Reply to Re: Addeville Blues: Part Deus
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Just a thought: at least a day-or-so has passed since the whole place went crazy, right? Surely someone would have noticed something odd going on, even if it was just a newspaper delivery guy or relative stopping by. Assuming they were slaughtered, what about friends/family of them?
5th paragraph was confusing... how did the zombie attempt to eat Winston's face? Did he open the door and step out of the car while it was idling? I assumed it was on the passenger's side... did it walk around to the driver's side, or did Winston get out and walk around?
'Mad fury' seems like an odd term to describe how one would feel when your flesh has been torn off.
Paragraph 7, again, how are these zombies grabbing him, assuming he's still in the car?
Overall: I think you need more concrete descriptions of specific events and emotions. Right now everything seems very generalized to the point where it is difficult to visualize what is going on.
I like this part more than Part 1, though. Before I was just confused with all of the various characters and what their motivations could be, and it was much more condensed here.
Seems sort of like Resident Evil.
5th paragraph was confusing... how did the zombie attempt to eat Winston's face? Did he open the door and step out of the car while it was idling? I assumed it was on the passenger's side... did it walk around to the driver's side, or did Winston get out and walk around?
'Mad fury' seems like an odd term to describe how one would feel when your flesh has been torn off.
Paragraph 7, again, how are these zombies grabbing him, assuming he's still in the car?
Overall: I think you need more concrete descriptions of specific events and emotions. Right now everything seems very generalized to the point where it is difficult to visualize what is going on.
I like this part more than Part 1, though. Before I was just confused with all of the various characters and what their motivations could be, and it was much more condensed here.
Seems sort of like Resident Evil.
