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October 5th 2013, 10:10 PM
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cocomonkey
Bard He/Him United States
Please Cindy, say the whole name each time. 
--Crazy Old Tim Plays All the DMODs--

Directory
1998 | HTML version
1999 | HTML version
2000 HTML version
2001 | Article version
2002 | Article version
2003
2004
2005
2006
2007
2008-2009
2010
2011-2015

Welcome to a third year's worth of DMOD-playing-and-writing-about. Give it the gas, people! It's the breakout album of the year, Tim Maurer!

Ah, the year 2000. Used for so long as shorthand for the exciting world of tomorrow, it seems kind of quaint now. Things were so different back then. As I recall, people still said that things were "the bomb" around that time and meant it. I was 14 years old.

It must have been an exciting time to be a Dink Smallwood fan. Whereas 1999 was a down period for DMODs, with just 20 releases and quite a few of them not having much to them, 2000 saw the release, by my count, of a staggering thirty-eight DMODs, four of which are epics! This is more DMODs than any other year, although 2003 comes close with 36. "Good Heart Bad Heart" seems to have been lost by this site somehow, so unfortunately I'll only be covering 37 mods from 2000.

I say it "must have been" exciting because by this point, I'd moved on entirely to other things, including Mike Snyder's browser-based game Lunatix Online (I'd link, but it finally went down for good in 2010). I did make a brief return to the community during this year, releasing "The Tragic Death of Zink Smallwood" (June 15) and the "Crossroads" trailer (July 13), both of which I covered in the 1998 segment, so we'll actually be dealing with 35 mods here.

Despite my brief return, there will be a major change in my coverage here. I had already played almost every one of the 50 DMODs I've gone over so far, but I've played almost none of the 290 to come. This should be interesting.

It's a shame I missed out, really. I feel like there were two Dink communities: The quirky little early one that started with the original release, and the major, enduring one that started around December 1999. I missed the real party. Speaking of parties, I can't believe I missed the chance to make a "party like it's 1999" joke in the last topic. I won't make THAT mistake again.

*ahem*

In the year 2000....

--2000 part 1: Boom--

Suddenly, DMODs everywhere! There were four released in January alone, but one of them isn't like the others.

051: Dink Letterman Author: Jan Willem Veenhof Release Date: January 12, 2000

Does anybody here remember Jveenhof? I do. I remember that one of the community's many dramatic episodes involved him. I probably shouldn't be digging up old dirt like this, but hey, what's the point of me doing this if I don't talk about what I remember? It could be just anybody doing this otherwise. Anyway, Jv faked his death during my mid-year return to the community. Everybody was sad about it and posting memorials, so some were understandably upset when he turned back up. Most were just relieved, though.

Actually, I think I was more upset than anybody else, which was a little odd because I didn't really know him at all. He said something like, "Guys, I'm not worth all this trouble," and I said, "You certainly aren't. You aren't worth a plumb nickel." I meant 'plugged nickel,' but the sentiment was clear enough. Still, everybody, even me, got over it pretty quickly, as it was done in a way that was more confusing than malicious. I certainly don't hold it against him now. He's even joked about it. The community's had much worse drama go on in its time.

No, I don't mean to single Jveenhof out at all (I'd be in a glass house if I did). I bring it up because I happen to remember it, and you can't properly discuss the history of the Dink community without acknowledging the drama. There has ALWAYS been drama, and plenty of it (you can even pick up hints of it in that topic I linked to). I'm sure I don't have to tell you guys. I was the cause of some in my day - constantly threatening/promising to leave, picking a fight with somebody over stating the obvious fact that the Dink Forever series was terrible in an unrelated discussion (I later apologized), etc. One time I did something that REALLY upset people, but I don't remember what it was - I only recall that it involved my unintentionally digging up some buried feud between others. All this drama over Dink! Amazing, isn't it? That's the Internet for you.

Enough of that tangent. Let's actually talk about Dink Letterman. There really isn't much to talk about, which is why I put that wall of unrelated text here instead of in one of Jveenhof's later mods that actually has substance.

Unlike some DMODs that are named after a famous thing, the title here is actually relevant. The Late Show with David Letterman was a favorite of mine back when I used to watch late night talk shows. The jokes are incredibly corny, of course, but Dave has something that makes him more entertaining than most late night hosts, and that something is a serious "ornery dink" streak. Almost nothing is above mockery, especially his own show and its material, and he's got a quick wit. He makes people uncomfortable in a way that taps into a rich vein of schadenfreude. The interview portion of talk shows is usually some of the dullest television out there, but Dave has a way of prodding people out of their comfort zone and into this weird, awkward place where amazing things sometimes happen. Some of his interviews are quite famous. Look them up on Youtube, it's a blast.

"Dink Letterman" consists of Dink standing in place on a single screen and telling a few jokes, like the "monologue" portion of Letterman's show and others like it. A DMOD is a bit of an odd format for this, but it's not a terrible idea. I laughed at one of the jokes. It went:

A lady came up to me on the street and pointed at my suede jacket.

'You know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' she sneered.

I replied in a psychotic tone:
'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too.'


Hey, I guess I'm easily amused. The rest of the jokes were less funny than that. One of them was at least Dink-specific, modifying a Douglas Adams quotation ("I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.") to be about DMODs. Come to think of it, that was a strange joke since there isn't such a thing as "DMOD deadlines" that I'm aware of. Thankfully.

This DMOD is way less effective because of its total lack of sound. Sound is an important part of Letterman's show - they've got that big band headed by Paul Shaffer. I know there's a MIDI of the theme out there somewhere, and some kind of rimshot sound effect would make the corny jokes more enjoyable. Instead, we get this.

At least this DMOD executes kill_game() at the end. Boy, that's been a rarity so far.

This is the first completely non-interactive DMOD I'm aware of, at least since Gnug's Attack doesn't work. You could go all the way with this concept, including some kind of sidekick/bandleader banter and having some kind of guest that the player can decide how to interview. You could make it a character from the original, or somebody from the community. That sounds kind of fun. It's probably not worth the effort, though, especially not now.

052: Dinkers Author: Dan Walma Release Date: January 15, 2000

Look out! Here comes Dan Walma, stretching our concept of what a DMOD is yet again with another unusual release.

This is a simple checkers game for two players passing the mouse back and forth. It doesn't support multiple jumps per turn, however, which utterly wipes out checkers strategy, so it's more of a proof of concept than anything you'd actually play. It also ignores the rule that you must jump a piece if you have the opportunity, another thing that's crucial to real checkers.

Still, the basic engine is well done. I didn't have any problems with it, and all the usual keys are properly disabled (even the Ultimate Cheat doesn't work). It does support kings, which is good because otherwise most games would end up being impossible to finish. The red team gets a dink head when kinged, the blue team a pillbug. Here's a screenshot. The Dink logo bouncing up and down in the background is the only frill here, and the only sound is an impact sound when a jump is made. This is another interesting example of what you can do with DinkC, and it's nice to have those around, but it doesn't feel like a proper game like Dinkanoid. By the way, has anybody here ever beaten Dinkanoid? I was shocked to discover it was even possible.

053: ...his Ancestor 1239 (Demo/beta) Author: Karaluch Release Date: January 16, 2000

I feel like I have no choice but to quote the amazing dmod.diz here.

Hitler must DIE
prof. Popell has developed a time machine,
and he plans to send mjr.Michael Gorring to
year 1239 to kill Hitlers ancestor, but not
everything is going alright...


Godwin's law! Thread over.

Seriously, though... wow. That is the weirdest story concept I've yet come across. If you had a time machine and wanted to prevent Hitler from existing, why would you go back more than six centuries before his birth? You'd prevent an awful lot of people from existing. That hardly seems fair. I guess they were trying to pick a time when the Dink graphics would make some sense.

There's no mention whatsoever of Hitler in the DMOD itself. Instead, we get a surprisingly coherent explanation of how the time travel works (and some time machine graphics that don't completely suck), then Dink (excuse me, "Major Gorring") is sent to what I can only presume is the past. His appearance frightens an unnamed young woman, and then you're left to your own devices. The intro is okay except for a bit of weird English and the fact that the NPCs walk amazingly slowly - as slow as the engine allows, I think. I wanted to scream watching them creep across the screen. Oh, and once again, there are no MIDIs in this DMOD. 2000 is MIDIless as of yet.

The map in "the past" actually looks quite nice in places. It's a bit cluttered, but maybe that's intentional. A couple of places look weird, and some things that shouldn't be hard aren't. All of that's pretty irrelevant, though, since this DMOD isn't just unfinished, it's barely even started.

Would you like a walkthrough? Walk south. If you do, you'll come upon a screen where Dink/Mike loses his memory, probably a side effect of being atomized during the time travel process. You're done at this point. You can go further, but from here invisible walls are rampant, and while there are a few signs and NPCs, none of them say anything of consequence. Back at the start, there are some pillbugs to fight if you're into that. They're a tough variety, but it won't bother you with your starting stats of 10/10/0. A more insidious foe is a tree I found that does touch damage for some reason.

I don't know why someone would release a DMOD in this state; clearly they intended much more, and this doesn't have nearly enough going on to qualify as a beta or demo. The lack of an ending is unsatisfying, so I shall invent one.

Having forgotten everything, Michael wandered confused into the nearby farming community, where he was cautiously accepted after he proved to be a hard worker. After a few days, he remembered his first name, but nothing else came to him. The girl from the intro (her name is Gisela), despite her initial fright, found herself intensely fascinated by the mysterious stranger. He returned her interest, one thing led to another, and they were wed.

Michael took up masonry. He was a quick study and became a skilled bricklayer. He was able to provide for Gisela and their three children. At first, he suffered from nagging doubts and nightmares about his unknown past, but as the years went by, his doubts became less and less. For a time, he was happy.

But fate yet held cruel tidings for Michael. A fever swept through his village and many died, including Gisela and two of his three children. Michael wept. What kind of God would put him in this place with no knowledge of his past and give him so much only to take it away?

It's true that time heals all wounds, but the scarring is deep. Still, not all was lost. Michael was a proud man when his son Franz followed in his footsteps as a mason and took a wife of his own. He thanked the Lord again for his good fortune, despite everything. Michael was not a bitter man.

Then, one cloudy day, the now-old man was enjoying a heady beer when knowledge rushed to fill the vacuum in his head like water through a dam. It felt as if he'd been struck by a brick, his brain rebounding from the impact and shaken into remembrance. The Michael that had been since he'd arrived in the past died in that moment, but the Michael who had traveled there in the first place had not returned. In their place was a twisted hybrid, this strange, mixed-up old man full of conflicting and terrible emotion. For he remembered everything now: apart from the effect on his memory, the time machine had worked perfectly. He'd been put exactly where he was supposed to be. He was sent to murder Gisela, the ancestor of Adolph Hitler, in a place where no one would see him.

The meaning of this did not escape him. Michael himself was Hitler's ancestor. Oh, cruel irony!

The only way Michael could still accomplish his mission would be to murder his son's entire family. That was the only way to stop Gisela's line for sure. Could he? Should he?

I give my alternate version of this DMOD a twelve out of ten for the questions it dares to ask about the comparative value of human life.

---

Next time: The Quest for Dorinthia. Still January, still part 1, but I've decided that epics get their own posts. Since only 17 DMODs (exactly 5%) are epics, I don't think this is too onerous.