What It's Like to be a Canadian...
Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God went missing for six days.
Eventually, Michael the archangel found him, resting on the seventh day. He inquired of God, "Where have you been?"
God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, "Look Michael, look what I've made."
Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "What is it?"
"It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put LIFE on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a place of great balance."
"Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused.
God explained, pointing to different parts of Earth, "For example, Northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth while Southern Europe is going to be poor; the Middle East over there will be a hot spot. Over there I've placed a continent of white people and over there is a continent of black people," God continued, pointing to different countries. "This one will be extremely hot and arid while this one will be very cold and covered in ice."
The Archangel, impressed by Gods work, then pointed to a large landmass in the top corner and asked, "What's that one?"
"Ah," said God. "That's Canada, the most glorious place on Earth. There are beautiful mountains, lakes, rivers, streams and an exquisite coastline. The people from Canada are going to be modest, intelligent and humorous and they're going to be found travelling the world. They'll be extremely sociable, hard working and high achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as diplomats and carriers of peace. I'm also going to give them super-human, undefeatable ice hockey players who will be admired and feared by all who come across them."
Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed; "What about balance, God? You said there will be BALANCE!"
God replied wisely. "Wait until you see the loud-mouth b*** I'm putting Under them...."
>^..^<
Eventually, Michael the archangel found him, resting on the seventh day. He inquired of God, "Where have you been?"
God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, "Look Michael, look what I've made."
Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "What is it?"
"It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put LIFE on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a place of great balance."
"Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused.
God explained, pointing to different parts of Earth, "For example, Northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth while Southern Europe is going to be poor; the Middle East over there will be a hot spot. Over there I've placed a continent of white people and over there is a continent of black people," God continued, pointing to different countries. "This one will be extremely hot and arid while this one will be very cold and covered in ice."
The Archangel, impressed by Gods work, then pointed to a large landmass in the top corner and asked, "What's that one?"
"Ah," said God. "That's Canada, the most glorious place on Earth. There are beautiful mountains, lakes, rivers, streams and an exquisite coastline. The people from Canada are going to be modest, intelligent and humorous and they're going to be found travelling the world. They'll be extremely sociable, hard working and high achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as diplomats and carriers of peace. I'm also going to give them super-human, undefeatable ice hockey players who will be admired and feared by all who come across them."
Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed; "What about balance, God? You said there will be BALANCE!"
God replied wisely. "Wait until you see the loud-mouth b*** I'm putting Under them...."
>^..^<
Doh! that was supposed to be a secret eh?
I feel a flame war coming. 'scuse me.
I feel a flame war coming. 'scuse me.
I believe telling that joke would require you to forfeit any "Canadian modesty" you had in the first place, eh?
It also assumes a bunch of differences that aren't real. Though I'll feel better if americans kick Bush out of office.
I don't think Canada even has an army. It's amazing how they depend on us, yet they hate us.
I wouldn't say hate. Some Canadians look for an excuse to feel superior, (inferiority complex? na, everyone tries to feel special..) yet Canadians and Americans on the east side relate to each other better to each other than to thier own countrymen on the west side ( and visa versa ) I can tell you right now we realy so resent Americans because of things GW Bush says and does. ( Not fair, I know. He seems to do things against the will of most educated Americans.[ I don't even consider him duly elected! and he presumes to preach democracy!?!]) ( I need more brackets now....)
I forget what I was saying. Hmh.
Oh well. We share a border 8900 Km. long, with no fortifacations needed. Thats great! Yet we get 'punished' for not joining the war in Iraq! Much of our smallish army is in control of Kablul, where terrorism realy IS an issue. (Suck on that GWB!)
I'm a bit sorry Americans take so much critisism, but you might need to read a lot of news outside the US to understand just what Bush makes you all look like.
For the future, Peace.
I forget what I was saying. Hmh.
Oh well. We share a border 8900 Km. long, with no fortifacations needed. Thats great! Yet we get 'punished' for not joining the war in Iraq! Much of our smallish army is in control of Kablul, where terrorism realy IS an issue. (Suck on that GWB!)
I'm a bit sorry Americans take so much critisism, but you might need to read a lot of news outside the US to understand just what Bush makes you all look like.
For the future, Peace.
So, what DOES a Canadian Have to be Proud of?
1. Smarties
2. Crispy Crunch
3. Coffee Crisp
4. The size of our footballs, fields and one less down
5. Lacrosse is Canadian
6. Hockey is Canadian
7. Basketball is Canadian
8. Mr. Dress-up can kick Mr. Rogers butt
9. Tim Hortons kicks Dunkin' Donuts butt
10. In the war of 1812, Canadians pushed the Americans so far back...passed their 'White
House', we burned it... and most of Washington, under the command of William Lyon McKenzie who was insane and hammered all the time. We got bored because they ran away so we came home and partied... (Go figure.)
11. Canada has the largest French population that never surrendered to Germany.
12. We have the largest English population that never-ever surrendered or withdrew during
any war.
13. Our civil war was a big bar fight that lasted a little over an hour.
14. The only person who was arrested in our civil war was an American mercenary, who slept
in and missed the whole thing... but showed up just in time to get caught.
15. We knew plaid was cool far before Seattle caught on.
16. The Hudson's Bay Company once owned over 10% of the earth's surface and is still around
as the world's oldest Company.
17. The average dog sled team can kill and devour a full grown human in under 3 minutes.
18. We still know what to do with all the parts of a buffalo.
19. We don't marry our kin-folk.
20. We invented ski-doos, jet-skis, velcro, zippers, zambonis, the long distance and short
wave radios that save countless lives each year.
21. We ALL have frozen our tongues to something metal and lived to tell about it.
22. Oh ya...and the handles on our beer cases are big enough to fit your hands with mitts on
>^..^<
1. Smarties
2. Crispy Crunch
3. Coffee Crisp
4. The size of our footballs, fields and one less down
5. Lacrosse is Canadian
6. Hockey is Canadian
7. Basketball is Canadian
8. Mr. Dress-up can kick Mr. Rogers butt
9. Tim Hortons kicks Dunkin' Donuts butt
10. In the war of 1812, Canadians pushed the Americans so far back...passed their 'White
House', we burned it... and most of Washington, under the command of William Lyon McKenzie who was insane and hammered all the time. We got bored because they ran away so we came home and partied... (Go figure.)
11. Canada has the largest French population that never surrendered to Germany.
12. We have the largest English population that never-ever surrendered or withdrew during
any war.
13. Our civil war was a big bar fight that lasted a little over an hour.
14. The only person who was arrested in our civil war was an American mercenary, who slept
in and missed the whole thing... but showed up just in time to get caught.
15. We knew plaid was cool far before Seattle caught on.
16. The Hudson's Bay Company once owned over 10% of the earth's surface and is still around
as the world's oldest Company.
17. The average dog sled team can kill and devour a full grown human in under 3 minutes.
18. We still know what to do with all the parts of a buffalo.
19. We don't marry our kin-folk.
20. We invented ski-doos, jet-skis, velcro, zippers, zambonis, the long distance and short
wave radios that save countless lives each year.
21. We ALL have frozen our tongues to something metal and lived to tell about it.
22. Oh ya...and the handles on our beer cases are big enough to fit your hands with mitts on
>^..^<
Actually...
1. Smarties
We have those too...
2. Crispy Crunch
What the crap?
3. Coffee Crisp
We have better coffee (but I don't know because I don't like it).
4. The size of our footballs, fields and one less down
Um, ok?
5. Lacrosse is Canadian
Nobody plays that anyway.
6. Hockey is Canadian
True...but that's about all.
7. Basketball is Canadian
Actually, no it's not. It was invented by a Canadian, yes, but it was invented IN Springfield, Massachusetts.
8. Mr. Dress-up can kick Mr. Rogers butt
Who the heck is Mr. Dress-up? Some Canadian pansey invented by a fabulous French guy for 5-year-old kids? Nice. And theoretically, anybody could kick Mr. Rogers's butt because he's dead. You guys have fun when digging him up, OK?
9. Tim Hortons kicks Dunkin' Donuts butt
Nobody eats at Dunkin' Donuts anyway.
10. In the war of 1812, Canadians pushed the Americans so far back...passed their 'White
House', we burned it... and most of Washington, under the command of William Lyon McKenzie who was insane and hammered all the time. We got bored because they ran away so we came home and partied... (Go figure.)
I should actually thank the Canadians for this. Now the white house has been rebuilt and can't really "burn" down now.
11. Canada has the largest French population that never surrendered to Germany.
That's not something to be proud of.
12. We have the largest English population that never-ever surrendered or withdrew during
any war.
That's because we've been protecting your asses.
13. Our civil war was a big bar fight that lasted a little over an hour.
See how persistant you guys are?
14. The only person who was arrested in our civil war was an American mercenary, who slept
in and missed the whole thing... but showed up just in time to get caught.
...ok?
15. We knew plaid was cool far before Seattle caught on.
Now in Scotland...
16. The Hudson's Bay Company once owned over 10% of the earth's surface and is still around
as the world's oldest Company.
Actually, the oldest company is Kongo Gumi construction firm which has been in operation for the past 14 centuries.
17. The average dog sled team can kill and devour a full grown human in under 3 minutes.
But we don't need dog sleds. We have these things called *cars*.
18. We still know what to do with all the parts of a buffalo.
Not that hard to figure out. Throw them all in a mincer and make hot dogs. Tada.
19. We don't marry our kin-folk.
That's not something that can be proven.
20. We invented ski-doos, jet-skis, velcro, zippers, zambonis, the long distance and short
wave radios that save countless lives each year.
Actually velcro was invented by the Swiss, zippers were by the Swedish, Jet-skis were by the Japanese, and it was a German guy (Hertz) who proved the theories on radio transmission by a Scottish guy (Maxwell). And I don't know what a ski-doos is.
21. We ALL have frozen our tongues to something metal and lived to tell about it.
What's to say we haven't?
22. Oh ya...and the handles on our beer cases are big enough to fit your hands with mitts on
A normal beer case handle is about 5 inches long: plenty of room.
Oh yes, and I must say, I like how you copied that right from this site.
1. Smarties
We have those too...
2. Crispy Crunch
What the crap?
3. Coffee Crisp
We have better coffee (but I don't know because I don't like it).
4. The size of our footballs, fields and one less down
Um, ok?
5. Lacrosse is Canadian
Nobody plays that anyway.
6. Hockey is Canadian
True...but that's about all.
7. Basketball is Canadian
Actually, no it's not. It was invented by a Canadian, yes, but it was invented IN Springfield, Massachusetts.
8. Mr. Dress-up can kick Mr. Rogers butt
Who the heck is Mr. Dress-up? Some Canadian pansey invented by a fabulous French guy for 5-year-old kids? Nice. And theoretically, anybody could kick Mr. Rogers's butt because he's dead. You guys have fun when digging him up, OK?
9. Tim Hortons kicks Dunkin' Donuts butt
Nobody eats at Dunkin' Donuts anyway.
10. In the war of 1812, Canadians pushed the Americans so far back...passed their 'White
House', we burned it... and most of Washington, under the command of William Lyon McKenzie who was insane and hammered all the time. We got bored because they ran away so we came home and partied... (Go figure.)
I should actually thank the Canadians for this. Now the white house has been rebuilt and can't really "burn" down now.
11. Canada has the largest French population that never surrendered to Germany.
That's not something to be proud of.
12. We have the largest English population that never-ever surrendered or withdrew during
any war.
That's because we've been protecting your asses.
13. Our civil war was a big bar fight that lasted a little over an hour.
See how persistant you guys are?
14. The only person who was arrested in our civil war was an American mercenary, who slept
in and missed the whole thing... but showed up just in time to get caught.
...ok?
15. We knew plaid was cool far before Seattle caught on.
Now in Scotland...
16. The Hudson's Bay Company once owned over 10% of the earth's surface and is still around
as the world's oldest Company.
Actually, the oldest company is Kongo Gumi construction firm which has been in operation for the past 14 centuries.
17. The average dog sled team can kill and devour a full grown human in under 3 minutes.
But we don't need dog sleds. We have these things called *cars*.
18. We still know what to do with all the parts of a buffalo.
Not that hard to figure out. Throw them all in a mincer and make hot dogs. Tada.
19. We don't marry our kin-folk.
That's not something that can be proven.
20. We invented ski-doos, jet-skis, velcro, zippers, zambonis, the long distance and short
wave radios that save countless lives each year.
Actually velcro was invented by the Swiss, zippers were by the Swedish, Jet-skis were by the Japanese, and it was a German guy (Hertz) who proved the theories on radio transmission by a Scottish guy (Maxwell). And I don't know what a ski-doos is.
21. We ALL have frozen our tongues to something metal and lived to tell about it.
What's to say we haven't?
22. Oh ya...and the handles on our beer cases are big enough to fit your hands with mitts on
A normal beer case handle is about 5 inches long: plenty of room.
Oh yes, and I must say, I like how you copied that right from this site.
A ski-doo is the first snowmobile invented by the Bombardier company (montreal)long ago. It made them rich, they diversified and are now the third largest airplane maker.
Air planes were not a Canadian invention.
I still don't see a big difference between Canadians and Americans or even Russians and Europeans for that matter.
Anyone best chance at being treated with respect starts with treating others with respect.
Air planes were not a Canadian invention.
I still don't see a big difference between Canadians and Americans or even Russians and Europeans for that matter.
Anyone best chance at being treated with respect starts with treating others with respect.
Now normally, I would stop feeding a troll at this point, but I just had to show this.
A dog-sled team would be far cooler than a car!
lol@Striker
And Merlin, (my sweet
) I did NOT copy it from that website, but another, that is a CANADIAN Website...jeeze just to make sure all the facts were CORRECT!
>^..^<
And Merlin, (my sweet
) I did NOT copy it from that website, but another, that is a CANADIAN Website...jeeze just to make sure all the facts were CORRECT!>^..^<
Hehehehe...
I gotta respect Canadians...anyone who could put up with such cold weather to live in such a pristine natural environment is nice by me. Also, I've heard of them to be more worldly than Americans. (but in a country like America where Geography is NOT taught in public school what can you expect)
I would however say this...be wary Canada...Bush KNOWS you have weapons of mass distruction and unlike Iraq he can prove it.
I just hope he doesnt use it as an excuse to attack north...
Sincerely,
The Vault Dweller
I gotta respect Canadians...anyone who could put up with such cold weather to live in such a pristine natural environment is nice by me. Also, I've heard of them to be more worldly than Americans. (but in a country like America where Geography is NOT taught in public school what can you expect)
I would however say this...be wary Canada...Bush KNOWS you have weapons of mass distruction and unlike Iraq he can prove it.
I just hope he doesnt use it as an excuse to attack north...
Sincerely,
The Vault Dweller
(but in a country like America where Geography is NOT taught in public school what can you expect)
I went to a fairly average rural public school (in America of all places), and I can assure you that Geography was taught. I have a fair grasp of it, and while I couldn't tell you where any given country is, chances are I'd be relatively close.
I went to a fairly average rural public school (in America of all places), and I can assure you that Geography was taught. I have a fair grasp of it, and while I couldn't tell you where any given country is, chances are I'd be relatively close.
