Paradise Island: Part 2
"Come on, we won't let our friend go there alone, would we", Ralph spoke in a true leader's way
The three boys were now right behind me. We carefully approached the cracked window and got to know exactly the starting position of the golden light. Together we lifted the broken real wheel of the plane which had ended up straight in front of that window after the crash.
"LOOK, what in the world are these?", Mark spoke who was the one who plunged his hand through the large crack and took some of of those sparkling pieces of metal.
"DIAMONS they are DIAMONDS",Mark shouted
"What rubbish. Have you ever seen golden diamonds? This is gold. But how did these glittering pieces of gold end up here?",Ralph sopke
"This is peculiar!",Martin said
"What?",I asked
"Look at the markings on the plane. MX-123",Martin
"Yes, I remember quite well that our flight's markings were MY-456", I replied
"Are you sure?",Ralph asked
"Yes. Wait a minute, I have still go the ticket with me. Let me check it out.", I replied
"Its MY-456, isn't it" Ralph asked
"Yes it is.", I replied after gazing my eyes through that torn ticket
As I said these words a bullet whistled past me from nowhere. Not waiting for a second to think what actually had happened we rushed towards the tree cover with full steam and stopped only until we though that there were no chances anymore of getting hit by a bullet as it was a very dense forest.
"I don't think we are in a spot of bother here. That debris was'nt of our aircraft and now someone is also trying to terminate us after seeing that we had discovered what we shouldn't actually had sen", Ralph spoke calmly while the others still hadn't had the wits around them to even utter a word
"We...we...we shou..should hu..hurr..huryy back to o..our base", Martin spoke in a very terrified voice
"Are you crazy or what! If they see us on you r way back though the clearing, only our dead bodies would resturn to our camp. I wonder even if they would even return to the camp", I shouted as Martin started crying
"Don't terrify him anymore. We need to work out a plan here", Ralph shouted at me
"Common here, gee up, this isn't the momont for crying. We need a plan here. Any ideas anyone?", Ralph spoke
"I have an idea Ralph. I have just spotted something, pass me the binoculors",I sopke in a very low voice
"Aha!", I said cheerfully
"What?", Martin spoke in an angry tone
"Look at that tower over there to the east, there is a guard there ready to shoot anyone he spots."
"Pass those binoculors to me."Ralph said
"That armband, thats the same that I say on the aircrafts wheel", Ralph said
"I know that. I remember it two. Oh my god, he's a member of the Black cat Guards" Mark started saying. He was getting ready to narrate a story.
I have tried my best. Writing stories is my hobby and I hope I am getting better. Any suggestion, modifications?
The three boys were now right behind me. We carefully approached the cracked window and got to know exactly the starting position of the golden light. Together we lifted the broken real wheel of the plane which had ended up straight in front of that window after the crash.
"LOOK, what in the world are these?", Mark spoke who was the one who plunged his hand through the large crack and took some of of those sparkling pieces of metal.
"DIAMONS they are DIAMONDS",Mark shouted
"What rubbish. Have you ever seen golden diamonds? This is gold. But how did these glittering pieces of gold end up here?",Ralph sopke
"This is peculiar!",Martin said
"What?",I asked
"Look at the markings on the plane. MX-123",Martin
"Yes, I remember quite well that our flight's markings were MY-456", I replied
"Are you sure?",Ralph asked
"Yes. Wait a minute, I have still go the ticket with me. Let me check it out.", I replied
"Its MY-456, isn't it" Ralph asked
"Yes it is.", I replied after gazing my eyes through that torn ticket
As I said these words a bullet whistled past me from nowhere. Not waiting for a second to think what actually had happened we rushed towards the tree cover with full steam and stopped only until we though that there were no chances anymore of getting hit by a bullet as it was a very dense forest.
"I don't think we are in a spot of bother here. That debris was'nt of our aircraft and now someone is also trying to terminate us after seeing that we had discovered what we shouldn't actually had sen", Ralph spoke calmly while the others still hadn't had the wits around them to even utter a word
"We...we...we shou..should hu..hurr..huryy back to o..our base", Martin spoke in a very terrified voice
"Are you crazy or what! If they see us on you r way back though the clearing, only our dead bodies would resturn to our camp. I wonder even if they would even return to the camp", I shouted as Martin started crying
"Don't terrify him anymore. We need to work out a plan here", Ralph shouted at me
"Common here, gee up, this isn't the momont for crying. We need a plan here. Any ideas anyone?", Ralph spoke
"I have an idea Ralph. I have just spotted something, pass me the binoculors",I sopke in a very low voice
"Aha!", I said cheerfully
"What?", Martin spoke in an angry tone
"Look at that tower over there to the east, there is a guard there ready to shoot anyone he spots."
"Pass those binoculors to me."Ralph said
"That armband, thats the same that I say on the aircrafts wheel", Ralph said
"I know that. I remember it two. Oh my god, he's a member of the Black cat Guards" Mark started saying. He was getting ready to narrate a story.
I have tried my best. Writing stories is my hobby and I hope I am getting better. Any suggestion, modifications?
Didn't read part 1 yet, and frankly don't really have the time.
Man this isn't a novel. Won't take more than 5 minutes to read through( 1 minute if you are an average speed reader).
But anyway I will keep on posting the rest half of the story.
But anyway I will keep on posting the rest half of the story.
Sorry to take so long to comment. Been extremely busy for a while...
The story as a whole so far (I looked up part 1, because I couldn't understand what was going on) is a bit fast for my taste. I like my stories with a bit more description of the scenery, the characters, what goes on inside them (psychic processes), etc. Just a bit more than the superficial action and conversation. This is a bit heavy on the dialogues.
Also, you do not tell anything at all about the characters (apart form names), but that could be a narrator's device. At this point in the story I either get very curious about who the *bleep* are the main characters, who are the black watch (or something) etc.
You certainly have writers' potential, so keep trying. Maybe you could post your next part with less typos?
The story as a whole so far (I looked up part 1, because I couldn't understand what was going on) is a bit fast for my taste. I like my stories with a bit more description of the scenery, the characters, what goes on inside them (psychic processes), etc. Just a bit more than the superficial action and conversation. This is a bit heavy on the dialogues.
Also, you do not tell anything at all about the characters (apart form names), but that could be a narrator's device. At this point in the story I either get very curious about who the *bleep* are the main characters, who are the black watch (or something) etc.
You certainly have writers' potential, so keep trying. Maybe you could post your next part with less typos?
i'm sorry but that story stinks. no offence but you really need to improve your vocabulary and writing skills. 
and your grammar is totally wrong too.
and your grammar is totally wrong too.
