Reply to Re: I need to know how to improve
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I'll begin with a comedic moment ... at page bottom is some random quote found somewhere on this site. Bottom of this page for me is, ("I remember poking pong into my Vic20." - millimeter.) This must be from 2005'ish, but seems appropriately places when I think about it. 
In a way, I was blessed with an awesome Nana. Sometimes, if she felt an action I was considering could cause me harm or disappointment, she may have cautioned me about the possible negative outcomes, but reminded me that the decision was ultimately mine. Most times though, she simply allowed me to learn through my own actions.
I have tried to include that in my life and have passed that same mindset to my own children, with a little something more. I believe that when a person is considering an action, anyone who can be impacted by that decision is entitled to voice their opinion to the level that they may be impacted by it. Anyone who will not be impacted by the decision, should not presume their vote counts. Perhaps their opinion will count to someone actually asking for it, but if it isn't asked for then your opinion is exactly that, yours and often times it's best kept to yourself.
I have worked in IT for the last 20+ years and have encountered many different personality types. One thing that has become clear is that many people who feel they do not have complete control over themselves for what ever reason. Whether their sense of loss of control is caused by social of financial situations, choosing the wrong people to associate with, work with or for, or simply the ever evolving society model, their lack of control of self quickly escalates into loss of self control. This then, oftentimes, escalates into believing that if they can manage to gain control of everyone around them or all situations they will be involved in, there is a false belief that magically they will also gain control of themselves.
Based solely on your writing in this post, it reads like you are allowing chaos to define your actions and subconsciously presuming that gaining control of your environment and everything in it, must include gaining control of yourself. If so, then I suggest that gaining control of yourself is much more important than trying to gain control of anything else. Becoming aware that there is a problem is the first and biggest step, so now your next step is to determine how you can bring it into a manageable manner.
To be blunt, if the other person's decision cannot directly impact you then your opinion isn't needed unless asked for. Even when you vehemently disagree with another person's decision that cannot impact you at all, your only acceptable action is to agree with their having sole right to make that decision. Chances are, the best way to indicate you agree with that right, is to say nothing and smile gently.
If you truly feel you have offended someone important to you, like a significant other, a meant apology is never a bad thing. It's not guaranteed to make them like you again immediately, but it does allow the beginning of the healing process.
If I have managed to offend you in anyway with my post, suck it up buttercup. I've been here nearly as long as you (unless you discount for my prolonged absence) and there's a strong likelihood I out-kid you by up to 4.
Seriously though, I think you are about to round the corner because you have reached out for guidance. I also think you are about to grow tremendously as a person and from what I've read of you so far, you won't be transitioning from Bad to Good but rather, from Good with Issues to Great.
Mm.
Aka, Wee-Lamm.
In a way, I was blessed with an awesome Nana. Sometimes, if she felt an action I was considering could cause me harm or disappointment, she may have cautioned me about the possible negative outcomes, but reminded me that the decision was ultimately mine. Most times though, she simply allowed me to learn through my own actions.
I have tried to include that in my life and have passed that same mindset to my own children, with a little something more. I believe that when a person is considering an action, anyone who can be impacted by that decision is entitled to voice their opinion to the level that they may be impacted by it. Anyone who will not be impacted by the decision, should not presume their vote counts. Perhaps their opinion will count to someone actually asking for it, but if it isn't asked for then your opinion is exactly that, yours and often times it's best kept to yourself.
I have worked in IT for the last 20+ years and have encountered many different personality types. One thing that has become clear is that many people who feel they do not have complete control over themselves for what ever reason. Whether their sense of loss of control is caused by social of financial situations, choosing the wrong people to associate with, work with or for, or simply the ever evolving society model, their lack of control of self quickly escalates into loss of self control. This then, oftentimes, escalates into believing that if they can manage to gain control of everyone around them or all situations they will be involved in, there is a false belief that magically they will also gain control of themselves.
Based solely on your writing in this post, it reads like you are allowing chaos to define your actions and subconsciously presuming that gaining control of your environment and everything in it, must include gaining control of yourself. If so, then I suggest that gaining control of yourself is much more important than trying to gain control of anything else. Becoming aware that there is a problem is the first and biggest step, so now your next step is to determine how you can bring it into a manageable manner.
To be blunt, if the other person's decision cannot directly impact you then your opinion isn't needed unless asked for. Even when you vehemently disagree with another person's decision that cannot impact you at all, your only acceptable action is to agree with their having sole right to make that decision. Chances are, the best way to indicate you agree with that right, is to say nothing and smile gently.
If you truly feel you have offended someone important to you, like a significant other, a meant apology is never a bad thing. It's not guaranteed to make them like you again immediately, but it does allow the beginning of the healing process.
If I have managed to offend you in anyway with my post, suck it up buttercup. I've been here nearly as long as you (unless you discount for my prolonged absence) and there's a strong likelihood I out-kid you by up to 4.
Seriously though, I think you are about to round the corner because you have reached out for guidance. I also think you are about to grow tremendously as a person and from what I've read of you so far, you won't be transitioning from Bad to Good but rather, from Good with Issues to Great.
Mm.
Aka, Wee-Lamm.
