The Dink Network

That would explain everything, although I still think that the historical figure of "Jesus" could have easily just been a drunk wanderer or delusional wanderer who strode into town and was so hilariously stupid and crazy that the townsfolk loved him and made up impossible stories about him, but then the Romans got really sick of him and thought him a threat, so they executed him along with some other lowlifes.

But hey, at least all "Jesus" stole in the day was the laughter of the townsfolk...and maybe a couple of ales. Aw, duck it. Of course he stole ales. That was his humour fuel.