The Angels Curse Chronicles (Closed)
How can I tell everyones to lazy to read it...
You know us too well 
I'll try to read it and leave comments over the next few days.
I'll try to read it and leave comments over the next few days.
Thanks
phew, i managed to read it...
and?
Clearly he's exhausted, man; give him a break. 
lol...
Read it, liked it. The story sounds promising
Sorry it isn't very constructive, but I just wanted to say it's good.
Sorry it isn't very constructive, but I just wanted to say it's good.
It's not my kind of story; I couldn't get into it. Just an example:
“Karl, come over here now! Put on this armour and help me!” I said in distress as the monsters attacked me. “The stuff you come up with, Kieron, just boost it up a little, then it will be to my liking,” Karl yells back at me as the next battalion of monsters comes to the battle. “Look Karl I don’t have enough power. Just help me you idiot!” I said in an alarming voice. “I don’t need you to tell me what to do! Just keep your mind on the battle at hand!” Karl quickly replies back at me as he put on the armour. Then I slice another and another “Yeah a combo Move” I say as I perform the combo move. Then Karl strikes. Then the creatures strike Karl and Karl does a counter attack on one of the monsters. But when one hits me I get a direct hit but I was alright. We kept on fighting for at least half an hour, which was when we finally finished off the last few beasts.
Things that make this hard to read:
1.Tense shifting. It's all right to do it on a chapter by chapter basis, but to mix past and present in a sentence... no good.
2.Dialogue. What the fudgeripple is an "alarming voice"
3.Description. I'm not a huge fan of drawing a scene for it's own sake, but here it'd be nice to "see" more of the action, beyond "wow, a combo move." Something along the lines of: "To an experienced warrior, a battle is a dance. Every slice, every parry, comes with precise timing, a step in the Waltz of Death. Of course, from afar, it never looks like this. Watching a fight, all I ever see is brutal, desperate thrusting, like dogs struggling to extinguish each other in some ghetto parlor." Maybe that's not so good (or grammatical, what with all the comma splicing). Hopefully, you can do me one better.
EDIT: But yeah, it gets better towards the end.
“Karl, come over here now! Put on this armour and help me!” I said in distress as the monsters attacked me. “The stuff you come up with, Kieron, just boost it up a little, then it will be to my liking,” Karl yells back at me as the next battalion of monsters comes to the battle. “Look Karl I don’t have enough power. Just help me you idiot!” I said in an alarming voice. “I don’t need you to tell me what to do! Just keep your mind on the battle at hand!” Karl quickly replies back at me as he put on the armour. Then I slice another and another “Yeah a combo Move” I say as I perform the combo move. Then Karl strikes. Then the creatures strike Karl and Karl does a counter attack on one of the monsters. But when one hits me I get a direct hit but I was alright. We kept on fighting for at least half an hour, which was when we finally finished off the last few beasts.
Things that make this hard to read:
1.Tense shifting. It's all right to do it on a chapter by chapter basis, but to mix past and present in a sentence... no good.
2.Dialogue. What the fudgeripple is an "alarming voice"
3.Description. I'm not a huge fan of drawing a scene for it's own sake, but here it'd be nice to "see" more of the action, beyond "wow, a combo move." Something along the lines of: "To an experienced warrior, a battle is a dance. Every slice, every parry, comes with precise timing, a step in the Waltz of Death. Of course, from afar, it never looks like this. Watching a fight, all I ever see is brutal, desperate thrusting, like dogs struggling to extinguish each other in some ghetto parlor." Maybe that's not so good (or grammatical, what with all the comma splicing). Hopefully, you can do me one better.
EDIT: But yeah, it gets better towards the end.
It gets much better you wait till you see Chapter 17
Youll See why I did the constant tense changes later, it was for a reason, and youll get used to it
Since someone actully read it and gave comments Ill give you more, from the later parts...
Chapter 15
The Sewers
After splitting up with Moiya and Arnichoi we headed swiftly to the capital using Ryu�s dragon, which was getting tiered by the minute. Although we had suspicions we never expected anything bad�
�There it is, The Capital.� I say pointing to the ground left of the dragon. �There looks like there is something wrong.� Chihiro says pointing to the smoke now seen bellowing from the town. �Dalmar must be there to protect the capital.� Ryu says starting to land the dragon inside the town. �Maybe, but maybe he is to blamed.� Karl says to our shock as we continue our rapid decent. �That can�t be true, Dalmar is a good person.� Chihiro says in disbelief. �I believe that true too, but suppose Karl is right. WAIT STOP!� I say before the dragon swoops upwards then hovers.
�What�s wrong?� Ryu says as we continue to hover. �If Karl is right and he is for some reason causing this, then with all his magic wouldn�t he of made a barrier to keep people out?� I say as the others agree with me. �Lets find out.� Chihiro says dropping one of her old staffs down into the city. As the small staff tumbles down into the airspace of the city we watch and wait. Until, Zap! The staff explodes with an almost blinding serge of light. �Wow, good thing we didn�t keep going.� Ryu says as the wisp of black smoke from the explosion reaches us. �Yeah, we should land and try to figure out how to get into the town.� Karl says looking at me. �Good idea, land there, there is a clearing.� I say agreeing with Karl then ordering Ryu. �Ok, lets go� Ryu says rapidly descending to the nearby clearing outside the town.
After we landed we then headed to the gates. Although impossible to see through the gates or, because of the spell, touch the gates, we could only hear the commotion. Despite we tried to contact the people on the inside.
�Hello! Are you alright in there� I yell trying to get the attention of those inside. �Hello who, who is it� A scared voice says from the other side of the tall gate. �We�re a party who want to help you defeat whatever is attacking you.� Karl yells back. �I can�t let you in and I can�t get out this barrier is too strong.� The voice yells. �Do you know any way we can get in?� Chihiro yells to the voice. �Try the Sewers! Ahh! No don�t kill me!� The voice yells before we hear a splatter of blood stain the other side of the gate. Then we heard a huge roar and stamping away from us. �He must have summoned some elementals! That could mean a lot more difficulty for us.� Ryu says recognizing the roar. �dang right. What did he say about the sewers?� I say thinking. �He said we might be able to enter via these �Sewers�. Should we try?� Karl says looking at the huge gate. �Im not sure, sewers? Who knows what could dwell down there?� Chihiro says afraid. �It�s better than nothing. And besides for centuries when a crisis has arisen in the capital people have fled to the sanctity of the deepest part of the sewers. So it should be safe for us� Ryu says with a laugh. �Ok, I guess its safe� Lets go then� Chihiro says with a change of tune.
We then walked around the walls of the capital until we finally found an entrance to the sewers; hastily we opened it up and headed into the sewers. First we crawled into the sewer via our entrance, a pipe with the least algae we could find, then as we entered all of the magic torches lit to give a pale yellow tinged light to the sewer. The sewer was more like a smelly moldy underground cave than a sewer. The hard stone corridors were totally covered in mould and the only thing suspending us from the grimy sludge bellow us was a rough wooden bridge. It was easy to see this sure wasn�t the deep clean part of the sewers but more of a muck hole. Across the river of sludge we could see the start of the deep sewers with a hard stone path and a half pipe type lid on the river of sludge. As we entered we coughed at the smell, it was nothing in this world.
�God! Karl was that you?� I say as a joke on the stench. �Before yes, but now no. This surely isn�t the deep, clean sewers I thought they were.� Karl says before covering his nose. �(Coughs) It sure isn�t! You said it wouldn�t stink.� Chihiro says complaining. �What did you expect a beauty salon!� Ryu says annoyed. �I never said that!� Chihiro argues back. �Stop fighting you two. I found these potions of numb near the entrance. If we use them we won�t need to smell it. And Ryu be a bit more tolerant, just because she didn�t expect it to be this bad doesn�t mean you can get mad at her.� I say breaking up the fight, before we drink the potions. �I know, god these potions work well� Ryu says drinking his potion before taking a deep nose breath in. �Just don�t do it again, lets go.� I say as we continue down the corridor.
We then headed further into the dimly lit caverns witch are the sewers. Not knowing of what we�d find. As we walked down the wooden paths we battled many sewer rats and sludge�s. But no matter how easy of hard these battles were, nothing could prepare us for what was to come�
�God this sewer seems to go on forever. Who knows what could be happening on the surface right now.� I say as we walk down the bridge. �We should get there soon. If my calculations are correct just around this corner should be an exit.� Ryu says looking around. �Good I just want to get out of these sewers. It is so, so, Dank.� Chihiro says frankly. �I know what you mean.� Karl says drawing his sword to look at it in boredom. �There it is!� I say pointing at the ladder emerged by us going around the corner. �Yay! I�m up first!� Chihiro says racing to the ladder. �What�s her rush?� I say before realizing the potion�s magical effect was running out. �God I know why.� Karl says as his potion also wears off. �I don�t see what�s�� Ryu says before also running to the ladder as his potion too had run out.
�It looks pretty high. I think two people should be able to climb at once.� I say before starting my investigation of the ladder. �Well I�m going up first.� Chihiro says starting to climb. �Me too� Ryu says running to the ladder also. �Wait it�s not stable!� I yell trying to warn them.
But to my dismay I was too late. The ladder fell into the water with Ryu and Chihiro with it. Worried I decided to try to help them before It was too late. But unfortunately it was to late and I only got a chance to chuck them two of the leftover bottles of the number. After they had drifted away from Karl and I, we then decided to try to find them, the old fashion way in an Rpg, a quest.
�Oh god we need to find her!� I say frantically. �Them, Them there is two of them� Karl says embarrassing me. �Yeah ok� he, he, Yeah two. So how are we going to find them then� I say emphasizing the word them. �I don�t know but in most Rpg�s when something like this happens it is usually classed as a quest. Being the Rpg world if we don�t class it as a quest it is classed as a player exit. So we better go find them� Karl says as I regain my self esteem. �Good thing too. There is no whey that we can get out this way anyway, So knowing the Rpg world if we do this as a quest it will lead us to an exit, lets go!� I say raising my sword. �There�s just one problem, we can�t get to the other side to look, this way has been a direct wrought to here. We need to get across this sludge� I say looking at the field of sludge. �Oh god looking at that reminded me of the (Coughs) Smell. Pass the other two potions, the ones we didn�t give to Chihiro and Ryu. �Ok here� I say giving one of the potions to Karl before we both drink it. �Thank you.� Karl says breathing in once more.
�Hello who�s there? I�m armed so don�t try anything stupid.� An odd muffled voice says from across the river. �We won�t our friends just got lost and we need to find them and get to the city. It is in grave danger.� I say to the voice. �Oh, ok, good, I thought you were someone here to steal my garbage! Good thing you weren�t no ones thrown anything good down here lately, Hell I don�t even have a sword. Im holding a grip with a cardboard cutout on it.� The voice says with a chortle as the man comes out into the light. �Ha, ha, ha, so do you know how we can get to the other side of this sludge? We need to find our friends, they got swept down that way, and because we can�t go any further this way we need to get across this river so we can continue down the sludge banks.� Karl asks the man. �Sure, I�ll get a rope.� The man says before leaving.
And so the man went to get the rope. We needed to save Chihiro and Ryu. Otherwise who knows what could have happened. They told me after that it was bad and that they argued a bit� Well a lot. Also the following is an extract from the visual diary of Chihiro.
About thirty to forty minutes after falling in the river of sludge we finally washed up on a cement bridge column, luckily it had a large wood ladder leading from the waste to the bridge above us. It was a welcome relive from almost drowning from other peoples, um, bodily extracts. I wanted to search for them one way but Ryu wanted to go another. This led to a major fight.
�Look a column! Lets try to grab it!� Chihiro says trying to keep her head emerged and point at the same time. �Ok, got it! Lets get out of this crappy river.� Ryu says trying to make a joke. �Mind your language in front of a lady, and besides, you�ve heart this rivers feelings� Chihiro says also trying to joke. �You can�t hurt a rivers feelings� Ryu says frustrated as he and Chihiro climb the ladder. �I know it was a joke!� Chihiro says annoyed as they get up in the bridge. �Look we need to find the others. I think we should go this way.� Ryu says changing the subject. �Who made you leader!� Chihiro says with outburst. �No one, im just assuming the position.� Ryu says arrogantly. This made Chihiro angry.
�WHAT! You can�t do that!� Chihiro says clenching her staff. �It looks like I just did!� Ryu says annoyed. �That�s it! Im going� Chihiro says walking off. �Fine go ahead! You won�t last a minute in this sewer alone! You�ll be back!� Ryu says turning the other way and walking of also.
A few minutes later the man came back with a long, strong rope, He then swung it up and it griped around one of the pipes above our head. Then we climbed it to the other side, said our thanks and goodbyes and went to search for Ryu and Chihiro. After realizing they weren�t in the water anymore we started the land search.
�Chihiro, Ryu! Can you hear us!� I yell worried. �There gone. There�s no way we can find them, we�ve been yelling for about an hour�� Karl says giving up. �Lets try it for a little longer� I say also pessimistic. �Chihiro, Ryu!� We both call ten or so times more before we get an answer. �Hello! Guys! Over here!� Chihiro yells, hearing our response. �Over there I heard something it might be them!� I say before we stop to listen. �! Im over here!� We hear Chihiro�s voice chime again. �Yes it�s them! Lets go!� I say before we both run to the voice.
Chihiro! We thought we�d lost you for good!� I say running up to hug Chihiro. �Where is Ryu?� Karl asks as I stop hugging Chihiro. �I�m not sure, we had a fight and split up.� Chihiro says to our alarm. �What you split up in the sewers! Were did you see him last?� I say alarmed. �I don�t know why it matters. He�s being a jerk. But I will still show you. Follow me� Chihiro says leading the party.
�It�s over here hurry� Chihiro says running. �We�re coming, we�re coming� Karl says running behind Chihiro. �Here this is where we split.� Chihiro says as we stop running. �I take it he went this way� I say pointing to the other direction. �Yes that�s the way. Let�s go!� Chihiro says before we all run over the bridge and into the other corridor. �Hey guys, Wow, who�s the hot girl. She one of your friends.� The man says emerging from the shadows. �Yep that�s one of them, Chihiro�s the name.� I say to the man. �You wouldn�t of happened to of seen another person down here, He�s yay high and has dragon scale armour on.� Karl says describing Ryu. �Now that you mention it I did see a guy like that.� The man says thinking. �Were was he?� Chihiro asks. �He was being attacked by that stink elemental Dalmar summoned to keep people bad people out of the sewer.� The man says questionably. �It must have been made to keep people from fleeing to the sewers! Can you tell us how to get to the stench elemental?� I say in realization. �Sure just follow me.� The man says before we all follow him to the elemental.
In a few moments he had led us to the fiend. We came just as Ryu was falling to the ground, fainted. The Stench elemental was large, It was a huge pile of animated waste. Although we still couldn�t smell we could tell it was the most horrible stench in the world, because of all the green clouds of smoke like stench clouds protruding from the elemental. Worried we drew our swords and prepared for battle.
�Let�s go!� I say starting the battle with a dark firestorm spell for 1000 damage. �Ok Karl Mimic it!� I say as Karl has second thoughts. �But if I cast the dark spell I will get the effect of the darkness. I think ill just attack normally.� Karl says slashing the beast for 157 damage. �My turn now! Staff Lightning!� Chihiro says slamming her staff on the elemental for 100 damage then it shocking it for an extra 250 damage. �When did you learn that?� I ask as the elemental prepares for it�s move. �I�ve had that for years, its just part of the process I took to stop the darkness from taking me over was by only casting the spells based on the dark attacks.� Chihiro says to my surprise. Then we turn away from our conversation to the fight were the Stench Elemental uses a regular attack for 153 on Karl. �Good, attacking wise he must be weak. We should be able to defeat it easily� I say slicing it for 250 damage which Karl mimics for another 250. �I know. This is so easy� Chihiro says using Staff Lightning again for a total of 368 damage. �Spiral Jab� The monster roars to our shock. �He talked, what�s a spiral�� Chihiro says being jabbed by the elemental for 1000 damage, fainting her. Next the attack continues on Karl for 1000, then knowing what is coming next I dodge the final blow to me, but it jabs my backpack.
�No my vial of smelly liquid.� I say seeing the vial flying through the air. The vial then falls and cracks near the Elemental, who breaths in� (Sniff) (Sniff) Then a small bit of the liquid comes out and starts to waft up into the sniffing Elementals nose� Then it says a single line. �What is that smell�� It says before shriveling up.
Chapter 16
Treachery
After the surprising faint of the Elemental the almost immediate hardening of the liquid covered up the crack in the bottle. A few minutes later my party member�s arose. After Ryu woke up Chihiro and him still fought. But I kept them apart from each other. After we climbed out of the sewer hundreds of fleeing civilians went down. As we ran around to the street with the palace we could see Dalmar pushing away the last guards with his powerful magic. Then he went into the palace, and we followed. This was it, we knew it was Dalmar; we knew he was going to the king and we knew we needed to stop him. So we drew our weapons and ran into the palace to defeat Dalmar�
�Die puny mortals! AND BOW TO YOUR GOD!� Dalmar says throwing the guards with his magic, brutally slaughtering them on impact. �God? What does he mean� I say running towards Dalmar. �I have a hunch, but ill tell you later for now we need to get Dalmar!� Chihiro says preparing herself for combat as she ran. �Lets go!� Ryu yells also drawing his weapon. Noticing us in our chase Dalmar crushed the walls and houses around us in an attempt to hinder our feeble attempts. But with a mighty roar Karl, using his sword cut the rocks as they pelted us. Noticing our continued effort Dalmar turned and ran for the palace. He ran further into the palace and into the throne room with us close behind. He turned to the king and sliced him down with a slash from his staff, and then he turned to us, with glowing eyes�
�YOU THINK YOU CAN DEFEAT ME?� He roars at us. At this we should strong not phased by his mental attack. �Where�s the egg? GIVE IT TO ME!� Dalmar continues roaring. �No! You�re not having it!� I say strengthening my stance. �Don�t want to give it to me eh? Well I�ll just have to take it!� Dalmar says drawing the egg from my backpack. �DRAGON HATCH!� Dalmar yells making the green dragon hatch and grow at an amazing rate. �How can he do that!� I yell in terror. �It�s the power of the magi�� Chihiro as Dalmar engages us. �Dark Blizzard!� I yell impaling Dalmar in ice for 2000 damage. With that we expected Dalmar to fall, not for the damage but because of the ice, but he didn�t, he fought back with the power of the magi! �Power of the magi! GUIDE ME!� He says with his hands held high. The within seconds of casting huge, thick lines of darkness shot out of his fingers giving 500 damage to everyone. Highly damaged Ryu calls his green dragon who smashes through the roof of the palace crushing the other green dragon before it can attack, then the dragon roared and grabbed the dragon taking it away with lightning speed. �Good move Green!� Ryu yells. �You may have defeated my dragon. BUT YOU WILL NEVER DEFEAT THE POWER OF THE MAGI!� Dalmar yells pointing his staff at Ryu. �My turn Inferno!� Chihiro says launching a huge stream of fire at Dalmar for 1000 damage. �Good job Chihiro, but now it�s my turn, Mimic!� Karl says mimicking Chihiro�s attack for another 1000 damage. �Feel the power! MAGI BLAST!� Dalmar says using a huge explosion to knock out Chihiro. �Ryu! Lets try a combined attack, I�ll power your whip up with my darkness then you attack!� I say preparing my spell. �Ok. Go!� Ryu says before I use my dark inferno to power his whip. Then with a crushing blow he takes a strike at Dalmar for 3000 damage, also melting the ice impaling Dalmar. �Finally its my turn again� Karl says slashing Dalmar for another 535.
The battle kept on raging for about an hour soon only Dalmar and I where fighting. Karl and Chihiro fell to one of his �Magi� Attacks Ryu fainted after Dalmar countered one of his attacks. Both tired we still fought on neither making a mistake.
�Your strong� BUT NOT STRONG ENOUGH!� Dalmar says launching another magi spell, which I dodge. �You will never win,� I softly say puffing. �Your body is saying otherwise NOW DIE� Dalmar says directly hitting me with magi attack for 5000 damage causing me to fall. �No� I, I, I WILL NOT FALTER!� I yell gritting my teeth and rising. �Nothing on this earth could survive that!� Dalmar says shocked. �Well im not from the this earth!� I yell razing my hands with new power. �YOU WILL DIE I COMMAND IT!� Dalmar says razing his staff. �No� HIDDEN POWER� I yell as I raise my sword into the air before jumping up and crushing it through his skull. This caused just enough damage to defeat Dalmar and win the battle. �How could you� How could you defeat me?� Dalmar says as he faints. �Well Dalmar I know this may sound stupid, but good always triumphs against evil in the end.� I say looking at my sword as my friends get up. �He�s defeated? Good work� But how did you do it?� Chihiro says looking at Dalmar. �Im not sure� It doesn�t matter let�s check on the king.� I say looking over the now blood-soaked throne.
Chapter 17
Complications
(
Chapter 15
The Sewers
After splitting up with Moiya and Arnichoi we headed swiftly to the capital using Ryu�s dragon, which was getting tiered by the minute. Although we had suspicions we never expected anything bad�
�There it is, The Capital.� I say pointing to the ground left of the dragon. �There looks like there is something wrong.� Chihiro says pointing to the smoke now seen bellowing from the town. �Dalmar must be there to protect the capital.� Ryu says starting to land the dragon inside the town. �Maybe, but maybe he is to blamed.� Karl says to our shock as we continue our rapid decent. �That can�t be true, Dalmar is a good person.� Chihiro says in disbelief. �I believe that true too, but suppose Karl is right. WAIT STOP!� I say before the dragon swoops upwards then hovers.
�What�s wrong?� Ryu says as we continue to hover. �If Karl is right and he is for some reason causing this, then with all his magic wouldn�t he of made a barrier to keep people out?� I say as the others agree with me. �Lets find out.� Chihiro says dropping one of her old staffs down into the city. As the small staff tumbles down into the airspace of the city we watch and wait. Until, Zap! The staff explodes with an almost blinding serge of light. �Wow, good thing we didn�t keep going.� Ryu says as the wisp of black smoke from the explosion reaches us. �Yeah, we should land and try to figure out how to get into the town.� Karl says looking at me. �Good idea, land there, there is a clearing.� I say agreeing with Karl then ordering Ryu. �Ok, lets go� Ryu says rapidly descending to the nearby clearing outside the town.
After we landed we then headed to the gates. Although impossible to see through the gates or, because of the spell, touch the gates, we could only hear the commotion. Despite we tried to contact the people on the inside.
�Hello! Are you alright in there� I yell trying to get the attention of those inside. �Hello who, who is it� A scared voice says from the other side of the tall gate. �We�re a party who want to help you defeat whatever is attacking you.� Karl yells back. �I can�t let you in and I can�t get out this barrier is too strong.� The voice yells. �Do you know any way we can get in?� Chihiro yells to the voice. �Try the Sewers! Ahh! No don�t kill me!� The voice yells before we hear a splatter of blood stain the other side of the gate. Then we heard a huge roar and stamping away from us. �He must have summoned some elementals! That could mean a lot more difficulty for us.� Ryu says recognizing the roar. �dang right. What did he say about the sewers?� I say thinking. �He said we might be able to enter via these �Sewers�. Should we try?� Karl says looking at the huge gate. �Im not sure, sewers? Who knows what could dwell down there?� Chihiro says afraid. �It�s better than nothing. And besides for centuries when a crisis has arisen in the capital people have fled to the sanctity of the deepest part of the sewers. So it should be safe for us� Ryu says with a laugh. �Ok, I guess its safe� Lets go then� Chihiro says with a change of tune.
We then walked around the walls of the capital until we finally found an entrance to the sewers; hastily we opened it up and headed into the sewers. First we crawled into the sewer via our entrance, a pipe with the least algae we could find, then as we entered all of the magic torches lit to give a pale yellow tinged light to the sewer. The sewer was more like a smelly moldy underground cave than a sewer. The hard stone corridors were totally covered in mould and the only thing suspending us from the grimy sludge bellow us was a rough wooden bridge. It was easy to see this sure wasn�t the deep clean part of the sewers but more of a muck hole. Across the river of sludge we could see the start of the deep sewers with a hard stone path and a half pipe type lid on the river of sludge. As we entered we coughed at the smell, it was nothing in this world.
�God! Karl was that you?� I say as a joke on the stench. �Before yes, but now no. This surely isn�t the deep, clean sewers I thought they were.� Karl says before covering his nose. �(Coughs) It sure isn�t! You said it wouldn�t stink.� Chihiro says complaining. �What did you expect a beauty salon!� Ryu says annoyed. �I never said that!� Chihiro argues back. �Stop fighting you two. I found these potions of numb near the entrance. If we use them we won�t need to smell it. And Ryu be a bit more tolerant, just because she didn�t expect it to be this bad doesn�t mean you can get mad at her.� I say breaking up the fight, before we drink the potions. �I know, god these potions work well� Ryu says drinking his potion before taking a deep nose breath in. �Just don�t do it again, lets go.� I say as we continue down the corridor.
We then headed further into the dimly lit caverns witch are the sewers. Not knowing of what we�d find. As we walked down the wooden paths we battled many sewer rats and sludge�s. But no matter how easy of hard these battles were, nothing could prepare us for what was to come�
�God this sewer seems to go on forever. Who knows what could be happening on the surface right now.� I say as we walk down the bridge. �We should get there soon. If my calculations are correct just around this corner should be an exit.� Ryu says looking around. �Good I just want to get out of these sewers. It is so, so, Dank.� Chihiro says frankly. �I know what you mean.� Karl says drawing his sword to look at it in boredom. �There it is!� I say pointing at the ladder emerged by us going around the corner. �Yay! I�m up first!� Chihiro says racing to the ladder. �What�s her rush?� I say before realizing the potion�s magical effect was running out. �God I know why.� Karl says as his potion also wears off. �I don�t see what�s�� Ryu says before also running to the ladder as his potion too had run out.
�It looks pretty high. I think two people should be able to climb at once.� I say before starting my investigation of the ladder. �Well I�m going up first.� Chihiro says starting to climb. �Me too� Ryu says running to the ladder also. �Wait it�s not stable!� I yell trying to warn them.
But to my dismay I was too late. The ladder fell into the water with Ryu and Chihiro with it. Worried I decided to try to help them before It was too late. But unfortunately it was to late and I only got a chance to chuck them two of the leftover bottles of the number. After they had drifted away from Karl and I, we then decided to try to find them, the old fashion way in an Rpg, a quest.
�Oh god we need to find her!� I say frantically. �Them, Them there is two of them� Karl says embarrassing me. �Yeah ok� he, he, Yeah two. So how are we going to find them then� I say emphasizing the word them. �I don�t know but in most Rpg�s when something like this happens it is usually classed as a quest. Being the Rpg world if we don�t class it as a quest it is classed as a player exit. So we better go find them� Karl says as I regain my self esteem. �Good thing too. There is no whey that we can get out this way anyway, So knowing the Rpg world if we do this as a quest it will lead us to an exit, lets go!� I say raising my sword. �There�s just one problem, we can�t get to the other side to look, this way has been a direct wrought to here. We need to get across this sludge� I say looking at the field of sludge. �Oh god looking at that reminded me of the (Coughs) Smell. Pass the other two potions, the ones we didn�t give to Chihiro and Ryu. �Ok here� I say giving one of the potions to Karl before we both drink it. �Thank you.� Karl says breathing in once more.
�Hello who�s there? I�m armed so don�t try anything stupid.� An odd muffled voice says from across the river. �We won�t our friends just got lost and we need to find them and get to the city. It is in grave danger.� I say to the voice. �Oh, ok, good, I thought you were someone here to steal my garbage! Good thing you weren�t no ones thrown anything good down here lately, Hell I don�t even have a sword. Im holding a grip with a cardboard cutout on it.� The voice says with a chortle as the man comes out into the light. �Ha, ha, ha, so do you know how we can get to the other side of this sludge? We need to find our friends, they got swept down that way, and because we can�t go any further this way we need to get across this river so we can continue down the sludge banks.� Karl asks the man. �Sure, I�ll get a rope.� The man says before leaving.
And so the man went to get the rope. We needed to save Chihiro and Ryu. Otherwise who knows what could have happened. They told me after that it was bad and that they argued a bit� Well a lot. Also the following is an extract from the visual diary of Chihiro.
About thirty to forty minutes after falling in the river of sludge we finally washed up on a cement bridge column, luckily it had a large wood ladder leading from the waste to the bridge above us. It was a welcome relive from almost drowning from other peoples, um, bodily extracts. I wanted to search for them one way but Ryu wanted to go another. This led to a major fight.
�Look a column! Lets try to grab it!� Chihiro says trying to keep her head emerged and point at the same time. �Ok, got it! Lets get out of this crappy river.� Ryu says trying to make a joke. �Mind your language in front of a lady, and besides, you�ve heart this rivers feelings� Chihiro says also trying to joke. �You can�t hurt a rivers feelings� Ryu says frustrated as he and Chihiro climb the ladder. �I know it was a joke!� Chihiro says annoyed as they get up in the bridge. �Look we need to find the others. I think we should go this way.� Ryu says changing the subject. �Who made you leader!� Chihiro says with outburst. �No one, im just assuming the position.� Ryu says arrogantly. This made Chihiro angry.
�WHAT! You can�t do that!� Chihiro says clenching her staff. �It looks like I just did!� Ryu says annoyed. �That�s it! Im going� Chihiro says walking off. �Fine go ahead! You won�t last a minute in this sewer alone! You�ll be back!� Ryu says turning the other way and walking of also.
A few minutes later the man came back with a long, strong rope, He then swung it up and it griped around one of the pipes above our head. Then we climbed it to the other side, said our thanks and goodbyes and went to search for Ryu and Chihiro. After realizing they weren�t in the water anymore we started the land search.
�Chihiro, Ryu! Can you hear us!� I yell worried. �There gone. There�s no way we can find them, we�ve been yelling for about an hour�� Karl says giving up. �Lets try it for a little longer� I say also pessimistic. �Chihiro, Ryu!� We both call ten or so times more before we get an answer. �Hello! Guys! Over here!� Chihiro yells, hearing our response. �Over there I heard something it might be them!� I say before we stop to listen. �! Im over here!� We hear Chihiro�s voice chime again. �Yes it�s them! Lets go!� I say before we both run to the voice.
Chihiro! We thought we�d lost you for good!� I say running up to hug Chihiro. �Where is Ryu?� Karl asks as I stop hugging Chihiro. �I�m not sure, we had a fight and split up.� Chihiro says to our alarm. �What you split up in the sewers! Were did you see him last?� I say alarmed. �I don�t know why it matters. He�s being a jerk. But I will still show you. Follow me� Chihiro says leading the party.
�It�s over here hurry� Chihiro says running. �We�re coming, we�re coming� Karl says running behind Chihiro. �Here this is where we split.� Chihiro says as we stop running. �I take it he went this way� I say pointing to the other direction. �Yes that�s the way. Let�s go!� Chihiro says before we all run over the bridge and into the other corridor. �Hey guys, Wow, who�s the hot girl. She one of your friends.� The man says emerging from the shadows. �Yep that�s one of them, Chihiro�s the name.� I say to the man. �You wouldn�t of happened to of seen another person down here, He�s yay high and has dragon scale armour on.� Karl says describing Ryu. �Now that you mention it I did see a guy like that.� The man says thinking. �Were was he?� Chihiro asks. �He was being attacked by that stink elemental Dalmar summoned to keep people bad people out of the sewer.� The man says questionably. �It must have been made to keep people from fleeing to the sewers! Can you tell us how to get to the stench elemental?� I say in realization. �Sure just follow me.� The man says before we all follow him to the elemental.
In a few moments he had led us to the fiend. We came just as Ryu was falling to the ground, fainted. The Stench elemental was large, It was a huge pile of animated waste. Although we still couldn�t smell we could tell it was the most horrible stench in the world, because of all the green clouds of smoke like stench clouds protruding from the elemental. Worried we drew our swords and prepared for battle.
�Let�s go!� I say starting the battle with a dark firestorm spell for 1000 damage. �Ok Karl Mimic it!� I say as Karl has second thoughts. �But if I cast the dark spell I will get the effect of the darkness. I think ill just attack normally.� Karl says slashing the beast for 157 damage. �My turn now! Staff Lightning!� Chihiro says slamming her staff on the elemental for 100 damage then it shocking it for an extra 250 damage. �When did you learn that?� I ask as the elemental prepares for it�s move. �I�ve had that for years, its just part of the process I took to stop the darkness from taking me over was by only casting the spells based on the dark attacks.� Chihiro says to my surprise. Then we turn away from our conversation to the fight were the Stench Elemental uses a regular attack for 153 on Karl. �Good, attacking wise he must be weak. We should be able to defeat it easily� I say slicing it for 250 damage which Karl mimics for another 250. �I know. This is so easy� Chihiro says using Staff Lightning again for a total of 368 damage. �Spiral Jab� The monster roars to our shock. �He talked, what�s a spiral�� Chihiro says being jabbed by the elemental for 1000 damage, fainting her. Next the attack continues on Karl for 1000, then knowing what is coming next I dodge the final blow to me, but it jabs my backpack.
�No my vial of smelly liquid.� I say seeing the vial flying through the air. The vial then falls and cracks near the Elemental, who breaths in� (Sniff) (Sniff) Then a small bit of the liquid comes out and starts to waft up into the sniffing Elementals nose� Then it says a single line. �What is that smell�� It says before shriveling up.
Chapter 16
Treachery
After the surprising faint of the Elemental the almost immediate hardening of the liquid covered up the crack in the bottle. A few minutes later my party member�s arose. After Ryu woke up Chihiro and him still fought. But I kept them apart from each other. After we climbed out of the sewer hundreds of fleeing civilians went down. As we ran around to the street with the palace we could see Dalmar pushing away the last guards with his powerful magic. Then he went into the palace, and we followed. This was it, we knew it was Dalmar; we knew he was going to the king and we knew we needed to stop him. So we drew our weapons and ran into the palace to defeat Dalmar�
�Die puny mortals! AND BOW TO YOUR GOD!� Dalmar says throwing the guards with his magic, brutally slaughtering them on impact. �God? What does he mean� I say running towards Dalmar. �I have a hunch, but ill tell you later for now we need to get Dalmar!� Chihiro says preparing herself for combat as she ran. �Lets go!� Ryu yells also drawing his weapon. Noticing us in our chase Dalmar crushed the walls and houses around us in an attempt to hinder our feeble attempts. But with a mighty roar Karl, using his sword cut the rocks as they pelted us. Noticing our continued effort Dalmar turned and ran for the palace. He ran further into the palace and into the throne room with us close behind. He turned to the king and sliced him down with a slash from his staff, and then he turned to us, with glowing eyes�
�YOU THINK YOU CAN DEFEAT ME?� He roars at us. At this we should strong not phased by his mental attack. �Where�s the egg? GIVE IT TO ME!� Dalmar continues roaring. �No! You�re not having it!� I say strengthening my stance. �Don�t want to give it to me eh? Well I�ll just have to take it!� Dalmar says drawing the egg from my backpack. �DRAGON HATCH!� Dalmar yells making the green dragon hatch and grow at an amazing rate. �How can he do that!� I yell in terror. �It�s the power of the magi�� Chihiro as Dalmar engages us. �Dark Blizzard!� I yell impaling Dalmar in ice for 2000 damage. With that we expected Dalmar to fall, not for the damage but because of the ice, but he didn�t, he fought back with the power of the magi! �Power of the magi! GUIDE ME!� He says with his hands held high. The within seconds of casting huge, thick lines of darkness shot out of his fingers giving 500 damage to everyone. Highly damaged Ryu calls his green dragon who smashes through the roof of the palace crushing the other green dragon before it can attack, then the dragon roared and grabbed the dragon taking it away with lightning speed. �Good move Green!� Ryu yells. �You may have defeated my dragon. BUT YOU WILL NEVER DEFEAT THE POWER OF THE MAGI!� Dalmar yells pointing his staff at Ryu. �My turn Inferno!� Chihiro says launching a huge stream of fire at Dalmar for 1000 damage. �Good job Chihiro, but now it�s my turn, Mimic!� Karl says mimicking Chihiro�s attack for another 1000 damage. �Feel the power! MAGI BLAST!� Dalmar says using a huge explosion to knock out Chihiro. �Ryu! Lets try a combined attack, I�ll power your whip up with my darkness then you attack!� I say preparing my spell. �Ok. Go!� Ryu says before I use my dark inferno to power his whip. Then with a crushing blow he takes a strike at Dalmar for 3000 damage, also melting the ice impaling Dalmar. �Finally its my turn again� Karl says slashing Dalmar for another 535.
The battle kept on raging for about an hour soon only Dalmar and I where fighting. Karl and Chihiro fell to one of his �Magi� Attacks Ryu fainted after Dalmar countered one of his attacks. Both tired we still fought on neither making a mistake.
�Your strong� BUT NOT STRONG ENOUGH!� Dalmar says launching another magi spell, which I dodge. �You will never win,� I softly say puffing. �Your body is saying otherwise NOW DIE� Dalmar says directly hitting me with magi attack for 5000 damage causing me to fall. �No� I, I, I WILL NOT FALTER!� I yell gritting my teeth and rising. �Nothing on this earth could survive that!� Dalmar says shocked. �Well im not from the this earth!� I yell razing my hands with new power. �YOU WILL DIE I COMMAND IT!� Dalmar says razing his staff. �No� HIDDEN POWER� I yell as I raise my sword into the air before jumping up and crushing it through his skull. This caused just enough damage to defeat Dalmar and win the battle. �How could you� How could you defeat me?� Dalmar says as he faints. �Well Dalmar I know this may sound stupid, but good always triumphs against evil in the end.� I say looking at my sword as my friends get up. �He�s defeated? Good work� But how did you do it?� Chihiro says looking at Dalmar. �Im not sure� It doesn�t matter let�s check on the king.� I say looking over the now blood-soaked throne.
Chapter 17
Complications
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And once again were all to lazy to read it, I swear...
i'll take responsability for all who were all to lazy to read it if you are one of those ppl then MOVE TO AUTRALIA
the first part were interesting
the first part were interesting
Um im Australian...
