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218: The Adventures of Dink Bigwood Author: Gustav Englund (Dinkdragon) Release Date: June 6, 2005
"do you know that george bush is king of mars?"
I suppose it was inevitable that there'd be a "Dink Bigwood" at some point.
Boy, I REALLY didn't like this one at all. Am I allowed to just say that and move on? No? Sigh...
Really, I tried for two days to think of an angle to approach this one from other than just making a list of things I disliked, but I couldn't think of one. I'm sorry.
To be fair, it really isn't quite "Award of Badness" bad. Something about this one just made it an unpleasant experience for me personally.
OK, I thought of an angle. I just drank an entire bottle of wine. I almost never drink alcohol, so maybe this'll make this writeup a little more interesting.
Actually, the reason I uncharacteristically drank too much (man I am having to erase typos a lot more than usual) was that evil, insane asshole Rick Scott, the worst governor of all time, was re-elected governor of my U.S. State of Florida. I was born in Florida and I have a very strong emotional attachment to the place, so I felt a bit of stupid optimism that my fellow Floridians would not re-elect by far the worst governor of all time. This is because I am a ducking idiot. Hahahahahahahaha. Duck everything.
Okay, so "Dink Bigwood" sucked on toast. The alcohol content in my blood stream emboldens me, and I no longer feel bad about saying this. This is awesome.
The maps were pretty crappy and featureless. There were three cave sections, and they were all the exact same boring shape, and full of the same enemies that do way too much damage and make playing this DMOD really annoying. There are really bad hardness errors that mess up the game and other bugs like that. But that's not even the worst part. Hoo I am drunk. Anyway, my least favorite thing is the text. I love text. I have got the most enormous text boner. The text in this game is really disappointing. It's all in lowerscase and poorly punctuated and the same few scripts are repeated over and over and over again. This really made me hate this DMOD, you guys. If you can't be bothered to come with more text, GO HOME SON. I am writing this while watching Stephen Colbert. He is very funny but I do not laugh much because I am dead inside. Actually I am floating on a pleasant sea of BOOOOZE. I finished the bottle a while ago but I am pretty sure it is kicking in right about now. If there are any screenshots in this writeup I went back and added them later.
I dunno what I'm doing with my life. If I had a spine I'd start taking writing seriously and get a real job writing. It's the only real talent I've ever had. At least that's what I tell myself in those moments when I allow myself to believe that I am good at anything. I have slef confidence problems. I can't even see the screen anymore. The problem is not with my eyes but with my brain.
I hate Republicans. I hate them so so so so so so much. I hate everything. I hate myself. I don't like liberals that much either. I disagree with them a lot but not as much as conservatives.
But seriously "Dink Bigwood" (took me twenty seconds to remember the title) is no fun. Even the few dialogue scripts it has are basically the same thing. Dink says Hi, the NPC says something really inane and boring, and Dink says Bye. It is so repetitive and I didn't enjoy it at all. There were other bugs too. That common bug where dink isn't froxzen for "say_stop" thingos was there and it's easy to end up stuck.
I didn't expect a big challenge from the game but the final boss was too hard. Way too hard. If I were to go back, knowing how hard the boss is, and try again, I might be able to beat it, I might win, but I don't want to. It was too hard and I cheated. You know there was at least one good scene in the game in terms of visuals, and that was the boss.
Screenshot! I like the dead bodies framing. Looks neat.
I seriously can't see at all. Stephen Colbert is smart. I like Jon Stewart too. They're funny.
I am going to upload this as is right now. Otherwise I probably will delete it and not upload it, and if nothing else this is a change of pace. A change of pace is very important to me. I hate writing the same thing over and over and over and over again. I try to keep making these fresh. I care about you guys. I don't want to waste your time.
I am so drunk. That was a BIIIIIG BOTTLE OF WINE Y'ALL.
The plot of "Bigwood" didn't make any sense. And the author clearly didn't know how variables worked so well. He used it right once or twice, but the way he used it didn't make sense. He would use new visions or even whole new screens for occasions when you come back to an NPC after doing something. It didn't make any sense. There was other weird stuff like a bridge that warps you across instead of you walking. I really hated this DMOD when I was playing it but I don't care much now because I'm a happy happy drunk. I love everything right now. Even when I am super drunk I go back and erase most typos. I love you guys. Dink Smallwood is a great game. Oh. What I was trying to say is that I didn't like "Dink Bigwood," but it's all relative isnt' it? Maybe it isn't so bad. It probably isn't any worse than the DMODs I made back before "Malachi." Maybe you guys won't like the new DMOD I just made either when it comes out. Whatever, it's all good. I am a lot happier when I am drunk, but I can't do that all the time or I'd be an alcholic. It's all good.
"Bigwood" sucked. Probably don't play it so much. Goodnight everybody. Kisses, peace and love from your number one monkey. Goodnight.
"do you know that george bush is king of mars?"
I suppose it was inevitable that there'd be a "Dink Bigwood" at some point.
Boy, I REALLY didn't like this one at all. Am I allowed to just say that and move on? No? Sigh...
Really, I tried for two days to think of an angle to approach this one from other than just making a list of things I disliked, but I couldn't think of one. I'm sorry.
To be fair, it really isn't quite "Award of Badness" bad. Something about this one just made it an unpleasant experience for me personally.
OK, I thought of an angle. I just drank an entire bottle of wine. I almost never drink alcohol, so maybe this'll make this writeup a little more interesting.
Actually, the reason I uncharacteristically drank too much (man I am having to erase typos a lot more than usual) was that evil, insane asshole Rick Scott, the worst governor of all time, was re-elected governor of my U.S. State of Florida. I was born in Florida and I have a very strong emotional attachment to the place, so I felt a bit of stupid optimism that my fellow Floridians would not re-elect by far the worst governor of all time. This is because I am a ducking idiot. Hahahahahahahaha. Duck everything.
Okay, so "Dink Bigwood" sucked on toast. The alcohol content in my blood stream emboldens me, and I no longer feel bad about saying this. This is awesome.
The maps were pretty crappy and featureless. There were three cave sections, and they were all the exact same boring shape, and full of the same enemies that do way too much damage and make playing this DMOD really annoying. There are really bad hardness errors that mess up the game and other bugs like that. But that's not even the worst part. Hoo I am drunk. Anyway, my least favorite thing is the text. I love text. I have got the most enormous text boner. The text in this game is really disappointing. It's all in lowerscase and poorly punctuated and the same few scripts are repeated over and over and over again. This really made me hate this DMOD, you guys. If you can't be bothered to come with more text, GO HOME SON. I am writing this while watching Stephen Colbert. He is very funny but I do not laugh much because I am dead inside. Actually I am floating on a pleasant sea of BOOOOZE. I finished the bottle a while ago but I am pretty sure it is kicking in right about now. If there are any screenshots in this writeup I went back and added them later.
I dunno what I'm doing with my life. If I had a spine I'd start taking writing seriously and get a real job writing. It's the only real talent I've ever had. At least that's what I tell myself in those moments when I allow myself to believe that I am good at anything. I have slef confidence problems. I can't even see the screen anymore. The problem is not with my eyes but with my brain.
I hate Republicans. I hate them so so so so so so much. I hate everything. I hate myself. I don't like liberals that much either. I disagree with them a lot but not as much as conservatives.
But seriously "Dink Bigwood" (took me twenty seconds to remember the title) is no fun. Even the few dialogue scripts it has are basically the same thing. Dink says Hi, the NPC says something really inane and boring, and Dink says Bye. It is so repetitive and I didn't enjoy it at all. There were other bugs too. That common bug where dink isn't froxzen for "say_stop" thingos was there and it's easy to end up stuck.
I didn't expect a big challenge from the game but the final boss was too hard. Way too hard. If I were to go back, knowing how hard the boss is, and try again, I might be able to beat it, I might win, but I don't want to. It was too hard and I cheated. You know there was at least one good scene in the game in terms of visuals, and that was the boss.
Screenshot! I like the dead bodies framing. Looks neat.
I seriously can't see at all. Stephen Colbert is smart. I like Jon Stewart too. They're funny.
I am going to upload this as is right now. Otherwise I probably will delete it and not upload it, and if nothing else this is a change of pace. A change of pace is very important to me. I hate writing the same thing over and over and over and over again. I try to keep making these fresh. I care about you guys. I don't want to waste your time.
I am so drunk. That was a BIIIIIG BOTTLE OF WINE Y'ALL.
The plot of "Bigwood" didn't make any sense. And the author clearly didn't know how variables worked so well. He used it right once or twice, but the way he used it didn't make sense. He would use new visions or even whole new screens for occasions when you come back to an NPC after doing something. It didn't make any sense. There was other weird stuff like a bridge that warps you across instead of you walking. I really hated this DMOD when I was playing it but I don't care much now because I'm a happy happy drunk. I love everything right now. Even when I am super drunk I go back and erase most typos. I love you guys. Dink Smallwood is a great game. Oh. What I was trying to say is that I didn't like "Dink Bigwood," but it's all relative isnt' it? Maybe it isn't so bad. It probably isn't any worse than the DMODs I made back before "Malachi." Maybe you guys won't like the new DMOD I just made either when it comes out. Whatever, it's all good. I am a lot happier when I am drunk, but I can't do that all the time or I'd be an alcholic. It's all good.
"Bigwood" sucked. Probably don't play it so much. Goodnight everybody. Kisses, peace and love from your number one monkey. Goodnight.
