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Reply to Re: What It's Like to be a Canadian...

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June 9th 2004, 09:47 PM
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merlin
Peasant He/Him
 
Actually...

1. Smarties

We have those too...

2. Crispy Crunch

What the crap?

3. Coffee Crisp

We have better coffee (but I don't know because I don't like it).

4. The size of our footballs, fields and one less down

Um, ok?

5. Lacrosse is Canadian

Nobody plays that anyway.

6. Hockey is Canadian

True...but that's about all.

7. Basketball is Canadian

Actually, no it's not. It was invented by a Canadian, yes, but it was invented IN Springfield, Massachusetts.

8. Mr. Dress-up can kick Mr. Rogers butt

Who the heck is Mr. Dress-up? Some Canadian pansey invented by a fabulous French guy for 5-year-old kids? Nice. And theoretically, anybody could kick Mr. Rogers's butt because he's dead. You guys have fun when digging him up, OK?

9. Tim Hortons kicks Dunkin' Donuts butt

Nobody eats at Dunkin' Donuts anyway.

10. In the war of 1812, Canadians pushed the Americans so far back...passed their 'White
House', we burned it... and most of Washington, under the command of William Lyon McKenzie who was insane and hammered all the time. We got bored because they ran away so we came home and partied... (Go figure.)

I should actually thank the Canadians for this. Now the white house has been rebuilt and can't really "burn" down now.

11. Canada has the largest French population that never surrendered to Germany.

That's not something to be proud of.

12. We have the largest English population that never-ever surrendered or withdrew during
any war.

That's because we've been protecting your asses.

13. Our civil war was a big bar fight that lasted a little over an hour.

See how persistant you guys are?

14. The only person who was arrested in our civil war was an American mercenary, who slept
in and missed the whole thing... but showed up just in time to get caught.

...ok?

15. We knew plaid was cool far before Seattle caught on.

Now in Scotland...

16. The Hudson's Bay Company once owned over 10% of the earth's surface and is still around
as the world's oldest Company.

Actually, the oldest company is Kongo Gumi construction firm which has been in operation for the past 14 centuries.

17. The average dog sled team can kill and devour a full grown human in under 3 minutes.

But we don't need dog sleds. We have these things called *cars*.

18. We still know what to do with all the parts of a buffalo.

Not that hard to figure out. Throw them all in a mincer and make hot dogs. Tada.

19. We don't marry our kin-folk.

That's not something that can be proven.

20. We invented ski-doos, jet-skis, velcro, zippers, zambonis, the long distance and short
wave radios that save countless lives each year.

Actually velcro was invented by the Swiss, zippers were by the Swedish, Jet-skis were by the Japanese, and it was a German guy (Hertz) who proved the theories on radio transmission by a Scottish guy (Maxwell). And I don't know what a ski-doos is.

21. We ALL have frozen our tongues to something metal and lived to tell about it.

What's to say we haven't?

22. Oh ya...and the handles on our beer cases are big enough to fit your hands with mitts on

A normal beer case handle is about 5 inches long: plenty of room.

Oh yes, and I must say, I like how you copied that right from this site.