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Reply to Re: Wrath of a God - Plot attempt?

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September 17th 2010, 04:31 AM
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metatarasal
Bard He/Him Netherlands
I object 
Wow Exdeathevn, that's a useful contribution from you!

I think you're pretty much spot on with your criticism, indeed nothing is explained. You're better off just telling that you're working on a DMOD and you're not yet willing to tell us about the story. But even when you replace all the placeholders it still is a pretty dry summation of events, you need to connect sentences into a story better. A story is more than a list of events!

I've tried to rewrite the story from your basic story: (I'm not a great writer, so don't expect anything fancy.)

"After Dink Aunts dies of a terrible scurvy Dink is alone in the world. Dink goes into a deep depression as his aunt was the only family member left for him. Except...

Dink learns he still has a sister who was trained from a young age to become a professional clown. Luckily for her Dink saves her and tells her about her true identity. She then gives Dink her necklace, the last symbol of their family relation to bishop Nelson. (Who happens to be working as a banana salesman in the greater Goodheart area.)

The ringmaster of a rival circus discovers that Dink's sister has disappeared and kidnaps her so he can make use of her long years of training. But then the ringmaster discovers she has obtained great duck-beheading skill from her family relation to bishop Nelson. He consults bishop Nelson and together they develop a new theory: They believe Dink's sister is the prophesied great beheader of ducks, who will come to avenge the destruction of the duck-cult in Windemere.

Now it's up to Dink to save his sister and awaken his true destiny as banana salesman. Only then can bishop Nelson be defeated once more."


EDIT: Also, you could always tell a little about things beside the story. What is the projected size? When do you think it's going to be done? Is it going to have awesome new monsters? Is it going to have so many riddles that even SimonK would get annoyed? Any new weapons/magic? Any screenshots?