The Dink Network

Bill & Kill 1: *SIGH*

Over twenty screens of this await you. From the COTPATD project.
May 9th, 2013
Score : 1.5 horrible
Peasant She/Her Australia rumble
It may be pointless to review an old file, but I will.

Bill & Kill is the first of a trilogy by Jameil. The idea is pretty cool - sort of a top-down beat-em-up game; but if ideas were everything, then the scientific method would not exist, life would be too easy and everyone would win, unless you count the losers.

It's in execution that this D-Mod fails. I do not mind hard games, but games that are not meant to be beaten are a different matter. There are ridiculously overpowered same-sprite knights in every screen, and when you get through it all (using cheats obviously) there's a pirate bonca, who you think is the boss - but a script activates, the screen goes dark and he's dead. Whew! At least there wasn't a ridiculous boss battle.

The story idea was somewhat cool as well, a pirate bonca, but it's all told through the loading screen and even if you're a very fast reader I doubt you'll be able to read it all in one go. Luckily you can read it in an included document in the D-Mod folder, even if the story isn't even worth an actual glance. Pirate bonca, yes, but what the pirate bonca does is absurd.

Bill & Kill is really wasted potential. If a little bit more effort had been put into it, or even if it wasn't so ridiculously hard, it would have been better. But it's not, and therefore it fails. The music is decent and the credits were impressive (scrolling credits with a background image) but sadly that is the only positive thing I can say of this game. Hopefully, someone picks up on this idea and makes a good D-Mod in a similar vein.
May 30th, 2007
Score : 0.0 horrible
It's very bad, and not in any kind of funny way. The author seems to acknowledge this, but I guess it's cool to release dmods, despite of what kind of a moron it makes oneself look like. The game consists of lots of plain screens filled with guards, an occassional goblin or a savebot which freezes dink up. This shows a fair amount of foresight on the author's part, as no one should attempt to beat the dmod without cheating, and by cheating the chance of being killed by the guards goes away. So give them a reason to load a saved game. Brilliant.

I was surprised to find out there was an ending to this dmod, instead of a dead end screen with no visible borders. This ranks the dmod above the very worst, and the weak story there is almost makes it deserving of a fraction of a point.
May 22nd, 2007
Score : 1.0 horrible
... Sigh... The D-Mod's title says it all... This is truly an appallingly awful D-Mod.

I am willing to bet that you cannot finish this D-Mod in 543 tries, or even 1000 (well perhaps, but if you have actually played this D-Mod more than 500 times you really should rethink your life and realize how much of your life you have wasted playing a terrible D-Mod... though if you are the type that is willing to play this D-Mod that much, then chances are you have never read reviews and you are never discouraged by a bad score, so by all means, play this D-Mod until you die of whateverthehellitisthatisgoingtokillyoueventually: its akin to suicide, just takes 70+ years to pull off)

The truth is you CANNOT even beat the first screen of enemies without god-moding or script rewrites, the knights are just that strong, and a level 1 Dink cannot kill even one of them (plus you die in ONE hit)

That being said, here we go:


Did it even have a story? Yes, but the entire story element is contained in a prologue on the splash screen, which is only up for about a second... unless you are the world's fastest reader ever or you bother to look through the D-Mod folder, you will probably never peruse it words of "wisdom". Not that your missing much, because all it says is that a pirate bonca (only cool thing in this D-Mod, arrrgh) steals some gold and now YOU are going to steal the gold from the BONCA. And of course what better way to steal someones treasure than to single-handedly cut your way through an army of knights and a bonca boss, right? It's not even in good English, but be happy, at least there was a story... It also appears like the author tried to make multiple endings including one where you are killed by some sort of demonic avatar... but you won't even know about these unless you look at the scripts...


As I explained earlier, I do not think it is possible to get past the first knights you see without tampering around. The fact that there are 24 screens of them doesn't help the situation at all. Also, these screens are crammed with literally hundreds of them (A piece of random trivia: you will reach level 13 by the end of the game THATS how many knights there are!!). The worst part is that there is nothing good to offer you for your efforts to rig the D-Mod so that you can actually win either, just a whole bunch of knights and a bonca which you don't even get to battle. The only element of *fun* here is how many corpses you can fill a screen up with.


It is not so bad as it is boring. There is not a decorative sprite in sight... unless you count the useless savebots. Also there is alot of the mismatched grass tile which speaks both of laziness and low-grade D-Mods. The good thing is that there is no wandering around forever to try and find the monsters, in this aspect the map is actually quite an improvement over those in many other bad D-Mods.


*SIGH*... Do not download this D-Mod unless there is nothing else that you can do... YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED
Also, I must add that you should not download this D-Mod if you are trying to find BAD D-Mods, as this is more of an unwinnable and boring D-Mod, it lacks any stupendously dumb scripting errors, dumb story elements necessary to the game, or just outright awfulness: it is not even a close canidate for the worst D-Mod. STAY AWAY! The only good thing about this D-Mod is its title.
July 18th, 2009
Score : 0.0 horrible
Peasant He/Him
I Bring Tidings of Spam 
I know that this game hasn't been reviewed in quite some time, but I need to write a review on this one. Even though I am reviewing the first game, in this review I shall tell you all about the whole trilogy. In the entire trilogy, Dink Smallwood is randomly placed in a random area to fight off near-impossible foes, from Knights, children, to even goblins! In the first, I must say is the second hardest because of the fact you can't save, which makes it impossible to hack for people using DSSE. I'm sure you can hack using ultimate cheat, but I haven't tried, nor do I want to. The second is the only one I actually beat! I only beat it because I used DSSE, though. The third is an entirely difenrent story. You can hack it, but you die anyways. With defense over 99999, I still got killed in one hit. It also does'nt help that the goblins are faster than you are. The story of these games are very boring and not worth playing for.

For all the reasons above, I give this trilogy 0/10 for being the worst series of games I've played.
For people reading this, do not download this game. If you're looking for a good game, play FIAT.
September 14th, 2008
Score : 0.0 horrible
This d-mod is way too hard to beat.I mean really 100 hard guards to kill that are too hard.It took me at least 1000 time to beat this...


No save machine,guard way to hard to beat

All i can say is:0.0
August 16th, 2008
Score : 0.1 horrible
Peasant She/Her United Kingdom
If I had time, I'd eat cookies. 
Has got to be one of the worst dmods ever.

Story: 0.0

Music: 0.0

Graphics: 0.0 nothing new

Ending: 0.1

Evil bill must kill loads of Hard guards there are no save points and at least an ending so it gets a 0.1.