people found it amusing. So I decided to continue it.. at a rate of 0 articles per month. Um... yeah, we were (and eventually, just I was) lazy at good ol' Dink World, where nothing noteworthy was accomplished.
Fast-forward to April 2002, when I convinced redink1 to allow my article and me a home at the Dink Network, and Dink World was dealt its long-overdue, unsurprising death, finally. After resting on my laurels for two months, I finally reignited the mayhem of Ask Tal, which quickly developed a cult following.. and quickly began to miss the weekly deadline time after time after time. While I managed to churn out eight articles to appease the legion of Ask Tal fans, I eventually came to a point where I felt lacking of direction or a decent sense of humor. So I allowed the article to slowly die. WC took notice and published his own edition of Ask Tal (#9), but even this did not help to save the article at that time. After a few months had "pdonkeyed" (look around, you'll understand), I laid the article to rest.
And they gave me hell for it, they all did. I brushed the AT lovers off time after time, but I found that I could not truly resist: in mid-2003, I figured that I was giddy enough to take a second shot at the article (with one significant change - much like redink1's Recondites, AT would be published whenever I felt like it, as opposed to each Saturday), and hence Ask Tal #10 came to be. And it sucked. It was almost entirely lacking in humor, causing many former fans to lose faith in the article. I planned to carry through with it regardless, but a very busy summer (Florida, girlfriend, lots of socializing) followed by a thoroughly-depressing period encompassing many months (break-up, no desire to live) caused me to forget the article.
And now, early 2004. I've finally rid myself of my depression, for the most part, and certain people have convinced me to bring Ask Tal back for good. I posted a piece on the message board regarding AT, hoping to see some interest in the article, but it seems as though the response has been small. It surely doesn't help that I removed 8 articles for "editing," and of the two articles that are archived, one was written by WC and one just flat-out blows. Nevertheless, I'm going to push for more wit, more campiness, more absurdity.. more of the stuff that made Ask Tal interesting back in the day. And after two more lengthy, intriguing teenage years, I may be able to make this article even more worthwhile than before.
So, be prepared... #11 is coming. Like it or not, the wrath of Tal has returned. Got a question you wanna ask? It doesn't matter what it's about (doesn't have to be about Dink) or whether it's serious or not; if I find it interesting, I'll stretch it far beyond comprehension and hopefully keep you amused in the meantime. (...as long as it is written in English, coughbinaryisevilcough) So, I present once more..
The Ask Tal Question Submission form!
Wait whoa what huh? "What the snot is Ask Tal," you may ask yourself; "I participate in this community to slam talentless authors whenever a slimeball of a D-Mod is released, not to read pointless, rambling articles from a low-grade hick." Well, before I begin my clarification, I'd like to mention that talking to yourself is a serious, rapidly-spreading epidemic that must be stopped (President Bush does it in his sleep!). Quickly-conjured, time-wasting studies entirely devoid of evidence show that talking to yourself leads to depression, depression leads to stress, stress leads to impaired judgment, and impaired judgment leads to doobie-smoking. Do your part to halt this disintegration of society and see your psychiatrist or counselor of choice... that is, if they don't talk to themselves, too.
For more about the history of Ask Tal and what the future holds, read the comments.
Now then, a hopefully-brief rundown of the "glory" that is Ask Tal. At some point in 2001, while serving as staff for and later "operating" the now-defunct Dink World (a competitor of sorts with the Dink Network), I devised a purpose for myself as a Dinker: Ask Tal, a column where I would answer reader-submitted questions in the most amusing manner I could achieve. If I recall correctly, I released one edition of Ask Tal while at the Dink World, and I seem to remember it relating to Cheerios, Nick at Nite, bread, and Bunniemaster. (Hell if I know for sure; that was, like, such a totally long time ago, man.) As critical of myself as I am, I thought it sucked, but a few other people found it amusing. So I decided to continue it.. at a rate of 0 articles per month. Um... yeah, we were (and eventually, just I was) lazy at good ol' Dink World, where nothing noteworthy was accomplished.
Fast-forward to April 2002, when I convinced redink1 to allow my article and me a home at the Dink Network, and Dink World was dealt its long-overdue, unsurprising death, finally. After resting on my laurels for two months, I finally reignited the mayhem of Ask Tal, which quickly developed a cult following.. and quickly began to miss the weekly deadline time after time after time. While I managed to churn out eight articles to appease the legion of Ask Tal fans, I eventually came to a point where I felt lacking of direction or a decent sense of humor. So I allowed the article to slowly die. WC took notice and published his own edition of Ask Tal (#9), but even this did not help to save the article at that time. After a few months had "pdonkeyed" (look around, you'll understand), I laid the article to rest.
And they gave me hell for it, they all did. I brushed the AT lovers off time after time, but I found that I could not truly resist: in mid-2003, I figured that I was giddy enough to take a second shot at the article (with one significant change - much like redink1's Recondites, AT would be published whenever I felt like it, as opposed to each Saturday), and hence Ask Tal #10 came to be. And it sucked. It was almost entirely lacking in humor, causing many former fans to lose faith in the article. I planned to carry through with it regardless, but a very busy summer (Florida, girlfriend, lots of socializing) followed by a thoroughly-depressing period encompassing many months (break-up, no desire to live) caused me to forget the article.
And now, early 2004. I've finally rid myself of my depression, for the most part, and certain people have convinced me to bring Ask Tal back for good. I posted a piece on the message board regarding AT, hoping to see some interest in the article, but it seems as though the response has been small. It surely doesn't help that I removed 8 articles for "editing," and of the two articles that are archived, one was written by WC and one just flat-out blows. Nevertheless, I'm going to push for more wit, more campiness, more absurdity.. more of the stuff that made Ask Tal interesting back in the day. And after two more lengthy, intriguing teenage years, I may be able to make this article even more worthwhile than before.
So, be prepared... #11 is coming. Like it or not, the wrath of Tal has returned. Got a question you wanna ask? It doesn't matter what it's about (doesn't have to be about Dink) or whether it's serious or not; if I find it interesting, I'll stretch it far beyond comprehension and hopefully keep you amused in the meantime. (...as long as it is written in English, coughbinaryisevilcough) So, I present once more..
The Ask Tal Question Submission form!
correct me if i'm wrong, but i do believe that doobie-smoking is the one that leads to all of the others. i'll leave it open to dukie to do the correcting.
Hello Tal!
Has your choice of name got anything to do with chess? MIKHAIL TAL was one of the greatest chesplayers ever, so it's a good name.
Has your choice of name got anything to do with chess? MIKHAIL TAL was one of the greatest chesplayers ever, so it's a good name.
Hey! I've talk to my self forever, and i'm, um... was clinically depressed.
Hmmm... I do believe that Tal is some sort o pawn of Redink, while WC is the pawn of some more sinister force. Such as Bush, or whoever's holding his strings *cough*religiourightoilcompaniesect*cough*. So if Dubya is the king, then that makes Tony Bliar what? The queen?
NE ways... what do you have to say about us with programning experience and way too much time on are hands, but are still to lazy to learn to scipt d-mods?
wait a minute! if all those bad things lead to smoking pot, then smoking pot cant be the cause of them, therefore there is no reason to NOT smoke pot, so i can skip from talking to my self to smoking pot and skip the depression and what not. Hear that drugs ARE the answer to emotional problems.
Wow, i dont think ive ever ranted on quite like this, well a leaste not this long. Hey tou know what rymes with long. Shlong! i wonder if thats a word...
Hmmm... I do believe that Tal is some sort o pawn of Redink, while WC is the pawn of some more sinister force. Such as Bush, or whoever's holding his strings *cough*religiourightoilcompaniesect*cough*. So if Dubya is the king, then that makes Tony Bliar what? The queen?
NE ways... what do you have to say about us with programning experience and way too much time on are hands, but are still to lazy to learn to scipt d-mods?
wait a minute! if all those bad things lead to smoking pot, then smoking pot cant be the cause of them, therefore there is no reason to NOT smoke pot, so i can skip from talking to my self to smoking pot and skip the depression and what not. Hear that drugs ARE the answer to emotional problems.
Wow, i dont think ive ever ranted on quite like this, well a leaste not this long. Hey tou know what rymes with long. Shlong! i wonder if thats a word...
Judging by your icon, you're not just smoking... your whole head's on fire.
I think it's my opinion that people rely way too much on drugs to solve their problems. Have you heard those commercials for wonder pills? They have like 30 side effects! Pretty soon we'll have drugs that cure 3 diseases but cause 2 different ones as a side effect.
i think you need to drop all this worrying crap and just do the freakin article. it was cool before.
Yeah, do the aritcle. I love it... Already sent my questions...
Worrying? Man, I've got women suckin' at my toes and sinus pills kickin' at my nose. I'm smooth like sandpaper, yo.
Actually, Tal is just a shortened form of my actual first name, Talmadge. I do enjoy learning of noteworthy figures bearing the Tal/Talmadge name though.
Tal the Templar. 
I'm glad Ask Tal is back, though I was never one of it's more avid readers. I'll submit some questions later...
I'm glad Ask Tal is back, though I was never one of it's more avid readers. I'll submit some questions later...
Ah, I remember the Ask Tal days. The Dink Network was a very different place back then.
I've got a question for you: Why do you get to use forms in posts and I don't? 
Because everybody wants to Ask Tal, not Ask Merlin. It just doesn't have the same ring to it.
And while I'm thinking about it, please don't EVER implement free-scrolling! Have you really thought about it? It would just be too big a change from Dink . Well... I guess others may want it, but I'm not keen. I mean, it would completely change the game...
And while I'm thinking about it, please don't EVER implement free-scrolling! Have you really thought about it? It would just be too big a change from Dink . Well... I guess others may want it, but I'm not keen. I mean, it would completely change the game...
Reason two: Tal is on staff and staff people have special board-post things. Like redinks uber-header
About freescrolling... I agree with Sabre (which is rare, me agreeing with someone).
About freescrolling... I agree with Sabre (which is rare, me agreeing with someone).
And it's even more rare that anyone agrees with me!
Why are you opposed to the *option* of free-scrolling? It isn't like D-Mods or the original game can be automatically retrofitted to support it, as they cannot.
It would be like saying you can't change the main player sprites, as that just wouldn't be Dink.
It would be like saying you can't change the main player sprites, as that just wouldn't be Dink.
I remember we had this discussion a while ago: Everybody agreed except for one person.
Make a list of why freescrolling is bad and send it to me. That should be interesting.
Make a list of why freescrolling is bad and send it to me. That should be interesting.
As long as it's something you can turn off, it's okay with me.
Oh c'mon! Think about it, Dink with free-scrolling would just be wrong. It needs to have flip-screen, just as much as it needs Ducks and Boncas.
Redink, I think there is quite a difference between graphics and core gameplay mechanics, don't you? Changing graphics doesn't really change much, but changing the game to free-scrolling completely changes how Dink would be played...
Redink, I think there is quite a difference between graphics and core gameplay mechanics, don't you? Changing graphics doesn't really change much, but changing the game to free-scrolling completely changes how Dink would be played...
...Dink with free-scrolling would just be wrong
How so?
...I think there is quite a difference between graphics and core gameplay mechanics, don't you?
I agree.
Changing graphics doesn't really change much...
Quite the contrary. Using graphics makes a game what it is - it's just that Dink's graphics suck.
...but changing the game to free-scrolling completely changes how Dink would be played
And?
How so?
...I think there is quite a difference between graphics and core gameplay mechanics, don't you?
I agree.
Changing graphics doesn't really change much...
Quite the contrary. Using graphics makes a game what it is - it's just that Dink's graphics suck.
...but changing the game to free-scrolling completely changes how Dink would be played
And?
But you don't need to have good graphics to have a good game, no?
Look at the Rouge-like games that use ASCII grahpics, they still kick ass.
So... Yeah.
Look at the Rouge-like games that use ASCII grahpics, they still kick ass.
So... Yeah.
Look at the Rouge-like games that use ASCII grahpics, they still kick ass.
Correction: They kicked ass. Nobody likes them now because of what the people have become accustomed to (as graphics just get better and better).
Correction: They kicked ass. Nobody likes them now because of what the people have become accustomed to (as graphics just get better and better).
Hey! My name is Chrispy not Nobody
These games have quality, they have a lot of depth, and they have a fairly decent level of difficulty. They give a surprising amount of freedom for the player, and if you wanted to cheat, you actually have to work at it!
You'd be surprised at how many people still play, and develop (z)Angband, Nethack/Slash'eh, and ADOM. True, there are a lot of dead variants, but ASCII games are still alive and kicking.
Careful with that "nobody" and "everybody" stuff. There weren't many months ago where I just for fun logged in to some free telnet ascii game, and there were something like 7000 players online at the moment then. And this was pure ASCII man, no colors or anything fancy.
And if you ask me, the glory of games are over, I like 8-bit and 16-bit games the most, especially platform and simulation (Mario, Sonic, SimCity 2k, Settlers II, etc.)
This is like way off topic (considering it is "Ask Tal", but if you ask me, the gameplay of the good games with so-and-so graphical quality have been replaced with low quality gameplay, and the companies focus on graphics instead.
As for Dink, do whatever you want (which basically mean that I think you can add freescrolling)
And if you ask me, the glory of games are over, I like 8-bit and 16-bit games the most, especially platform and simulation (Mario, Sonic, SimCity 2k, Settlers II, etc.)
This is like way off topic (considering it is "Ask Tal", but if you ask me, the gameplay of the good games with so-and-so graphical quality have been replaced with low quality gameplay, and the companies focus on graphics instead.
As for Dink, do whatever you want (which basically mean that I think you can add freescrolling)
When they're posted sometime this week. (Woulda been Saturday, but I got stranded at a friend's.)
If it's optional, it's all good. 
And to be honest, I'm quite looking forward to Windemere. It'll give me an excuse to start more d-mods. Bwahaha.
And to be honest, I'm quite looking forward to Windemere. It'll give me an excuse to start more d-mods. Bwahaha.
I think that should be:
And to be honest, I'm quite looking forward to Windemere. It'll give me an excuse to start more d-mods that will never be finished. Bwahaha.
And to be honest, I'm quite looking forward to Windemere. It'll give me an excuse to start more d-mods that will never be finished. Bwahaha.
Meh. If I don't finish them, only I can enjoy them. Hehehe...
Ask Tal, where the heck is AskTal? Lets all flame him for being too lazy to do it. -WC
Isn't flaming against the "rules"? -trayc
I assume that WC is joking. He's a real clown sometimes. -phoenix
Tal, have you stopped writing Ask Tal? -amoebalord
Yeah, that happened a LONG time ago there chief. -WC
As Tal never directly said he was cancelling it. -amoebalord
He said he did like 4 years ago on the board (No, i'm not going to look for it). -WC
Am I the only one who misses Ask Tal? -allikitten
I, too, miss Ask Tal. -eat the rats
i want ask tal bac, lets start a petition. -flatline
Isn't flaming against the "rules"? -trayc
I assume that WC is joking. He's a real clown sometimes. -phoenix
Tal, have you stopped writing Ask Tal? -amoebalord
Yeah, that happened a LONG time ago there chief. -WC
As Tal never directly said he was cancelling it. -amoebalord
He said he did like 4 years ago on the board (No, i'm not going to look for it). -WC
Am I the only one who misses Ask Tal? -allikitten
I, too, miss Ask Tal. -eat the rats
i want ask tal bac, lets start a petition. -flatline
Tal, was that talking to yourself stuff a subtle reference to http://quizstop.com/asktal.htm? I found that when searching google for Ast Tal. This was the second result. Your big concurrent
Edit: I searched for Ask Tal, not for Ast Tal. Go merlin
Edit: I searched for Ask Tal, not for Ast Tal. Go merlin
Really? I get info on Cereal Production in the Sahara Desert when I search for Ast Tal.
Kiss my ass. Gone are the days of me sitting on the computer 10 hours a day; I'm lucky to get it for even two.
"kiss my ass"
haaaaaaaaaaaaaaahaaaaaaaaaaaahaaaaaaahahahhahaha
thats awesome. thats what i say to telemarketers/aholes who hand me fliers/ people who stare at me
haaaaaaaaaaaaaaahaaaaaaaaaaaahaaaaaaahahahhahaha
thats awesome. thats what i say to telemarketers/aholes who hand me fliers/ people who stare at me
Telemarketers who hand you people who stare at you? That could prove to be interesting... never before has such information been transmitted through phone lines.
And to think how much your general knowledge has been improved as the result of a careless tipo
Big polka dot banana. In my refrigerator. Inside a gallon of milk. Tree fur good truth breadth.
Truer words have not been spoken... or have they?
It's never going to happen, so there's no need to bump it.
Ah well.
Ah well.
Hey, Starcraft II is a reality, Sonic and Mario are going to be in a game together, and they've found a cure for AIDS, so you never know...
(actually I lied about the AIDS)
(actually I lied about the AIDS)
So are you saying that you might bring Ask Tal back? I never got to ask you the question I always wanted to know...
I wandered around for a while looking for an Ask Tal kiosk. Finding none, I got really fidigity, what with having no answer for my most burning questions. It seems there are only more questions with no answers. Even the United States Congress is smart enough to pose questions, so don't be congratulating yourself on making up questions. It's ANSWERS that are needed in abundance. My admiration to TAL for endeavoring to provide some - - but where are they? Did the janitor sweep them out with the rest of the trash? Is this like a Dink Smallwood Quest- "Find an Answer"? Those are not the questions I intended to ask, but I used up all the letters on my keyboard, so they will have to do for now. Wait! Wait! I want to know hw ar ppse a bst - - Nevermind. the letters I need are all used up.
I think we've got the next Tal right here
Can we still post questions? Which he would answer whenever he starts it again.
