The Dink Network

I've become grass, everyone.

Cows are mean, aren't they?

They're friendly. Their mouths are not, though.

I've heard that can happen if you smoke too much of it.

Then I need to atone for my sins among the grass by learning their ways before I can go back to normal?

You must be the part of a group. Swing in harmony with others when the wind blows. Hide bugs from the eyes of the people. Welcome dogs when they come sniffing, and be prepared for what is to come...

Darn I forgot I have to mow the lawn. Did someone hear screaming?

You must be the part of a group. Swing in harmony with others when the wind blows. Hide bugs from the eyes of the people. Welcome dogs when they come sniffing, and be prepared for what is to come...

That sounds like a lot of effort. Do you think they'll accept me? I don't want to offend them if I get their traditions wrong.

Darn I forgot I have to mow the lawn. Did someone hear screaming?

Don't worry. Apparently, grass that grows in one's lawn are of a traitorous group. When they are mowed, it was because of their abandonment of the true grass. I am within a holy graze - far from any lawnmowers. It is us who share eternal salvation, not the lawnkin. Or, so they say. To me, it seems like they leave because they are shunned. The lawnkin are not the same as the holy graze. They want to be clean, cut, and prosper without fear of the great wildfire. It's rather sad, but I don't think it would be wise to try and change things...not when I am so new to the culture in the first place, not being grass to begin with. Not spiritually, at least. I hear that if they accept me, I will be given a grass's soul and become a true part of the holy graze. But I don't know if I want that. I just want to be forgiven so I can be as I once was.

I'd play a game or watch a movie about that.

To iron out your creases, must we lacerate you till they're gone?

I'm sure there will be a documentary if I ever un-grass and try to convince people this all happened.

An update though, I'm not too sure I want to un-grass. The princess of weeds is pretty and she wants to run away from the Holy Graze to start a lawn together. There's some construction going on about three or so miles away to build a new neighbourhood and it might be the best place we can escape to now. The Holy Graze would never step root in an unsanctioned section of dirt in fear of becoming tainted, so by the time we finish our lawn, we should be able to fend off any attacks by them if they choose to.

From a country music sensation to grass.

I'd say you're progressing.

Maybe. Country music isn't really all that popular is it?

Perhaps when we make a home away from the Holy Graze, i can start a grass whistling group.

But about that home away from the Holy Graze, we've been preparing for it. Not easy to gather supplies right now as the Graze is actually preparing to expand their territory to a nearby field. Pretty big reason why we're preparing for this move, actually. Going rather well, but we think there might be an acolyte acting as a spy for the Holy Graze. Just speculation, but we're being extra careful.

Just be careful, weeds aren't the most trust worthy. If the king finds out his daugther has eloped he may also send the beetle brothers after you as well, you can probably get pillbug to help though, he might be able to be to coerce his buggy bretehrn.

Edit: Also how big are the pillbugs actually, are they really the size of ducks or do we basically carry a magnifine glass to see them?

Well, the way we've got things planned now, we've pretty much left the princess's disappearance a complete mystery to the Graze. King Seedhotep MMCCCXXXIII's elite guard, the Cowtamers, are also not very mobile. The riders need to join forces to wrap themselves around the cow and then five of those riders need to be at the top to influence the cow. It's pretty effective for their plan to conquer the nearby field (which is right across a road) as the method allows lots of grass warriors to be delivered at once and the cow could be used as a weapon as well, but not effective miles away.

So, pretty much, I think we're safe unless King Seedhotep decides to employ help from the Exiled Ones. Now, what those are, are pretty much like Lawnkin. They're grass blades who are no longer part of the Holy Graze. Only difference is they were banished because they were found guilty of practicing dark arts. In the grass world, dark arts involve many things - widespread poison, summoning deer to make paths of flattened grass, controlling cows, even the Cowtamers' cows, and converging with Seedspirits, which are vengeful beings that were unable to sprout during a Sowing. The princess already fears King Seedhotep is turning to them to help with his conquest of the nearby field, so we also do. However, it would take a lot of negotiating to get them to help, and by that time, we should have at least made some progress with our lawn.

To battle Exiled Ones, we need only make use of local pesticides, if we find a construction zone that has some. It may not have much effect on them, but it will interfere with their dark magics.

Watch out for Fire and Ice types.

Aw yiss.

How would you even use the poisons on the Exiled ones, I don't think grass or weeds have much strength of fingers?

Well, it's definitely not easy. To type, I need to wrap around each individual key and pull it down. Then, I need to carefully unwrap so I don't snap. So to use poisons, we'd do similar things. A few blades could wrap around the cap and unscrew it, and others would pull it down.

Also, if you are interested in the Holy Graze's religion -

The Dink Network struggles to cross the eternal boundry between life and death, but to no avail, it's just sorta stuck on that boundry
[7/2/2015 11:11:34 PM] McVeigh DRESSED FENUGREEK: Not my fault i became grass.
[7/2/2015 11:14:23 PM] Bayou Billy: dude
[7/2/2015 11:14:23 PM] Bayou Billy: dude
[7/2/2015 11:14:26 PM] Bayou Billy: what if
[7/2/2015 11:15:20 PM] Bayou Billy: when you die, you become an inanimate object, you just sit there, only sorta thinking, until something breaks you, then you reincarnate as an intestinal parasite?
[7/2/2015 11:16:18 PM | Edited 11:16:24 PM] McVeigh DRESSED FENUGREEK: that’s what the Soilseers think happens.
[7/2/2015 11:16:47 PM] Bayou Billy: or what if we all start out as heavenly beings, then we die and become something lesser, and then we keep on living and dying until we become literal shit, then we die forever?
[7/2/2015 11:17:40 PM | Edited 11:18:18 PM] Bayou Billy: what if God doesn't do anything because he died and reincarnated as, I don't know, a galactic supercluster?
[7/2/2015 11:17:41 PM] McVeigh DRESSED FENUGREEK: that is the whole thing too
[7/2/2015 11:18:58 PM] McVeigh DRESSED FENUGREEK: as the soilseers leared more from the Ditch of Nature, they came to the conclusion that some souls are worthy enough to pass shit and loop back to heavenly beings. There, they stay that way
[7/2/2015 11:19:03 PM] McVeigh DRESSED FENUGREEK: it’s extremely rare though
[7/2/2015 11:20:05 PM] McVeigh DRESSED FENUGREEK: so rare, that in the entire galaxy, there’s probably only going to be 2 that are worthy.
[7/2/2015 11:21:30 PM] Bayou Billy: nah, I shouldn't think like that, well now, back to sacrificing innocent tangerines to the Vegetable Speed
[7/2/2015 11:22:39 PM] McVeigh DRESSED FENUGREEK: A heretic act, but we’re leaving the Holy Graze anyways
[7/2/2015 11:24:59 PM | Edited 11:26:44 PM] Bayou Billy: the Vegetable Speed taught us superior agricultural techniques, built supermarkets with only the freshest vegetables, and taught us how to seize glory by the balls, what has your Bananna "Wise" done?
[7/2/2015 11:25:22 PM] Bayou Billy: and all that for only a few tangerine souls
[7/2/2015 11:26:48 PM] McVeigh DRESSED FENUGREEK: Blades of Faith in the churches often preech the name of banana wise and their followers do too, but look where the Graze it at now. It’s going to war with an innocent field and the King might be considering a parley with dark beings.
[7/2/2015 11:32:09 PM] Bayou Billy: I hope one day you too will find the road to true glory, may the celery help you find the path, may the cauliflower illuminate it, and may your life be pesticide free, I must go preach the word of the Vegetable Speed
[7/2/2015 11:33:34 PM] Bayou Billy: What the hell was that conversation
[7/2/2015 11:34:25 PM] McVeigh DRESSED FENUGREEK: actually, there is talk that the Vegetable Speed and the Banana Wise are the same god. what determines which side of the god is active, is which side is the most desired.
[7/2/2015 11:41:24 PM] Bayou Billy: So if I convert more people to the side of the Vegetable Speed, it will be more active? Soon the whole world will have home gardens and be eating without preservatives, the Banana Wise suggest we stop growing vegetables and that we grow this stuff called "fruit", sugary plant genitalia is not better than vegetables, maybe the Graze will understand this.
[7/2/2015 11:44:43 PM] McVeigh DRESSED FENUGREEK: Bananas are berries.
[7/2/2015 11:45:40 PM] Bayou Billy: really?
[7/2/2015 11:45:47 PM] McVeigh DRESSED FENUGREEK: yes

Where did you have this chat & are fruits really the genitallia of plants?

What did you think they were? Food?

Well now there's one more reason not to erotically eat a bananna, but how's the grass/weed kingdom/family going? How many children do you have & who's your favorite, also how'd you pick the names?

We're just about to steal a cow. Shouldn't be too bad, but considering the Holy Graze is preparing for war, it's going to be harder than usual.

Once we're out, the hardest part will be getting to the construction zone. We've got lots of supplies and the cows are already pretty slow. We'd try to scare it to make it run or something, but it might shake our stuff out of the baskets...or shake the baskets loose...

...or snap some of us.

As for naming conventions, it's pretty standard for grass. Most blades in the Holy Graze have the surname of Seedahmose, so we'll go with that for this example. For first names, it's pretty much just grass related. Our expedition leader is Amanineteyerikesway Seedahmose. Most just call him Amanisway.

How do you guys even move easily, you might need to stay rooted to the ground so as to not be blown away by wind or at least to get minerals. Also how do you also be long & strong enough to tie a basket onto the cows, my best guess is tying yourselves together ot make a rope, but that seems risky.

You're exactly right. For the heavy tasks, we need to wrap around each other. And yes, it is damn risky.

As for moving, we just pull ourselves out of the ground and use our roots to walk. It's pretty simple, really.

This thread is great, Skurn.

Steam has a game just for you. Maybe you've seen it.

I'm not sure if we can wield guns. If we could, it would definitely be helpful.

What's the hard part about wielding the gun, the kickback?

@Andy, it seems like it might be better if the main character was actually grass unless Skurn still has his hands. Also he is already grass so it would be useless.

Yes, the kickback would surely send us flying away. Not too useful.

Maybe there's a special kind of gun that grass can use.

Would a grass gun be like kamikaze grass ammo use or would the ammo be fine? Also How well can you guys use a push lawn mower?

I don't think we're going to doing guns any time soon unless we find some way to tether it to the ground. Maybe a grass turret.

As for the lawnmower, we could probably pull it. Maybe.

Grass doesn't need a gun. It already has blades.

We've successfully begun our lawn. We chose midnight to move in as it would probably pretty weird for the workers to see a bunch of sapient grass run up with a cow and start planting themselves.

So far, we've had no problems. The workers had apparently hired a guy to come plant some false grass, but he was late. Guess they just thought he came in the middle of the night to redeem himself.

As for the Holy Graze, we have a mole. A literal mole. He goes between our lawn and the Holy Graze to see what's going on in case we need to prepare for an ambush. The Graze seems to be in chaos with the Princess of Weeds's disappearance. They don't suspect she ran away on her own with our help, but rather, they're blaming it on the Exiled Ones. Tensions are high and the Graze might end up destroying themselves.

That's pretty much it for now.

The mole hasn't killed any of your people accidentally? Also do any of the other members of your grass clan know of your talking with us, also how can you type this easily?

The Mole's hole is just beyond the lawn, so we don't worry about him popping up under us.

And yes! Finally, someone asked how I am able to type as grass. See, I wrap myself around each key and pull them down one at a time. So far, I have been typing this for about an hour.

What will you & your kingdom do when the dreaded leaves & snow fall, surely they will cover your kingdom, unless you can grow into a broken building? Also have any of the members of your kingdom even try to see what you do for so long near a computer? Now that I think about it, where did you get a computer in the first place since you've become grass?

...you didn't really think grass just sits there and sway, did you?

Sometimes it just dies if theres something on top of it, but it has been attacking my snack stash at night. I'm very sure it's the grass, they know I'm connected to you & they're watching. Wait...did you guys hear that ah........

Nothing to be alarmed about fellow humans, it is I Grack & everything is nice & normal.

That's a bit worrying. Dack...or Grack, whatever. What do you see? Is your vision...different?

420 blaze it lol

Don't worry, toast. We've got our defenses against the Ever Inferno.

Grack thinks you must go into the Ever Inferno, it is a place of harmony & would bring security to your people. Grack also thinks you should come back with the prinscess back to his holy weediness. Oh, got to go Grack sees a nice pile of cow dung & it's just asking to be deprived of minerals.