Reply to Re: Paradise Island: Part 2
If you don't have an account, just leave the password field blank.
Sorry to take so long to comment. Been extremely busy for a while...
The story as a whole so far (I looked up part 1, because I couldn't understand what was going on) is a bit fast for my taste. I like my stories with a bit more description of the scenery, the characters, what goes on inside them (psychic processes), etc. Just a bit more than the superficial action and conversation. This is a bit heavy on the dialogues.
Also, you do not tell anything at all about the characters (apart form names), but that could be a narrator's device. At this point in the story I either get very curious about who the *bleep* are the main characters, who are the black watch (or something) etc.
You certainly have writers' potential, so keep trying. Maybe you could post your next part with less typos?
The story as a whole so far (I looked up part 1, because I couldn't understand what was going on) is a bit fast for my taste. I like my stories with a bit more description of the scenery, the characters, what goes on inside them (psychic processes), etc. Just a bit more than the superficial action and conversation. This is a bit heavy on the dialogues.
Also, you do not tell anything at all about the characters (apart form names), but that could be a narrator's device. At this point in the story I either get very curious about who the *bleep* are the main characters, who are the black watch (or something) etc.
You certainly have writers' potential, so keep trying. Maybe you could post your next part with less typos?
