On Polls: Article I
So I wrote a little something something. I could've sworn I could post news, but apparently not...
On Polls: Article I
For those of you who do not know, I have taken over the job of polls. You can call me "God of the Polls." If you want. I think it'd be pretty cool. Maybe somebody can like, fan me with palm fronds and feed me grapes and such? Anyway, it works like this: Every Monday, or whenever I choose, I will update the poll displayed on the main page of this website. Generally, they have been updated at about 3:00p my time (GMT -7 = Merlin time).
Redink left off listing the poll comments in his Recondite Twenty-Six article, titled "Pernicious" with poll 43. I will list the best poll comments, and I shall intervene at the time when I took over. Please note that I am not at all subjective or biassed on how I determine the "best" comments. It's all done by a super-complex mathematical formula involving analytic and algebraic topology of locally Euclidean parameterization of infinitely differentiable Riemannian manifolds.
My responses to these comments are denoted by [Ed: xxx], where xxx is the response. Before anyone asks, no, my name is not Ed. It means Editor. If you still ask you're gonna be shoveling coal in the basement into the DN furnaces.
I'm pretty sure the DN uses a clean-burning fuel. The whole coal thing is just for fun for us staff members.
Poll 44: Is the new server better than the old one?
1) It is faster, sleeker and able to leap 10 noobies standing on each other's shoulders in a single bound. [Ed: New Server == Chuck Norris]
2) This is Gamespy calling, I've noticed some fishy activity with your account.. oh well, keep up the good work!
3) The old one sucked Tal. [Ed: Well, I think if it sucked Tal, Tal would've tried with all his might to keep the old server.]
4) Seriously, why do you even need to ask this? [Ed: Good question.]
5) nah... I miss the blackouts..
[Ed: Well, the rest of us aren't Amish]
Poll 45: Why is SimonK taunting us with Necromancer on the forums?
1) He may not enjoy torturing people, but I do.
[Pres. G. Bush: All right, Saddam. Give it up. We've got you surrounded.]
2) It's foreplay. [Ed: Foreplay for what? The incredible ecstasy you get while looking at small pixellized images of naked women?]
3) Why does anyone do anything? Why do you keep these pages up? Yes, general disregard for mankind.
Poll 46: Battle of the Trilogies!!
1) Gotta love that sexy monkey playing with his....banana....
2) Let's go, tree she dog! Yeah! [Ed: Yeah! Let's go! Erm...]
3) The Tal series: Tal, Tal returns and Tal returns again... 'nuff said
4) ALL YOUR ****ING BASE BELONGS TO US!! ALALALALALALA!! =D =D =D =D =D =D!! HEATOMEN PWNZORS!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! IN YOUR FACE PEOPLE WHO HAVE BEEN DINKERS FOR LESS TIME THAN I HAVE!! [Ed: Do you need a drool bib?]
Poll 47: What size is your banana?
1) I refuse to answer truthfully, citing the all male staff at the DN
2) at least it's bigger then tal and dans bananna [Ed: Oh, snap.]
3) insert witty comment praised in an edition of Recondite posted six months from now [Ed: YOU WERE WRONG, SUCKER! HAHAHA. It was not Recondite. It was uh...what I'm typing in the file 'Crapper.txt' which I will delete after it's uploaded to the DN.]
4) peel it and you'll find out [Ed: Not touching this one.]
Poll 48: What accents the verisimilitude of your vernacular?
1) i dunno, really.
2) Of corse I know what extemporaneous means...i think I have one on my back, I am not sure as of yet [Ed: Yeah, you might want to find out.]
3) You Have Way To Much Time On Your Hands! [Ed: So Do You, For Capitalizing Every Word In What You Say.]
4) This poll sucks. [Ed: You're probably the person who said the old server sucked Tal! Well everything sucks to you, doesn't it?]
Poll 49: Do you use reviews to decide what D-Mods to play?
1) So I don't have to worry about wasting my time on bad D-Mods
2) My computer can't run dink [Ed: That's really pathetic.]
Poll 50: Relationship Experience?
1) If you exclude Tal... [Ed: This voter voted 'Zilch'.]
2) I wish more of The Ladies would give me the time o' day [Ed: Why is 'The Ladies' capitalized?]
3) They call me Hardcore. [Ed: But I call you a liar.]
Poll 51: Relationship Experience?
1) Voted "Third". I generally give the third answer. Some exceptions excluded. [Ed: I hope you don't vote for government officials.]
2) Let the polls go fourth and be fecundant [Ed: That's what I'm here for, baby.]
Poll 52: How often do you click the Amazing Advertisements?
1) If there's something noticable (I usually totally ignore them) and interesting there, then I click. In other words, I never click them.
2) love it
3) ...the Amazing what? whoops, sorry *quickly turns off AdBlock*
4) It is a direct inverse polynomial of degree 3 to the amount of posts dukie looks at in a single week. [Ed:Dude, what's with you, math freak? You've posted crap like this before, but it didn't pass the filter algorithm. Actually, I think this was me.]
Poll 53: Never Ending Stories:
1) They suck my banana [Ed: Here's Mr. Suck again. He doesn't need a vacuum cleaner with everything sucking as much as he says it does.]
2) Who made this poll? C'mon, at least use capital letters. [Ed: This may or may not have been me.]
3) TAL PWNS JOO [Ed: WC... flown... home.]
Poll 54: Interactive Stories:
1) It's only interactive if it punches back. [Ed: If you get punched in the p33n, don't come whining.]
2) Talorz is a word that reminds me of Talons. I wonder if those claws would etymologically have something to do with Tal. [Ed: Yep. Tal has claws, actually. His women complain of scratch marks.]
Poll 55: I like gravy:
1) Especially on other gravy [Ed: Going for the frequent angioplasty discount card?]
2) "gravey down my pants has a oddly nice squishy sensation"by lady carrot
3) Why doesn't it say "In my ass?" It's an excellent lubricant... know what I mean?
4) yay gravy in me pants [Ed: You three are messed up.]
Poll 56: What are you doing for Halloween?
1) There's nothing wrong with trick-or-treating at the age of 18.
2) Jesus Rulz [Ed: <_< >_> ...right.]
3) It's not like your slimy Halloween tentacles hadn't reached Finland as we speak... but at least I'm staying clean of it. F U Halloween, I'll rather do my homework
Poll 57: Favorite poll?
1) Well, you know, down there. [Ed: That pole down there, eh? Last time I checked toothpicks aren't poles.]
2) I miss my mom [Ed: ...I'm truly sorry...]
3) I remember well when I stuff the loonie down tals g string [Ed: Wait, wait, wait. Isn't a loon a duck? That's kind of...leaving that there.]
4) wats pole position? [Ed: Pole position is a 1982 arcade racing game.]
Poll 58: Preferred 'Dink Module' abbreviation?
1) Mod o' D'shizzle [Ed: You should be shot.]
2) Jordon boston sucks ass [Ed: It's the suck guy again. I think he's just compensating for using inanimate objects to-cut-]
3) Demons Mutilating Obtuse Dendraphiliacs [Ed: ...that could work.]
Poll 59: Do Dinkers whine too much about the lack of new polls?
[Ed: Oh, ha ha, very funny. Not.]
Poll 60: Were you upset that the last poll was not changed in quite some time?
[Ed: None of the comments passed the algorithm.]
Poll 61: How Lazy are the Staff?
1) They are not really super lazy, they just have other lives too. [Ed: You're so sweet. But we don't. Sadly.]
2) I think the staff need to cut back and relax. It's fime for a Sexy Party! [Ed: But that would require effort.]
3) They don´t mark year numbers to the news. [Ed: And I bet you think they just suck for it? Don't you? DON'T YOU?]
Poll 62: Scariest Animal?
1) Considering Tal is willing to unclothe himself for charity... I think you can guess my pick.
2) Walking down a alleyway.. and you just see Tal sitting there, God thats scarey enough to make you want to comit suicide rather then wait to see what it will do to you, [Ed: lol.]
Poll 63: Scariest Dinker?
-This poll was cancelled.-
---
And now is where I start my poll meistering. I am not slacking while writing this article. There are simply fewer poll comments. Maybe people didn't know they were solely to provide entertainment to the staff members?
Poll 64: Favorite form of fine art?
1) All art is a derivative of Tal Porn. [Ed: Here's the math geek again.]
2) Tal Porn: Proving every week that six inches really does go a long way.
Poll 65: Who is the hottest person on the DN?
1) Tal makes such a cute girl!
2) He's hotter than all those other options. [Ed: Exactly, providing conclusive evidence that he is, in fact, the hottest person on the DN.]
3) Yeah, she dog.
Poll 66: Current level of education?
[Ed: There were no comments worth me pressing Ctrl-C and Ctrl-V for.]
Poll 67: How did you find out about us?
1) wikipedia [Ed: Seriously!?}
2) I was born here, I think
Poll 68: Primary mode of transportation?
1) No train? [Ed: No.]
2) biking. no, i'm not chrispy [Ed: Hey Chrisp...oh.]
3) I cycle, you jerk. [Ed: Hey Chrispy.]
Poll 69: Favorite Flavor?
1) All good, package arrived on time and as advertised [Ed: Well, that's good for you, I guess.]
2) We grow rhubarb at home. Yay go rhubarb pie! And Tal Pie. [Ed: Where the heck do YOU live?]
Poll 70: Which came first, the chicken or the egg?
[Ed: There are no redeeming comments. What happened to Mr. Suck?]
Poll 71: What is your favorite subject?
1) Math geeks ftw! [Ed: Uh, duh!]
2) I felt like I couldn't choose between maths and science, but in the end the smiley somehow caught me... [Ed: I'm glad you chose rightly. And just to clarify again, I'm not at all biassed.]
3) Physics, she dog. [Ed: You might want to stick with 'Science,' Chrispy.]
There. I'll try to publish the comments sextenially, or whenever I have time.
On Polls: Article I
For those of you who do not know, I have taken over the job of polls. You can call me "God of the Polls." If you want. I think it'd be pretty cool. Maybe somebody can like, fan me with palm fronds and feed me grapes and such? Anyway, it works like this: Every Monday, or whenever I choose, I will update the poll displayed on the main page of this website. Generally, they have been updated at about 3:00p my time (GMT -7 = Merlin time).
Redink left off listing the poll comments in his Recondite Twenty-Six article, titled "Pernicious" with poll 43. I will list the best poll comments, and I shall intervene at the time when I took over. Please note that I am not at all subjective or biassed on how I determine the "best" comments. It's all done by a super-complex mathematical formula involving analytic and algebraic topology of locally Euclidean parameterization of infinitely differentiable Riemannian manifolds.
My responses to these comments are denoted by [Ed: xxx], where xxx is the response. Before anyone asks, no, my name is not Ed. It means Editor. If you still ask you're gonna be shoveling coal in the basement into the DN furnaces.
I'm pretty sure the DN uses a clean-burning fuel. The whole coal thing is just for fun for us staff members.
Poll 44: Is the new server better than the old one?
1) It is faster, sleeker and able to leap 10 noobies standing on each other's shoulders in a single bound. [Ed: New Server == Chuck Norris]
2) This is Gamespy calling, I've noticed some fishy activity with your account.. oh well, keep up the good work!
3) The old one sucked Tal. [Ed: Well, I think if it sucked Tal, Tal would've tried with all his might to keep the old server.]
4) Seriously, why do you even need to ask this? [Ed: Good question.]
5) nah... I miss the blackouts..
[Ed: Well, the rest of us aren't Amish]Poll 45: Why is SimonK taunting us with Necromancer on the forums?
1) He may not enjoy torturing people, but I do.
[Pres. G. Bush: All right, Saddam. Give it up. We've got you surrounded.]2) It's foreplay. [Ed: Foreplay for what? The incredible ecstasy you get while looking at small pixellized images of naked women?]
3) Why does anyone do anything? Why do you keep these pages up? Yes, general disregard for mankind.
Poll 46: Battle of the Trilogies!!
1) Gotta love that sexy monkey playing with his....banana....
2) Let's go, tree she dog! Yeah! [Ed: Yeah! Let's go! Erm...]
3) The Tal series: Tal, Tal returns and Tal returns again... 'nuff said
4) ALL YOUR ****ING BASE BELONGS TO US!! ALALALALALALA!! =D =D =D =D =D =D!! HEATOMEN PWNZORS!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! IN YOUR FACE PEOPLE WHO HAVE BEEN DINKERS FOR LESS TIME THAN I HAVE!! [Ed: Do you need a drool bib?]
Poll 47: What size is your banana?
1) I refuse to answer truthfully, citing the all male staff at the DN
2) at least it's bigger then tal and dans bananna [Ed: Oh, snap.]
3) insert witty comment praised in an edition of Recondite posted six months from now [Ed: YOU WERE WRONG, SUCKER! HAHAHA. It was not Recondite. It was uh...what I'm typing in the file 'Crapper.txt' which I will delete after it's uploaded to the DN.]
4) peel it and you'll find out [Ed: Not touching this one.]
Poll 48: What accents the verisimilitude of your vernacular?
1) i dunno, really.
2) Of corse I know what extemporaneous means...i think I have one on my back, I am not sure as of yet [Ed: Yeah, you might want to find out.]
3) You Have Way To Much Time On Your Hands! [Ed: So Do You, For Capitalizing Every Word In What You Say.]
4) This poll sucks. [Ed: You're probably the person who said the old server sucked Tal! Well everything sucks to you, doesn't it?]
Poll 49: Do you use reviews to decide what D-Mods to play?
1) So I don't have to worry about wasting my time on bad D-Mods
2) My computer can't run dink [Ed: That's really pathetic.]
Poll 50: Relationship Experience?
1) If you exclude Tal... [Ed: This voter voted 'Zilch'.]
2) I wish more of The Ladies would give me the time o' day
[Ed: Why is 'The Ladies' capitalized?]3) They call me Hardcore. [Ed: But I call you a liar.]
Poll 51: Relationship Experience?
1) Voted "Third". I generally give the third answer. Some exceptions excluded. [Ed: I hope you don't vote for government officials.]
2) Let the polls go fourth and be fecundant [Ed: That's what I'm here for, baby.]
Poll 52: How often do you click the Amazing Advertisements?
1) If there's something noticable (I usually totally ignore them) and interesting there, then I click. In other words, I never click them.
2) love it
3) ...the Amazing what? whoops, sorry *quickly turns off AdBlock*
4) It is a direct inverse polynomial of degree 3 to the amount of posts dukie looks at in a single week. [Ed:
Poll 53: Never Ending Stories:
1) They suck my banana [Ed: Here's Mr. Suck again. He doesn't need a vacuum cleaner with everything sucking as much as he says it does.]
2) Who made this poll? C'mon, at least use capital letters. [Ed: This may or may not have been me.]
3) TAL PWNS JOO [Ed: WC... flown... home.]
Poll 54: Interactive Stories:
1) It's only interactive if it punches back. [Ed: If you get punched in the p33n, don't come whining.]
2) Talorz is a word that reminds me of Talons. I wonder if those claws would etymologically have something to do with Tal. [Ed: Yep. Tal has claws, actually. His women complain of scratch marks.]
Poll 55: I like gravy:
1) Especially on other gravy [Ed: Going for the frequent angioplasty discount card?]
2) "gravey down my pants has a oddly nice squishy sensation"by lady carrot
3) Why doesn't it say "In my ass?" It's an excellent lubricant... know what I mean?
4) yay gravy in me pants [Ed: You three are messed up.]
Poll 56: What are you doing for Halloween?
1) There's nothing wrong with trick-or-treating at the age of 18.
2) Jesus Rulz [Ed: <_< >_> ...right.]
3) It's not like your slimy Halloween tentacles hadn't reached Finland as we speak... but at least I'm staying clean of it. F U Halloween, I'll rather do my homework
Poll 57: Favorite poll?
1) Well, you know, down there. [Ed: That pole down there, eh? Last time I checked toothpicks aren't poles.]
2) I miss my mom [Ed: ...I'm truly sorry...]
3) I remember well when I stuff the loonie down tals g string [Ed: Wait, wait, wait. Isn't a loon a duck? That's kind of...leaving that there.]
4) wats pole position? [Ed: Pole position is a 1982 arcade racing game.]
Poll 58: Preferred 'Dink Module' abbreviation?
1) Mod o' D'shizzle [Ed: You should be shot.]
2) Jordon boston sucks ass [Ed: It's the suck guy again. I think he's just compensating for using inanimate objects to-cut-]
3) Demons Mutilating Obtuse Dendraphiliacs [Ed: ...that could work.]
Poll 59: Do Dinkers whine too much about the lack of new polls?
[Ed: Oh, ha ha, very funny. Not.]
Poll 60: Were you upset that the last poll was not changed in quite some time?
[Ed: None of the comments passed the algorithm.]
Poll 61: How Lazy are the Staff?
1) They are not really super lazy, they just have other lives too. [Ed: You're so sweet. But we don't. Sadly.]
2) I think the staff need to cut back and relax. It's fime for a Sexy Party! [Ed: But that would require effort.]
3) They don´t mark year numbers to the news. [Ed: And I bet you think they just suck for it? Don't you? DON'T YOU?]
Poll 62: Scariest Animal?
1) Considering Tal is willing to unclothe himself for charity... I think you can guess my pick.
2) Walking down a alleyway.. and you just see Tal sitting there, God thats scarey enough to make you want to comit suicide rather then wait to see what it will do to you, [Ed: lol.]
Poll 63: Scariest Dinker?
-This poll was cancelled.-
---
And now is where I start my poll meistering. I am not slacking while writing this article. There are simply fewer poll comments. Maybe people didn't know they were solely to provide entertainment to the staff members?
Poll 64: Favorite form of fine art?
1) All art is a derivative of Tal Porn. [Ed: Here's the math geek again.]
2) Tal Porn: Proving every week that six inches really does go a long way.
Poll 65: Who is the hottest person on the DN?
1) Tal makes such a cute girl!
2) He's hotter than all those other options. [Ed: Exactly, providing conclusive evidence that he is, in fact, the hottest person on the DN.]
3) Yeah, she dog.
Poll 66: Current level of education?
[Ed: There were no comments worth me pressing Ctrl-C and Ctrl-V for.]
Poll 67: How did you find out about us?
1) wikipedia [Ed: Seriously!?}
2) I was born here, I think
Poll 68: Primary mode of transportation?
1) No train? [Ed: No.]
2) biking. no, i'm not chrispy [Ed: Hey Chrisp...oh.]
3) I cycle, you jerk. [Ed: Hey Chrispy.]
Poll 69: Favorite Flavor?
1) All good, package arrived on time and as advertised [Ed: Well, that's good for you, I guess.]
2) We grow rhubarb at home. Yay go rhubarb pie! And Tal Pie. [Ed: Where the heck do YOU live?]
Poll 70: Which came first, the chicken or the egg?
[Ed: There are no redeeming comments. What happened to Mr. Suck?]
Poll 71: What is your favorite subject?
1) Math geeks ftw! [Ed: Uh, duh!]
2) I felt like I couldn't choose between maths and science, but in the end the smiley somehow caught me... [Ed: I'm glad you chose rightly. And just to clarify again, I'm not at all biassed.]
3) Physics, she dog. [Ed: You might want to stick with 'Science,' Chrispy.]
There. I'll try to publish the comments sextenially, or whenever I have time.
I could take offence, but then I'd be lying.
Nifty!
Nifty!
"It's all done by a super-complex mathematical formula involving analytic and algebraic topology of locally Euclidean parameterization of infinitely differentiable Riemannian manifolds."
pwn!
Fave subject link links to chicken VS egg poll, kthnx.
Note to redink1: really close polls when they're done. I am aware not everyone knows how to send POST-headers, but I do. And with me probably a few others
pwn!
Fave subject link links to chicken VS egg poll, kthnx.
Note to redink1: really close polls when they're done. I am aware not everyone knows how to send POST-headers, but I do. And with me probably a few others
Great! Poll comments form an important part of my life, I was sorta worried that we'd stopped publishing any 
The egg came before the chicken, as dinosaurs laid eggs and were here about a billion years before the chicken.
Ah, I'm reminded why sarcastic jerk comments aren't always funny in an article. Thanks, mer!
