joke
Oh, I couldn't resist this joke. It was too funny! Just hoping the swear filter really really works. fingers crossed.
Newlyweds:
A newlywed couple had only been married for two weeks. The husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies. So, he said to his new wife, "Honey, I'll be right back."
"Where are you going, coochy cooh?" asked the wife. "I'm going to the bar, pretty face. I'm going to have a beer."
The wife said, "You want a beer, my love?" She opened the door to the refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer, brands from
12 different countries: Germany, Holland, Japan, India, etc.
The husband didn't know what to do, and the only thing that he could think of saying was, "Yes, lolly pop...but at the bar...you know...they have frozen glasses..."
He didn't get to finish the sentence, because the wife interrupted him by saying, "You want a frozen glass, puppy face?" She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen that she was getting chills just holding it.
The husband, looking a bit pale, said, "Yes, tootsie roll, but at the bar they have those hors d'oeuvres that are really delicious... I won't be long, I'll be right back. I promise. OK?"
"You want hors d'oeuvres, poochi pooh?" She opened the oven and took out 5 dishes of different hors d'oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in blankets, mushroom caps, pork strips, etc.
"But my sweet honey... at the bar... you know... there's swearing, dirty words and all that..."
"You want dirty words, cutie pie?...
"LISTEN UP, DICKHEAD! DRINK YOUR fudgeING BEER IN YOUR GODdang FROZEN MUG AND EAT YOUR MOTHERfudgeING SNACKS, BECAUSE YOU ARE MARRIED NOW, AND YOU AREN'T GOING ANYWHERE! GOT IT, donkey?"
..and, they lived happily ever after. Isn't that a sweet story?
Newlyweds:
A newlywed couple had only been married for two weeks. The husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies. So, he said to his new wife, "Honey, I'll be right back."
"Where are you going, coochy cooh?" asked the wife. "I'm going to the bar, pretty face. I'm going to have a beer."
The wife said, "You want a beer, my love?" She opened the door to the refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer, brands from
12 different countries: Germany, Holland, Japan, India, etc.
The husband didn't know what to do, and the only thing that he could think of saying was, "Yes, lolly pop...but at the bar...you know...they have frozen glasses..."
He didn't get to finish the sentence, because the wife interrupted him by saying, "You want a frozen glass, puppy face?" She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen that she was getting chills just holding it.
The husband, looking a bit pale, said, "Yes, tootsie roll, but at the bar they have those hors d'oeuvres that are really delicious... I won't be long, I'll be right back. I promise. OK?"
"You want hors d'oeuvres, poochi pooh?" She opened the oven and took out 5 dishes of different hors d'oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in blankets, mushroom caps, pork strips, etc.
"But my sweet honey... at the bar... you know... there's swearing, dirty words and all that..."
"You want dirty words, cutie pie?...
"LISTEN UP, DICKHEAD! DRINK YOUR fudgeING BEER IN YOUR GODdang FROZEN MUG AND EAT YOUR MOTHERfudgeING SNACKS, BECAUSE YOU ARE MARRIED NOW, AND YOU AREN'T GOING ANYWHERE! GOT IT, donkey?"
..and, they lived happily ever after. Isn't that a sweet story?
kinda lost a little in the translation. But I've another one that's squeaky clean.
Old age can be such a hassle!
Three old ladies named Gertrude, Maude, and Tilly were sitting on a park bench having a quiet conversation when a flasher approached from across the park.
The flasher came up to the ladies, stood right in front of them and opened his trench coat.
Gertrude immediately had a stroke. Then Maude also had a stroke. But Tilly, being older and feebler, couldn't reach that far.
Bless her heart.
Old age can be such a hassle!
Three old ladies named Gertrude, Maude, and Tilly were sitting on a park bench having a quiet conversation when a flasher approached from across the park.
The flasher came up to the ladies, stood right in front of them and opened his trench coat.
Gertrude immediately had a stroke. Then Maude also had a stroke. But Tilly, being older and feebler, couldn't reach that far.
Bless her heart.
Somehow, I don't think that was 'squeaky clean' 
It was only a two stroke engine, hardly any chance to get dirty
