Addeville Blues (Finished as of 4-8)
This is based on a movie project I made a little while back. The setting is in screenplay format to save time on my part (yes, I am writing this in a hurry).
EXT Addeville Mental Institution
SFX Chainsaw running
INT Lobby, bloodstains are all over. Someone wrote "LEAVE ADDE" (with the A as an anarchy sign) in slick, crimson blood.
Jamie is a middle-aged woman with blonde hair down to her shoulders. She is constantly smiling, almost intimidating. She wears a black police uniform. Jamie: Okay, what's the plan?
Hans is in his mid-30s, aged and weathered. He wears a police uniform with a red jacket over it. He says very little. Hans: I'll head east and search for him, and you stay here and keep watch.
As Hans walks away, a draft passes through the room.
Jamie begins to pace the room. Her fists clench tight, as the thoughts she is concerned with are not the ones to find Dr. Miles, no, but to get the hell out of there.
As several minutes pass, she wraps her fingers around the handgun.
The sound of the chainsaw crescendoes, causing Jamie's heart to throb. She becomes petrified.
She decides to let Hans die and run back to town.
As Jamie pushes the door, she stopped in her tracks at what she saw. There was a man, about 6 feet tall, wearing a white labcoat. He also had a crude black cape and of course, a chainsaw. Jamie slowly walked backwards, not blinking, talking, or breathing.
The man took the large cloth sack off of his head. He, much to Jamie's surprise, was somewhat handsome. He started up the chainsaw.. ... Hans (while walking back into the lobby): I couldn't find him. Perhaps we...
Hans nearly fainted at the grotesque amounts of blood, soon realizing it was Jamie's. Towards the center desk was Jamie's head impaled on a makeshift pike. Her limbs were stacked.
Hans couldn't stare for long, though. The Chainsaw Man jumped down out of an open panel in the ceiling. He swung down and clubbed Hans with the chainsaw. The Chainsaw Man started up the chainsaw and sawed off his head.
About a day after Hans was murdered, Francis arrives at the gates of the institution.
Francis was under the F.B.I. investigating a mysterious viral infection traced back to the institution. He was supposed to "neutralize" anyone looking suspicious, with the exception of Dr. Miles.
Francis definately wasn't like Jamie or Hans.
He equipped a standard-issue AK-47. He had an extra magazine, but he doubted that he would even fire the first.
Francis scanned the lobby, looking over the half-dozen or so corpses murdered gruesomely and strewn across the area. As he was searching, a figure limped towards him. He reached for his other weapon, a handgun.
Francis twirled around to see who was behind him. It was something huge. It had a chainsaw. Not taking any chances, he shot him in the torso. The figure limped away.
Francis was usually calm, but he wondered why the scene had happened so quietly. He sat down and thought if he should follow him. Francis feels heavy breathing behind him. Suddenly, an arm slides around his neck and squeezes.
Despite his best attempts, Francis hits the cold floor, lifeless. ...
Dr. Miles walked quickly and abruptly. He didn't want to be seen or heard. All he had was a handgun he grabbed from a slain security guard and a knife from the kitchen.
He had been walking for quite some time now, possibly 5 hours. He had been hiding for an even longer time after the entire building went to anarchy. He was walking down the staircase that led to the first floor. He was almost to the lobby.
A figure begins to walk up the stairs. It is the one that strangled Francis.
Dr. Miles keeps on walking, but readies the gun to fire. The figure walks closer. It was a mental patient, dressed in a stolen uniform. Dr. Miles is quaking. He screams as he forces his finger on the trigger.
The figure still stood there, despite having a chunk of his face blown off from the force of the blow. Dr. Miles cannot believe himself. He is now breathing very heavily. After several minutes, he continues to descend the stairs.
When Dr. Miles arrived in teh lobby, quite a scene was there for him. Quite possibly his biggest mistake was shrieking at the sight. The man with the chainsaw limped towards the room.
Dr. Miles, shaking, points the gun at his own head. He was ready to stop living.
He couldn't do it, though. He sat down and started to think.
The Chainsaw Man doesn't give Dr. Miles any time to think. He comes in in a bloody, murderous rage. Whatever was in his way, he wanted dead. Dr Miles: Umm, sir, is that a...oh MY GOD! Why do you have that? Is there a tree or som...
He pounded his chainsaw into the wall. Had Miles been a few inches closer, he would be dead. Dr Miles: Now see here, if you don't stop I WILL report you.
He continues to thrash and hack, trying to kill Dr. Miles. Dr. Miles: Okay, if you don't stop...
This attempt to stop the Chainsaw Man was equally as useless as the previous ones. Dr. Miles: That's it!
Dr. Miles fires several shots at the man. The Chainsaw Man is on the ground, breathing heavily. Dr, Miles could have let him stay there and rot, but he picked up the chainsaw instead.
Dr. Miles sawed the man's left arm off, and also his upper torso and head. In the end, he threw the chainsaw in him, leaving it in him like some kind of sadistic podium.
As he walked out, Dr. Miles thought that everything was taken care of. Thanks to a strange infection, he couldn't be more wrong.
EXT Addeville Mental Institution
SFX Chainsaw running
INT Lobby, bloodstains are all over. Someone wrote "LEAVE ADDE" (with the A as an anarchy sign) in slick, crimson blood.
Jamie is a middle-aged woman with blonde hair down to her shoulders. She is constantly smiling, almost intimidating. She wears a black police uniform. Jamie: Okay, what's the plan?
Hans is in his mid-30s, aged and weathered. He wears a police uniform with a red jacket over it. He says very little. Hans: I'll head east and search for him, and you stay here and keep watch.
As Hans walks away, a draft passes through the room.
Jamie begins to pace the room. Her fists clench tight, as the thoughts she is concerned with are not the ones to find Dr. Miles, no, but to get the hell out of there.
As several minutes pass, she wraps her fingers around the handgun.
The sound of the chainsaw crescendoes, causing Jamie's heart to throb. She becomes petrified.
She decides to let Hans die and run back to town.
As Jamie pushes the door, she stopped in her tracks at what she saw. There was a man, about 6 feet tall, wearing a white labcoat. He also had a crude black cape and of course, a chainsaw. Jamie slowly walked backwards, not blinking, talking, or breathing.
The man took the large cloth sack off of his head. He, much to Jamie's surprise, was somewhat handsome. He started up the chainsaw.. ... Hans (while walking back into the lobby): I couldn't find him. Perhaps we...
Hans nearly fainted at the grotesque amounts of blood, soon realizing it was Jamie's. Towards the center desk was Jamie's head impaled on a makeshift pike. Her limbs were stacked.
Hans couldn't stare for long, though. The Chainsaw Man jumped down out of an open panel in the ceiling. He swung down and clubbed Hans with the chainsaw. The Chainsaw Man started up the chainsaw and sawed off his head.
About a day after Hans was murdered, Francis arrives at the gates of the institution.
Francis was under the F.B.I. investigating a mysterious viral infection traced back to the institution. He was supposed to "neutralize" anyone looking suspicious, with the exception of Dr. Miles.
Francis definately wasn't like Jamie or Hans.
He equipped a standard-issue AK-47. He had an extra magazine, but he doubted that he would even fire the first.
Francis scanned the lobby, looking over the half-dozen or so corpses murdered gruesomely and strewn across the area. As he was searching, a figure limped towards him. He reached for his other weapon, a handgun.
Francis twirled around to see who was behind him. It was something huge. It had a chainsaw. Not taking any chances, he shot him in the torso. The figure limped away.
Francis was usually calm, but he wondered why the scene had happened so quietly. He sat down and thought if he should follow him. Francis feels heavy breathing behind him. Suddenly, an arm slides around his neck and squeezes.
Despite his best attempts, Francis hits the cold floor, lifeless. ...
Dr. Miles walked quickly and abruptly. He didn't want to be seen or heard. All he had was a handgun he grabbed from a slain security guard and a knife from the kitchen.
He had been walking for quite some time now, possibly 5 hours. He had been hiding for an even longer time after the entire building went to anarchy. He was walking down the staircase that led to the first floor. He was almost to the lobby.
A figure begins to walk up the stairs. It is the one that strangled Francis.
Dr. Miles keeps on walking, but readies the gun to fire. The figure walks closer. It was a mental patient, dressed in a stolen uniform. Dr. Miles is quaking. He screams as he forces his finger on the trigger.
The figure still stood there, despite having a chunk of his face blown off from the force of the blow. Dr. Miles cannot believe himself. He is now breathing very heavily. After several minutes, he continues to descend the stairs.
When Dr. Miles arrived in teh lobby, quite a scene was there for him. Quite possibly his biggest mistake was shrieking at the sight. The man with the chainsaw limped towards the room.
Dr. Miles, shaking, points the gun at his own head. He was ready to stop living.
He couldn't do it, though. He sat down and started to think.
The Chainsaw Man doesn't give Dr. Miles any time to think. He comes in in a bloody, murderous rage. Whatever was in his way, he wanted dead. Dr Miles: Umm, sir, is that a...oh MY GOD! Why do you have that? Is there a tree or som...
He pounded his chainsaw into the wall. Had Miles been a few inches closer, he would be dead. Dr Miles: Now see here, if you don't stop I WILL report you.
He continues to thrash and hack, trying to kill Dr. Miles. Dr. Miles: Okay, if you don't stop...
This attempt to stop the Chainsaw Man was equally as useless as the previous ones. Dr. Miles: That's it!
Dr. Miles fires several shots at the man. The Chainsaw Man is on the ground, breathing heavily. Dr, Miles could have let him stay there and rot, but he picked up the chainsaw instead.
Dr. Miles sawed the man's left arm off, and also his upper torso and head. In the end, he threw the chainsaw in him, leaving it in him like some kind of sadistic podium.
As he walked out, Dr. Miles thought that everything was taken care of. Thanks to a strange infection, he couldn't be more wrong.
Interesting... the descriptions of the macrabe events was fairly well done.
But, I didn't really feel connected with any of the characters. Hans, Jamie, and Francis all felt extremely... flat. Right now I have no recollection of Hans or Jamie's purpose for being in the mental institution. If you mentioned it, it just didn't stick.
Who is the chainsaw man? Where did he come from? Mental patient? Where'd he get the chainsaw?
The most interesting character was definately the doctor guy. He seemed to be in complete denial over what was happening, which was somewhat amusing.
But, I didn't really feel connected with any of the characters. Hans, Jamie, and Francis all felt extremely... flat. Right now I have no recollection of Hans or Jamie's purpose for being in the mental institution. If you mentioned it, it just didn't stick.
Who is the chainsaw man? Where did he come from? Mental patient? Where'd he get the chainsaw?
The most interesting character was definately the doctor guy. He seemed to be in complete denial over what was happening, which was somewhat amusing.
I liked the story but I have to agree with redink. The characters just popped out of thin air and were quickly dispatched with no rhyme or reason of how or why they came to be there and what the heck is going on.
The only slight clue we get is mention of a "strange infection". The doctor at least should have had an inkling.
There are a lot of grammatical errors but quite readable anyway. The part that caught my attention was when 'he' became a 'she' and then back to he again. Easy enough to do though.
The story doesn't stay together in parts, bounces from here to there, and also changes time with no explanation. I couldn't quite bond with the 'hero's" nor feel any animosity toward the "villains". Now here comes the good parts.
The part of Hans finding Jamie's head was.. Yummy. Good description and chilling scene.
It may be a knockoff from zombie movies and most notably from (What was it called?) Six Days(?), but it was still a good story. It had some very nice blood and gore scenes and confusion and terror of the unknown. City deserted and maddened vicious things walking about. I love zombie stories.
Thanks for sharing. You have a vivid imagination. Pretty nifty.
The only slight clue we get is mention of a "strange infection". The doctor at least should have had an inkling.
There are a lot of grammatical errors but quite readable anyway. The part that caught my attention was when 'he' became a 'she' and then back to he again. Easy enough to do though.
The story doesn't stay together in parts, bounces from here to there, and also changes time with no explanation. I couldn't quite bond with the 'hero's" nor feel any animosity toward the "villains". Now here comes the good parts.
The part of Hans finding Jamie's head was.. Yummy. Good description and chilling scene.
It may be a knockoff from zombie movies and most notably from (What was it called?) Six Days(?), but it was still a good story. It had some very nice blood and gore scenes and confusion and terror of the unknown. City deserted and maddened vicious things walking about. I love zombie stories.
Thanks for sharing. You have a vivid imagination. Pretty nifty.
The main problem was probably having little background information on the characters. I have a tendancy in writing not to write much about characters that will be killed off soon (kind of a bad habit). I fixed the spelling error where he was she and then a he again. I've never heard of 'Six Days'. I just figured the worst place to be caught in during a zombie-raid was an insane asylum.
