Reply to Re: Crazy Old Tim Plays all the DMODs of 2004
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Hey everybody! Ready to see more 2004 DMODs? Toooooo bad!
--Missed DMOD Catchup Special!--
Damn it, I missed some DMODs.
I happened to spot "Secret of Amehoela" on the DMOD list, and I realized to my horror that I never covered it. Then I saw that Christiaan had also made a demo called "Legend of TerraEarth" that I hadn't picked up either. I found the release dates for both of these DMODs on an old archived version of the Dink Network from early 2002 when it was hosted by Telefragged (thanks, archive.org). I also tracked down the release date for Christiaan's "Secret of Parizaya," which I had previously only been able to narrow down to September 2001 (it was released on the 21st, but not uploaded until the 24th). It turns out that these three DMODs by Christiaan were all released within two months, and nobody else released a DMOD in this time.
So, why did I miss these releases? When I compiled my initial list, I used a combination of Mike Snyder's old archive, an archived version of the Dink Network from 2001, and the modern DN archives that go back to December 2001. Those few months from September to November were a gap in my sources at the time!
It gets worse. This made me decide to go back and check my whole list against the whole files section. It turns out I was missing two more DMODs as well - "Fountain of Life," released on November 5, 1999, and "Goblinoma Z," released on April 2, 2003. I don't know how I missed that last one, since it's new enough to be in the current news archives.
This messes me all up. Now, my big "halfway point" of Green Voice was inaccurate. If I were to put the four DMODs I missed where they actually go, they'd be numbers 46, 107, 108 and 153. My yearly counts have to be changed - I now have 21 mods for 1999, 26 for 2001 and 37 (tied for first!) for 2003. This brings the total number of DMODs on my list to 350. Going back and fixing all this would be a nightmare, so I'm just gonna stick them here. Sorry. Know that I was tempted to just go on pretending these DMODs don't exist, but damn it, "All the DMODs" means ALL the DMODs.
185: The Fountain of Life (Demo) Author: Christian Appelgren Release Date: November 5, 1999
"I have a mission for you..."
"Again?!"
In this VERY short demo, the King instructs Dink to deliver a present to a girl named Jischlie, on whom His Highness obviously has some sort of crush. Before he can even leave the throne room, however, the castle is invaded by a wizard and his goblin soldiers.
Oh no, it's evil Santa! We're doomed!
This wizard guy announces that he wants to kill the king. The goblins easily dispatch the King's two guards, and they beat up Dink and drag him off to the dungeon. At this point, there is nothing at all standing between Evil Santa and his goal of regicide. So what does he do? He puts the king in some kind of fireball cage. I don't get it. Why not just kill him? You just said that that's what you wanted to do.
Dink must escape from the dungeon, which he can do by sending the guard off to get him a cup of water and then pushing on a shelf. After that, there's a short cave full of pillbugs, which can simply be avoided. The cave leads outside, where it's a short walk to a place where Dink declares you've reached the end of the demo. There's a house where you can beat up some slimes for an old lady and receive a reward of 200 experience, if you're looking for something to do here. It's also possible to return to Dink's cell from the other side and kill the goblin guard for a laugh. Other than that, there's nothing. There's no fountain in this DMOD, and no Jischlie. You can open the present yourself if you like. It's a box of chocolates, which Dink will scarf down to restore his health - not a bad idea since you're reduced to 1 HP after the intro.
This could have been a pretty fun little Dink adventure, but it ends just as it gets started in this demo. At least I didn't run into any bugs or map errors.
186: Secret of Amehoela Author: Christiaan Janssen Release Date: October 2, 2001
"He is a fan of Limp Bizkit! And the rest of the world is fan of Metallica."
This is the second DMOD by Christiaan, the author of "Secret of Parizaya." I could not begin to attempt to pronounce the title.
Mimifish's review of this DMOD says, "ignore this one even if you decide to play every dmod available." To be fair, I did for a while.
Why am I giving this the DFMAOB? Well, take a look at the title screen:
Uh, no.
"Parizaya" may not have been a great DMOD, but Christiaan clearly wasn't trying here. This is meant to be a joke DMOD, but I didn't find it funny. The thin plot has it that Sori (from "Parizaya") has turned into a puppet. This is represented by one of the worst sets of hero replacement graphics I've seen.
Even the hero from "Zoltron" looks much better. And those pillbugs, yuck!
He looks bad, he stutters back and forth, the side views do not look like the same object as the front view, and he always appears to be facing toward the player every time he stops moving. What's worse, pushing turns him into a box with the word, "Push!" on it. If he dies, he's another box that says, "You're Dead!" Attacking produces a little poorly-drawn explosion that says, "Boo," which doesn't give you a good idea of the direction or range of your attack.
The puppet thing is a reference to the Metallica song "Master of Puppets." All the text in this DMOD revolves around Metallica and Limp Bizkit. Sori, a Metallica fan, must defeat the evil puppetmaster Sjors, who likes the despicable Limp Bizkit. Me, I'm no Metallica fan, but I can get behind anybody who wants to hate on Limp Bizkit.
Almost every other character in the DMOD has the same graphics as Sori.
You know, with all the Metallica and "Master of Puppets" references, I can't imagine why Christiaan didn't use a MIDI of "Master of Puppets" for the boss fight, or indeed anywhere in the DMOD. I mean, I've seen several other DMODs use it, so why not this one? You get Final Fantasy music instead.
"Amehoela" is very short and pointless. There are a couple of 'secrets' you can find, but one of them is just a useless room full of big hearts, and the other is a not-particularly-helpful strength potion. After you beat the boss, you just die at the end. Sorry, Sori.
187: The Legend of TerraEarth (Demo) Author: Christiaan Janssen Release Date: November 19, 2001
"This is an introduction to the new fighting-system."
Hey look, the intro has a cool ghost dragon from Heroes of Might and Magic III! Sadly, it's not in the actual game.
This is a demonstration of a battle system that was planned for use in a full DMOD called "Legend of TerraEarth." It works like this: You walk up to an enemy and strike it to start a battle encounter. Your turn comes up, and you've got five seconds to attack the enemy in the usual Dink Smallwood manner. Putting some distance between you and your foe before your turn is up is also a good idea, because the enemy then gets five seconds to attack you, and the most common attack is to charge into you. There are four enemies to fight in this demo: a slime, a "fire dinosaur" (flame bonca), a dragon and a skeleton warrior.
A battle encounter.
There's really no win condition here. You can go view some credits, but you can do that any time you want. The idea seems to be that you should have to do some serious grinding to fight the harder monsters, but as long as you put some distance and hopefully a solid object between yourself and the monster at the end of your turn, you should be able to beat everything. I was. Some magic attacks will still hit you, but you'll escape most turns unscathed. Some of the enemies' magic attacks aren't even very useful. The fireball spell usually doesn't target you correctly.
The DMOD also features an area where you can view some of the tiles that were intended for the full version. It looks like a patchwork quilt.
There's a voice clip of some kid singing, "We are loading, you are waiting," when you start the DMOD. It's kind of interesting the first time, but this also plays on a constant loop on the screen with a savebot. It annoyed the hell out of me.
The battle system is interesting for a change of pace, but the fights do tend to drag on, and it might have been a pain to play a whole DMOD this way. I'm not sure the system really works that well, anyway. I'd rather have the standard action RPG combat or a traditional, fully turn-based system if you want to go in that direction.
188: Goblinoma Z Author: O. Ellis Release Date: April 2, 2003
"I fink I lef 'em up norf, when I was fifing."
I can't imagine why I missed this one. Oopsiedoodles!
That is one bizarre title. "Goblinoma" sounds like a kind of cancer that only goblins get.
This isn't one of the worst DMODs I've played, really. The gameplay is acceptable as a typical low-effort romp. It doesn't have any bugs that prevent the player from finishing. Why the DFMAOB, then? Because this DMOD has the WORST map ever. That's not hyperbole. This is the single worst map I have ever seen in a DMOD.
No! No trophy for you!
Almost no effort is made to make a landscape out of the map tiles. No thought is given to the way different tiles are meant to join together. Instead, tiles are spread across the screen in a bizarre and offensive mishmash that makes no sense. I started to wonder whether the map had been designed by a program that randomly shuffled the tiles around. The screens are poorly laid out, and it's easy to get stuck at the edges and in corners. Things that shouldn't be hard are hard, like tiny tufts of grass. The edges of the map are unmarked, invisible walls; what's worse, the map is not rectangular, so you have to go around walking into all of the invisible walls in order to figure out where to go.
Make the bad person stop hurting the map editor! Make them STOPPPPP
When the DMOD starts, the game fades down and there is a long pause. There are supposed to be sounds here, but they don't play for some reason. At first, I thought the game was just broken. When it finally fades up, Dink wonders aloud who it was that just beat him up and took his stuff. It turns out that it was a goblin named Erzig, but Dink can't take him on right away. After running a couple of errands (retrieving an old man's trophy, saving a young girl from a bonca), a man volunteers to help Dink fight Erzig, but when he tries, he just gets killed. Dink has to talk to a wizard about getting a powerful glove - the Goblinoma Z. Punching the goblin to death at the end is a bit tricky, but I managed it on my first try.
This one would settle comfortably into the sands of mediocrity if it weren't for a map so feverishly awful it seems almost inspired. So... at least it's memorable for something, I guess.
--Missed DMOD Catchup Special!--
Damn it, I missed some DMODs.
I happened to spot "Secret of Amehoela" on the DMOD list, and I realized to my horror that I never covered it. Then I saw that Christiaan had also made a demo called "Legend of TerraEarth" that I hadn't picked up either. I found the release dates for both of these DMODs on an old archived version of the Dink Network from early 2002 when it was hosted by Telefragged (thanks, archive.org). I also tracked down the release date for Christiaan's "Secret of Parizaya," which I had previously only been able to narrow down to September 2001 (it was released on the 21st, but not uploaded until the 24th). It turns out that these three DMODs by Christiaan were all released within two months, and nobody else released a DMOD in this time.
So, why did I miss these releases? When I compiled my initial list, I used a combination of Mike Snyder's old archive, an archived version of the Dink Network from 2001, and the modern DN archives that go back to December 2001. Those few months from September to November were a gap in my sources at the time!
It gets worse. This made me decide to go back and check my whole list against the whole files section. It turns out I was missing two more DMODs as well - "Fountain of Life," released on November 5, 1999, and "Goblinoma Z," released on April 2, 2003. I don't know how I missed that last one, since it's new enough to be in the current news archives.
This messes me all up. Now, my big "halfway point" of Green Voice was inaccurate. If I were to put the four DMODs I missed where they actually go, they'd be numbers 46, 107, 108 and 153. My yearly counts have to be changed - I now have 21 mods for 1999, 26 for 2001 and 37 (tied for first!) for 2003. This brings the total number of DMODs on my list to 350. Going back and fixing all this would be a nightmare, so I'm just gonna stick them here. Sorry. Know that I was tempted to just go on pretending these DMODs don't exist, but damn it, "All the DMODs" means ALL the DMODs.
185: The Fountain of Life (Demo) Author: Christian Appelgren Release Date: November 5, 1999
"I have a mission for you..."
"Again?!"
In this VERY short demo, the King instructs Dink to deliver a present to a girl named Jischlie, on whom His Highness obviously has some sort of crush. Before he can even leave the throne room, however, the castle is invaded by a wizard and his goblin soldiers.
Oh no, it's evil Santa! We're doomed!
This wizard guy announces that he wants to kill the king. The goblins easily dispatch the King's two guards, and they beat up Dink and drag him off to the dungeon. At this point, there is nothing at all standing between Evil Santa and his goal of regicide. So what does he do? He puts the king in some kind of fireball cage. I don't get it. Why not just kill him? You just said that that's what you wanted to do.
Dink must escape from the dungeon, which he can do by sending the guard off to get him a cup of water and then pushing on a shelf. After that, there's a short cave full of pillbugs, which can simply be avoided. The cave leads outside, where it's a short walk to a place where Dink declares you've reached the end of the demo. There's a house where you can beat up some slimes for an old lady and receive a reward of 200 experience, if you're looking for something to do here. It's also possible to return to Dink's cell from the other side and kill the goblin guard for a laugh. Other than that, there's nothing. There's no fountain in this DMOD, and no Jischlie. You can open the present yourself if you like. It's a box of chocolates, which Dink will scarf down to restore his health - not a bad idea since you're reduced to 1 HP after the intro.
This could have been a pretty fun little Dink adventure, but it ends just as it gets started in this demo. At least I didn't run into any bugs or map errors.
186: Secret of Amehoela Author: Christiaan Janssen Release Date: October 2, 2001
"He is a fan of Limp Bizkit! And the rest of the world is fan of Metallica."
This is the second DMOD by Christiaan, the author of "Secret of Parizaya." I could not begin to attempt to pronounce the title.
Mimifish's review of this DMOD says, "ignore this one even if you decide to play every dmod available." To be fair, I did for a while.
*********This DMOD, "Secret of Amehoela,"********** ********Has been awarded the prestigious********* ****DINK FOREVER MEMORIAL AWARD OF BADNESS***** ********On this day September 19, 2014*******
Why am I giving this the DFMAOB? Well, take a look at the title screen:
Uh, no.
"Parizaya" may not have been a great DMOD, but Christiaan clearly wasn't trying here. This is meant to be a joke DMOD, but I didn't find it funny. The thin plot has it that Sori (from "Parizaya") has turned into a puppet. This is represented by one of the worst sets of hero replacement graphics I've seen.
Even the hero from "Zoltron" looks much better. And those pillbugs, yuck!
He looks bad, he stutters back and forth, the side views do not look like the same object as the front view, and he always appears to be facing toward the player every time he stops moving. What's worse, pushing turns him into a box with the word, "Push!" on it. If he dies, he's another box that says, "You're Dead!" Attacking produces a little poorly-drawn explosion that says, "Boo," which doesn't give you a good idea of the direction or range of your attack.
The puppet thing is a reference to the Metallica song "Master of Puppets." All the text in this DMOD revolves around Metallica and Limp Bizkit. Sori, a Metallica fan, must defeat the evil puppetmaster Sjors, who likes the despicable Limp Bizkit. Me, I'm no Metallica fan, but I can get behind anybody who wants to hate on Limp Bizkit.
Almost every other character in the DMOD has the same graphics as Sori.
You know, with all the Metallica and "Master of Puppets" references, I can't imagine why Christiaan didn't use a MIDI of "Master of Puppets" for the boss fight, or indeed anywhere in the DMOD. I mean, I've seen several other DMODs use it, so why not this one? You get Final Fantasy music instead.
"Amehoela" is very short and pointless. There are a couple of 'secrets' you can find, but one of them is just a useless room full of big hearts, and the other is a not-particularly-helpful strength potion. After you beat the boss, you just die at the end. Sorry, Sori.
187: The Legend of TerraEarth (Demo) Author: Christiaan Janssen Release Date: November 19, 2001
"This is an introduction to the new fighting-system."
Hey look, the intro has a cool ghost dragon from Heroes of Might and Magic III! Sadly, it's not in the actual game.
This is a demonstration of a battle system that was planned for use in a full DMOD called "Legend of TerraEarth." It works like this: You walk up to an enemy and strike it to start a battle encounter. Your turn comes up, and you've got five seconds to attack the enemy in the usual Dink Smallwood manner. Putting some distance between you and your foe before your turn is up is also a good idea, because the enemy then gets five seconds to attack you, and the most common attack is to charge into you. There are four enemies to fight in this demo: a slime, a "fire dinosaur" (flame bonca), a dragon and a skeleton warrior.
A battle encounter.
There's really no win condition here. You can go view some credits, but you can do that any time you want. The idea seems to be that you should have to do some serious grinding to fight the harder monsters, but as long as you put some distance and hopefully a solid object between yourself and the monster at the end of your turn, you should be able to beat everything. I was. Some magic attacks will still hit you, but you'll escape most turns unscathed. Some of the enemies' magic attacks aren't even very useful. The fireball spell usually doesn't target you correctly.
The DMOD also features an area where you can view some of the tiles that were intended for the full version. It looks like a patchwork quilt.
There's a voice clip of some kid singing, "We are loading, you are waiting," when you start the DMOD. It's kind of interesting the first time, but this also plays on a constant loop on the screen with a savebot. It annoyed the hell out of me.
The battle system is interesting for a change of pace, but the fights do tend to drag on, and it might have been a pain to play a whole DMOD this way. I'm not sure the system really works that well, anyway. I'd rather have the standard action RPG combat or a traditional, fully turn-based system if you want to go in that direction.
188: Goblinoma Z Author: O. Ellis Release Date: April 2, 2003
"I fink I lef 'em up norf, when I was fifing."
I can't imagine why I missed this one. Oopsiedoodles!
That is one bizarre title. "Goblinoma" sounds like a kind of cancer that only goblins get.
************This DMOD, "Goblinoma Z,"************** ********Has been awarded the prestigious********* ****DINK FOREVER MEMORIAL AWARD OF BADNESS***** ********On this day September 19, 2014*******
This isn't one of the worst DMODs I've played, really. The gameplay is acceptable as a typical low-effort romp. It doesn't have any bugs that prevent the player from finishing. Why the DFMAOB, then? Because this DMOD has the WORST map ever. That's not hyperbole. This is the single worst map I have ever seen in a DMOD.
No! No trophy for you!
Almost no effort is made to make a landscape out of the map tiles. No thought is given to the way different tiles are meant to join together. Instead, tiles are spread across the screen in a bizarre and offensive mishmash that makes no sense. I started to wonder whether the map had been designed by a program that randomly shuffled the tiles around. The screens are poorly laid out, and it's easy to get stuck at the edges and in corners. Things that shouldn't be hard are hard, like tiny tufts of grass. The edges of the map are unmarked, invisible walls; what's worse, the map is not rectangular, so you have to go around walking into all of the invisible walls in order to figure out where to go.
Make the bad person stop hurting the map editor! Make them STOPPPPP
When the DMOD starts, the game fades down and there is a long pause. There are supposed to be sounds here, but they don't play for some reason. At first, I thought the game was just broken. When it finally fades up, Dink wonders aloud who it was that just beat him up and took his stuff. It turns out that it was a goblin named Erzig, but Dink can't take him on right away. After running a couple of errands (retrieving an old man's trophy, saving a young girl from a bonca), a man volunteers to help Dink fight Erzig, but when he tries, he just gets killed. Dink has to talk to a wizard about getting a powerful glove - the Goblinoma Z. Punching the goblin to death at the end is a bit tricky, but I managed it on my first try.
This one would settle comfortably into the sands of mediocrity if it weren't for a map so feverishly awful it seems almost inspired. So... at least it's memorable for something, I guess.
