Reply to Re: Remember, when I was all whiny and depressed?
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There is only one drug that can cure depression permanently, namely tiger blood. If you take it once, it will kill you, unless you are Charlie Sheen, but if you manage to survive, you'll never be depressed again. To obtain it, first, you need to kill a tiger and drain all of its blood, then have a witch doctor drain out all of your blood and replace it with the blood from the tiger. The only witch doctors who know how to perform this procedure are found deep in the jungles of Africa, where they speak a language consisting entirely of clicking sounds. If successful, not only will your depression be cured, but you will become a warlock with magical powers, a rock star from Mars with Adonis DNA.
There are a few side effects: if you have a job, your boss will fire you, the media will cover your story and be making fun of you for about a month, and if you are dating anyone or married to anyone, you'll get dumped and/or divorced. Then you'll start doing a stand-up comedy tour and fail miserably, with the audiences all booing you and walking out in disgust at how unfunny you are. However, several months after your successful treatment, you will be the star of a Comedy Central roast hosted by Seth MacFarlane, creator of Family Guy, and Mike Tyson of all people will show up to make fun of you. After that, who knows what happens... by that point, nobody will care anymore, and the media won't cover you anymore either, but reruns of your TV show will be syndicated all over TV, with a new actor replacing you. And then the actor who replaced you on the show will get divorced for cheating on his wife, and people will talk about him instead of you. And then you'll get depressed again... turns out this "cure" for depression wasn't all it was cracked up to be... so to find something that IS what it's cracked up to be, you'll start smoking crack again.
There are a few side effects: if you have a job, your boss will fire you, the media will cover your story and be making fun of you for about a month, and if you are dating anyone or married to anyone, you'll get dumped and/or divorced. Then you'll start doing a stand-up comedy tour and fail miserably, with the audiences all booing you and walking out in disgust at how unfunny you are. However, several months after your successful treatment, you will be the star of a Comedy Central roast hosted by Seth MacFarlane, creator of Family Guy, and Mike Tyson of all people will show up to make fun of you. After that, who knows what happens... by that point, nobody will care anymore, and the media won't cover you anymore either, but reruns of your TV show will be syndicated all over TV, with a new actor replacing you. And then the actor who replaced you on the show will get divorced for cheating on his wife, and people will talk about him instead of you. And then you'll get depressed again... turns out this "cure" for depression wasn't all it was cracked up to be... so to find something that IS what it's cracked up to be, you'll start smoking crack again.
