Reply to Re: Wrote a horror themed story. Comments?
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Its always better to describe things yet leave room for the imagination of your reader to fill in the blanks. show things in other ways - as in use actions to move the story forward at the same time as giving information.
example not to use;
blood from the cut on her face ran into her eyes making it hard to see properly. It was cold out and she ran as fast as she could. she was scared and something big was right behind her.
What this tells you as a reader
she cut her face its cold and shes running cause she is being chased like MAJOR YAWN I dont wanna read on here...
you could try something like this;
It was so hard to make anything out in the gloom. Her eyes widened as she tried to focus. It wasn't working. Panicked she swiped at her face trying to clear the blood from her vision. X was only slightly aware of the sharp pain in her hand that informed her fuzzy brain that all of her fingers had been broken. Her breath came hard and fast leaving a trail of mist as she exhaled hard into the the night air. Her chest felt like it was going to explode. Think, she told herself. THINK!. Blood pounding in her ears she swung her gammy leg (heh) over the wooden railing. She unconsciously cringed as her skirt caught on a nail and pierced the delicate skin of her thigh. It held her firm for a brief pause before both the skin and material ripped, releasing her as she scrambled to rebalance her weight. She was free! That noise... her breath froze in her throat. Something was coming. It sounded huge. Her heart stilled in her chest. Slowly she turned around, then screamed!
What this tells you as a reader:
this tells you there is a lot of blood running down her face, swiping shows shes in a hurry, she has a gammy leg (heh) is wearing a skirt, its gloomy, its night , she was held somewhere and not treated as the princess she is cause they broke her fingers
she didn’t care her clothes were ripped her need to escape was that important and looks like she didnt make it oh well too bad never mind heh 
BUT I WANNA SEE THE BLAHD so much more interesting do you think in comparison to the top example?
so what I mean is tell the story with actions and things that move the story forward yet still offers useful information without preaching to the reader. By shortening your sentences in specific places, they become more grabby (no that’s not a real word) and make the reader think OMG whats gunna happen and keeps turning pages - this is your ultimate goal (That’s how they decide to read on – they want to know whats going to happen next)! If you do it all the way through your story the reader is so out of breath it’s a struggle to read on. Just as an aside – I would go back over this and take the ‘she ‘s out and change it up a little but this is ok to explain what I mean - I hope.
Instead of saying she broke her ankle – say turning in her tracks, msdink heard her ankle snap, she stared in dismay as it swung limply from the end of her leg (action and info) gedditt!
another short [sic] example - saying he was bald- tells the reader your hero has no hair but this is writing so embellish a little - eg maybe say instead of stating the fact he is bald, tell it with actions – mmm maybe something like - the sun bounced off the top of his naked dome, reflecting a beam of pure white light from the afternoon sun across the road towards the untrimmed pine in the neighbours yard. Dinks cat, who was minding his own business high in that tree, was blinded so suddenly in the beam, that the poor thing promptly lost its footing and fell heavily from the branches, landing in a mess at the bottom of the tree. (so – ‘hes bald’ just became ‘hes bald and he needs to wear a hat when the suns out or its dangerous for the neighbours cat if its up a tree’ ).
"A gentle wind blew past me as I opened my eyes. sorry Kris thats so not the start to a horror story... grab em in the first few lines, make the opening snappy and make them wanna read on and never treat your readers like they are idiots. I knew that in popular culture this would be called Amnesia. But amnesia was an inability to remember recent events. Your reader can pick up that you have amnesia if you info/action it - no need state it outright then explain it - your reader feels like a fool and puts your story down Maybe something like 'the blackness surrounding me was echoed in my head as I suddenly realised that I did't know my own name *insert screams* Lastly vary your sentence lengths a little is also useful to the reader and the flow of your story.
example not to use;
blood from the cut on her face ran into her eyes making it hard to see properly. It was cold out and she ran as fast as she could. she was scared and something big was right behind her.
What this tells you as a reader
she cut her face its cold and shes running cause she is being chased like MAJOR YAWN I dont wanna read on here...
you could try something like this;
It was so hard to make anything out in the gloom. Her eyes widened as she tried to focus. It wasn't working. Panicked she swiped at her face trying to clear the blood from her vision. X was only slightly aware of the sharp pain in her hand that informed her fuzzy brain that all of her fingers had been broken. Her breath came hard and fast leaving a trail of mist as she exhaled hard into the the night air. Her chest felt like it was going to explode. Think, she told herself. THINK!. Blood pounding in her ears she swung her gammy leg (heh) over the wooden railing. She unconsciously cringed as her skirt caught on a nail and pierced the delicate skin of her thigh. It held her firm for a brief pause before both the skin and material ripped, releasing her as she scrambled to rebalance her weight. She was free! That noise... her breath froze in her throat. Something was coming. It sounded huge. Her heart stilled in her chest. Slowly she turned around, then screamed!
What this tells you as a reader:
this tells you there is a lot of blood running down her face, swiping shows shes in a hurry, she has a gammy leg (heh) is wearing a skirt, its gloomy, its night , she was held somewhere and not treated as the princess she is cause they broke her fingers
she didn’t care her clothes were ripped her need to escape was that important and looks like she didnt make it oh well too bad never mind heh BUT I WANNA SEE THE BLAHD so much more interesting do you think in comparison to the top example? so what I mean is tell the story with actions and things that move the story forward yet still offers useful information without preaching to the reader. By shortening your sentences in specific places, they become more grabby (no that’s not a real word) and make the reader think OMG whats gunna happen and keeps turning pages - this is your ultimate goal (That’s how they decide to read on – they want to know whats going to happen next)! If you do it all the way through your story the reader is so out of breath it’s a struggle to read on. Just as an aside – I would go back over this and take the ‘she ‘s out and change it up a little but this is ok to explain what I mean - I hope.
Instead of saying she broke her ankle – say turning in her tracks, msdink heard her ankle snap, she stared in dismay as it swung limply from the end of her leg (action and info) gedditt!
another short [sic] example - saying he was bald- tells the reader your hero has no hair but this is writing so embellish a little - eg maybe say instead of stating the fact he is bald, tell it with actions – mmm maybe something like - the sun bounced off the top of his naked dome, reflecting a beam of pure white light from the afternoon sun across the road towards the untrimmed pine in the neighbours yard. Dinks cat, who was minding his own business high in that tree, was blinded so suddenly in the beam, that the poor thing promptly lost its footing and fell heavily from the branches, landing in a mess at the bottom of the tree. (so – ‘hes bald’ just became ‘hes bald and he needs to wear a hat when the suns out or its dangerous for the neighbours cat if its up a tree’ ).
"A gentle wind blew past me as I opened my eyes. sorry Kris thats so not the start to a horror story... grab em in the first few lines, make the opening snappy and make them wanna read on and never treat your readers like they are idiots. I knew that in popular culture this would be called Amnesia. But amnesia was an inability to remember recent events. Your reader can pick up that you have amnesia if you info/action it - no need state it outright then explain it - your reader feels like a fool and puts your story down
Maybe something like 'the blackness surrounding me was echoed in my head as I suddenly realised that I did't know my own name *insert screams* Lastly vary your sentence lengths a little is also useful to the reader and the flow of your story.
