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February 15th 2016, 06:05 PM
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Skurn
Peasant He/Him Equatorial Guinea duck bloop
can't flim flam the glim glam 
You could also not go camping. Then you can avoid mosquitoes, itchy plants, shitty toilets, nothing to do at camp, lack of internet signal, totally pointless places to walk to which end up in wetness, aching, and general unpleasantness, heat, flat sleeping quarters that shouldn't ever be used, bear invasions, showers that are a hundred miles from your section, shower invasions, stepping on a mine, stepping on a leaf trap and becoming impaled on sharpened sticks, having to escape from giant rolling boulders, being mistaken for a deer and having a bunch of hicks carry you to their camp to make you their trophy to compensate for their tiny wieners, waking up covered in a fire ant colony, being kidnapped by a fire ant colony, being sacrificed by a fire ant colony, smokers (maybe just campfires, but not exactly safe anyways), obnoxious dinks singing unbearable songs while roasting sugar cylinders, tripping over the occasional trash, your tent being stolen by forest elves, a band of lumberjacks coming in and toppling the entire forest onto you, your tent being engulfed in flames, your campfire being engulfed in tent fabric, sudden rain making all of the above worse except the fire related ones since fire is kind and goes away so water can have a little fun, the ground opening up and absorbing the entire campsite, big foot punching you in the nads/vag, some careless fisher accidentally hooking you and launching you into the shallow river, a volcanic eruption, fire tornadoes, fire rain, acid rain, acid tornadoes, exploding tornadoes, exploding rain, slipping on mud, becoming dirty from stepping outside for 1 second, and not being able to ever leave when you notice your car got ducked by anything I listed.