Reply to Re: Lost Crystals (Fiction) Chapter 2.1
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God danged, this story is lame. Sorry for my blunt honesty, but I couldn't take this crap anymore.
Now, to go from destructive to constructive mode; You need more story — and a more probable one, to say the least. Two people who randomly meet and just out of nowhere becomes best friends bent on the thought of saving the world is not probable. And at least not original. Your story needs less dialog. To be honest, the whole thing smells of being a transcribed comic, just without the graphics.
Furthermore, each chapter is way too short, way too fast paced, the story progresses way too fast, and there is waaaay too little background information given on absolutely everything.
And, really... stuff like "look at all the rats, let's kill them" — Exactly how does these things progress the story? It's... filler crap, at best.
Now, to go from destructive to constructive mode; You need more story — and a more probable one, to say the least. Two people who randomly meet and just out of nowhere becomes best friends bent on the thought of saving the world is not probable. And at least not original. Your story needs less dialog. To be honest, the whole thing smells of being a transcribed comic, just without the graphics.
Furthermore, each chapter is way too short, way too fast paced, the story progresses way too fast, and there is waaaay too little background information given on absolutely everything.
And, really... stuff like "look at all the rats, let's kill them" — Exactly how does these things progress the story? It's... filler crap, at best.
