Reply to Re: Crazy Old Tim Plays all the DMODs of 2001
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It's true that they tend to run together after a while. But I said I'd do them all, and none of us are getting younger, right? Here are two more.
098: Evil Empire (Demo) Author: KillerRoy32 Release Date: April 19, 2001
I have not the words for the way I am feeling right now.
It wasn't long ago that I declared "Dink 007" the worst DMOD I'd ever played. I discovered in it a class of DMOD below even the likes of Dink Forever, Richard's Attack, and so on. Seeing something worse made me appreciate little things about those very bad DMODs that at least show you there was something there, some intention that the author had neither the talent nor the effort to follow up on. Enthusiasm, maybe? For example, in Dink Forever, the story with the pigs is... at least INTENDED to be mildly amusing. There's something there, even though it isn't much. In Dink 007, there was nothing.
Well, Evil Empire is even worse. It doesn't make 007 look good or anything - we really are at the bottom tier here - but it is marginally worse, and that fact amazes and confuses me. Why would someone upload a thing like this? Why?
There's a pig named Ben that tells Dink he has to go to a town called Endor - if Dink is willing to sit around and wait for the conversation, that is, since freezing is not employed. But the good news is that he has stat ups for Dink, and he'll give them out as many times as Dink wants! This was clearly not intentional, not that it matters. This is really the only thing that ever properly happens. Endor doesn't exist (I guess this is what was meant by "Demo?"), and you can enter what is purportedly a "wierd bar," but it's actually just four empty screens.
The map is the worst I've seen. This is why I say this is even worse than 007 - that DMOD's appallingly bad map did at least have some attempts to set scenes. There's nothing in this one - and a lot of it. Just take a look at the grass screens and the shoreline. Nearly all of the screens are the same thing - a mess of grass tiles with random, pointless pillbugs (some of which have no script attached) or a few trees. Those knights instantly become slayers, by the way. And notice, if you will, that the interior screen on which you start is plopped down among the grass screens, so that it's actually possible to walk straight back into it. That one really made my jaw drop open.
This DMOD is really, amazingly, astoundingly horrible. I almost feel like the DFMAOB is too good for it. It's actually kind of funny - there's no level on which it doesn't fail, no trace of competence that may be located, not even the tiniest of clean spots that isn't contaminated with putridity. There's a MIDI, but it only seems to trigger on one out-of-the-way screen. There's apparently supposed to be some unintelligible dialogue in the bar, but the sprites to deliver it were never placed. I was able to further marvel at the depths of incompetence on display here by opening up the DMOD's folder. Here are some highlights:
*All of the scripts from the original Dink Smallwood have been copied into the story folder.
*There's an extra MIDI located in both the main directory and the story directory.
*Some new scripts are included that are completely empty.
I hope that this is the worst DMOD ever, right here. I desperately need this to be the worst DMOD. I don't want to see any that are worse than this. Please, I'm begging you, Dink Network. Let me have this one.
099: Dink Blackwood Author: Piotr Lanting Release Date: May 19, 2001
This feels almost like the template for a Dink Smallwood romp. The pieces are here, and they're assembled correctly, but somebody forgot to paint it in.
The title comes from the name of our protagonist. The description claims that the mod takes place on a different planet, but in the game itself, there's just one reference to the protagonist as "Dink Blackwood." I don't usually read reviews before writing these, but I had so little to say about this one that I gave the reviews a quick browse, and Binirit hit the nail on the head - "Dink has to fix a bridge" would have been a much more accurate title.
Indeed, Dink does have to fix a bridge. This involves finding a short cave and fighting a pretty tough stone giant boss. Once you come back and fix the bridge, the DMOD simply ends, with D.B. prancing merrily back and forth over it like a moron, shouting, "Woohoo the bridge is back!" It's the sort of ending that makes you think you played a demo, but this was intended as a final release.
It's all rather spare. The few characters you encounter say the absolute least they could possibly need to in order to fulfill their role in the simple plot. There are a couple of touches of flair - the cave entrance looks cool, the spikies inside are dormant until you step on them, which makes you tread carefully, and at last, we see the simple rain effect that redink1 demonstrated back in 1998 used in a proper DMOD, although it doesn't serve any purpose and stops almost immediately (it's too bad; one could build a lot of atmosphere with this simple effect). Apart from some depth que problems, it all works okay. It's competent. The screens are slightly above average. I wouldn't recommend it, although I will say it offers a stiff but totally fair challenge. If you do play it, be sure to save using the escape menu, as there are no savebots to be found.
Next up: you're correct, it's Back from the Grave. I'm glad, because after I've played it I'll be able to watch the DSPT run without spoiling it for myself.
098: Evil Empire (Demo) Author: KillerRoy32 Release Date: April 19, 2001
I have not the words for the way I am feeling right now.
************This DMOD, "Evil Empire,"************** ********Has been awarded the prestigious********* ****DINK FOREVER MEMORIAL AWARD OF BADNESS***** ********On this day February 23, 2014********
It wasn't long ago that I declared "Dink 007" the worst DMOD I'd ever played. I discovered in it a class of DMOD below even the likes of Dink Forever, Richard's Attack, and so on. Seeing something worse made me appreciate little things about those very bad DMODs that at least show you there was something there, some intention that the author had neither the talent nor the effort to follow up on. Enthusiasm, maybe? For example, in Dink Forever, the story with the pigs is... at least INTENDED to be mildly amusing. There's something there, even though it isn't much. In Dink 007, there was nothing.
Well, Evil Empire is even worse. It doesn't make 007 look good or anything - we really are at the bottom tier here - but it is marginally worse, and that fact amazes and confuses me. Why would someone upload a thing like this? Why?
There's a pig named Ben that tells Dink he has to go to a town called Endor - if Dink is willing to sit around and wait for the conversation, that is, since freezing is not employed. But the good news is that he has stat ups for Dink, and he'll give them out as many times as Dink wants! This was clearly not intentional, not that it matters. This is really the only thing that ever properly happens. Endor doesn't exist (I guess this is what was meant by "Demo?"), and you can enter what is purportedly a "wierd bar," but it's actually just four empty screens.
The map is the worst I've seen. This is why I say this is even worse than 007 - that DMOD's appallingly bad map did at least have some attempts to set scenes. There's nothing in this one - and a lot of it. Just take a look at the grass screens and the shoreline. Nearly all of the screens are the same thing - a mess of grass tiles with random, pointless pillbugs (some of which have no script attached) or a few trees. Those knights instantly become slayers, by the way. And notice, if you will, that the interior screen on which you start is plopped down among the grass screens, so that it's actually possible to walk straight back into it. That one really made my jaw drop open.
This DMOD is really, amazingly, astoundingly horrible. I almost feel like the DFMAOB is too good for it. It's actually kind of funny - there's no level on which it doesn't fail, no trace of competence that may be located, not even the tiniest of clean spots that isn't contaminated with putridity. There's a MIDI, but it only seems to trigger on one out-of-the-way screen. There's apparently supposed to be some unintelligible dialogue in the bar, but the sprites to deliver it were never placed. I was able to further marvel at the depths of incompetence on display here by opening up the DMOD's folder. Here are some highlights:
*All of the scripts from the original Dink Smallwood have been copied into the story folder.
*There's an extra MIDI located in both the main directory and the story directory.
*Some new scripts are included that are completely empty.
I hope that this is the worst DMOD ever, right here. I desperately need this to be the worst DMOD. I don't want to see any that are worse than this. Please, I'm begging you, Dink Network. Let me have this one.
099: Dink Blackwood Author: Piotr Lanting Release Date: May 19, 2001
This feels almost like the template for a Dink Smallwood romp. The pieces are here, and they're assembled correctly, but somebody forgot to paint it in.
The title comes from the name of our protagonist. The description claims that the mod takes place on a different planet, but in the game itself, there's just one reference to the protagonist as "Dink Blackwood." I don't usually read reviews before writing these, but I had so little to say about this one that I gave the reviews a quick browse, and Binirit hit the nail on the head - "Dink has to fix a bridge" would have been a much more accurate title.
Indeed, Dink does have to fix a bridge. This involves finding a short cave and fighting a pretty tough stone giant boss. Once you come back and fix the bridge, the DMOD simply ends, with D.B. prancing merrily back and forth over it like a moron, shouting, "Woohoo the bridge is back!" It's the sort of ending that makes you think you played a demo, but this was intended as a final release.
It's all rather spare. The few characters you encounter say the absolute least they could possibly need to in order to fulfill their role in the simple plot. There are a couple of touches of flair - the cave entrance looks cool, the spikies inside are dormant until you step on them, which makes you tread carefully, and at last, we see the simple rain effect that redink1 demonstrated back in 1998 used in a proper DMOD, although it doesn't serve any purpose and stops almost immediately (it's too bad; one could build a lot of atmosphere with this simple effect). Apart from some depth que problems, it all works okay. It's competent. The screens are slightly above average. I wouldn't recommend it, although I will say it offers a stiff but totally fair challenge. If you do play it, be sure to save using the escape menu, as there are no savebots to be found.
Next up: you're correct, it's Back from the Grave. I'm glad, because after I've played it I'll be able to watch the DSPT run without spoiling it for myself.
