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I feel as though I'm largely responsible for the community withering. I am so very sorry for that.
By now, the struggle should have been over. That's what I had convinced myself, at least. But no. Work continues to elude me, even after 7 months of looking. I remain stuck with the same car I've been "borrowing" for nearly two years now, since I don't have the means to supply myself with one of my own... and it'll likely be many months before I can, even if I'm employed tomorrow. My romantic life is never what I want it to be, and at this point I'm not even sure what it is that I want. I put aside the girl I had seen for a while in favor of someone that makes me smile just as much as she makes me cringe. The thought of having sex induces ecstasy; having sex induces apathy. My interest in school and the field I'm studying has waned for quite some time. The will to accomplish anything, even to write this, is often slim. Having fun or doing anything interesting with my time is paltry to me, which is strange given that I have so much time to do what I please. I do all that I know to do to get what I need, and not much else at the moment.
Perhaps when I have a job again, I'll feel that push, that encouragement I need. And believe me, even if everything else seems inane, I am trying as much as I can to find work. That's been the story for a while. Not much longer, I'm sure. Not much longer...
By now, the struggle should have been over. That's what I had convinced myself, at least. But no. Work continues to elude me, even after 7 months of looking. I remain stuck with the same car I've been "borrowing" for nearly two years now, since I don't have the means to supply myself with one of my own... and it'll likely be many months before I can, even if I'm employed tomorrow. My romantic life is never what I want it to be, and at this point I'm not even sure what it is that I want. I put aside the girl I had seen for a while in favor of someone that makes me smile just as much as she makes me cringe. The thought of having sex induces ecstasy; having sex induces apathy. My interest in school and the field I'm studying has waned for quite some time. The will to accomplish anything, even to write this, is often slim. Having fun or doing anything interesting with my time is paltry to me, which is strange given that I have so much time to do what I please. I do all that I know to do to get what I need, and not much else at the moment.
Perhaps when I have a job again, I'll feel that push, that encouragement I need. And believe me, even if everything else seems inane, I am trying as much as I can to find work. That's been the story for a while. Not much longer, I'm sure. Not much longer...
