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174: Dink Nukem - Darkland F**d Up! Author: Martijn van Sliedregt Release Date: October 24, 2003
"HAHAHAAHAHA"
Martijn is the author of "Gorack, Umtar and Shreik" and the surprisingly decent "Three New Heroes." This, on the other hand, is a poor effort. In fact, I think I'm going to give Martijn another one of these for his collection:
What might you expect out of a Duke Nukem-themed DMOD? Duke making some of his trademark reference-laden wisecracks as he mows down monsters? Sorry, this Duke is completely mute except for one word ("very soft *yeah*") when you win, which you will not do without cheating, because your shotgun is wimpy, the minigun you won't survive to find isn't much better, and the enemies have far too many hit points. Also, the first time I played, the game crashed on me.
Just like in the DMOD, nothing in this PNG file animates. Also: why Homer Simpson?
Duke has no walk animation; he just slides around. At least the author thought to flip the image so that you can tell whether you're facing right or left, but there's still no indication whether you're facing up or down. A single frame (well, two - it's been flipped as well) of Duke pointing his gun and the muzzle flashing is included. It's rather crummy-looking, but if it were implemented, it would still be better than nothing. It isn't used at all. The bullet simply emerges from Duke. You don't feel like you're firing a gun at all. It's not like it would have been hard to make it better. "Counterstrike CTF" did a much better job of putting a gun in a DMOD, and I doubt a superhuman amount of effort was put into that one.
The enemies in "Dink Nukem" all have just one frame and slide around. Nothing looks good. The maps are nearly featureless. Duke turns into a tiny, dying Dink when he dies. It's the tiny part that really weirds me out.
I cheated up 50 points to each stat, and the enemies STILL took annoyingly long to kill, bolstering my belief that winning without cheating is actually impossible. If you return to any screen you've already been to, the enemies will be back immediately. There's no dialogue at all except for a few lines at the boss.
This DMOD is like Bloop the Fish, if Bloop were impossible to beat and had no charm at all. Basically, what I mean is that they're both totally pointless DMODs with new graphics. At least Bloop's were original.
Whatever indignity Duke might have suffered in the reception of Duke Nukem Forever is nothing compared to this. I'd hate to be Martijn when Duke gets his hands on him after seeing "Dink Nukem."
175: Dukie's Shooting Gallery Author: Dan Walma Release Date: October 25, 2003
"Say, do you want to watch me go target shooting?"
No damn way. I can't believe that there are two DMODs in a row, released on consecutive days, that both feature Duke Nukem. Well, it isn't a coincidence. Dan was inspired by the previous crappy mod to release this minigame, which he had made for a collaborative project that was abandoned. So I guess something came out of "Dink Nukem." Here, the Duke is meant to represent Dink community member Dukie, "everyone's favorite Dink Network staff member from Belgium who isn't Kyle" according to the description.
Of course!
This is a mouse-controlled game where you slide back and forth along the bottom of the screen and click to shoot tiny fireballs at enemies who run past. There are four levels. At the end of each level, the game will tell you how many shots you fired, how many enemies you killed out of how many there were, and your accuracy percentage.
There's carnage aplenty to be had here.
The controls are quite smooth, and it's nice to see a mouse-controlled mod for a change. It makes me think that Dinkanoid could have been a lot better with mouse-based control. There isn't really anything in the way of a goal here, though. The game keeps score, but it doesn't pass or fail you. It's almost impossible to lose. I say "almost" because if you let an entire level go by without firing a single shot, the game will crash as it attempts to divide by zero in order to determine your accuracy percentage. As long as you fire at least one shot, even if it doesn't hit anything, you'll pass through the game just fine.
Anyway, it isn't hard to get nearly all of the enemies (a few quick ones might sneak by in the back). You're better off madly spraying bullets, as some enemies move too quickly for you to really aim at them.
There's a little intro that's kind of amusing. Dink claims he needs to find Fruity Pebbles in order to solve some puzzle, but that turns out to be totally unrelated to anything. You can say "no" to Dukie when he asks if you want to watch him go target shooting and the DMOD will end, a gag I have always enjoyed.
There's not enough here to keep you playing, but it's neat to see a mouse-based shooting game nonetheless.
176: North Author: WarPlague Release Date: October 25, 2003
"My name is Dumbo the Mighty."
I never know what to expect when I go into these romps from a first-time author with a rating in the "fair" range. Will they be awful, or just mediocre? This one isn't so bad. It has a couple of things going for it.
I like this title screen, particularly the buttons.
One of the things "North" has going for it is that its original graphics are pretty good, and do a decent job of fitting in with the Dink graphics. They're not so great that I wonder why everybody hasn't used them, but they are good enough to make this one stand out from the crowd a bit.
This graphic has a remarkably smooth animation. It looks like he's dissolving into a puddle of ketchup, mind you, but still: remarkably smooth.
This DMOD is short, too easy, sloppy, and the plot is a wreck, but it still works on some level as a breezy Dink adventure. While some of the attempts at wit fail (references to those Budweiser "Wazzuup" commercials weren't funny at the time and have gotten worse with age), there's some personality here, and I laughed a couple of times. A famed Slayer warrior who is supposed to help you is named Dumbo the mighty. The author gives up on the plot to such a degree that the King at one point complains he doesn't have his script. Dink eventually declares, "But the plot sucks." In the context of a short and easy mod, this kind of silliness was fun for me.
Like I said, though, it's sloppy. There are loads of hardness errors, including one that lets you skip a fair portion of the DMOD. Several screens have "invisible wall" edges that go nowhere. At the start, you're told to go east into the woods, but if you go west instead, everything proceeds as if you'd seen the plot event that happens if you went east. You recruit the slayer "Dumbo the Mighty" to assist you in a war against the goblins, but as soon as you do, this plot thread is dropped and never heard from again.
You have to fight quite a few goblins, which is kind of fun, but feels a bit easier than it should be. Still, after having to fight 8 goblins with my fists, I did enjoy getting my hands on a light sword and mowing down the rest of them. The final boss, on the other hand, is a big disappointment. He only has 10 hit points - that can't have been intentional.
No way this guy was supposed to have 10 hit points.
This isn't a recommendation - it's more like a statement that I am just fine with this DMOD's existence. It shows enough skill that I would have looked forward to further DMODs from WarPlague, but in the 11 years hence, there haven't been any. Too bad.
"HAHAHAAHAHA"
Martijn is the author of "Gorack, Umtar and Shreik" and the surprisingly decent "Three New Heroes." This, on the other hand, is a poor effort. In fact, I think I'm going to give Martijn another one of these for his collection:
*************This DMOD, "Dink Nukem,"************** ********Has been awarded the prestigious********* ****DINK FOREVER MEMORIAL AWARD OF BADNESS***** ********On this day September 14, 2014*******
What might you expect out of a Duke Nukem-themed DMOD? Duke making some of his trademark reference-laden wisecracks as he mows down monsters? Sorry, this Duke is completely mute except for one word ("very soft *yeah*") when you win, which you will not do without cheating, because your shotgun is wimpy, the minigun you won't survive to find isn't much better, and the enemies have far too many hit points. Also, the first time I played, the game crashed on me.
Just like in the DMOD, nothing in this PNG file animates. Also: why Homer Simpson?
Duke has no walk animation; he just slides around. At least the author thought to flip the image so that you can tell whether you're facing right or left, but there's still no indication whether you're facing up or down. A single frame (well, two - it's been flipped as well) of Duke pointing his gun and the muzzle flashing is included. It's rather crummy-looking, but if it were implemented, it would still be better than nothing. It isn't used at all. The bullet simply emerges from Duke. You don't feel like you're firing a gun at all. It's not like it would have been hard to make it better. "Counterstrike CTF" did a much better job of putting a gun in a DMOD, and I doubt a superhuman amount of effort was put into that one.
The enemies in "Dink Nukem" all have just one frame and slide around. Nothing looks good. The maps are nearly featureless. Duke turns into a tiny, dying Dink when he dies. It's the tiny part that really weirds me out.
I cheated up 50 points to each stat, and the enemies STILL took annoyingly long to kill, bolstering my belief that winning without cheating is actually impossible. If you return to any screen you've already been to, the enemies will be back immediately. There's no dialogue at all except for a few lines at the boss.
This DMOD is like Bloop the Fish, if Bloop were impossible to beat and had no charm at all. Basically, what I mean is that they're both totally pointless DMODs with new graphics. At least Bloop's were original.
Whatever indignity Duke might have suffered in the reception of Duke Nukem Forever is nothing compared to this. I'd hate to be Martijn when Duke gets his hands on him after seeing "Dink Nukem."
175: Dukie's Shooting Gallery Author: Dan Walma Release Date: October 25, 2003
"Say, do you want to watch me go target shooting?"
No damn way. I can't believe that there are two DMODs in a row, released on consecutive days, that both feature Duke Nukem. Well, it isn't a coincidence. Dan was inspired by the previous crappy mod to release this minigame, which he had made for a collaborative project that was abandoned. So I guess something came out of "Dink Nukem." Here, the Duke is meant to represent Dink community member Dukie, "everyone's favorite Dink Network staff member from Belgium who isn't Kyle" according to the description.
Of course!
This is a mouse-controlled game where you slide back and forth along the bottom of the screen and click to shoot tiny fireballs at enemies who run past. There are four levels. At the end of each level, the game will tell you how many shots you fired, how many enemies you killed out of how many there were, and your accuracy percentage.
There's carnage aplenty to be had here.
The controls are quite smooth, and it's nice to see a mouse-controlled mod for a change. It makes me think that Dinkanoid could have been a lot better with mouse-based control. There isn't really anything in the way of a goal here, though. The game keeps score, but it doesn't pass or fail you. It's almost impossible to lose. I say "almost" because if you let an entire level go by without firing a single shot, the game will crash as it attempts to divide by zero in order to determine your accuracy percentage. As long as you fire at least one shot, even if it doesn't hit anything, you'll pass through the game just fine.
Anyway, it isn't hard to get nearly all of the enemies (a few quick ones might sneak by in the back). You're better off madly spraying bullets, as some enemies move too quickly for you to really aim at them.
There's a little intro that's kind of amusing. Dink claims he needs to find Fruity Pebbles in order to solve some puzzle, but that turns out to be totally unrelated to anything. You can say "no" to Dukie when he asks if you want to watch him go target shooting and the DMOD will end, a gag I have always enjoyed.
There's not enough here to keep you playing, but it's neat to see a mouse-based shooting game nonetheless.
176: North Author: WarPlague Release Date: October 25, 2003
"My name is Dumbo the Mighty."
I never know what to expect when I go into these romps from a first-time author with a rating in the "fair" range. Will they be awful, or just mediocre? This one isn't so bad. It has a couple of things going for it.
I like this title screen, particularly the buttons.
One of the things "North" has going for it is that its original graphics are pretty good, and do a decent job of fitting in with the Dink graphics. They're not so great that I wonder why everybody hasn't used them, but they are good enough to make this one stand out from the crowd a bit.
This graphic has a remarkably smooth animation. It looks like he's dissolving into a puddle of ketchup, mind you, but still: remarkably smooth.
This DMOD is short, too easy, sloppy, and the plot is a wreck, but it still works on some level as a breezy Dink adventure. While some of the attempts at wit fail (references to those Budweiser "Wazzuup" commercials weren't funny at the time and have gotten worse with age), there's some personality here, and I laughed a couple of times. A famed Slayer warrior who is supposed to help you is named Dumbo the mighty. The author gives up on the plot to such a degree that the King at one point complains he doesn't have his script. Dink eventually declares, "But the plot sucks." In the context of a short and easy mod, this kind of silliness was fun for me.
Like I said, though, it's sloppy. There are loads of hardness errors, including one that lets you skip a fair portion of the DMOD. Several screens have "invisible wall" edges that go nowhere. At the start, you're told to go east into the woods, but if you go west instead, everything proceeds as if you'd seen the plot event that happens if you went east. You recruit the slayer "Dumbo the Mighty" to assist you in a war against the goblins, but as soon as you do, this plot thread is dropped and never heard from again.
You have to fight quite a few goblins, which is kind of fun, but feels a bit easier than it should be. Still, after having to fight 8 goblins with my fists, I did enjoy getting my hands on a light sword and mowing down the rest of them. The final boss, on the other hand, is a big disappointment. He only has 10 hit points - that can't have been intentional.
No way this guy was supposed to have 10 hit points.
This isn't a recommendation - it's more like a statement that I am just fine with this DMOD's existence. It shows enough skill that I would have looked forward to further DMODs from WarPlague, but in the 11 years hence, there haven't been any. Too bad.
