Vin Diesel...listing.
I dont know who had the time and the bizarre wit to make this, but its funny. Whether or not your a fan of the man:
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On his birthday, Vin Diesel randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.
Vin Diesel enjoys clapping babies together like erasers. He calls it blapping.
Vin Diesel can spell supercalifragilisticexpealidocious out of Cheerios.
Vin Diesel put the crack in the Liberty Bell when fighting Evil Robot George Washington.
Vin Diesel does not just order a steak but rather unhinges his jaw and eats the entire cow.
Vin Diesel is Commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions, loyal servant to the true emperor, Marcus Aurelius. Father to a murdered son, husband to a murdered wife. And he will have his vengeance, in this life or the next.
Vin Diesel may or may not be a freight train.
Most men's nipples have no real function, but Vin Diesel's are hard enough to cut through virtually all substances, he uses them to shape diamonds, but only those over 3 carats
Vin Diesel wrote the pilot episode for "The Weather Channel."
The skin on Vin Diesel's elbows created the Grand Canyon.
Vin Diesel stays crunchy in milk for up to 72 hours. Then he explodes.
Vin Diesel is responsible for single-handedly keeping Quebec part of Canada.
Vin Diesel can predict the shuffle on his iPod.
The Passion of the Christ is really Vin Diesel's story, but Mel Gibson couldn't afford the rights.
There is an underused feature on the batman utility belt. A button that calls Vin Diesel.
If you rearrange the letters in Vin Diesel it reveals his credo: "I End Lives".
Vin Diesel thinks in binary coded decimal. This explains his intimate relationship with all Sesame Street characters.
Vin Diesel caught Saddam Hussein after winning a game of shuffleboard.
Vin Diesel eats his own feces, not for nutritional value, just because it's delicious.
Vin Diesel coined the term "I'm so hungry I could eat a horse" before he ate every unicorn in existence...
The black obelisk from 2001: A Space Odyssey now stands in Vin Diesel's bathroom as a toilet paper dispenser.
Vin Diesel had absolutely nothing to do with the assassination of JFK, although he did enjoy the parade.
Vin Diesel eats glass.
Vin Diesel's silhouette is used for the NBA logo.
Vin Diesel once punched a hole in a cow just to see who was coming up the road.
If Vin Diesel was a D&D character his statistics would be so high that they would be partially fused with infinity.
Vin Diesal created the popular children's network, Nickelodeon.
Vin Diesel invented the spork.
Vin Diesel jumped off three bridges, two buildings, 5 towers, and 7 skyscrapers, as well as 2 planes. He survived all falls, without a parachute, and later remarked that he owed it all to his diet. It requires baby fat, cheerios, fruit loops, and nails, mixed in a blender and with glass shards on top.
Vin Diesel spends most of his time standing at the top of his own Column in Trafalgar square scaring off pigeons.
Vin Diesel sits in on all Pentagon war planning sessions, even though all he does is scream and toss hot coffee at everyone present.
Vin Diesel once sneezed soo loudly, every deaf person in the world orgasmed.
We had a bachelor party for Vin Diesel, and he ate the entire cake before we could tell him there was a stripper inside.
All Spell Checkers are actually mini Vin Diesels inside your computer. This is possible due to the fact that when Vin Diesel is cut into pieces each piece becomes a smaller and more verbose Vin Diesel.
Vin Diesel once raced the Honey Nut Cheerio's bee to the edge of the Earth, where there was a bowl of Cheerios waiting. When they got there, Tony the Tiger was already eating them, so Vin skinned him and now he wears Tony as a fur coat.
Vin Diesel once taught a woman to love again by repeatedly punching her in the face.
Vin Diesel never requires more Vespene Gas.
As legend goes, Vin Diesel was the 27th apostal. He called himself "The Christianator 2300" and always had a +3 dagger with him.
After a grueling 47 day battle with Walt Disney, Vin Diesel finally beat him at rock, paper, scissors and thus froze Disney solid. Disney's frozen body is now on display at Vin Diesel's fortress of badassitude.
There are sockets in Vin Diesel's arms and feet for the heads of four smaller Vin Diesels to connect into. Together they merge and become Vin-Diesel-Cator. To date, this has only happened once.
Vin Diesel was the original teacher of Socrates, who then taught Plato, who then taught Aristotle, who then taught Alexander the Great, who then slapped Colin Ferrel.
Vin Diesel once got so pissed off that he smashed his fist into the Earth and created a storm that lasted 40 days and 40 nights
As a small boy, Vin Diesel was abandoned by his parents and subsequently raised by a flock of Mallard ducks. He later killed the ducks and used their feathers to make a ceremonial headdress that allows the wearer to control the powers of ice.
Vin Diesel has 3 rules: Don't expose him to light, don't get him wet, and never, EVER, feed him after midnight.
Saying Vin Diesel's name backwards and upside down will cause the universe to implode.
Vin Diesel is the only object that, while at rest, will not remain at rest.
Vin Diesel made all the sound effects for the Star Wars movies, using only his hands and armpits.
Vin Diesal has been unable to record an album to date b/c whenever his melodious voice is heard anywhere in the world the sun's rays are amplified causing an increase in sun cancer cases and the polar ice caps to melt faster.
Vin Diesel's acting inspired the creation of the Oscars and Golden Globes.
Vin Diesel's name spelled backward is Vin Diesel. If you get niV leseiD, you are doing something wrong
Vin Diesel has Ossama Bin Laden captive underneath Antarctica for questioning.
The Mexican Dia de los Muertos (Day of the Dead) originated when Vin Diesel was served an unsatisfactory dinner in Guadelajara.
The Great Depression was actually caused when Vin Diesel forgot to sign one of his checks.
God is Vin Diesel's third grade Science Fair project.
Vin Diesel is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis
Vin Diesel got into an argument with Lucifer. He won because he grabbed Lucifer by his small toenail and threw him into Mt. Vesuvius, thus burying Pompei.
The Iron Giant was a documentary, filmed in real time. Diesel piloted and voiced the Iron Giant from a small compartment in it's crotch.
Vin Diesel's index finger is the cause of the holes in Swiss Cheese around the world.
Vin Diesel cannot be created or destroyed, only transferred.
In Soviet Russia, Vin Diesel is you.
Vin Diesel once was in a maze that he couldn't get out of, so he flooded the earth to swim out. God was angry so He invented Saved by the Bell: The College Years.
Vin Diesel is cleaner burning and ten times more efficient than regular diesel.
Vin Diesel's hand was the prototype for the Foreman Grill.
If a train leaves Chicago at 5:00, traveling 40 miles per hour, and another train leaves Kansas City at 4:00, traveling 60 miles per hour, neither will arrive in New York before Vin Diesel.
Vin Diesel created the internet out of some 2x4's and a pack of smokes he stole from Jesus.
Vin Diesel was the one who let the dogs out.
The "skidda-marinky-dinky-dink" song from "The Elephant Show" was penned by Vin Diesel. He gave it to Sharon, Lois and Bram in return for allowing him to play The Elephant.
Vin Diesel and Vin Diesel alone knows whether it is live or Memorex.
Vin Diesel is older than time itself, after 3 millienia he explodes in a fiery blaze of badassand and rises from the ashes stronger than before
"Vin" is an abbreviation for "invincible".
Vin Diesel's mass is constantly monitored by a military installation in New Mexico. Should it exceed a critical point they are instructed to destroy him with a hydrogen bomb mounted to an ICBM. It is not known if this will be enough to stop the process.
Vin Diesel's thumb is a thumb drive.
Vin Diesel came out of his mothers womb holding keys to a 67 orange Chevy Impala, knowing he was to be cast for The Fast and The Furious.
Vin Diesel can see the back of his head without a mirror.
Vin Diesel can solve a Rubik's cube in 6.7 seconds.
Vin diesel invented the telephone by shouting down a sewer, the resulting soundwave destroyed all glass objects within a 200 mile radius
Vin Diesel once punched a guy and killed his entire extended family.
Vin Diesel single-handedly proved that Paul McCartney is, in fact, not dead. He did, however, kill anyone who believed or made mention of the rumour.
Vin Diesel does not get sad. Rather, whoever or whatever tried to make him sad will instantly implode.
Vin Diesel can kill somone with a strike to the head without even touching the guy
Vin Diesel invented sex, and then, to make it more interesting, invented the orgasm.
Vin Diesel was there the day the music died, just to make sure that music didn't get up again.
Vin Diesal co-wrote the Cosby show for years, and for awhile even stood in for Raven Symone's character, Olivia, when she was sick or unable to perform.
Nintendo's Super Mario Bros series is based on Vin Diesel's experiences during his stint as an Italian plumber. However, Vin Diesel gave up after his third time being told that the princess was, in yet another castle.
Mount Rushmore was born when Vin Diesel had sex with the Statue of Liberty.
Vin Diesel's first acting role was as the voice of Mega Man in the early 90's Super Nintendo game. All of his lines were cut, much to his disdain.
Vin Diesel once got his a woman pregnant and gave birth to a delicious 16 ounce steak. The after birth was sauteed mushrooms
Vin Diesel has accurately predicted the outcome of every election since 1892, but he doesn't vote because only Vin Diesel should be president.
Vin Diesel stole Christmas and blamed it on the Grinch.
The only man to come close to beating Vin Diesel in a fight was Gandhi. "That little bald fellow nearly beat me" was Vin's only response before destroying half of India and then creating Nepal and Pakistan.
Vin Diesel does not believe in ghosts. Ghosts believe in him.
The disappearance of the Mayans was not the work of magic; It was the work of Vin Diesel, who picked up their entire tribe and threw them into deep space, where they now orbit around a distant planet in another galaxy.
His father was a school bus.
Vin Diesel is Rick James, b****.
The modern name for a kidney stone that Vin Diesel passed through his rod is now known as Hawaii.
The moon is Vin Diesel's nightlight.
Vin Diesel attended the Boston Tea Party, but left because they ran out of sugar.
Brad Pitt dumped Jennifer Aniston for Vin Diesel.
In fine print at on the last page of the Guiness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Vin Diesel, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever come to matching him.
If you drop a phonograph needle on Vin Diesel's nipple, it plays the Beach Boys' "Pet Sounds"
4 out of 5 dentists agree that Vin Diesel is the number 1 cause of tooth decay.
Vin Diesel can activate the Autobot Matrix of Leadership...but at a price.
Vin Diesel can say the alphabet backwards while drunk, and in 20 different languages simultaniously.
Vin Diesel invented the PC using a typewriter, a window box, a hamster wheel and his armpit hair
Vin Diesel created Earth as an expansion pack to Command & Conquer.
It is not well known that Vin Diesel was part of Lil' Jon's posse until he drank from Jon's goblet gaining powers of both man and beast.This has not yet happened to Lil' Jon himself.
As Vin Diesel was being crucified on the cross, he screamed so loud that a nearby passerbyer, Jesus Christ, fell to the floor and died. Vin Diesel still claims today that Jesus was on the cross, but evidence uncovered by a wild firetruck points toward the real story.
Ziploc supplies Vin Diesel with giant customized sleeping bags which Vin uses nightly to maintain his freshness.
I once witnessed Vin Diesel take the life out of a goat utilizing only the enzymes found in seaweed. Following this, Vin skinned the goat, made a hot air balloon out of the skin, ballooned to Sri Lanka, where upon which he made love to the French Presidents wife. After the love making, they feasted on the goat carcass. Vin was still blinded by hunger after the goat, so he ate the Presidents wife as well.
Vin Diesel single handedly ended WWII when he beat the nazi army in a break dancing contest
When he accidentally destroyed the earth, Vin Diesel ran against the earths access so fast in turned back time
Vin Diesel once went skinny dipping in Scotland. The populous caught sight of his semi-erect rod, and thus the legend of the Loch Ness monster was born.
Vin Diesel shaves his head with sandpaper
Vin Diesel recieves mail on Sundays.
The cure for the common cold can be made from the sweat of Vin Diesel.
Vin Diesel sunk the Titanic in hopes of making the movie end sooner.
If you look Vin Diesel directly in the eye, you will see what you most desire, and then he will produce it from his magic sack he carries with him constantly. This is how I have an endless supply of donuts. Thank you, Vin Diesel!
Unlike Jack (of Jack and the Beanstalk), Vin Diesel didn't see his cow to the farmer for magic beans, he killed him and took them for free.
Vin Diesel can catch and destroy a bullet with his eyelashes.
If you dare even think about calling Vin Diesel by his real name, it will set off a chain of events that would find the two of you, decades from now, trying to kill each other with .50 caliber Browning M2 machine guns in Chilpancingo, Mexico on New Years Eve. While dressed as penguins.
Every single one of Vin Diesel's internal organs is tattooed with a map to a different lost civilizations greatest treasure. It cannot be confirmed whether or not Vin Diesel did the tattooing himself.
Vin Diesel's thoughts can travel faster than the speed of light so he can communicate with his future self.
Vin Diesel does not believe in surround-sound speakers.
the wrong holy grail that guy drank out of in indiana jones and turned to dust was vin diesels cup.
When a new word is added to Webster's Dictionary, it must first be spoken through Vin Diesel's lips.
Vin diesel once built an exact working replica of the Concorde aircraft from nothing but unsalted Pistachio nuts shells.
Scholars invented the exclamation mark JUST to describe how it sounds when Vin Diesel chews.
When Vin Diesel finds a coin on the ground, he punches a nun. Vin Diesel rarely finds coins, and yet has punched more nuns than can easily be counted. Go figure.
Vin Diesel counts in base 7.
Vin Diesel killed Bill Cosby. Bill Cosby is not yet aware of this, as Vin Diesel has not chosen to make this death known.
Vin Diesel impaled over 40 horses to make what he calls "an authentic" Merry-Go-Round
Vin Diesel was the camera guy for Paris Hilton's sex tape.
Vin Diesel invented the calculus. Isaac Newton and Godfried von Liebniz are the names of his testicles.
For God so loved the world, that he gave his only son, and his son's good buddy, Vin Diesel. Whoeverso believes in his son, and watches Vin Diesel movies, shall not perish, but have eternal life. Whoever forgoes the movies will burn for all eternity. -John 3:16 (more or less)
Most people don't know this, but the bible actually ends with Vin Diesel showing up at the crucifixion with a pair of Uzi's and kicking some Roman ass. Vin Diesel was all like, "Jesus, I totally saved you." Then, off on the horizon, a bunch of Romans show up riding dinosaurs led by Mecha Pontious Pilate. Jesus busts out this sweet ninja sword and says, "Now it's my turn to save you." Then Jesus and Vin Diesel run towards the Romans in slow motion. That's how the bible ends. It's a cliff-hanger. I can't wait for the sequel, "The Bible 2: Water...Into Blood".
The character of the professional wrestler "Hulk Hogan" is loosely based on Vin Diesel's career in the military during the Civil War.
Freddy Krueger has nightmares about Vin Diesel.
Vin Diesel only buys products that were tested on animals.
Vin Diesel made planted the bomb in the toilet in Lethal Weapon 2, using only dental floss and his wits.
Vin Diesel fought on both sides of the Vietnam war, and that's why America lost.
All your Vin Diesel are belong to us
Vin Diesel started WW2, killed Kennedy, took down the Berlin wall, beat up Osama, and didnt even need to go potty.
Vin Diesel is one of the ingredients of dynamite.
Every time you press F5, Vin Diesel kills a kitten. Please...think of the kittens.
Counter striike was inspired by the time Vin Diesel rescued 5 hostages from an office and beat 12 terrorists to death with a baguette
Before Vin Diesel was born, the earth took 438 days to circle the sun. Vin Diesel was forced to eat the extra days in an interstellar reality show.
Vin Diesel created the first grilled cheese.
It is a little known fact that before finding work as an actor, Vin Diesel worked as a ring wraith for Sauromon.
Vin Diesel saved a bunch of money on his car insurance by switching to Geico.
When Vin Diesel laughs, the whole world laughs with him. When Vin Diesel kills, the whole world dies.
Vin Diesel found the woman who sells sea shells by the sea shore. When she told him how much they were he called Neptune to kill her.
Vin Diesel has an unspoken, telepathic bond with both Cuban dictator Fidel Castro and Wheel of Fortune host Pat Sajak.
Vin Diesel is 79% enriched uranium-234.
Vin Diesel is responsible for Alaska being part of the United States. William H. Seward, who purchased Alaska from Russia, is actually a pseudonym Vin Diesel uses when writing coming of age novels set in the scenic Mississippi Delta. When some called Alaska "Seward's Folly", he personally lugged oil reserves out of the Middle East and buried them under the countryside, creating the entire Alaskan oil reserve. He really showed those critics.
The design for the Oscar statuette was changed in 1993 to look more like Vin Diesel.
In the unlikely event of his death Vin Diesel can perform his own autopsy.
Vin Diesel created every language spoken on Earth while he was bored one afternoon. He based the languages on a recording of the noises he makes when sleeping on a couch.
Vin Diesel is the kid in the "That's Racist" gif
Vin Diesel is the only person able to eat 6 crackers in one minute without nothing just the crackers no water no nothing just him his mouth and those crackers
Vin Diesel is technically not a mammal, as he lacks body hair and is not warm-blooded.
Vin Diesel once had an in depth debate with Oprah Winfrey on the merits of capitalism. He sat and thought about his conclusions for five months on top of Mt. Fuji and as an afterthought he crapped out an exact 1:1 replica of the Eiffel Tower in its present form.
Scotty doesn't know, but Vin Diesel does.
The meaning of life, the universe, and everything is 42 Vin Diesels.
Vin Diesel invented cheese because he didn't feel like eating bacon anymore.
When a tree falls down in the woods and no one is there to hear it, Vin Diesel hears it.
Vin Diesel is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
Vin Diesel can express the root of -1 through interperative dance.
Vin Diesel's use in battle is classified a war crime in 28 nations.
At the battle of trafalgar Vin Diesel loaded himself into a British cannon and fired himself through all the french ships single handedly winning the battle.
Vin Diesel is feared neither because he is a division manager nor because he drives a Dodge Stratus, but because he always beats Robert Goulet in a staring contests.
During the dark ages, Vin Diesel narrowly avoided being burned at the stake by building a bridge out of five witches.
Vin Diesel can talk into glass jars and close them, then open them to hear his own voice.
Vin Diesel gets indigestion after swallowing his pride.
Vin Diesel has the remote control to Arnold Schwarzenegger.
The Great Wall of China and Vin Diesel's toolshed are the only man-made objects visible from space.
While the telephone was actually invented by Vin Diesel, he traded the bragging rights and patent to Alexander G. Bell after losing a bet with him over who could drink the most molasses in five minutes.
Before Vin Diesel came to this planet, Earth did not spin.
Vin Diesel is protected under the Endangered Species Act.
Vin Diesel is currently working an internship with the Frank Gehry architecture partnership, he intends to play a key role in the design of the new King Alfred Swimming Pool complex in Brighton, England. On the opening night of the project he will secret himself at the bottom of the pool and drink the entire contents, along with any unwitting swimmers enjoying the new facilities. He says novice swimmers taste the best.
Vin Diesel can simply walk into Mordor.
Vin Diesel created the universe based off a drawing he made on a napkin.
Vin Diesel breathes in anthrax and breathes out fresh country air with a pine scent.
The mayor of Atlantis once refused to share a bag of peanuts with Vin Diesel, who subsequently sunk his continent and also put itching powder in his pajamas.
Vin Diesel's favorite food is macaroni and cheese. His favorite drink is orphan's blood.
Vin Diesel actually has hair, but its beauty can only be seen by the purest of heart.
When Vin Diesel wishes to mail a letter, he forces it down the throat of the nearest housepet, then hurls the animal in the direction of the recipient's house.
During the Cold War, the U.S. used Vin Diesel to challenge the USSR and Cuba to save the US from getting nuke'd.
Vin always forgets to put the new cover sheets on his TPS reports.
An anagram of Vin Diesel is evil dines.
Vin Diesel once dated Aphrodite, the Greek Goddess of Love. He had to break it off because, according to him, “she was too high maintenance.”
Vin Diesel sneezes in reverse.
Vin Diesel created rainbows to distract people before he punches them in the teeth.
Vin Diesel framed Roger Rabbit.
Vin Diesel was in India one day 2500 years ago and found some guy meditating under his favorite tree. Vin explained the nature of reality, karma and reincarnation to the man, who gained total enlightenment as a result. Then Vin said "Now get the **** away from my tree."
Vin Diesel was once part of the varangian guard of the Byzantine emperor, but he left to focus on his acting career, causing the fall of Constantinople.
Vin Diesel's protein shakes consist exclusively of battery acid.
Psalm 23 literally reads: Vin Diesel.
Vin Diesel invented the Swiss Army Knife. Then he founded Switzerland so there would be an army to use it.
Vin Diesel was originally cast for the role of Lassie, but was rejected when he refused to save Timmy from the depths of the well claiming, "those bricks made my butt chaff."
If Vin Diesel warns you on AOL instant messenger once, it hurts emotionally. If he has to warn you again, it may hurt physically.
If Vin Diesel falls down in the woods and no one is around to hear it, he will find the nearest person and accurately reconstruct the noise he made as he fell.
Vin Diesel once went around the world in 79 days.
Vin Diesel was the one that found Carmen Sandiego
All the weapons used in 'saving private Ryan' were borrowed from Vin Diesel
The dodo bird isn't extinct; Vin has all of them in his basement.
1 in 6 pinatas will contain Vin Diesel.
Vin Diesel jumped off a bridge because all his friends were doing it and survived.
Vin Diesel became the first person to succesfully swim across the globe without a single break. He completed this challenge in only 12 hours, and was able to make it back in time for dinner.
While Wolverine's bones are laced with Adamantium, Vin Diesel's bones are laced with 80's pop star Adam Ant.
Vin Diesel has been the writer for Wheel of Fortune for 32 years.
Vin Diesel won the Indianapolis 500 by riding a bike. He also won the Little 500 bike race by driving a car.
Vin Diesel invented the light bulb, but he really didn't mean to. He was in fact trying to create beer goggles for ostriches.
9 out of 10 scientists agree, the power of Vin Diesel's urine should be harnessed to replace fossil fuels. The tenth scientist was high-fived by Vin Diesel, causing fragments of his arm to accidentally press the "no" button.
Vin Diesel doesn't know what a hamburger is.
The eight fold path is actually an elaborate code that Vin Diesel devised as a youngster in order to give directions to his secret "no girls allowed" hideout.
Vin Diesel once swum the Atlantic in a motorised bathtub to rescue survivors from the Titanic.
Vin Diesel can reproduce asexually, by mitosis.
Vin Diesel is the world's best player of Spades. Even if you hold every spade in the deck, you will lose against Vin Diesel. Don't even try.
Vin Diesel encases the souls of his enemies in the bodies of Golden Retriever puppies.
When 7-11 ran out of cola-flavored Slurpees, Vin Diesel made a Slurpee out of the 7-11. But he poured out the gross hippie cashier before putting the lid on.
Is solely responsible for every flight in the history of the US space program. there is no such thing as rockets. he just stands beneath the shuttle and plunches it. the rest is pyrotechnics
During routine surgery it was discovered that the conditions inside Vin Diesel's heart are identical to those at the Mohorovic discontinuity.
Before you obey your thirst, you better obey Vin Diesel.
In the film Freddy vs Jason, Vin Diesel won.
Vin Diesel uses his powers for good *and* for awesome.
Vin Diesel has the power to turn himself invisible, but only when no one else is watching.
After watching Gigli, Vin Diesel was so enraged that he threatened to take away the music of Raffi from the people of Earth. After listening to Baby Beluga again, he reconsidered.
Vin Diesel regularly had unprotected sex with Magic Johnson and Freddie Mercury just to prove he's immune to the AIDS virus. Obviously, he was. Freddie Mercury died and Magic Johnson's talk show was a miserable failure, and Vin is as successful as ever.
Vin Diesel can listen to an audio CD by twirling it on his finger and licking the surface.
Vin Diesel killed the Dead Sea.
Vin Diesel has a summer house on the sun.
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Sincerely,
The Vault Dweller
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On his birthday, Vin Diesel randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.
Vin Diesel enjoys clapping babies together like erasers. He calls it blapping.
Vin Diesel can spell supercalifragilisticexpealidocious out of Cheerios.
Vin Diesel put the crack in the Liberty Bell when fighting Evil Robot George Washington.
Vin Diesel does not just order a steak but rather unhinges his jaw and eats the entire cow.
Vin Diesel is Commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions, loyal servant to the true emperor, Marcus Aurelius. Father to a murdered son, husband to a murdered wife. And he will have his vengeance, in this life or the next.
Vin Diesel may or may not be a freight train.
Most men's nipples have no real function, but Vin Diesel's are hard enough to cut through virtually all substances, he uses them to shape diamonds, but only those over 3 carats
Vin Diesel wrote the pilot episode for "The Weather Channel."
The skin on Vin Diesel's elbows created the Grand Canyon.
Vin Diesel stays crunchy in milk for up to 72 hours. Then he explodes.
Vin Diesel is responsible for single-handedly keeping Quebec part of Canada.
Vin Diesel can predict the shuffle on his iPod.
The Passion of the Christ is really Vin Diesel's story, but Mel Gibson couldn't afford the rights.
There is an underused feature on the batman utility belt. A button that calls Vin Diesel.
If you rearrange the letters in Vin Diesel it reveals his credo: "I End Lives".
Vin Diesel thinks in binary coded decimal. This explains his intimate relationship with all Sesame Street characters.
Vin Diesel caught Saddam Hussein after winning a game of shuffleboard.
Vin Diesel eats his own feces, not for nutritional value, just because it's delicious.
Vin Diesel coined the term "I'm so hungry I could eat a horse" before he ate every unicorn in existence...
The black obelisk from 2001: A Space Odyssey now stands in Vin Diesel's bathroom as a toilet paper dispenser.
Vin Diesel had absolutely nothing to do with the assassination of JFK, although he did enjoy the parade.
Vin Diesel eats glass.
Vin Diesel's silhouette is used for the NBA logo.
Vin Diesel once punched a hole in a cow just to see who was coming up the road.
If Vin Diesel was a D&D character his statistics would be so high that they would be partially fused with infinity.
Vin Diesal created the popular children's network, Nickelodeon.
Vin Diesel invented the spork.
Vin Diesel jumped off three bridges, two buildings, 5 towers, and 7 skyscrapers, as well as 2 planes. He survived all falls, without a parachute, and later remarked that he owed it all to his diet. It requires baby fat, cheerios, fruit loops, and nails, mixed in a blender and with glass shards on top.
Vin Diesel spends most of his time standing at the top of his own Column in Trafalgar square scaring off pigeons.
Vin Diesel sits in on all Pentagon war planning sessions, even though all he does is scream and toss hot coffee at everyone present.
Vin Diesel once sneezed soo loudly, every deaf person in the world orgasmed.
We had a bachelor party for Vin Diesel, and he ate the entire cake before we could tell him there was a stripper inside.
All Spell Checkers are actually mini Vin Diesels inside your computer. This is possible due to the fact that when Vin Diesel is cut into pieces each piece becomes a smaller and more verbose Vin Diesel.
Vin Diesel once raced the Honey Nut Cheerio's bee to the edge of the Earth, where there was a bowl of Cheerios waiting. When they got there, Tony the Tiger was already eating them, so Vin skinned him and now he wears Tony as a fur coat.
Vin Diesel once taught a woman to love again by repeatedly punching her in the face.
Vin Diesel never requires more Vespene Gas.
As legend goes, Vin Diesel was the 27th apostal. He called himself "The Christianator 2300" and always had a +3 dagger with him.
After a grueling 47 day battle with Walt Disney, Vin Diesel finally beat him at rock, paper, scissors and thus froze Disney solid. Disney's frozen body is now on display at Vin Diesel's fortress of badassitude.
There are sockets in Vin Diesel's arms and feet for the heads of four smaller Vin Diesels to connect into. Together they merge and become Vin-Diesel-Cator. To date, this has only happened once.
Vin Diesel was the original teacher of Socrates, who then taught Plato, who then taught Aristotle, who then taught Alexander the Great, who then slapped Colin Ferrel.
Vin Diesel once got so pissed off that he smashed his fist into the Earth and created a storm that lasted 40 days and 40 nights
As a small boy, Vin Diesel was abandoned by his parents and subsequently raised by a flock of Mallard ducks. He later killed the ducks and used their feathers to make a ceremonial headdress that allows the wearer to control the powers of ice.
Vin Diesel has 3 rules: Don't expose him to light, don't get him wet, and never, EVER, feed him after midnight.
Saying Vin Diesel's name backwards and upside down will cause the universe to implode.
Vin Diesel is the only object that, while at rest, will not remain at rest.
Vin Diesel made all the sound effects for the Star Wars movies, using only his hands and armpits.
Vin Diesal has been unable to record an album to date b/c whenever his melodious voice is heard anywhere in the world the sun's rays are amplified causing an increase in sun cancer cases and the polar ice caps to melt faster.
Vin Diesel's acting inspired the creation of the Oscars and Golden Globes.
Vin Diesel's name spelled backward is Vin Diesel. If you get niV leseiD, you are doing something wrong
Vin Diesel has Ossama Bin Laden captive underneath Antarctica for questioning.
The Mexican Dia de los Muertos (Day of the Dead) originated when Vin Diesel was served an unsatisfactory dinner in Guadelajara.
The Great Depression was actually caused when Vin Diesel forgot to sign one of his checks.
God is Vin Diesel's third grade Science Fair project.
Vin Diesel is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis
Vin Diesel got into an argument with Lucifer. He won because he grabbed Lucifer by his small toenail and threw him into Mt. Vesuvius, thus burying Pompei.
The Iron Giant was a documentary, filmed in real time. Diesel piloted and voiced the Iron Giant from a small compartment in it's crotch.
Vin Diesel's index finger is the cause of the holes in Swiss Cheese around the world.
Vin Diesel cannot be created or destroyed, only transferred.
In Soviet Russia, Vin Diesel is you.
Vin Diesel once was in a maze that he couldn't get out of, so he flooded the earth to swim out. God was angry so He invented Saved by the Bell: The College Years.
Vin Diesel is cleaner burning and ten times more efficient than regular diesel.
Vin Diesel's hand was the prototype for the Foreman Grill.
If a train leaves Chicago at 5:00, traveling 40 miles per hour, and another train leaves Kansas City at 4:00, traveling 60 miles per hour, neither will arrive in New York before Vin Diesel.
Vin Diesel created the internet out of some 2x4's and a pack of smokes he stole from Jesus.
Vin Diesel was the one who let the dogs out.
The "skidda-marinky-dinky-dink" song from "The Elephant Show" was penned by Vin Diesel. He gave it to Sharon, Lois and Bram in return for allowing him to play The Elephant.
Vin Diesel and Vin Diesel alone knows whether it is live or Memorex.
Vin Diesel is older than time itself, after 3 millienia he explodes in a fiery blaze of badassand and rises from the ashes stronger than before
"Vin" is an abbreviation for "invincible".
Vin Diesel's mass is constantly monitored by a military installation in New Mexico. Should it exceed a critical point they are instructed to destroy him with a hydrogen bomb mounted to an ICBM. It is not known if this will be enough to stop the process.
Vin Diesel's thumb is a thumb drive.
Vin Diesel came out of his mothers womb holding keys to a 67 orange Chevy Impala, knowing he was to be cast for The Fast and The Furious.
Vin Diesel can see the back of his head without a mirror.
Vin Diesel can solve a Rubik's cube in 6.7 seconds.
Vin diesel invented the telephone by shouting down a sewer, the resulting soundwave destroyed all glass objects within a 200 mile radius
Vin Diesel once punched a guy and killed his entire extended family.
Vin Diesel single-handedly proved that Paul McCartney is, in fact, not dead. He did, however, kill anyone who believed or made mention of the rumour.
Vin Diesel does not get sad. Rather, whoever or whatever tried to make him sad will instantly implode.
Vin Diesel can kill somone with a strike to the head without even touching the guy
Vin Diesel invented sex, and then, to make it more interesting, invented the orgasm.
Vin Diesel was there the day the music died, just to make sure that music didn't get up again.
Vin Diesal co-wrote the Cosby show for years, and for awhile even stood in for Raven Symone's character, Olivia, when she was sick or unable to perform.
Nintendo's Super Mario Bros series is based on Vin Diesel's experiences during his stint as an Italian plumber. However, Vin Diesel gave up after his third time being told that the princess was, in yet another castle.
Mount Rushmore was born when Vin Diesel had sex with the Statue of Liberty.
Vin Diesel's first acting role was as the voice of Mega Man in the early 90's Super Nintendo game. All of his lines were cut, much to his disdain.
Vin Diesel once got his a woman pregnant and gave birth to a delicious 16 ounce steak. The after birth was sauteed mushrooms
Vin Diesel has accurately predicted the outcome of every election since 1892, but he doesn't vote because only Vin Diesel should be president.
Vin Diesel stole Christmas and blamed it on the Grinch.
The only man to come close to beating Vin Diesel in a fight was Gandhi. "That little bald fellow nearly beat me" was Vin's only response before destroying half of India and then creating Nepal and Pakistan.
Vin Diesel does not believe in ghosts. Ghosts believe in him.
The disappearance of the Mayans was not the work of magic; It was the work of Vin Diesel, who picked up their entire tribe and threw them into deep space, where they now orbit around a distant planet in another galaxy.
His father was a school bus.
Vin Diesel is Rick James, b****.
The modern name for a kidney stone that Vin Diesel passed through his rod is now known as Hawaii.
The moon is Vin Diesel's nightlight.
Vin Diesel attended the Boston Tea Party, but left because they ran out of sugar.
Brad Pitt dumped Jennifer Aniston for Vin Diesel.
In fine print at on the last page of the Guiness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Vin Diesel, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever come to matching him.
If you drop a phonograph needle on Vin Diesel's nipple, it plays the Beach Boys' "Pet Sounds"
4 out of 5 dentists agree that Vin Diesel is the number 1 cause of tooth decay.
Vin Diesel can activate the Autobot Matrix of Leadership...but at a price.
Vin Diesel can say the alphabet backwards while drunk, and in 20 different languages simultaniously.
Vin Diesel invented the PC using a typewriter, a window box, a hamster wheel and his armpit hair
Vin Diesel created Earth as an expansion pack to Command & Conquer.
It is not well known that Vin Diesel was part of Lil' Jon's posse until he drank from Jon's goblet gaining powers of both man and beast.This has not yet happened to Lil' Jon himself.
As Vin Diesel was being crucified on the cross, he screamed so loud that a nearby passerbyer, Jesus Christ, fell to the floor and died. Vin Diesel still claims today that Jesus was on the cross, but evidence uncovered by a wild firetruck points toward the real story.
Ziploc supplies Vin Diesel with giant customized sleeping bags which Vin uses nightly to maintain his freshness.
I once witnessed Vin Diesel take the life out of a goat utilizing only the enzymes found in seaweed. Following this, Vin skinned the goat, made a hot air balloon out of the skin, ballooned to Sri Lanka, where upon which he made love to the French Presidents wife. After the love making, they feasted on the goat carcass. Vin was still blinded by hunger after the goat, so he ate the Presidents wife as well.
Vin Diesel single handedly ended WWII when he beat the nazi army in a break dancing contest
When he accidentally destroyed the earth, Vin Diesel ran against the earths access so fast in turned back time
Vin Diesel once went skinny dipping in Scotland. The populous caught sight of his semi-erect rod, and thus the legend of the Loch Ness monster was born.
Vin Diesel shaves his head with sandpaper
Vin Diesel recieves mail on Sundays.
The cure for the common cold can be made from the sweat of Vin Diesel.
Vin Diesel sunk the Titanic in hopes of making the movie end sooner.
If you look Vin Diesel directly in the eye, you will see what you most desire, and then he will produce it from his magic sack he carries with him constantly. This is how I have an endless supply of donuts. Thank you, Vin Diesel!
Unlike Jack (of Jack and the Beanstalk), Vin Diesel didn't see his cow to the farmer for magic beans, he killed him and took them for free.
Vin Diesel can catch and destroy a bullet with his eyelashes.
If you dare even think about calling Vin Diesel by his real name, it will set off a chain of events that would find the two of you, decades from now, trying to kill each other with .50 caliber Browning M2 machine guns in Chilpancingo, Mexico on New Years Eve. While dressed as penguins.
Every single one of Vin Diesel's internal organs is tattooed with a map to a different lost civilizations greatest treasure. It cannot be confirmed whether or not Vin Diesel did the tattooing himself.
Vin Diesel's thoughts can travel faster than the speed of light so he can communicate with his future self.
Vin Diesel does not believe in surround-sound speakers.
the wrong holy grail that guy drank out of in indiana jones and turned to dust was vin diesels cup.
When a new word is added to Webster's Dictionary, it must first be spoken through Vin Diesel's lips.
Vin diesel once built an exact working replica of the Concorde aircraft from nothing but unsalted Pistachio nuts shells.
Scholars invented the exclamation mark JUST to describe how it sounds when Vin Diesel chews.
When Vin Diesel finds a coin on the ground, he punches a nun. Vin Diesel rarely finds coins, and yet has punched more nuns than can easily be counted. Go figure.
Vin Diesel counts in base 7.
Vin Diesel killed Bill Cosby. Bill Cosby is not yet aware of this, as Vin Diesel has not chosen to make this death known.
Vin Diesel impaled over 40 horses to make what he calls "an authentic" Merry-Go-Round
Vin Diesel was the camera guy for Paris Hilton's sex tape.
Vin Diesel invented the calculus. Isaac Newton and Godfried von Liebniz are the names of his testicles.
For God so loved the world, that he gave his only son, and his son's good buddy, Vin Diesel. Whoeverso believes in his son, and watches Vin Diesel movies, shall not perish, but have eternal life. Whoever forgoes the movies will burn for all eternity. -John 3:16 (more or less)
Most people don't know this, but the bible actually ends with Vin Diesel showing up at the crucifixion with a pair of Uzi's and kicking some Roman ass. Vin Diesel was all like, "Jesus, I totally saved you." Then, off on the horizon, a bunch of Romans show up riding dinosaurs led by Mecha Pontious Pilate. Jesus busts out this sweet ninja sword and says, "Now it's my turn to save you." Then Jesus and Vin Diesel run towards the Romans in slow motion. That's how the bible ends. It's a cliff-hanger. I can't wait for the sequel, "The Bible 2: Water...Into Blood".
The character of the professional wrestler "Hulk Hogan" is loosely based on Vin Diesel's career in the military during the Civil War.
Freddy Krueger has nightmares about Vin Diesel.
Vin Diesel only buys products that were tested on animals.
Vin Diesel made planted the bomb in the toilet in Lethal Weapon 2, using only dental floss and his wits.
Vin Diesel fought on both sides of the Vietnam war, and that's why America lost.
All your Vin Diesel are belong to us
Vin Diesel started WW2, killed Kennedy, took down the Berlin wall, beat up Osama, and didnt even need to go potty.
Vin Diesel is one of the ingredients of dynamite.
Every time you press F5, Vin Diesel kills a kitten. Please...think of the kittens.
Counter striike was inspired by the time Vin Diesel rescued 5 hostages from an office and beat 12 terrorists to death with a baguette
Before Vin Diesel was born, the earth took 438 days to circle the sun. Vin Diesel was forced to eat the extra days in an interstellar reality show.
Vin Diesel created the first grilled cheese.
It is a little known fact that before finding work as an actor, Vin Diesel worked as a ring wraith for Sauromon.
Vin Diesel saved a bunch of money on his car insurance by switching to Geico.
When Vin Diesel laughs, the whole world laughs with him. When Vin Diesel kills, the whole world dies.
Vin Diesel found the woman who sells sea shells by the sea shore. When she told him how much they were he called Neptune to kill her.
Vin Diesel has an unspoken, telepathic bond with both Cuban dictator Fidel Castro and Wheel of Fortune host Pat Sajak.
Vin Diesel is 79% enriched uranium-234.
Vin Diesel is responsible for Alaska being part of the United States. William H. Seward, who purchased Alaska from Russia, is actually a pseudonym Vin Diesel uses when writing coming of age novels set in the scenic Mississippi Delta. When some called Alaska "Seward's Folly", he personally lugged oil reserves out of the Middle East and buried them under the countryside, creating the entire Alaskan oil reserve. He really showed those critics.
The design for the Oscar statuette was changed in 1993 to look more like Vin Diesel.
In the unlikely event of his death Vin Diesel can perform his own autopsy.
Vin Diesel created every language spoken on Earth while he was bored one afternoon. He based the languages on a recording of the noises he makes when sleeping on a couch.
Vin Diesel is the kid in the "That's Racist" gif
Vin Diesel is the only person able to eat 6 crackers in one minute without nothing just the crackers no water no nothing just him his mouth and those crackers
Vin Diesel is technically not a mammal, as he lacks body hair and is not warm-blooded.
Vin Diesel once had an in depth debate with Oprah Winfrey on the merits of capitalism. He sat and thought about his conclusions for five months on top of Mt. Fuji and as an afterthought he crapped out an exact 1:1 replica of the Eiffel Tower in its present form.
Scotty doesn't know, but Vin Diesel does.
The meaning of life, the universe, and everything is 42 Vin Diesels.
Vin Diesel invented cheese because he didn't feel like eating bacon anymore.
When a tree falls down in the woods and no one is there to hear it, Vin Diesel hears it.
Vin Diesel is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
Vin Diesel can express the root of -1 through interperative dance.
Vin Diesel's use in battle is classified a war crime in 28 nations.
At the battle of trafalgar Vin Diesel loaded himself into a British cannon and fired himself through all the french ships single handedly winning the battle.
Vin Diesel is feared neither because he is a division manager nor because he drives a Dodge Stratus, but because he always beats Robert Goulet in a staring contests.
During the dark ages, Vin Diesel narrowly avoided being burned at the stake by building a bridge out of five witches.
Vin Diesel can talk into glass jars and close them, then open them to hear his own voice.
Vin Diesel gets indigestion after swallowing his pride.
Vin Diesel has the remote control to Arnold Schwarzenegger.
The Great Wall of China and Vin Diesel's toolshed are the only man-made objects visible from space.
While the telephone was actually invented by Vin Diesel, he traded the bragging rights and patent to Alexander G. Bell after losing a bet with him over who could drink the most molasses in five minutes.
Before Vin Diesel came to this planet, Earth did not spin.
Vin Diesel is protected under the Endangered Species Act.
Vin Diesel is currently working an internship with the Frank Gehry architecture partnership, he intends to play a key role in the design of the new King Alfred Swimming Pool complex in Brighton, England. On the opening night of the project he will secret himself at the bottom of the pool and drink the entire contents, along with any unwitting swimmers enjoying the new facilities. He says novice swimmers taste the best.
Vin Diesel can simply walk into Mordor.
Vin Diesel created the universe based off a drawing he made on a napkin.
Vin Diesel breathes in anthrax and breathes out fresh country air with a pine scent.
The mayor of Atlantis once refused to share a bag of peanuts with Vin Diesel, who subsequently sunk his continent and also put itching powder in his pajamas.
Vin Diesel's favorite food is macaroni and cheese. His favorite drink is orphan's blood.
Vin Diesel actually has hair, but its beauty can only be seen by the purest of heart.
When Vin Diesel wishes to mail a letter, he forces it down the throat of the nearest housepet, then hurls the animal in the direction of the recipient's house.
During the Cold War, the U.S. used Vin Diesel to challenge the USSR and Cuba to save the US from getting nuke'd.
Vin always forgets to put the new cover sheets on his TPS reports.
An anagram of Vin Diesel is evil dines.
Vin Diesel once dated Aphrodite, the Greek Goddess of Love. He had to break it off because, according to him, “she was too high maintenance.”
Vin Diesel sneezes in reverse.
Vin Diesel created rainbows to distract people before he punches them in the teeth.
Vin Diesel framed Roger Rabbit.
Vin Diesel was in India one day 2500 years ago and found some guy meditating under his favorite tree. Vin explained the nature of reality, karma and reincarnation to the man, who gained total enlightenment as a result. Then Vin said "Now get the **** away from my tree."
Vin Diesel was once part of the varangian guard of the Byzantine emperor, but he left to focus on his acting career, causing the fall of Constantinople.
Vin Diesel's protein shakes consist exclusively of battery acid.
Psalm 23 literally reads: Vin Diesel.
Vin Diesel invented the Swiss Army Knife. Then he founded Switzerland so there would be an army to use it.
Vin Diesel was originally cast for the role of Lassie, but was rejected when he refused to save Timmy from the depths of the well claiming, "those bricks made my butt chaff."
If Vin Diesel warns you on AOL instant messenger once, it hurts emotionally. If he has to warn you again, it may hurt physically.
If Vin Diesel falls down in the woods and no one is around to hear it, he will find the nearest person and accurately reconstruct the noise he made as he fell.
Vin Diesel once went around the world in 79 days.
Vin Diesel was the one that found Carmen Sandiego
All the weapons used in 'saving private Ryan' were borrowed from Vin Diesel
The dodo bird isn't extinct; Vin has all of them in his basement.
1 in 6 pinatas will contain Vin Diesel.
Vin Diesel jumped off a bridge because all his friends were doing it and survived.
Vin Diesel became the first person to succesfully swim across the globe without a single break. He completed this challenge in only 12 hours, and was able to make it back in time for dinner.
While Wolverine's bones are laced with Adamantium, Vin Diesel's bones are laced with 80's pop star Adam Ant.
Vin Diesel has been the writer for Wheel of Fortune for 32 years.
Vin Diesel won the Indianapolis 500 by riding a bike. He also won the Little 500 bike race by driving a car.
Vin Diesel invented the light bulb, but he really didn't mean to. He was in fact trying to create beer goggles for ostriches.
9 out of 10 scientists agree, the power of Vin Diesel's urine should be harnessed to replace fossil fuels. The tenth scientist was high-fived by Vin Diesel, causing fragments of his arm to accidentally press the "no" button.
Vin Diesel doesn't know what a hamburger is.
The eight fold path is actually an elaborate code that Vin Diesel devised as a youngster in order to give directions to his secret "no girls allowed" hideout.
Vin Diesel once swum the Atlantic in a motorised bathtub to rescue survivors from the Titanic.
Vin Diesel can reproduce asexually, by mitosis.
Vin Diesel is the world's best player of Spades. Even if you hold every spade in the deck, you will lose against Vin Diesel. Don't even try.
Vin Diesel encases the souls of his enemies in the bodies of Golden Retriever puppies.
When 7-11 ran out of cola-flavored Slurpees, Vin Diesel made a Slurpee out of the 7-11. But he poured out the gross hippie cashier before putting the lid on.
Is solely responsible for every flight in the history of the US space program. there is no such thing as rockets. he just stands beneath the shuttle and plunches it. the rest is pyrotechnics
During routine surgery it was discovered that the conditions inside Vin Diesel's heart are identical to those at the Mohorovic discontinuity.
Before you obey your thirst, you better obey Vin Diesel.
In the film Freddy vs Jason, Vin Diesel won.
Vin Diesel uses his powers for good *and* for awesome.
Vin Diesel has the power to turn himself invisible, but only when no one else is watching.
After watching Gigli, Vin Diesel was so enraged that he threatened to take away the music of Raffi from the people of Earth. After listening to Baby Beluga again, he reconsidered.
Vin Diesel regularly had unprotected sex with Magic Johnson and Freddie Mercury just to prove he's immune to the AIDS virus. Obviously, he was. Freddie Mercury died and Magic Johnson's talk show was a miserable failure, and Vin is as successful as ever.
Vin Diesel can listen to an audio CD by twirling it on his finger and licking the surface.
Vin Diesel killed the Dead Sea.
Vin Diesel has a summer house on the sun.
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Sincerely,
The Vault Dweller
I didn't knew you can write that much on a single post.
