Reply to Re: Lost Crystals (Fiction) Chapter 2.1
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My guess is that genis123 is pretty young. While say this would be pretty good for a 6-year-old, I would have to agree with Phoenix that even if you're around twelve, this needs a lot of work.
Aside from what Phoenix suggested to you, I would highly advise including detailed descriptions or what is happening the story; what the characters see, feel, hear, feel, and even smell. Just adding those elements will give a greater understanding of the characters and events, making the story that much more enjoyable to the reader.
"I would also suggest trying to avoid the 'play-style' format of dialog until you've at least gotten comfortable with typical prose," typed Striker with a few deft strokes of his fingers. Leaning back in his seat, he then wondered if this paragraph was a sufficient example of what he was trying to convey. "No matter," he thought, "If genis can't understand this, then there's not really much else I can do to help."
Aside from what Phoenix suggested to you, I would highly advise including detailed descriptions or what is happening the story; what the characters see, feel, hear, feel, and even smell. Just adding those elements will give a greater understanding of the characters and events, making the story that much more enjoyable to the reader.
"I would also suggest trying to avoid the 'play-style' format of dialog until you've at least gotten comfortable with typical prose," typed Striker with a few deft strokes of his fingers. Leaning back in his seat, he then wondered if this paragraph was a sufficient example of what he was trying to convey. "No matter," he thought, "If genis can't understand this, then there's not really much else I can do to help."
