The Dink Network

Oh my... Dink Smallwood... what a... how you say... "mess" of a game... I, uh, bought this... thing... hoping for a... good time, but alas... disappointment... everywhere...

First... the... start screen... so... many buttons... so... many options... I am... overwhelmed... It's like... a wild jungle of confusion... I click, but... nothing... happens... Why? I wonder... why?...

And then... the graphics... or lack thereof... The... pixels... everywhere... It's like... looking at a... broken kaleidoscope... No... pretty colors... No... shiny things... Just... blocky mess... Where is the beauty?...

Moving... oh dear... moving... impossible... controls... so... terrible... I try... buttons... but nothing... works... frustration... fills my soul... How can one... navigate in such a... labyrinth... of despair?...

The... talking... oh, the talking... I attempt... conversations... with... in-game people... but... words... so jumbled... I cannot... understand... broken English... hard... very hard... This game... mocks... my linguistic abilities...

Fighting... oh, the monsters... they... overpower... me... always... I... weak... they... strong... How can... I survive?... There is no... explanation... no... help... I die... and die... and die... I feel... powerless... hopeless...

In the end... Dink Smallwood... what can I say?... It's a... mess... A confusing, frustrating... disaster... It's like... an unsolvable puzzle... A book in a foreign language... I never... wanted to read... Please... save yourself... the misery... Do not... I repeat... do not... play... this... game...