The Dink Network

I know these don't usually fare well but, meh.
I'll start with a small paragraph. Each consecutive poster should add a paragraph as well.
Rules:
*You have to post something fairly consistent with the story
*If another poster continues a paragraph before you, just edit it to "Why I oughta.. "
Now to start the game.

Dink Smallwood was a knight, the saviour of his kingdom and a pig farmer. But as luck would have it, people stopped giving a shit and ignored the first two parts. He was now Dink, the delusional pig farmer.

Of course, he was now pretty used to it. After all, it's very rare that anyone acknowledges his defeat of the ancient one, Seth or the heroic delivery of cheese for his king. He sat on his chamber pot, noisily spraying diarrhea into it, pondering over what to do about the people's forgetfulness.

"That's it! Why, I think I should thank my feces for the brilliant idea I just got. I should...

Go to the short guy with the pointy hat. He can help me validate my heroic deeds"
And then, Dink Smallwood would embark on a quest, to the Darklands where Matridge has taken residence. But little does our hero know, fate would have other plans.

Because in his journey, he meets a talking duck.
-YOU! YOU ARE THAT SMALLWOOD! THE SADISTIC PIG FARMER WHO KILLED ALL MY FAMILY!
-My god! A talking duck! I'm so sorry!
-Too late!
And with these words, the duck casts a curse on Dink which makes him...

Quack and waddle. It was the only way he could talk and move now.

In this pathetic state, he hobbled to the little guy's house, quacking every now and then and once, running from a pillbug when it came after him with a hatchet.

Dink wakes up on the road, the next day. He "accidentally" ate some shrooms and immediately passed out.
"Stone Of Balance, why did you lie to me?"
And with that statement, and condescending looks from strangers, Dink continued his journey.

He then took a break at the local tavern, after managing to order a drink while making everyone thing he was special, he drank too much and awoke in a castle floating above a desert. He started to have feelings of deja vu & started throwing up out of the window onto a passing, unaware merchant. He then started to think, "What should I do, I don't think I'm in Goodheart Kingdom anymore"?

Note: The special part was because he had to act like a duck, just had to say to avoid any hate.

Then he heard the wind whispering to him:

Dink Network never ending stoooryyyyy.... Aaa-ah-ah-aah-ah-ah-aah-ah-ah-aaahh

"Damn wind, saying jibberish again! Why can't you ever say something useful?!"
*Throws fists at the wind while onlookers hide their children*

The punch was so powerful, it destroyed the wind and the flying castle fell straight down, onto the poor village below. Dink just happened to have a parachute made of toilet cloth and escaped just before the ensuing explosion of stone, wood and gore. Dink couldn't stop laughing and lost control of the parachute causing himself to fall into a lake of pee.

Whereupon he encountered a rainbow whale that said to him, "Whale now, I sea you fell into somefin nasty."
Fearful of the puns, Dink swam to shore, where he promptly passed out.

When he came to, the rainbow whale was still there. Apparently, the heavy tongue that was hanging from its mouth woke him and all his wounds were healed.

"Wow, thanks Mr. Rainbow Whale! I feel good as new!" and with that, Dink shoved his sword into the whale's brain, killing it instantly.

But after all that has happened, Dink finally found a simple road that led to Matridge. One problem though, the curse didn't end. Because on the road, waddling unexpectedly, things turned worse. Turning him now into a complete duck.

"Well... duck," he said.

(I crack myself up XD )

He waddled up to Martridge's house and promptly pecked at the door. The short wizard, high off of some magic shrooms he found, promptly slaughtered Dink and roasted him on a fire.

Meanwhile, several miles away from Martridge's house, Dink awoke, wondering if he had been dreaming.

He then coughed up some feathers & saw a bonca laying right next to him. He then wondered, "Did RobJ give me some bad cookies last night". Dink then sneaked past the bonca hoping to not incur it's wratch, but just then a bigger bonca which showed itself to be a male (You can guess how) happened to see Dink & started to...

speak poetry toward him, declaring its undying love for this random human who happened upon its path...

It turns out this bonca was once a human too. He was the only person who could tell Dink was a human through his duck body at this point. The bonca explained that the only way to reverse a curse is to kill the one who gave it to him. Dink quacked veraciously, and somehow the bonca understood and replied lovingly:

"I thought I'd take the road less traveled,
And take a different book from my shelf,
From then on my life had been unraveled,
You see, I accidentally cursed myself.

But I won't let you be stuck in this form,
When there may be a way I can help you end this tragic tale,
I'll nurse your sadness and get you through this storm,
I'll help you find them with the power of my magic rainbow whale!"

"Quack....."

Dink's beady eyes expanded as he remembered that he had slaughtered the rainbow whale earlier and began quacking furiously.

"You what!? Oh, Bob. Poor Bob. Now we may never undo this curse." the Bonca sobbed.

Then war broke out and everyone died. (ignore this bit)

But that happened years in the future. At that point, the bonca had only one idea, one that was somewhat selfish.

"I may know a way to change your form,
but you must promise not to complain.
With five magic words, your visage will become worn,
and after that, a duck you will not remain."

Dink nodded furiously, and with a wave of his tail, the bonca chanted:
"Fiddy, fiddlo, fie fo fee!"
And slowly, Dink changed into a Bonca.
Meanwhile, a young man watching this from behind a tree stated,
"What."
To the wordsmiths of Gobbledygook, that 'what' would have made the formation of a 'Z', as they can see the physical manifestation of the spoken word.

suddenly, tal awoke from a really really weird dream and fluffed his pillow and cuddled with his super sexy tal pal and went back to sleep

Everyone breaks the fourth wall and says,
"Go home, Tal. You're drunk".
And with that, the adventures of Dink continue..

He then started to travel with the two boncas while they searced for a cure to this new curse. On their path they happened upon a group of bonca hunters who started to speak of a cure to something. Dink & friends could only make out some words, "Bonca........human............wizard..........transformation.......This broad at the last pub...........Gypsy curse". Dink had to think about what to do, whether to try and confront them and hope they could reveal information or to try and do something more drastic like torturing them.

Note: Can we have to rules to inspire creativy or anything or to make sure the stuff goes a little smoothly? I was thinking of don't post until at least 3-5 more people(or days) post so we can get different story elements or something like that.

The metaphorical angel and devil of Clichestenberg sat on his... feather...tops saying exactly what you'd think they'd say, but in quacks. Finally, Dink had enough with the overused story element and ran right up.

"Wow! A duck. Hey, Barnaby, how about some duck instead of bonca tonight?" one of the hunters suggested to a tired looking drunk holding a crossbow to the ground by the handle.

Dink immediately tried running, but the one called Barnaby rose from his stump, flipped his crossbow forward, and fired. The arrow flew directly at Dink until it struck a glowing shield surrounded by orbiting runes. It was Milder, back from the grave and wearing an impressive suit of brightly shining golden plate mail!

Except it wasn't - it was Dink.

As this happened, the young boy who had previously said 'what' said it again, except now this time the word made patterns of...
GET ON WITH IT ALREADY!
Okay, okay. Jesus.

Anyway, the boy said "What."
The men stared at Dink in confusion and wonder as he ran away because he was completely and utterly done with this crap and wanted to get to...
He paused in the middle of the road.
"Where in the world am I going again?!?" He cried out.

The bonca who was with Dink, finally caught up to him. "I dunno, man. But you're pretty quick for a duck that's got a crossbow bolt stuck in his wing."

Dink peered over carefully at his wing, not wanting to get a full view of his own flesh impaled by the sting of Barnaby. "Oh shit! I've been shot!" he yelled.

(I thought he was human again.)
"Okay, so I get turned into a duck, then a Bonca, then a duck again, then I'm me once more, and now I'm a duck?! What the-"
(This curse has been brought to you by KernSin Ale. KernSin Ale! It's the quenchiest!)
"-is happening?!? And why aren't you rhyming anymore?!"

"I got bored of it."

Meanwhile, the boy who was spying on them said a four letter word, and it wasn't 'what' this time.

While Dink wondered where to be off to, Samuel L Jackson approached the boy and shouted, "Say 'what' again. Say 'what' again, I dare you, I double dare you motherducker, say what one more Goddamn time!"

Dink could hear this, but he just didn't care. Dink decided he would go to a pub. So dink found his way to a pub in.(WOW that's some fast progression there. Sure you didn't skip anything leprochaun?) Now, Dink's not known for holding his liquor, so he wound up pretty drunk pretty darn fast. It was actually just after the first sip. Then he starts making a ruckus and knocking his arms into everything. Eventually the bartender decided enough was enough and took him by the ear as started to drag him outside. As he was being pulled outside he drunkly yelled, "Ish mah choise to leaf!". Then he was promptly thrown on his ass right outside the pub.

Edit: You guys write fast. I'm two posts behind with this.

Just then, a Princess Yum Yum cosplayer walked up to Dink. "I sense a human soul within this duck." Dink looked up and quacked curiously as the scantily clad woman leaned down. "It is true, is it not, anas?"

Why the girl suddenly decided to throw around insults, Dink didn't know, but he decided to let it slide and lightly pecked at her. "As I thought. You are Milder, are you not?"

He waddled away.
The young boy who had been stalking him walked up to him and asked, "You're Dink Smallwood, the legendary hero whom nobody remembers! Do you need a hand?"
"Sure." Dink quacked, suddenly sober from his transformation.
The boy picked up Dink and stated his name.
Tal.
Meanwhile, Tal woke up from a strange dream and said, "What."
Suddenly, Samuel L. Jackson stormed in and beat the everliving *Quack* out of him.

*Note: I'm not sure were Dink is in the transformation anymore, so I'll just go off of the stuff before Tal waking up*

At the mention of the accursed name "Tal", Dink started to waddle out of his grip & tried calling for his bonca pals. Tal then started to say," Don't think you can escape my grasp, especially with the area we're going, my house". At the mention the boncas(Is that the plural?) rammed right into Tal from some bushed that magically appeared there when no one was looking. Dink managed to fall to the ground & everyone started to run from Tal. Tal then exclaimed," I will find another duck to have him my dungeon even if it kills them, you will rue the day you ran away". The thing was that Dink & friends didn't hear him over their short breaths from running too hard, but they did manage to notice that they were in an area with a grass field & a guard wearing blue armour.

(Ampersands don't work well in narrative. It interrupts the flow of the story.)

One of the men, who was well armored, strode toward them and announced. "I am the Captain of the Royal Guard, Geddon.
Dink, having heard of a man such as this, quacked in fear, for this man Geddon was well armored.
"You all are arrested for being a nuisance."
With a wave of his hand, the guards around him arrested everyone.
And that was the day that Dink met the antagonist of this story.
In the cell, Dink became human again and looked around, commenting on random stuff as if someone was pressing a bar in space.

Ampersands don't work well in narrative. It interrupts the flow of the story.

Nice, if this is true, I'm going to be using ampersands.

Dink wondered briefly what these random voices were, and what the heck an ampersand was, and decided to ignore this, because he was in a cell, alone.
It was filthy with cobblestone walls and an abundance of bugs that he had a strange desire to eat.
The door was wooden with a small metal hole about one third of the way from the ground.
"Oh, wonderful." He muttered.
Suddenly, a round tube fell into the room, and the moment it struck the ground, a bowl of gray mashed stuff appeared.

{How do Ampersands interfere, because of people who don't use/see them or what? I prefer them over and anyway, but fine. Also who is Geddon & I bet you knew what I was doing. *Rant Over*}

Dink then started to think & tried to talked/quacked aloud, the boncas heard him & then told him about their idea to escape. Apparently the they managed to know a way to make a bomb from mashed grey hamsters, they told him to find a beetle that they've seen running around the cell, but small enough for only a duck to catch. Dink preceded to chase some around and finally catch 2, the boncas then told him all the instructions which for safety reasons can't be written down where Skurn can read it. They then placed the bombs in places where they could open a big enough hole for them to get outside and their cells to have a new fancy Michael Bay styled doorway. They saw that outside led to a cave with a small glimmer down the hall and some laughing down the end, they also heard guards coming so they had to decide what to do.

{Also really what is the plural of bonca?}

(Geddon was mentioned in the first Dink Story topic.)

After that series of semi confusing events, Dink and the Boncas strode down the tunnel and entered a large cavern.
Directly in front of them was a sword set in a stone that only a hero of legend could pull.
Dink tried, but was unsuccessful.
Dink and the Boncas continued on their way, searching for a way outside.
A few hours later, Geddon came running down the tunnel searching for them. He saw the sword, couldn't pull it, and went on his way.
Then a young boy, who had been stalking Dink for a while now, came running down the tunnel, and likewise tried the sword.
He said 'What.' when he couldn't pull it, then ran off, instinctively knowing where Dink was going next.
Then Samuel L. Jackson came running down the tunnel, chasing after Tal because he had said that four letter word again. Pulled the sword out on a whim, tossed it aside for being too pansy-ass, and thundered after Tal.
Finally, a random guard happened upon the tunnel, found the sword lying there, took it, and walked off.
He had a series of adventures with the sword, having been hailed as the hero who defeated the Ancient Seth, as well as being accredited with other feats that Dink had done, before eventually being murdered by Dink, who had it with everyone's shit.
Of course, those adventures, as less random and more enjoyable than this one, will not be expanded upon later, unless I am lying.
Anyway, Dink and the Boncas found a way out and left.
They were outside, a random pine tree behind them that Dink wanted to burn down.
And thus, Dink remembered why he started on his quest in the first place, and charged off to find the midget named Matridge.