Reply to The Naturalivity
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Made as a speed Christmas story:
Jesus’s delivery in Bethlehem was quite dangerous as Mary was unaware of the dangers of childbirth. But the “all natural” style suggested to her by the apothecary down the road appealed to her, being a health freak.
After the baby was born the resident lamb tripped over him and Jesus started to cry. “Jesus Christ!” exclaimed Joseph, who was rewarded by a smack over his face.
“Oh shoosh!” said Mary to her child “Look at the cow! Look at his rich, chocolate coat and-“
“Honey, you’re doing it again.”
Meanwhile, in a faraway land, three inebriated astrologers saw a bright light in the sky.
“It’s a UFO!” said the young one.
“It’s a blessing from Dionysus!” said the religious one.
“They’ve come to take me away,” sighed the old mentor.
All of a sudden the sky exploded in light and singing.
“Yes, it’s my turn to go.”
All of a sudden an angel appeared.
“You will journey to Bethlehem, where a child has been born in a barn, and give him these presents: a bottle of Frankinscents™, valuable fur, and this gold.”
Promptly the angel took off his halo, took a bottle of perfume out of his pocket, produced a jaguar skin, and threw the lot on the expanse of fields before the wise men.
“Oh no!” said the old man “I thought I was going to die!”
Off the men went, piggybacking on one at a time. For the purposes of this story, they quickly arrived in Bethlehem, and found the barn.
There was a knock at the door. “Salesmen! Quick, hide the baby!” whispered Joseph.
After unceremoniously depositing the Lord in a milk pail, the shaking Mary opened the door.
“Please, sample our quality goods!” said the young, entrepreneurial astrologer “Straight from Heaven itself! Brought to you by The Holy Spirit & Co.!”
“Please, take these presents for your engagement,” said the old one.
“We’re not engaged,” said Mary.
“Take them anyway.”
“Here is a jaguar skin for the father to wear, and some quality perfume for the you, the mother, and some gold for the upbringing of the child,” said the religious one.
“Made by Mary Shelley Pty. Ltd.,” murmured Mary, reading the bottle.
At that point the Lord decided he wanted to see the strange men and began to wail, made ghostly by the bucket.”
“A banshee!” said the Irish mentor.
“Oh don’t be silly. It’s just my baby.”
The look on the trio’s faces would be one that Mary would never forget.
Hope you liked it.
Jesus’s delivery in Bethlehem was quite dangerous as Mary was unaware of the dangers of childbirth. But the “all natural” style suggested to her by the apothecary down the road appealed to her, being a health freak.
After the baby was born the resident lamb tripped over him and Jesus started to cry. “Jesus Christ!” exclaimed Joseph, who was rewarded by a smack over his face.
“Oh shoosh!” said Mary to her child “Look at the cow! Look at his rich, chocolate coat and-“
“Honey, you’re doing it again.”
Meanwhile, in a faraway land, three inebriated astrologers saw a bright light in the sky.
“It’s a UFO!” said the young one.
“It’s a blessing from Dionysus!” said the religious one.
“They’ve come to take me away,” sighed the old mentor.
All of a sudden the sky exploded in light and singing.
“Yes, it’s my turn to go.”
All of a sudden an angel appeared.
“You will journey to Bethlehem, where a child has been born in a barn, and give him these presents: a bottle of Frankinscents™, valuable fur, and this gold.”
Promptly the angel took off his halo, took a bottle of perfume out of his pocket, produced a jaguar skin, and threw the lot on the expanse of fields before the wise men.
“Oh no!” said the old man “I thought I was going to die!”
Off the men went, piggybacking on one at a time. For the purposes of this story, they quickly arrived in Bethlehem, and found the barn.
There was a knock at the door. “Salesmen! Quick, hide the baby!” whispered Joseph.
After unceremoniously depositing the Lord in a milk pail, the shaking Mary opened the door.
“Please, sample our quality goods!” said the young, entrepreneurial astrologer “Straight from Heaven itself! Brought to you by The Holy Spirit & Co.!”
“Please, take these presents for your engagement,” said the old one.
“We’re not engaged,” said Mary.
“Take them anyway.”
“Here is a jaguar skin for the father to wear, and some quality perfume for the you, the mother, and some gold for the upbringing of the child,” said the religious one.
“Made by Mary Shelley Pty. Ltd.,” murmured Mary, reading the bottle.
At that point the Lord decided he wanted to see the strange men and began to wail, made ghostly by the bucket.”
“A banshee!” said the Irish mentor.
“Oh don’t be silly. It’s just my baby.”
The look on the trio’s faces would be one that Mary would never forget.
Hope you liked it.
