The Dink Network

My name is Jesse and I'm sixteen. I have just recently joined the Dink Network and so far it is awesome. I am starting to make my first DMOD and I hope it will be great. I love music and when I'm not trying to make a video game (via Rpg Maker or DinkC) I have a rock band called Gravity that I play with. I plan on composing my own midis as well as using some Metallica midis.

cloudnaeris@hotmail.com
Private Message
cloudnaeris7

I like it. There were some things that got to me though. Things such as proper English. Just clean it up and it will be more presentable. There were times in which I asked myself, "How much longer!?" Descriptivness is great, but like cologne...too much can ruin the mood. I had to read it twice because the first time I didn't even pay attention to what was going on. I was just listening to the pretty words. (That's not a good thing.) You could have been talking about purple bunnies floating through hell on their journey to Sefrona for all I knew. One thing that you have done, and I love this, is you have thought outside the box and let your mind take you there when you wrote it. You thought of several random things that just make it more realistic. Such as the cars driving down the road, and the mand getting out to see if she was getting raped. Then she just tells him to leave. That was great. Little things like that in a story are what make it awesome. It subliminaly makes everything more realistic and true. Even if it is a fictional piece.