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--Crazy Old Tim Plays All the DMODs--
Directory
1998 | HTML version
1999 | HTML version
2000 | HTML version
2001 | Article version
2002 | Article version
2004
2005
2006
2007
2008-2009
2010
2011-2015
You try rinsing it out, you try scrubbing it out, but you just can't get rid of Crazy Old Tim Plays All the DMODs! I'm your host, "Man With Kittens."
Yay, kittens!
2003 was another year that saw the release of a great many DMODs (there are 36 of them on my list). This includes three that I have played before: "World of DinkC," "Green Voice in My Head" (a favorite of mine), and "Dink Goes Boating," the last DMOD by Simon Klaebe. I sampled these three during a visit in 2006; they are the last DMODs I have ever previously played, with the exception of a few 2014 releases. It's not a coincidence that they are also the 2003 releases with a score of over 9.0.
The "Evil Hero" contest also took place this year, producing five entries. On the other end of the spectrum, "Ghosts of the Cast: The Quest for the Axe of Destruction" (quite a title) is so poorly-regarded that its only review gives it a rating of 0.1. The Dink train rolls on.
145: Dink's Father 1: Quest for the Scroll Author: Mads Baardsgaard Release Date: January 3, 2003
"The wizard has throwed a spell on me!!"
Of the several loose ends left dangling by the original game, Dink's father is surely the most interesting. While Dink's mother assures him that his dad was a simple farmer, the wizard in the secret ice castle will tell you that Dink's line is associated with powerful magic. It's quite intriguing, and if anyone were to make a Dink Smallwood 2, I think it would be a shame not to pick up this plot thread.
"Dink's Father" does not, however. I'd bet that the author never even noticed it. It's implied in the original game that Dink's father is dead, but there's no mention of that here. I'd be willing to buy a revelation that Dink's pop is alive after all, but this DMOD doesn't bother to do that; instead, it opens with Dink going to search for him as if he'd just wandered out one day and never come back.
What can I really say about this one? I like what scratcher had to say in his review: "In a few words, this dmod sucks horribly." I've gone back and forth over whether to hand out the Award of Badness - I've decided against it, but I think this is as bad as a DMOD could possibly get without deserving the DFMAOB.
There are 110 map screens, but the map is mostly very empty. Even an area called the "dungeons of doom" is just a very simple maze with no enemies until some skippable ones on the final screen.
There is some combat, but it's all made incredibly easy by a light sword you're forced to get early on. Everything dies in one hit except for a couple of bosses, which are also impossible to lose to without trying despite taking many hits to kill. Everything has to be done in a precise order to progress, and there's no way for the player to figure this out but through trial and error. If you talk to an NPC or examine an item when it isn't the time to do so, they will simply fail to respond. Sometimes Dink will not be frozen during a conversation, and you'll have to sit around and wait for the text to disappear before the story will advance. Some things don't work at all. In particular, one item's script is not attached properly, making the DMOD impossible to finish without cheating. Some walls are placed poorly and not screenmatched, so you'll run into them seemingly at random.
The mod is longer than you'd expect. The author says he spent six months on it. All of the events in the game quickly blend together in my mind, however. It's all so dull and makes so little sense. The author displays a basic lack of understanding of Dink's world, mentioning Hawaii and the year 1974.
You'll "let him live?" I think that ship has sailed even further away than "the Hawaii" at this point.
This is supposed to be a volcano. At least it animates properly.
If you do cheat and reach the end, Dink will save his father from a bizarre spell where he has to stand on a non-animating explosion forever. Dink's dad invites Dink to live with him, and Dink agrees. It's not an ending that really demands a sequel, let alone two.
You may wonder why I haven't come down harder on this one when I've had nothing positive to say about it. Well, it certainly fails to reach mediocrity, but I've learned to distinguish between levels of terrible. The majority of this mod has a basic sort of coherence that is missing from the DFMAOB recipients. There are no "invisible wall" screen edges. The story, while boring and stupid, makes sense, using a strict definition of the word "sense." There are some catchy MIDIs.
I hope that, somewhere along the line, some kind of justice is done to this concept. I'm not holding my breath for it in the rest of this trilogy, though.
Directory
1998 | HTML version
1999 | HTML version
2000 | HTML version
2001 | Article version
2002 | Article version
2004
2005
2006
2007
2008-2009
2010
2011-2015
You try rinsing it out, you try scrubbing it out, but you just can't get rid of Crazy Old Tim Plays All the DMODs! I'm your host, "Man With Kittens."
Yay, kittens!
2003 was another year that saw the release of a great many DMODs (there are 36 of them on my list). This includes three that I have played before: "World of DinkC," "Green Voice in My Head" (a favorite of mine), and "Dink Goes Boating," the last DMOD by Simon Klaebe. I sampled these three during a visit in 2006; they are the last DMODs I have ever previously played, with the exception of a few 2014 releases. It's not a coincidence that they are also the 2003 releases with a score of over 9.0.
The "Evil Hero" contest also took place this year, producing five entries. On the other end of the spectrum, "Ghosts of the Cast: The Quest for the Axe of Destruction" (quite a title) is so poorly-regarded that its only review gives it a rating of 0.1. The Dink train rolls on.
145: Dink's Father 1: Quest for the Scroll Author: Mads Baardsgaard Release Date: January 3, 2003
"The wizard has throwed a spell on me!!"
Of the several loose ends left dangling by the original game, Dink's father is surely the most interesting. While Dink's mother assures him that his dad was a simple farmer, the wizard in the secret ice castle will tell you that Dink's line is associated with powerful magic. It's quite intriguing, and if anyone were to make a Dink Smallwood 2, I think it would be a shame not to pick up this plot thread.
"Dink's Father" does not, however. I'd bet that the author never even noticed it. It's implied in the original game that Dink's father is dead, but there's no mention of that here. I'd be willing to buy a revelation that Dink's pop is alive after all, but this DMOD doesn't bother to do that; instead, it opens with Dink going to search for him as if he'd just wandered out one day and never come back.
What can I really say about this one? I like what scratcher had to say in his review: "In a few words, this dmod sucks horribly." I've gone back and forth over whether to hand out the Award of Badness - I've decided against it, but I think this is as bad as a DMOD could possibly get without deserving the DFMAOB.
There are 110 map screens, but the map is mostly very empty. Even an area called the "dungeons of doom" is just a very simple maze with no enemies until some skippable ones on the final screen.
There is some combat, but it's all made incredibly easy by a light sword you're forced to get early on. Everything dies in one hit except for a couple of bosses, which are also impossible to lose to without trying despite taking many hits to kill. Everything has to be done in a precise order to progress, and there's no way for the player to figure this out but through trial and error. If you talk to an NPC or examine an item when it isn't the time to do so, they will simply fail to respond. Sometimes Dink will not be frozen during a conversation, and you'll have to sit around and wait for the text to disappear before the story will advance. Some things don't work at all. In particular, one item's script is not attached properly, making the DMOD impossible to finish without cheating. Some walls are placed poorly and not screenmatched, so you'll run into them seemingly at random.
The mod is longer than you'd expect. The author says he spent six months on it. All of the events in the game quickly blend together in my mind, however. It's all so dull and makes so little sense. The author displays a basic lack of understanding of Dink's world, mentioning Hawaii and the year 1974.
You'll "let him live?" I think that ship has sailed even further away than "the Hawaii" at this point.
This is supposed to be a volcano. At least it animates properly.
If you do cheat and reach the end, Dink will save his father from a bizarre spell where he has to stand on a non-animating explosion forever. Dink's dad invites Dink to live with him, and Dink agrees. It's not an ending that really demands a sequel, let alone two.
You may wonder why I haven't come down harder on this one when I've had nothing positive to say about it. Well, it certainly fails to reach mediocrity, but I've learned to distinguish between levels of terrible. The majority of this mod has a basic sort of coherence that is missing from the DFMAOB recipients. There are no "invisible wall" screen edges. The story, while boring and stupid, makes sense, using a strict definition of the word "sense." There are some catchy MIDIs.
I hope that, somewhere along the line, some kind of justice is done to this concept. I'm not holding my breath for it in the rest of this trilogy, though.
