Reply to Re: chapter IV - Revised,corrected and sweated
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Okay, the part about the creature is much better. However, I think the part before it is much weaker than what you had before. I would suggest replacing it with the older one, right up until "With that he was gone again."
One thing, though: "pus filled liquid" is very unclear and sounds strange (considering both are liquids). You might want to replace that.
One thing, though: "pus filled liquid" is very unclear and sounds strange (considering both are liquids). You might want to replace that.
