Nursery Rhymes
A few days ago my teacher gave us a paper on how to write better. All of them are obvious, yet some are funny, hence my posting.
Rule 1: Don't use words that make the reader either lose interest or require a dictionary.
What nursery rhymes are these?
1) A research team proceeded toward the apex of a natural geologic proturberance, the purpose of their expedition being the procurement of a sample of fluid hydride of oxygen in a large vessel, the exact size of which was unspecified. One member of the team precipitantly descended, sustaining severe fractural damage to the upper cranial portion of his anatomical sturucture. Subsequently the second member of the team performed a self-rotational translation oriented in the direction taken by the first team member.
2) A triumvirate of murine rodents, totally devoid of ophthalmic acuity, were observed in a state of rapid locomotion in pursuit of an agriculturist's uxorial adjunct. Said adjunct then performed a triple caudectomy utilizing an acutely-honed bladed instrument generally used for subdivision of edible tissue.
Famous Old Sayings:
1) The stylus is more important than the claymore.
2) Members of an avian species of identicawl plumage congregate.
3) It is furitless to become lachrymose over precipitately departed lacteal fluid.
4) Neophyte's serendipity.
Rule 2: Watch out for grammar.
Some "rules" for grammar:
1) Watch out for irregular verbs which have crope into English.
2) Verbs has to agree in number with their subjects.
3) Don't use no double negatives.
4) Being bad grammar, a writer should not use dangling modifiers.
5) Join clauses good like a conjunction should.
6) About sentence fragments.
7) Don't use run-on sentences you got to punctuate them.
8) In letters essays and reports use commas to separate items in series.
9) Don't use commas, which are not necessary.
10) Don't abbrev.
11) Check to see if you any words out.
12) In the case of a report, check to see that jargonwise, it's A-OK.
13) Mixed metaphors are a pain in the neck and ought to be weeded out.
Rule 1: Don't use words that make the reader either lose interest or require a dictionary.
What nursery rhymes are these?
1) A research team proceeded toward the apex of a natural geologic proturberance, the purpose of their expedition being the procurement of a sample of fluid hydride of oxygen in a large vessel, the exact size of which was unspecified. One member of the team precipitantly descended, sustaining severe fractural damage to the upper cranial portion of his anatomical sturucture. Subsequently the second member of the team performed a self-rotational translation oriented in the direction taken by the first team member.
2) A triumvirate of murine rodents, totally devoid of ophthalmic acuity, were observed in a state of rapid locomotion in pursuit of an agriculturist's uxorial adjunct. Said adjunct then performed a triple caudectomy utilizing an acutely-honed bladed instrument generally used for subdivision of edible tissue.
Famous Old Sayings:
1) The stylus is more important than the claymore.
2) Members of an avian species of identicawl plumage congregate.
3) It is furitless to become lachrymose over precipitately departed lacteal fluid.
4) Neophyte's serendipity.
Rule 2: Watch out for grammar.
Some "rules" for grammar:
1) Watch out for irregular verbs which have crope into English.
2) Verbs has to agree in number with their subjects.
3) Don't use no double negatives.
4) Being bad grammar, a writer should not use dangling modifiers.
5) Join clauses good like a conjunction should.
6) About sentence fragments.
7) Don't use run-on sentences you got to punctuate them.
8) In letters essays and reports use commas to separate items in series.
9) Don't use commas, which are not necessary.
10) Don't abbrev.
11) Check to see if you any words out.
12) In the case of a report, check to see that jargonwise, it's A-OK.
13) Mixed metaphors are a pain in the neck and ought to be weeded out.
1. Jack and Jill
2. 3 Blind mice
.........................
1. The pen is mightier than the sword.
2. Birds of a feather flock together.
3. Don't cry over spilt milk.
4. Beginner's luck
Woohoo- pretty nifty. Got any more?
2. 3 Blind mice
.........................
1. The pen is mightier than the sword.
2. Birds of a feather flock together.
3. Don't cry over spilt milk.
4. Beginner's luck
Woohoo- pretty nifty. Got any more?
Jeez, you sure are a rude flocker.
Some more "rules" for grammar:
14) Shun and avoid the employment of unnecessary, excess extra words.
15) Make certain all sentences are full and complete. If possible.
16) BE Consistent.
17) Don't approximate. Always be more or less precise.
18) Avoid pointless repetition, and don't repeat yourself unnecessarily.
19) All generalizations are bad.
20) A preposition is a bad thing to end a sentence with.
21) Reserve the apostrophe for it's proper use and omit it when its not necessary.
22) Never use that totally cool, radically groovy out-of-date slang, dude.
23) And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.
24) Avoid those run-on sentences that just go on, and on, they never stop, they just keep rambling, and you really wish the person would just shut up, but no, they just keep on going, they're worse than the Energizer Bunny, they babble incessantly, and these sentences, they just never stop.
14) Shun and avoid the employment of unnecessary, excess extra words.
15) Make certain all sentences are full and complete. If possible.
16) BE Consistent.
17) Don't approximate. Always be more or less precise.
18) Avoid pointless repetition, and don't repeat yourself unnecessarily.
19) All generalizations are bad.
20) A preposition is a bad thing to end a sentence with.
21) Reserve the apostrophe for it's proper use and omit it when its not necessary.
22) Never use that totally cool, radically groovy out-of-date slang, dude.
23) And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.
24) Avoid those run-on sentences that just go on, and on, they never stop, they just keep rambling, and you really wish the person would just shut up, but no, they just keep on going, they're worse than the Energizer Bunny, they babble incessantly, and these sentences, they just never stop.
LITTLE MISS MUFFET sat on a tuffet,
Her clothing all tattered and torn.
It wasn't the spider that crept up beside her
But Little Boy Blue and his horn.
AKA I haven't the foggiest idea what you are talking about Merlin (and Simeon) I must be getting old....again...
>^@@^<
Her clothing all tattered and torn.
It wasn't the spider that crept up beside her
But Little Boy Blue and his horn.
AKA I haven't the foggiest idea what you are talking about Merlin (and Simeon) I must be getting old....again...
>^@@^<
Sure, I have a couple more:
3) A female of the Homo sapiens species was the possessor of a small immature ruminant of the genus Ovis, whose outermost covering reflected all wavelengths of visible light with a luminosity equal to that of a mass of naturally occurring microscopically crystalline water. Regardless of the translational pathway chosen by the Homo sapiens female, there was a 100% probability that the aforementioned ruminant would select the same pathway.
4) A young male human was situated near the intersection of two supporting elements at right angles to each other; said subject was involved in ingesting a saccharine composition prepared in conjunction with the ritual observance of an annual fixed-day religious festival. Insertion into the saccharine composition of the opposable digit of his forelimb was followed by removal of a drop of genus Prunus. Subsequently, the subject made a declarative statement regarding the high quality of his character as a young male human.
5) A geriatric human female proceeded to a storage compartment for the purpose of procuring a fragment of osseous tissue from an unidentified deceased specimen to transfer to an indigent carnivorous domesticated mammal, Canis familiaris, family Canidae. Upon arrival at her destination, she found the storage compartment in denuded condition, with the consequence that the indigent carnivore was deprived of the intended donation.
6) A human female, extremely captious and given to opposed behavior, was questioned as to the dynamic state of her cultivated tract of land used for the production of various types of flora. The tract components were enumerated as argentous tone-producing agents, a rare species of oceanic growth, and pulchritudinous young females situated in a linear orientation.
7) Complication arose during an investigation of dietary influence; one researcher was unable to assimilate adipose tissue, and another was unable to consume tissue consisting chiefly of muscle fibre. By a reciprocal arrangement between the two researchers, total consumption of the viands under consideration was achieved, thus leaving the original container of the viands devoid of contents.
3) A female of the Homo sapiens species was the possessor of a small immature ruminant of the genus Ovis, whose outermost covering reflected all wavelengths of visible light with a luminosity equal to that of a mass of naturally occurring microscopically crystalline water. Regardless of the translational pathway chosen by the Homo sapiens female, there was a 100% probability that the aforementioned ruminant would select the same pathway.
4) A young male human was situated near the intersection of two supporting elements at right angles to each other; said subject was involved in ingesting a saccharine composition prepared in conjunction with the ritual observance of an annual fixed-day religious festival. Insertion into the saccharine composition of the opposable digit of his forelimb was followed by removal of a drop of genus Prunus. Subsequently, the subject made a declarative statement regarding the high quality of his character as a young male human.
5) A geriatric human female proceeded to a storage compartment for the purpose of procuring a fragment of osseous tissue from an unidentified deceased specimen to transfer to an indigent carnivorous domesticated mammal, Canis familiaris, family Canidae. Upon arrival at her destination, she found the storage compartment in denuded condition, with the consequence that the indigent carnivore was deprived of the intended donation.
6) A human female, extremely captious and given to opposed behavior, was questioned as to the dynamic state of her cultivated tract of land used for the production of various types of flora. The tract components were enumerated as argentous tone-producing agents, a rare species of oceanic growth, and pulchritudinous young females situated in a linear orientation.
7) Complication arose during an investigation of dietary influence; one researcher was unable to assimilate adipose tissue, and another was unable to consume tissue consisting chiefly of muscle fibre. By a reciprocal arrangement between the two researchers, total consumption of the viands under consideration was achieved, thus leaving the original container of the viands devoid of contents.
