The Dink Network

A Short Story I wrote

November 14th 2010, 03:39 AM
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I wrote this story in school and got full marks for it. We were given a few sentences Once there was a rich farmer who helped his neighbour to get out of debt. But his neighbour was jealous. He hated the little white rabbit of the farmer most of all . . . They obviously wanted me to write a moral story, but I gave it a little spin . . .

I wrote it and it was so good I decided to post it here. Please note this was written by me in Urdu, our country's language. Since I don't think anyone here understands Urdu, I translated it. Consequently, the translated version doesn't have the same zing as it had in the Urdu version. There are some expressions that only work in Urdu. And please don't complain about the ending. I was raised like this. Instead of being told goody-goody stories like Cinderella I was told horror stories.

Zulam ka Anjaam (It means"The Price of Being Evil in English)

Once there was a farmer who lived in a very deserted place. He was very rich. He had even helped his only neighbour to get out of debt. But his neighbour was jealous. He most of all hated the little white bunny that belonged to the farmer. So one morning, at the crack of dawn, he went to the farm, destroyed some of the crop, then went to the farmer's house and started trying to open the rabbit's cage. He pulled but it didn't open. He started cursing. Suddenly the farmer came out. The neighbour at once took a carrot and said that he was trying to feed the rabbit, but the door woldn't open. The farmer took the carrot and pushed the door instead of pulling. It opened easily. The neighbour went red with rage. He mustered a smile and went to rack his boiling brains. That night he came back, determined to kill the rabbit. The rabbit wasn't in its cage. He thought that the farmer had taken the rabbit out because he had gotten suspicious. He had to kill the farmer before the farmer called the police. He ran to his house.
And where was the farmer? Well, he knew the madman was after his rabbit. So he hid in a camoflauged hut next to his house and set a snare trap from a tree to capture the madman so he could call the police.

The madman came with a hanjar (A large knife, I think it's called bullknife in English). He was also very clever. He saw the snare trap and did not go that way. At the same moment, the farmer looked out of his hut's window. The neighbour saw him and threw the knife at his neck with such force that the farmer's head fell off his shoulders, and landed bloody-side up on the floor. There was a splash of blood. The madman presumed that the knife had killed the rabbit as well. He started running.
At the same time the rabbit came out of the hut, covered in the blood of his dead owner. The neighbour started shaking. He thought it was the ghost of the rabbit. He started running when his foot twisted and he landed face-first ... on the snare trap. There was a snap and the snare trap dragged the neighbour by his neck into the air, hanging him. His last sight was the blood-covered rabbit looking up at him. And without any law enforcers, he got punished for murder.
November 14th 2010, 06:55 AM
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I just found out that hanjar means butcher knife.
November 14th 2010, 03:20 PM
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Fireball5
Peasant He/Him Australia
Let me heat that up for you... 
Nice story, I agree that it may sound better in its original language. One thing that I find interesting is that the madman cut his head off with a butter knife... Either the butter knives where you live are really sharp, or he threw it really really hard...
November 14th 2010, 03:38 PM
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Skull
Peasant He/Him Finland bloop
A Disembodied Sod 
Don't want to question your typing/language skills here, Doodler, but are you sure you spelled "hanjar" right? And did you mean butter, or butcher knife? Cause I'm usually pretty good in solving these language things out, but I can't even find the word "hanjar" anywhere. Anyhow, because cutting a head off with a butter knife doesn't make much sense, so I am going to assume he meant butcher knife.
November 14th 2010, 04:59 PM
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kenji720rs
Peasant He/Him Australia
👾~ #беспл 
Interesting story. You should just check the typing.
November 15th 2010, 01:12 AM
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I meant butcher knife And he threw it with hurricane speed. And the typing ... well it's really hard to type well when you have to type so much. It's hard to check mistakes. Oh, and yes, it does sound better in it's original language. I'll post another short story soon.
Edit: I corrected some typing mistakes. My keyboard's all twisted since it's not been used for years before I took it out of my store-room, so I can't hit the keys right. Hanjar is an Urdu word.
November 15th 2010, 04:05 AM
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Skull
Ghost They/Them
 
Weird, not even translators could translate hanjar from Urdu to English, Finnish or even German. I tried a bunch of languages, but none of them worked. Are you absolutely sure it's Urdu? I mean, this seems like such a mystery now.
November 15th 2010, 04:18 AM
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metatarasal
Bard He/Him Netherlands
I object 
The dictionary of the translation service you used is likely limited. I'm sure DinkDoodler knows more about Urdu words then those translation services!

Also, somehow this really reminds me of Flappie. I'm sure most of the Dutchies on this board can see why.
November 15th 2010, 06:29 AM
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Skull
Peasant He/Him Finland bloop
A Disembodied Sod 
Maybe more than translation devices, but not more than me. You see, I'm epic in language stuff.

No, but seriously, I was just saying that maybe "hanjar" is some sort of a historical or slang word, that is only used in certain parts of his country, since no translators or people seem to know this word.
November 15th 2010, 06:42 AM
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Try pronouncing it hun-jur.