The Dink Network

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, Dinkers and random visitors who have no clue what sheer madness they've stumbled upon by reading this article before attaining a firm grasp on just what the heck this Small Woodink madness or whatever, I am proud to (re-)announce the revival of Ask Tal!

Wait whoa what huh? "What the snot is Ask Tal," you may ask yourself; "I participate in this community to slam talentless authors whenever a slimeball of a D-Mod is released, not to read pointless, rambling articles from a low-grade hick." Well, before I begin my clarification, I'd like to mention that talking to yourself is a serious, rapidly-spreading epidemic that must be stopped (President Bush does it in his sleep!). Quickly-conjured, time-wasting studies entirely devoid of evidence show that talking to yourself leads to depression, depression leads to stress, stress leads to impaired judgment, and impaired judgment leads to doobie-smoking. Do your part to halt this disintegration of society and see your psychiatrist or counselor of choice... that is, if they don't talk to themselves, too.

For more about the history of Ask Tal and what the future holds, read the comments.

Now then, a hopefully-brief rundown of the "glory" that is Ask Tal. At some point in 2001, while serving as staff for and later "operating" the now-defunct Dink World (a competitor of sorts with the Dink Network), I devised a purpose for myself as a Dinker: Ask Tal, a column where I would answer reader-submitted questions in the most amusing manner I could achieve. If I recall correctly, I released one edition of Ask Tal while at the Dink World, and I seem to remember it relating to Cheerios, Nick at Nite, bread, and Bunniemaster. (Hell if I know for sure; that was, like, such a totally long time ago, man.) As critical of myself as I am, I thought it sucked, but a few other people found it amusing. So I decided to continue it.. at a rate of 0 articles per month. Um... yeah, we were (and eventually, just I was) lazy at good ol' Dink World, where nothing noteworthy was accomplished.

Fast-forward to April 2002, when I convinced redink1 to allow my article and me a home at the Dink Network, and Dink World was dealt its long-overdue, unsurprising death, finally. After resting on my laurels for two months, I finally reignited the mayhem of Ask Tal, which quickly developed a cult following.. and quickly began to miss the weekly deadline time after time after time. While I managed to churn out eight articles to appease the legion of Ask Tal fans, I eventually came to a point where I felt lacking of direction or a decent sense of humor. So I allowed the article to slowly die. WC took notice and published his own edition of Ask Tal (#9), but even this did not help to save the article at that time. After a few months had "passed" (look around, you'll understand), I laid the article to rest.

And they gave me hell for it, they all did. I brushed the AT lovers off time after time, but I found that I could not truly resist: in mid-2003, I figured that I was giddy enough to take a second shot at the article (with one significant change - much like redink1's Recondites, AT would be published whenever I felt like it, as opposed to each Saturday), and hence Ask Tal #10 came to be. And it sucked. It was almost entirely lacking in humor, causing many former fans to lose faith in the article. I planned to carry through with it regardless, but a very busy summer (Florida, girlfriend, lots of socializing) followed by a thoroughly-depressing period encompassing many months (break-up, no desire to live) caused me to forget the article.

And now, early 2004. I've finally rid myself of my depression, for the most part, and certain people have convinced me to bring Ask Tal back for good. I posted a piece on the message board regarding AT, hoping to see some interest in the article, but it seems as though the response has been small. It surely doesn't help that I removed 8 articles for "editing," and of the two articles that are archived, one was written by WC and one just flat-out blows. Nevertheless, I'm going to push for more wit, more campiness, more absurdity.. more of the stuff that made Ask Tal interesting back in the day. And after two more lengthy, intriguing teenage years, I may be able to make this article even more worthwhile than before.

So, be prepared... #11 is coming. Like it or not, the wrath of Tal has returned. Got a question you wanna ask? It doesn't matter what it's about (doesn't have to be about Dink) or whether it's serious or not; if I find it interesting, I'll stretch it far beyond comprehension and hopefully keep you amused in the meantime. (...as long as it is written in English, coughbinaryisevilcough) So, I present once more..

The Ask Tal Question Submission form!