Reply to Re: Crazy Old Tim Plays all the DMODs of 2001
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107: True of Life Author: Timo Jyrisoo Release Date: December 2, 2001
True of Life is a very short DMOD remarkable only for springing dragons on you that will instantly kill you and for having you fight Seth when beating him is completely impossible without cheating. If you did enough grinding (waiting for the same enemies to respawn), there's a flame bow you can buy for 2000 gold, but you still wouldn't be tough enough to survive Seth's magic attacks.
Incidentally, the title screen instructs you to "save Fred." This doesn't go so well.
I would like to draw your attention instead to the pants-ruiningly hilarious dialogue. Ol' Timo was 12 years old and Estonian, so I don't really blame him for mangling English, but the results are magic. They really are.
I don't see anything wrong with filling up the rest of this writeup with dialogue from the mod. Remember to shout everything as you read it out loud, because exclamation points are many and periods nonexistent. Everything here is copied verbatim. You may find that lazy, but I wanted you all to read this stuff without having to play a boring, impossible DMOD.
Asking an enthusiastic local for directions:
Dink: Hey! My name is Dink Smallwood! Do you have saw Fred?
James: My name is James Eastwood!
Fred went that house!
Hitting him up for cash:
Dink: Do you have money?
James: No!
But go that house and then go east there is money!
At this point I was nearly crying from laughter.
Encountering Fred:
Dink: Can you hear me?
Fred: ..Dink Smallwood..help..me..!
Dink: What happent?
Fred?!
Fred: ..Ss..
Dink: Who?
Fred: ..Ss..
...She...
Me: Ooh, a lady?
Fred: ..tt..
Me: Shetland pony?
Actually, this turns out to be the worst attempt to say "Seth" ever.
Asking Fred "are you death:"
Dink: Are you death?
Fred: ..no...
Dink: Good!
Fred: ..but!...
Dink: What?
Fred: ..nothing..!
This exchange is so amazing. I can't begin to imagine the thought process behind it. Did Fred just fake Dink out while dying in a pool of his own blood? Did that just happen? Sweet Fred... your burns were too sick for this world.
Asking Fred "who kill him:"
Dink: Who sseett?
Fred: ..Look...out..Dink...he goming...
Dink: Okay!
(Seth appears)
Fred: OU NO! IT'S HIM!
Dink: What Seth!
Seth: Yes I am seth!
The rest isn't terribly interesting - mostly swearing - but I have to admit I wondered if Seth had played this one and hoped against reason that he had.
And now, some Dos and Don'ts for "True of Life."
DON'T: Play "True of Life."
DO: Record a dramatic reading of the dialogue from "True of Life" and put it on the Internet.
As the ending I cheated to see reminds us, "YOU ARE HERO!"
Next time: FIAT.
True of Life is a very short DMOD remarkable only for springing dragons on you that will instantly kill you and for having you fight Seth when beating him is completely impossible without cheating. If you did enough grinding (waiting for the same enemies to respawn), there's a flame bow you can buy for 2000 gold, but you still wouldn't be tough enough to survive Seth's magic attacks.
Incidentally, the title screen instructs you to "save Fred." This doesn't go so well.
I would like to draw your attention instead to the pants-ruiningly hilarious dialogue. Ol' Timo was 12 years old and Estonian, so I don't really blame him for mangling English, but the results are magic. They really are.
I don't see anything wrong with filling up the rest of this writeup with dialogue from the mod. Remember to shout everything as you read it out loud, because exclamation points are many and periods nonexistent. Everything here is copied verbatim. You may find that lazy, but I wanted you all to read this stuff without having to play a boring, impossible DMOD.
Asking an enthusiastic local for directions:
Dink: Hey! My name is Dink Smallwood! Do you have saw Fred?
James: My name is James Eastwood!
Fred went that house!
Hitting him up for cash:
Dink: Do you have money?
James: No!
But go that house and then go east there is money!
At this point I was nearly crying from laughter.
Encountering Fred:
Dink: Can you hear me?
Fred: ..Dink Smallwood..help..me..!
Dink: What happent?
Fred?!
Fred: ..Ss..
Dink: Who?
Fred: ..Ss..
...She...
Me: Ooh, a lady?
Fred: ..tt..
Me: Shetland pony?
Actually, this turns out to be the worst attempt to say "Seth" ever.
Asking Fred "are you death:"
Dink: Are you death?
Fred: ..no...
Dink: Good!
Fred: ..but!...
Dink: What?
Fred: ..nothing..!
This exchange is so amazing. I can't begin to imagine the thought process behind it. Did Fred just fake Dink out while dying in a pool of his own blood? Did that just happen? Sweet Fred... your burns were too sick for this world.
Asking Fred "who kill him:"
Dink: Who sseett?
Fred: ..Look...out..Dink...he goming...
Dink: Okay!
(Seth appears)
Fred: OU NO! IT'S HIM!
Dink: What Seth!
Seth: Yes I am seth!
The rest isn't terribly interesting - mostly swearing - but I have to admit I wondered if Seth had played this one and hoped against reason that he had.
And now, some Dos and Don'ts for "True of Life."
DON'T: Play "True of Life."
DO: Record a dramatic reading of the dialogue from "True of Life" and put it on the Internet.
As the ending I cheated to see reminds us, "YOU ARE HERO!"
Next time: FIAT.
