Reply to Re: Semester Fleece
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I hesitate to critcize anything, because you write so much better than I could ever hope to, but I thought this one lacked a little polish, at least by comparison to your other work. (Not a lot...)
For instance, "I" starts and/or serves as the subject for several sentences in a row at some points. Always hard to get around that one, but it sometimes makes things less interesting.
Generally, it read less smoothly than the other stories. In specific the little digressions didn't work as well.
"My drive was not long or torturous: living ten miles away from the university has rare advantages. I briefly wondered what would have happened if I had not been expelled, but my mind went numb from the radio’s drone."
That paragraph, for instance, seemed wrong. Also, the Will and Grace thing, though funny, didn't fit at all. Sorry I can't suggest more, but you can't do that much to this good a story.
For instance, "I" starts and/or serves as the subject for several sentences in a row at some points. Always hard to get around that one, but it sometimes makes things less interesting.
Generally, it read less smoothly than the other stories. In specific the little digressions didn't work as well.
"My drive was not long or torturous: living ten miles away from the university has rare advantages. I briefly wondered what would have happened if I had not been expelled, but my mind went numb from the radio’s drone."
That paragraph, for instance, seemed wrong. Also, the Will and Grace thing, though funny, didn't fit at all. Sorry I can't suggest more, but you can't do that much to this good a story.
