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Ugh. Just... ugh.
097: Okaly-D Dink (Demo) Author: Okaly-D Dude Release Date: April 6, 2001
"This game keeps the tradition of all Okaly-D games. It is fun, humurous, and pointless."
I can't find any evidence of other Okaly-D games, let alone a tradition thereof. The only thing that name makes me think of is the way Ned Flanders says "Okaly-Dokaly" on The Simpsons.
It's hard for me to explain, but this DMOD bummed me out. It's the closest I've come to giving up on the whole project so far. "Is it that bad?" you might ask - no, actually, it isn't. In fact, it's probably one of the better releases in 2001 so far (yikes). It just felt, to me, like a wall I couldn't climb.
Let me start by giving credit where it's due - I think this DMOD might have the most impressive intro of any so far. I mean, not a lot actually happens in it - Dink plays with dolls, an evil axe collects those ever-present chaos emeralds. Visually, though, it's a smash by DMOD standards. Things MOVE! I don't mean move as in "move_stop()" either, although that's scarce enough (yes, I've been buried in complaints about the lack of movement in the Malachi the Jerk intro). They animate, they look like they're moving. I'm probably overselling it, but for a few brief moments, it looked like a cutscene from a game with proper animated cutscenes.
Anyway, that's your plot - that evil axe wants to take over the world or something. Horrors! Dink must stop having tea parties with his stuffed pals (actually, they were jerks anyway) in order to put a stop to this madness.
There's a lot of silliness going on here, and some of it is quite entertaining. For example, if you ring an unusually specific warning bell, you'll get sent to jail - but all you have to do to escape is punch the 'bars' (pillars) in front of you. Although the guard is standing nearby, he only offers up an unenthusiastic, "Don't do that." If you talk to him, he'll say, "Don't run away." I guess it's the honor system.
Everyone you meet in this DMOD is seriously odd, but not all the jokes worked for me. There's a house with two fabulous guys who are an excuse to make jokes at the expense of fabulous guys. That CAN be funny, but here the joke just seems to be, "ew, fabulouss, they're the worst, let's get away from these deviant queermos." I found it aggressively unfunny and a bit offensive. I mean, their names are "Fudge" and "Pack," to give you an idea.
There was a neat item in this mod, a town portal scroll. It works like the one in Diablo. Using it takes you back to the town square, leaving a portal that can take you back where you just came from, at which point the portal vanishes. The portal back stays in place until you use it, even if you leave the screen, so it's quite nicely executed.
Time to get to the point. This was pointless, and at times humorous (honorable mention: a whorehouse called the "Little House of Whorers," HA), but it sure as hell wasn't any fun. First of all, there's the MIDI. There's just one that plays the entire time, and it sucks. It's an incredibly grating tune with a very short loop, and you CANNOT ESCAPE it. This is the 97th DMOD I have played, and the FIRST time I have resorted to muting the sound. Maybe this sounds like a minor point to you, but it wasn't to me. Playing Dink with the sound off isn't fun. I don't feel like I'm really hitting that pillbug, y'know?
Second, this feels really unfinished. While it is a demo, I think that a demo should feel finished within its boundaries. There are buildings you can't enter, and it really would have been nice to have Dink say "the Door's locked" or something like that. There's also a large area to the south of the map with nothing in it - it's boring, the enemies are too difficult, and it looks poor - maybe more was planned for this area, but I don't think you should have access to it in the demo.
What really drove me crazy was that this mod just doesn't seem designed to be finished by anybody. The goals are quite unclear, and when you finally DO find something to do, the monsters are too tough and there's no way in the universe you could ever afford the weapons. You can find a bow, but you have to buy arrows, and before you can do THAT, you have to buy a quiver for 500 gold! At any rate, when I bought them, it glitched out and gave me a negative number of arrows forever. And even if you can get 400 gold to buy the sword (good luck), the game won't let you. Lord, a mighty swearing did emerge from my throat such as I've never done while playing this game before. I was cussing up a storm. Seriously, y'all.
After trying for over an hour and a half (argh, that is SO much longer than it sounds, particularly with the sound muted), I resorted to utterly shameless cheating. I then found out that even if you manage to get past the impossible BS that made me give up, even greater BS awaits you.
Tell me if this sounds OK to you: There's a room with some enemies and two pillar warps at the opposite side. One takes you back to the start, the other to a room with three pillar warps. Okay, I get it. The correct warp on that screen leads you to a room with FOUR. Ha ha, wow, this is going on longer than I expected. But this HAS to be the last room. Nope, five warp room! Okay, this is seriously trying my patience now, but I've already cheated to get here, so I'll keep at it until I get the right warp. Where does it take me?
Six warp room. And then seven, and then eight. YOU THINK I'M KIDDING? YOU THINK I'M MAKING THIS CRAP UP? FREAKING LOOK AT IT. This is not an act! This is not a bit! I am genuinely angry about this! There are twenty-eight wrong choices here, and they all take you back to the start of the entire sequence! Why? WHY? I couldn't figure out the sequence after that, either, and I gave up.
I don't feel like being nice. I don't even feel like being fair. You want to know what I think of "Okaly-D Dink?" It can suck my balls. It can get down on its knees and suck them dry. I won't even wash them first. NEXT.
097: Okaly-D Dink (Demo) Author: Okaly-D Dude Release Date: April 6, 2001
"This game keeps the tradition of all Okaly-D games. It is fun, humurous, and pointless."
I can't find any evidence of other Okaly-D games, let alone a tradition thereof. The only thing that name makes me think of is the way Ned Flanders says "Okaly-Dokaly" on The Simpsons.
It's hard for me to explain, but this DMOD bummed me out. It's the closest I've come to giving up on the whole project so far. "Is it that bad?" you might ask - no, actually, it isn't. In fact, it's probably one of the better releases in 2001 so far (yikes). It just felt, to me, like a wall I couldn't climb.
Let me start by giving credit where it's due - I think this DMOD might have the most impressive intro of any so far. I mean, not a lot actually happens in it - Dink plays with dolls, an evil axe collects those ever-present chaos emeralds. Visually, though, it's a smash by DMOD standards. Things MOVE! I don't mean move as in "move_stop()" either, although that's scarce enough (yes, I've been buried in complaints about the lack of movement in the Malachi the Jerk intro). They animate, they look like they're moving. I'm probably overselling it, but for a few brief moments, it looked like a cutscene from a game with proper animated cutscenes.
Anyway, that's your plot - that evil axe wants to take over the world or something. Horrors! Dink must stop having tea parties with his stuffed pals (actually, they were jerks anyway) in order to put a stop to this madness.
There's a lot of silliness going on here, and some of it is quite entertaining. For example, if you ring an unusually specific warning bell, you'll get sent to jail - but all you have to do to escape is punch the 'bars' (pillars) in front of you. Although the guard is standing nearby, he only offers up an unenthusiastic, "Don't do that." If you talk to him, he'll say, "Don't run away." I guess it's the honor system.
Everyone you meet in this DMOD is seriously odd, but not all the jokes worked for me. There's a house with two fabulous guys who are an excuse to make jokes at the expense of fabulous guys. That CAN be funny, but here the joke just seems to be, "ew, fabulouss, they're the worst, let's get away from these deviant queermos." I found it aggressively unfunny and a bit offensive. I mean, their names are "Fudge" and "Pack," to give you an idea.
There was a neat item in this mod, a town portal scroll. It works like the one in Diablo. Using it takes you back to the town square, leaving a portal that can take you back where you just came from, at which point the portal vanishes. The portal back stays in place until you use it, even if you leave the screen, so it's quite nicely executed.
Time to get to the point. This was pointless, and at times humorous (honorable mention: a whorehouse called the "Little House of Whorers," HA), but it sure as hell wasn't any fun. First of all, there's the MIDI. There's just one that plays the entire time, and it sucks. It's an incredibly grating tune with a very short loop, and you CANNOT ESCAPE it. This is the 97th DMOD I have played, and the FIRST time I have resorted to muting the sound. Maybe this sounds like a minor point to you, but it wasn't to me. Playing Dink with the sound off isn't fun. I don't feel like I'm really hitting that pillbug, y'know?
Second, this feels really unfinished. While it is a demo, I think that a demo should feel finished within its boundaries. There are buildings you can't enter, and it really would have been nice to have Dink say "the Door's locked" or something like that. There's also a large area to the south of the map with nothing in it - it's boring, the enemies are too difficult, and it looks poor - maybe more was planned for this area, but I don't think you should have access to it in the demo.
What really drove me crazy was that this mod just doesn't seem designed to be finished by anybody. The goals are quite unclear, and when you finally DO find something to do, the monsters are too tough and there's no way in the universe you could ever afford the weapons. You can find a bow, but you have to buy arrows, and before you can do THAT, you have to buy a quiver for 500 gold! At any rate, when I bought them, it glitched out and gave me a negative number of arrows forever. And even if you can get 400 gold to buy the sword (good luck), the game won't let you. Lord, a mighty swearing did emerge from my throat such as I've never done while playing this game before. I was cussing up a storm. Seriously, y'all.
After trying for over an hour and a half (argh, that is SO much longer than it sounds, particularly with the sound muted), I resorted to utterly shameless cheating. I then found out that even if you manage to get past the impossible BS that made me give up, even greater BS awaits you.
Tell me if this sounds OK to you: There's a room with some enemies and two pillar warps at the opposite side. One takes you back to the start, the other to a room with three pillar warps. Okay, I get it. The correct warp on that screen leads you to a room with FOUR. Ha ha, wow, this is going on longer than I expected. But this HAS to be the last room. Nope, five warp room! Okay, this is seriously trying my patience now, but I've already cheated to get here, so I'll keep at it until I get the right warp. Where does it take me?
Six warp room. And then seven, and then eight. YOU THINK I'M KIDDING? YOU THINK I'M MAKING THIS CRAP UP? FREAKING LOOK AT IT. This is not an act! This is not a bit! I am genuinely angry about this! There are twenty-eight wrong choices here, and they all take you back to the start of the entire sequence! Why? WHY? I couldn't figure out the sequence after that, either, and I gave up.
I don't feel like being nice. I don't even feel like being fair. You want to know what I think of "Okaly-D Dink?" It can suck my balls. It can get down on its knees and suck them dry. I won't even wash them first. NEXT.
