Reply to Re: Paradise Island
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Since you're just standing there for a reply, here it goes:
Some typos aside it wasn't really bad
The beginning, i.e. the part before "Fortunately we were able...", was a bit too fast for my taste. First you were enjoying the beautiful sights of the ocean, and next thing we know there was a thick fog.
It wasn't until the last paragraph that I realised it was a high-school camp trip (though "Everyone safe among the students" gave a hint). I knew it was a camping trip, but the "We" and "our" of the first sentence were unspecified.
In short:
I liked the story, has some potential. The introduction needs some work and you must watch out that the story reaches a climax, rather than it being just an enumeration of events. At least, that's what I prefer. Other people may think otherwise.
Some typos aside it wasn't really bad
The beginning, i.e. the part before "Fortunately we were able...", was a bit too fast for my taste. First you were enjoying the beautiful sights of the ocean, and next thing we know there was a thick fog.
It wasn't until the last paragraph that I realised it was a high-school camp trip (though "Everyone safe among the students" gave a hint). I knew it was a camping trip, but the "We" and "our" of the first sentence were unspecified.
In short:
I liked the story, has some potential. The introduction needs some work and you must watch out that the story reaches a climax, rather than it being just an enumeration of events. At least, that's what I prefer. Other people may think otherwise.
