Reply to Re: Vin Diesel Jokes
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Vin Diesel doesn't have a computer. Just a basement full of Asian kids that memorize numbers.
In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Vin Diesel could use to kill you, including the room itself.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Vin Diesel allows to live.
The word "lesbian" derives from an old Latin phrase that roughly translates as "She who has not yet been introduced to Vin Diesel."
Vin Diesel is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
All of Vin Diesel's genes are dominant.
Vin Diesel always asks for the same Christmas gift: A box of Smurfs and a sledgehammer.
The movie Ray is loosely based on the life of Vin Diesel, only they substituted piano playing for eating toddlers, and blindness for the ability to fly.
Vin Diesel impaled over 40 horses to make what he calls "an authentic" Merry-Go-Round,
Most people don't know this, but the bible actually ends with Vin Diesel showing up at the crucifixion with a pair of Uzi's and kicking some Roman ass. Vin Diesel was all like, "Jesus, I totally saved you." Then, off on the horizon, a bunch of Romans show up riding dinosaurs led by Mecha Pontious Pilate. Jesus busts out this sweet ninja sword and says, "Now it's my turn to save you." Then Jesus and Vin Diesel run towards the Romans in slow motion. That's how the bible ends. It's a cliff-hanger. I can't wait for the sequel, "The Bible 2: Water...Into Blood".
If you are within one mile of Vin Diesel and you drop your toast, it will always land butter side up. Always.
Vin Diesel once ate the entire cake at a bachelor party before anyone could tell him there was a stripper in it.
Getting murdered by Vin Diesel counts as a natural cause of death.
Vin Diesel's daily schedule goes as follows:
- Ride dirt bike through flaming hoop and appear badass
- Do something badass
- Wake Up
- Eat something badass
- Nap
- Watch The Price is Right
- Say cool one liner
- Throw cigarette in slow motion into Gas-covered bad guy
- Sleep in pit of snakes
When he was nine, Vin Diesel dressed as himself to go trick-or-treating. He came home with a bag full of candy, a bag full of miniature liquor bottles, an Irish Setter, and two underage prostitutes carrying more of his candy.
When Vin Diesel talks about "pumping iron," he's actually referring to masturbation.
Vin Diesel actually has hair, but it's beauty is too great for mortal men to behold. As such, he appears bald to all but the purest of heart.
Vin Diesel invented the hammer when he was tired of using his forehead to slam nails into wood.
Nobody appreciates pacifism more than Vin Diesel, and if you don't believe him, he'll tear your kidneys out. Nobody appreciates irony more than Vin Diesel.
Vin Diesel can predict the shuffle on his iPod.
Vin Diesel doesn't believe in rubber condoms. Instead, he sticks his rod in a girl, and uses that girl as a condom while ducking another.
Vin Diesel is the SI unit used to measure fear.
You are what you eat. That is why Vin Diesel's diet consists entirely of bricks, steel, and the tears of small children.
The book "Wost Case Scenario," discusses ways to run from many different deadly animals. The page entitled "Running from Vin Diesel" simply says "Good luck."
When Vin Diesel was born, the nurse said, "Holy crap! That's Vin Diesel!" Then she had had sex with him. At that point, she was the third girl he had slept with.
Vin Diesel survived abortion.
When Vin Diesel plays any video game, God mode automatically turns on.
Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. Give Vin Diesel a fish and he'll stuff it up your ass and skull-duck your daughter.
Vin Diesel can watch a season of "24" in just three hours.
Santa Claus actually did exist until he forgot to give Vin Diesel the entire Hardy Boys collection series for Christmas.
Vin Diesel had a little lamb who's fleece was white as snow, and anywhere Vin Diesel went the lamb was sure to go. So he killed it.
Vin Diesel takes the phrase "Breakfast of Champions" literally. He once ate Tiger Woods, Wayne Gretzky, and Russel Crowe in one meal.
Onions do not make Vin Diesel cry. Vin Diesel makes onions shoot themselves.
In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Vin Diesel could use to kill you, including the room itself.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Vin Diesel allows to live.
The word "lesbian" derives from an old Latin phrase that roughly translates as "She who has not yet been introduced to Vin Diesel."
Vin Diesel is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
All of Vin Diesel's genes are dominant.
Vin Diesel always asks for the same Christmas gift: A box of Smurfs and a sledgehammer.
The movie Ray is loosely based on the life of Vin Diesel, only they substituted piano playing for eating toddlers, and blindness for the ability to fly.
Vin Diesel impaled over 40 horses to make what he calls "an authentic" Merry-Go-Round,
Most people don't know this, but the bible actually ends with Vin Diesel showing up at the crucifixion with a pair of Uzi's and kicking some Roman ass. Vin Diesel was all like, "Jesus, I totally saved you." Then, off on the horizon, a bunch of Romans show up riding dinosaurs led by Mecha Pontious Pilate. Jesus busts out this sweet ninja sword and says, "Now it's my turn to save you." Then Jesus and Vin Diesel run towards the Romans in slow motion. That's how the bible ends. It's a cliff-hanger. I can't wait for the sequel, "The Bible 2: Water...Into Blood".
If you are within one mile of Vin Diesel and you drop your toast, it will always land butter side up. Always.
Vin Diesel once ate the entire cake at a bachelor party before anyone could tell him there was a stripper in it.
Getting murdered by Vin Diesel counts as a natural cause of death.
Vin Diesel's daily schedule goes as follows:
- Ride dirt bike through flaming hoop and appear badass
- Do something badass
- Wake Up
- Eat something badass
- Nap
- Watch The Price is Right
- Say cool one liner
- Throw cigarette in slow motion into Gas-covered bad guy
- Sleep in pit of snakes
When he was nine, Vin Diesel dressed as himself to go trick-or-treating. He came home with a bag full of candy, a bag full of miniature liquor bottles, an Irish Setter, and two underage prostitutes carrying more of his candy.
When Vin Diesel talks about "pumping iron," he's actually referring to masturbation.
Vin Diesel actually has hair, but it's beauty is too great for mortal men to behold. As such, he appears bald to all but the purest of heart.
Vin Diesel invented the hammer when he was tired of using his forehead to slam nails into wood.
Nobody appreciates pacifism more than Vin Diesel, and if you don't believe him, he'll tear your kidneys out. Nobody appreciates irony more than Vin Diesel.
Vin Diesel can predict the shuffle on his iPod.
Vin Diesel doesn't believe in rubber condoms. Instead, he sticks his rod in a girl, and uses that girl as a condom while ducking another.
Vin Diesel is the SI unit used to measure fear.
You are what you eat. That is why Vin Diesel's diet consists entirely of bricks, steel, and the tears of small children.
The book "Wost Case Scenario," discusses ways to run from many different deadly animals. The page entitled "Running from Vin Diesel" simply says "Good luck."
When Vin Diesel was born, the nurse said, "Holy crap! That's Vin Diesel!" Then she had had sex with him. At that point, she was the third girl he had slept with.
Vin Diesel survived abortion.
When Vin Diesel plays any video game, God mode automatically turns on.
Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. Give Vin Diesel a fish and he'll stuff it up your ass and skull-duck your daughter.
Vin Diesel can watch a season of "24" in just three hours.
Santa Claus actually did exist until he forgot to give Vin Diesel the entire Hardy Boys collection series for Christmas.
Vin Diesel had a little lamb who's fleece was white as snow, and anywhere Vin Diesel went the lamb was sure to go. So he killed it.
Vin Diesel takes the phrase "Breakfast of Champions" literally. He once ate Tiger Woods, Wayne Gretzky, and Russel Crowe in one meal.
Onions do not make Vin Diesel cry. Vin Diesel makes onions shoot themselves.
