The Dink Network

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So if I were to put your words in a simpler form, would it be something like "Do not worry about things that aren't worth your time, because all it does is make you less of a person"?

...or something dramatic like that.

This sounds like a similar message to a great little book I read this year by Patricia Ryan Madson called Improv Wisdom: Don't Prepare, Just Show Up. It was about using the principles of improv theater in everyday life. I read it because I wanted to see what could be said for the idea of deliberately not planning things, since planning is normally how I try to handle life. I loved the whole book, and I think it could work for a lot of things, although she admits it doesn't apply to everything. Obviously you want your surgeon to be prepared.

Anyway, the overlap with your post is that with an improvisational approach, you stay flexible and can handle a lot of different things that happen without worrying too much about them. The no-failure mindset is a good starting point, but Madson's book fills out the approach with a lot of other good principles, which I'd have to look up later. I haven't put it all together in my own life yet, but this thread reminds me that I want to try that.

So if I were to put your words in a simpler form, would it be something like "Do not worry about things that aren't worth your time, because all it does is make you less of a person"?

Not necessarily. Everyone has different ways of doing things that works for them.. that doen't make them less of a person. I'm simply saying having a set mind that sees everything as either right or wrong means that you are unavoidably carrying the possibility of failure with you in everything you do.

Here is an interesting scenario that happened to me about three years ago: I saw a magician pickpocket someone's wallet, on stage, as part of their performance, without the person noticing, obviously. This was the first time I saw a pickpocket live, and I was amazed. Of course he was doing it for entertainment, and when he gave it back, the persons reaction was just "Wow". Afterwards I asked him how he did it.. his response was "I just took it", I thought about it and came to the result that, that is actually exactly what he did.. there's no secret, he wasn't hiding anything, he actually just took it from the guy's pocket.

I then went out and tried it about a 3 days later, at the pub. I pick-pocketed a guys wallet right out of his front pocket of his jacket and then gave it back to him and told him he might want to keep his wallet safer in the future. He was shocked and amazed at the same time.
A couple of months later in one of my stage shows I did for the local Christmas pageant, I did this same wallet steal to someone on stage and someone afterwards asked me, where did I learn it. My response was: "I didn't... I just took it out of his pocket." He responded with: "How? pick-pocketing is one of the most difficult things to learn isn't it?" I thought about what he said - and that was a mistake on my part... The next few times I did it, I got caught before I could complete the routine. The reason for this is, I actually created the fear in my own mind that it is difficult and I might get caught.. it is then that I realised the reason I could do it so easily before, is that I hadn't accepted the belief that it was difficult, or that I could fail.

I understand where you're coming from. When I was younger, I was constantly bullied and harassed by many people. I didn't react like they were the meanest arses around, and I didn't glare at them and tell the teacher every time.
Every name, every negative comment about me, my family, or my mother, I simply ignored them.
I had the mindset of not giving one flying duck to them or their opinions of me.

Eventually, after a few years of teasing and never getting a single response from me, everyone just stopped commenting. Every rare occasion that someone would comment on something cool I did, I would react positively, even if it was criticism.

So you're saying without the fear of failure you are much likelier not to fail? I don't think I actually 100% agree with you. I think this is highly based on luck and that nobody can really say if it works or not (for every person anyway). I think I 50/50 believe in this. But there are cases in which I've found this not to be true either.

EDIT: Just to be clear, I think this is a very nice and motivating idea. It can really inspire you. And of course I always encourage people to think positive and not waste their time fearing something stupid and pointless. I just think saying failure happens more often when you're afraid of it, is not entirely true. That's all.

I think it's true sometimes and not others too. But another book I read about memory made that point that stress can make it harder to recall things, so I think when it comes to memory, fear of failure does make failure more likely, although of course not fearing failure doesn't mean you'll be able to remember everything you need to.

Hmmm. I do find it interesting that many people today desperatly desire the approval of their peers. At the same time i dont understand it.
Ive never much cared about what other people think of me, i find it all unimportant. I only care if i find that their point is valid, and theres some undesirable trait i may have that i should change to become a better person.
After all aloofness isnt exactly a the thing that should stop you from growing.

If i fail in public at somthing or other, i will often turn it into somthing funny. If it isnt allready. Humour is somthing thats pretty important to me.
And people have often told me that they appreciate my ability to laugh at myself.

Its pretty much a fact that the easiest way to make somone laugh, is at your own expense.

Another thing i find interesting is how my brain works. Whenever i take one of those tests that people send around, where at the end it says:

If you said this your in the 98% if you said that your in the 2%

Im always in the 2%

Do i care about being in the 2%? not really. I just have one of those brains.

Some people try to be differant so hard that its obvious theyre trying.
I dont really try, i just am.

I found out that some people mostly use the left side of the brain, and some use the right side, and some use both equally. Apparantly im the last one.

Apparantly this means im not very decisive, and that i often have conflicting interests. I actually agree with that.

Ive often stopped to observe my own behaviour for study. I find that i do indeed have many conflicting interests. I dont usually like or want one thing or the other, i usually like or want both...

Anyways.... yeah.... im hoping you didnt actually read all that >.<

Interesting viewpoint on the matter Robj. I think there's definitely some truth to that, but I think as with your pickpocketing experiment there's also a luck factor involved as Skull pointed out. What I'm saying is, it could have been luck that your first pickpocket succeeded and the subsequent ones didn't

I'm a little against trying to analyze all that's going on with people, because everyone is so unique that it's hard to make rules about their potential reactions. All my life I've been someone who was afraid to step out in front of people, literally for 20 years I would fear having to stand in front of the class doing an assignment or a presentation. Today I'm a teacher. The thing that changed it for me was a rafting trip, go figure. One small event changed 20 years of fear. But trying to analyze what brought it on and replicating it would be in vain, because every situation or person is too different for this.

Yes, there are definitely simple rules such as conditioning that apply (like on the baby), but I think a much stronger panacea is the placebo effect. That's why I feel all those self help books and psychological mumbo jumbo COULD be true, but more than anything I feel it's true first and foremost for the person who wrote it. Because it helped for them. Because a certain pattern was observed by them. Even confirmation bias is a problem here.
They are 100% convinced something specific, an idea, an action, ... helped them cope with something and now it DOES help them cope with it! So yay, it worked and that's great! But it could also be a placebo and there's nothing wrong with that. Only that other people might not elicit the same reaction when trying to mimic their attitude. Research into placebos isn't very far along yet, but it has been proven that placebos can cure warts and they still work even AFTER the person has been told he will be given a placebo. This is likely a matter of two parts of the brain taking in information and storing it differently without communicating with each other. Very interesting stuff.

Thanks for posting this inspirational article Robj, was fun to read and think about And I would love to someday see you perform.

I would love to someday see you perform.

Rob you seriously gotta flip us a youtube video or somthin.

i think the power of suggestion comes in here too - like telling a kid to "be careful or you will fall" - is a surefire way for them to fall ( i have tested this and it works 99% of the time - feel bad hehe didnt think it would) one kid high up in a hedge - been there for ages and never thought of falling till u tell them to be careful - it reminds them its possible and they loose their looseness and splat - down they come.

As adults we need to toss off the restrictions our parents placed on us growing up - thats their stuff and we don;t need to take it with us as we move ahead in our lives. Some people always live under rules and restrictions they had as a kid and never realise they don't need to live that way - their choice is fresh if they want to take it - so they never live to their potential or release old hurts because of this - so sad

It's more straightforward to just yell "NO!!"... until they start asking why.