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--Crazy Old Tim Plays All the DMODs--
Directory
1998 | HTML version
1999 | HTML version
2000 | HTML version
2001 | Article version
2002 | Article version
2003
2005
2006
2007
2008-2009
2010
2011-2015
Achievement unlocked: Started reading another COTPATD topic.
2004 saw the release of 22 DMODs, which is 14 fewer than the previous year and the least so far of any year except 1999. Still, I've seen people refer to it on multiple occasions as either a part or the end of some kind of "golden age." This probably has to do with the release of two very highly-regarded DMODs, SabreTrout and Arik's "Cloud Castle 2: Scarab" and Redink1's "Cast Awakening Part 1: Initiation," back to back in September. I've probably seen "Scarab" mentioned more often than any other DMOD when the "best DMOD ever" discussion comes up.
Another contest was also held this year: the "Weird DMOD Contest," which I will be getting to very soon.
181: Dink's Father 3: The Hypnotizer Author: Mads Baardsgaard (Lancemads) Release Date: January 16, 2004
"That guy in green pants killed two of our fellows!"
So many planned DMOD trilogies have petered out after one or two installments. That third installment seems elusive indeed. I guess you have to give Lancemads some credit for sticking to his word.
I held out a little bit of hope for this one. It was probably because of the amount of time that had passed. "Dink's Father 3" came out nine months after the second installment, and a full year after the original. Surely, I reasoned, that's long enough for the author to have learned his lesson about some of the things he'd done wrong in his earlier releases. I didn't set my sights particularly high, mind you, but I dared to hope, at least, that "Dink's Father 3" would be the first game in the series that it was possible to finish without cheating. This was a mistake.
The description informs us that in this part, Dink "begins to hunt down the hypnotizer who did make the life bad in part 2." Okay, the word is 'hypnotist,' but it's a step in the right direction to follow up on a plot element that seemed abandoned in the second part. On the other hand, this feels like a decision made after the fact. I have a pretty strong hunch that Lancemads never had a plan for his trilogy - he just decided that it would be a trilogy, and filled in the details later. There's no sign of Dink's father in "Dink's Father 3," although he might have died in the unreachable ending of part 2 for all I know.
The game starts in a snowy version of the town of Brooksville from the earlier installments. The story and dialogue are still a mess, but the author did an okay job putting road tiles in the snow.
Not the best I've seen, but it looks better than it did in "The Legend of the Duck."
Frustration sets in very quickly as it becomes clear how sloppy this DMOD is. The depth dot being all wrong is the rule, not the exception. When you're not supposed to go in a certain direction yet, the DMOD blocks you off with an invisible hard object and gives no explanation. Several NPCs have no script attached. An area later on has a row of screens with "invisible walls" at the top. Almost immediately, you come to a woman who leaves you frozen if you select "Leave" while talking to her (the author forgot the "&" in "&result"). It's necessary to talk to this woman to progress, but this isn't where the unavoidable dead end occurs, since it's possible to select the "correct" option and continue.
This mod does have a couple of laughs to it. When you meet a character called "the oracle," she remarks, "I could ask you to sit down, but you`re not going to anyway," referencing Dink's lack of a proper sitting pose. When Dink wonders how she knows he won't sit, the oracle replies, "Err... I have no chairs." I got a kick out of this, as it's a way more subtle fourth-wall joke than you usually encounter. Later, I got another laugh out of two enemy soldiers who talk amongst themselves at a tavern. One of their random conversations is just pulled from the original game ("Quite toasty things got!"), but they also have this exchange:
Joe?
"Yeah."
"I think we might have a problem."
"What?"
"I`ve got no money to pay for the drinks."
"Crap"
It was so unexpected that I laughed.
After speaking to the oracle, there's a desert you have to cross. You have to carefully follow a crude but effective map and visit every watering hole, or Dink will die of thirst. It's a very easy puzzle, but it's unique and works well enough. It is kind of odd how you drink by reading the signs that are several feet away from the actual water, though.
Whoever named this desert didn't have a great imagination.
It's not long after that segment that you run into the killer glitch. Dink has to fight a couple of knights who are agents of the "hypnotizer." The script creates invisible, hard objects to prevent you from leaving the screen during the fight by walking into either of the warps that are on that screen - fine. But when you win, the script fails to remove the objects, and you're stuck.
This vase is meant to either hypnotize the people or protect them from evil hypnosis. I don't know; you try figuring out this nonsense.
Desperate for some closure, I cheated my way past this. It isn't long afterward that you end up in the final area: the "cavern of cheese doodles," where you are attacked by cheesy snacks. The final boss (the hypnotizer himself) is too hard - maybe not impossible, but too hard in my book. He's a slayer who moves fast and can paralyze you with his spell of "hypnotition" (really), making it impossible to dodge his attacks. It seems to me that this kind of ruins the entire idea of Dink Smallwood's combat system. There's no resolution if you do beat him - Dink is told to go take a vacation. Some ending to a trilogy.
I can't wrap my head around why this DMOD is so terrible. Lancemads had so much time to learn. The readme says "I`ve really lain in my soul in this one," and I kind of believe it, which depresses me. I don't enjoy hating on this, you know. It could have been an amusing, if nonsensical, romp. There's a neat bit where Dink dodges a fireball, matrix style, by bending over using half of his falling animation. But this sloppiness is inexcusable. The readme also blames any bugs on beta tester Glenn, but there are some bugs you don't even need a beta tester to catch, and every one of this guy's DMODs has that kind of bug. If you can't play your own DMOD from start to finish, you shouldn't release it! Argh!
Whatever, I'm done. No more Dink's Father and no more Lancemads. Thank goodness.
--The Weird DMOD Contest--
Told you I'd be getting to it soon!
The Dink Network's third DMOD contest was announced on December 14, 2003. The theme of "weirdness" was a lot more subjective than the previous themes. You can't get more clear than "the hero has to be someone other than Dink," and while "evil" is a bit more debatable, people generally have a good idea of what it is. But what, exactly, constitutes a "weird" DMOD?
This is how Redink1 explained it:
The D-Mod must be 'Weird' in some easily identifiable way. 'Weird' is a term given to non-traditional D-Mods, meaning D-Mods where it isn't just the player guiding Dink around, talking to people, and killing monsters.
So it could be an arcade-type game, point-and-click adventure, non-interactive movie, extremely odd looking and playing D-Mod, an adventure where you or someone else real is 'sucked into' the D-Mod, or something that nobody has thought of yet.
"Weird" might not be the best word for this. A DMOD that consists of Dink walking around talking to people and killing monsters can certainly still be very weird. The Super Nintendo RPG "EarthBound" is weird as hell, and it's still a fairly conventional RPG. Instead, this is a reference to a old file category that isn't used anymore. At least it's clear enough.
Three entries were submitted to the contest; they were released on February 8, 2004.
182: Dream Weaver: Silent Knight Author: Illusivefing Release Date: February 8, 2004
"You have become nothing to me but a mere toy. I have been but playing with your mind."
"Dream Weaver" placed third in the contest. The consensus seemed to be that, while it wasn't a bad DMOD, it didn't fit the theme very well. Indeed, it doesn't seem to respond to the prompt at all. "[G]uiding Dink around, talking to people, and killing monsters" is exactly what the player does here. Even by a more conventional definition of "weird," this DMOD isn't really any weirder than most.
This DMOD starts with Dink reading a book called "Wizards of Coastal Piracy." He falls asleep and has a dream, but unusual things continue to happen after he wakes up. It's unclear whether he's awake, dreaming, or in a state that's a combination of both.
There's some pretty interesting decoration in this DMOD.
Dink's dream is filled with reflections from his past. We see a childhood for Dink that doesn't quite seem to line up with what we know about him, although it doesn't directly contradict anything from the original game. It's all pretty sentimental until Dink's childhood crush suddenly goes mad and starts attacking him. It turns out Dink's mind and dreams are being manipulated by somebody called the "Silent Knight."
I got stuck almost immediately because of odd map design. Quite early on, the path to continue is hidden on the edge of a screen. It looks like a solid wall of trees.
You have to walk right from here. C'mon, that's terrible map design.
I found my way past that, but ended up getting completely stuck on another puzzle later. In discussions of the file, I see people talking about a telescope and a puzzle that involves looking at stars, but I never found any such thing. In the absence of a walkthrough, I gave up. I guess I'm not all that smart, but I combed every screen and saw no way to proceed.
It seems like a competent DMOD as far as I can tell. There's plenty of baddies to fight. There's an interesting shop where you can buy stat potions - not for gold, which doesn't exist in this DMOD, but for experience points. This doesn't replace the leveling system, since you can only spend experience points earned on your current level, but it supplements it in an interesting way. Potions get more expensive as you buy them.
"Dream Weaver" might not be very weird, but it managed to stump me. Congrats, Illusivefing, I guess.
183: Progeny Author: Simon Klaebe Release Date: February 8, 2004
"At 6 inches, you are no longer a small wood."
"Progeny" is the sixth and final DMOD by Simon Klaebe. Well, final for now, anyway. We all know that "Necromancer" is coming out tomorrow, right?
It came in second in the contest. It certainly is a weird DMOD by any definition.
Simon, Simon, Simon. What can one do at this point but shrug one's shoulders, shake one's head, and laugh?
Simon Klaebe, ladies and gentlemen. Let's give him a big hand.
This is a game where you shoot sperm into... sperm receptacles (they don't look much like any human anatomy I'm familiar with, but they're similar enough to get the point across). They open and close and spin around, making hitting your target somewhat difficult. Successfully create progeny and your dick will level up! Charmingly immature comments are made for every level up to 12 ("The tripod has landed!").
I wasn't terribly shocked by this DMOD, but my wife saw it and exclaimed, "Absolutely not! That is unacceptable! See me after class." (She asked me to let you know that she was joking, lest you think she was actually offended by Simon's silly game.)
Believe it or not, this isn't the only game I've ever played that has turned the sex act into a bizarre shoot-em-up. I am reminded of The C word (I doubt I can say its real name here), a game from 2008. I almost linked to it, but it occurred to me that I might well get my post deleted by doing so. It is a lot grosser than "Progeny." It is "not life safe," as they used to say on a forum I once frequented. You can find it on Newgrounds under the title "the C word" if you're really curious. The artist behind that game, Edmund McMillen, is most famous nowadays for Super Meat Boy. But hey, SimonK did it first.
"Progeny" isn't bad as a game, except that the lag gets really out of hand and it messes with the timing. Playing without true color mode on might help. Things are mixed up a bit toward the end with a round where you have to collect keys. These are used in the last round to unlock... um, targets... that are encased with chastity belts.
These suckers are hard to hit.
I managed 10 inches. I think my wife would quit in protest if I had that going on in real life.
184: Triangle Mover Author: Paul Pliska Release Date: February 8, 2004
"Triangle Mover" was the winner of the Weird DMOD contest.
This is a puzzle game that uses the Dink engine! Colored balls shoot out from little emitters, and you have to use the mouse to pick up and move various objects in order to guide the balls to their properly-colored targets.
Here are the rules.
This is a very clever idea and skillfully implemented, but I found it quite frustrating. The balls start moving quickly, and if you lose too many before you've got everything going where you want to, you'll lose and have to start the level over again. I don't mind being stumped by a difficult puzzle, but a fast-paced game where reaction time is important is not what I'm looking for in a puzzler. My reactions are not quick, and I frequently struggled to stay ahead of the action with my mouse movements. I would have enjoyed "Triangle Mover" a lot if you were allowed to take your time and set up the solution. Even the simple ability to pause would have helped, although I know making everything stop in the Dink engine can be difficult.
Some of the solutions I found were different from the ones shown in the walkthrough. Here, you can trap the upper ball in an infinite loop instead of making a constant flow from the emitter to the target.
I managed to make it to level 22 without using a guide, but I found that level too difficult even after looking up the solution. As my frustration mounted, I realized that it would be bad for my blood pressure to continue, and I gave up.
If you enjoy Triangle Mover more than I do, however, there's some replay value here. If you like racing to implement a puzzle solution as fast as you can, you're in luck, because the game keeps records of your fastest solutions. I do appreciate what Paul was able to do with the engine, but for me personally, it was too stressful.
Directory
1998 | HTML version
1999 | HTML version
2000 | HTML version
2001 | Article version
2002 | Article version
2003
2005
2006
2007
2008-2009
2010
2011-2015
Achievement unlocked: Started reading another COTPATD topic.
2004 saw the release of 22 DMODs, which is 14 fewer than the previous year and the least so far of any year except 1999. Still, I've seen people refer to it on multiple occasions as either a part or the end of some kind of "golden age." This probably has to do with the release of two very highly-regarded DMODs, SabreTrout and Arik's "Cloud Castle 2: Scarab" and Redink1's "Cast Awakening Part 1: Initiation," back to back in September. I've probably seen "Scarab" mentioned more often than any other DMOD when the "best DMOD ever" discussion comes up.
Another contest was also held this year: the "Weird DMOD Contest," which I will be getting to very soon.
181: Dink's Father 3: The Hypnotizer Author: Mads Baardsgaard (Lancemads) Release Date: January 16, 2004
"That guy in green pants killed two of our fellows!"
So many planned DMOD trilogies have petered out after one or two installments. That third installment seems elusive indeed. I guess you have to give Lancemads some credit for sticking to his word.
I held out a little bit of hope for this one. It was probably because of the amount of time that had passed. "Dink's Father 3" came out nine months after the second installment, and a full year after the original. Surely, I reasoned, that's long enough for the author to have learned his lesson about some of the things he'd done wrong in his earlier releases. I didn't set my sights particularly high, mind you, but I dared to hope, at least, that "Dink's Father 3" would be the first game in the series that it was possible to finish without cheating. This was a mistake.
The description informs us that in this part, Dink "begins to hunt down the hypnotizer who did make the life bad in part 2." Okay, the word is 'hypnotist,' but it's a step in the right direction to follow up on a plot element that seemed abandoned in the second part. On the other hand, this feels like a decision made after the fact. I have a pretty strong hunch that Lancemads never had a plan for his trilogy - he just decided that it would be a trilogy, and filled in the details later. There's no sign of Dink's father in "Dink's Father 3," although he might have died in the unreachable ending of part 2 for all I know.
The game starts in a snowy version of the town of Brooksville from the earlier installments. The story and dialogue are still a mess, but the author did an okay job putting road tiles in the snow.
Not the best I've seen, but it looks better than it did in "The Legend of the Duck."
Frustration sets in very quickly as it becomes clear how sloppy this DMOD is. The depth dot being all wrong is the rule, not the exception. When you're not supposed to go in a certain direction yet, the DMOD blocks you off with an invisible hard object and gives no explanation. Several NPCs have no script attached. An area later on has a row of screens with "invisible walls" at the top. Almost immediately, you come to a woman who leaves you frozen if you select "Leave" while talking to her (the author forgot the "&" in "&result"). It's necessary to talk to this woman to progress, but this isn't where the unavoidable dead end occurs, since it's possible to select the "correct" option and continue.
This mod does have a couple of laughs to it. When you meet a character called "the oracle," she remarks, "I could ask you to sit down, but you`re not going to anyway," referencing Dink's lack of a proper sitting pose. When Dink wonders how she knows he won't sit, the oracle replies, "Err... I have no chairs." I got a kick out of this, as it's a way more subtle fourth-wall joke than you usually encounter. Later, I got another laugh out of two enemy soldiers who talk amongst themselves at a tavern. One of their random conversations is just pulled from the original game ("Quite toasty things got!"), but they also have this exchange:
Joe?
"Yeah."
"I think we might have a problem."
"What?"
"I`ve got no money to pay for the drinks."
"Crap"
It was so unexpected that I laughed.
After speaking to the oracle, there's a desert you have to cross. You have to carefully follow a crude but effective map and visit every watering hole, or Dink will die of thirst. It's a very easy puzzle, but it's unique and works well enough. It is kind of odd how you drink by reading the signs that are several feet away from the actual water, though.
Whoever named this desert didn't have a great imagination.
It's not long after that segment that you run into the killer glitch. Dink has to fight a couple of knights who are agents of the "hypnotizer." The script creates invisible, hard objects to prevent you from leaving the screen during the fight by walking into either of the warps that are on that screen - fine. But when you win, the script fails to remove the objects, and you're stuck.
This vase is meant to either hypnotize the people or protect them from evil hypnosis. I don't know; you try figuring out this nonsense.
Desperate for some closure, I cheated my way past this. It isn't long afterward that you end up in the final area: the "cavern of cheese doodles," where you are attacked by cheesy snacks. The final boss (the hypnotizer himself) is too hard - maybe not impossible, but too hard in my book. He's a slayer who moves fast and can paralyze you with his spell of "hypnotition" (really), making it impossible to dodge his attacks. It seems to me that this kind of ruins the entire idea of Dink Smallwood's combat system. There's no resolution if you do beat him - Dink is told to go take a vacation. Some ending to a trilogy.
I can't wrap my head around why this DMOD is so terrible. Lancemads had so much time to learn. The readme says "I`ve really lain in my soul in this one," and I kind of believe it, which depresses me. I don't enjoy hating on this, you know. It could have been an amusing, if nonsensical, romp. There's a neat bit where Dink dodges a fireball, matrix style, by bending over using half of his falling animation. But this sloppiness is inexcusable. The readme also blames any bugs on beta tester Glenn, but there are some bugs you don't even need a beta tester to catch, and every one of this guy's DMODs has that kind of bug. If you can't play your own DMOD from start to finish, you shouldn't release it! Argh!
Whatever, I'm done. No more Dink's Father and no more Lancemads. Thank goodness.
--The Weird DMOD Contest--
Told you I'd be getting to it soon!
The Dink Network's third DMOD contest was announced on December 14, 2003. The theme of "weirdness" was a lot more subjective than the previous themes. You can't get more clear than "the hero has to be someone other than Dink," and while "evil" is a bit more debatable, people generally have a good idea of what it is. But what, exactly, constitutes a "weird" DMOD?
This is how Redink1 explained it:
The D-Mod must be 'Weird' in some easily identifiable way. 'Weird' is a term given to non-traditional D-Mods, meaning D-Mods where it isn't just the player guiding Dink around, talking to people, and killing monsters.
So it could be an arcade-type game, point-and-click adventure, non-interactive movie, extremely odd looking and playing D-Mod, an adventure where you or someone else real is 'sucked into' the D-Mod, or something that nobody has thought of yet.
"Weird" might not be the best word for this. A DMOD that consists of Dink walking around talking to people and killing monsters can certainly still be very weird. The Super Nintendo RPG "EarthBound" is weird as hell, and it's still a fairly conventional RPG. Instead, this is a reference to a old file category that isn't used anymore. At least it's clear enough.
Three entries were submitted to the contest; they were released on February 8, 2004.
182: Dream Weaver: Silent Knight Author: Illusivefing Release Date: February 8, 2004
"You have become nothing to me but a mere toy. I have been but playing with your mind."
"Dream Weaver" placed third in the contest. The consensus seemed to be that, while it wasn't a bad DMOD, it didn't fit the theme very well. Indeed, it doesn't seem to respond to the prompt at all. "[G]uiding Dink around, talking to people, and killing monsters" is exactly what the player does here. Even by a more conventional definition of "weird," this DMOD isn't really any weirder than most.
This DMOD starts with Dink reading a book called "Wizards of Coastal Piracy." He falls asleep and has a dream, but unusual things continue to happen after he wakes up. It's unclear whether he's awake, dreaming, or in a state that's a combination of both.
There's some pretty interesting decoration in this DMOD.
Dink's dream is filled with reflections from his past. We see a childhood for Dink that doesn't quite seem to line up with what we know about him, although it doesn't directly contradict anything from the original game. It's all pretty sentimental until Dink's childhood crush suddenly goes mad and starts attacking him. It turns out Dink's mind and dreams are being manipulated by somebody called the "Silent Knight."
I got stuck almost immediately because of odd map design. Quite early on, the path to continue is hidden on the edge of a screen. It looks like a solid wall of trees.
You have to walk right from here. C'mon, that's terrible map design.
I found my way past that, but ended up getting completely stuck on another puzzle later. In discussions of the file, I see people talking about a telescope and a puzzle that involves looking at stars, but I never found any such thing. In the absence of a walkthrough, I gave up. I guess I'm not all that smart, but I combed every screen and saw no way to proceed.
It seems like a competent DMOD as far as I can tell. There's plenty of baddies to fight. There's an interesting shop where you can buy stat potions - not for gold, which doesn't exist in this DMOD, but for experience points. This doesn't replace the leveling system, since you can only spend experience points earned on your current level, but it supplements it in an interesting way. Potions get more expensive as you buy them.
"Dream Weaver" might not be very weird, but it managed to stump me. Congrats, Illusivefing, I guess.
183: Progeny Author: Simon Klaebe Release Date: February 8, 2004
"At 6 inches, you are no longer a small wood."
"Progeny" is the sixth and final DMOD by Simon Klaebe. Well, final for now, anyway. We all know that "Necromancer" is coming out tomorrow, right?
It came in second in the contest. It certainly is a weird DMOD by any definition.Simon, Simon, Simon. What can one do at this point but shrug one's shoulders, shake one's head, and laugh?
Simon Klaebe, ladies and gentlemen. Let's give him a big hand.
This is a game where you shoot sperm into... sperm receptacles (they don't look much like any human anatomy I'm familiar with, but they're similar enough to get the point across). They open and close and spin around, making hitting your target somewhat difficult. Successfully create progeny and your dick will level up! Charmingly immature comments are made for every level up to 12 ("The tripod has landed!").
I wasn't terribly shocked by this DMOD, but my wife saw it and exclaimed, "Absolutely not! That is unacceptable! See me after class." (She asked me to let you know that she was joking, lest you think she was actually offended by Simon's silly game.)
Believe it or not, this isn't the only game I've ever played that has turned the sex act into a bizarre shoot-em-up. I am reminded of The C word (I doubt I can say its real name here), a game from 2008. I almost linked to it, but it occurred to me that I might well get my post deleted by doing so. It is a lot grosser than "Progeny." It is "not life safe," as they used to say on a forum I once frequented. You can find it on Newgrounds under the title "the C word" if you're really curious. The artist behind that game, Edmund McMillen, is most famous nowadays for Super Meat Boy. But hey, SimonK did it first.
"Progeny" isn't bad as a game, except that the lag gets really out of hand and it messes with the timing. Playing without true color mode on might help. Things are mixed up a bit toward the end with a round where you have to collect keys. These are used in the last round to unlock... um, targets... that are encased with chastity belts.
These suckers are hard to hit.
I managed 10 inches. I think my wife would quit in protest if I had that going on in real life.
184: Triangle Mover Author: Paul Pliska Release Date: February 8, 2004
"Triangle Mover" was the winner of the Weird DMOD contest.
This is a puzzle game that uses the Dink engine! Colored balls shoot out from little emitters, and you have to use the mouse to pick up and move various objects in order to guide the balls to their properly-colored targets.
Here are the rules.
This is a very clever idea and skillfully implemented, but I found it quite frustrating. The balls start moving quickly, and if you lose too many before you've got everything going where you want to, you'll lose and have to start the level over again. I don't mind being stumped by a difficult puzzle, but a fast-paced game where reaction time is important is not what I'm looking for in a puzzler. My reactions are not quick, and I frequently struggled to stay ahead of the action with my mouse movements. I would have enjoyed "Triangle Mover" a lot if you were allowed to take your time and set up the solution. Even the simple ability to pause would have helped, although I know making everything stop in the Dink engine can be difficult.
Some of the solutions I found were different from the ones shown in the walkthrough. Here, you can trap the upper ball in an infinite loop instead of making a constant flow from the emitter to the target.
I managed to make it to level 22 without using a guide, but I found that level too difficult even after looking up the solution. As my frustration mounted, I realized that it would be bad for my blood pressure to continue, and I gave up.
If you enjoy Triangle Mover more than I do, however, there's some replay value here. If you like racing to implement a puzzle solution as fast as you can, you're in luck, because the game keeps records of your fastest solutions. I do appreciate what Paul was able to do with the engine, but for me personally, it was too stressful.
