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July 4th 2014, 04:52 PM
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CocoMonkey
Bard Male United States
Please Cindy, say the whole name each time. 
140: A Perilous Journey (Unfinished) Author: James Perley Release Date: November 1, 2002

"I want to buy that house your selling in Terris."

Another loose end from the original game that bothered players back in the day was an empty house in Terris. A sign declared that it was for sale by someone named Charlie. "Where is Charlie?" people would ask. He was nowhere until this DMOD. It's nice to revisit these concepts, but I wish people would have picked up on more interesting things, like the wizard who tells Dink that he has heroic ancestry.

Dink's search for Charlie brings him to Port Town, and I'll say this for "Perilous Journey" - it at least has a much more reasonable Port Town than "Pirates of Portown" did. The town, though it seems a bit unfinished, is up to the original game's standard for settlements.


The port itself is kind of weak, though.

When you find Charlie, Dink is just inquiring about buying the house (I'd like to know how, since he doesn't have any money), a battle apparently breaks out, part of some kind of war that is apparently going on. Dink agrees to serve as a spy in trade for the house in Terris. The game then dumps you out into an unfinished area where you can't do anything at all.


They said I couldn't wear a house. Who's laughing now?

The opening is okay, but it's all there is. You can wander around Port Town a bit and talk to a few jokey characters (including a "Wizard Partridge" joke I'm pretty sure I had made in one of my old DMODs), but there's nothing to actually do. The whole thing takes no more than five minutes, if that. Speaking of which, the funniest thing about the DMOD by far is an included readme file, which contains this gem of a line:

Approximate time 10+ hours, depending upon skill level of player

I mean, come on, James! Sure, there's something to be said for ambition, but even Pilgrim's Quest didn't take me nearly that long. Now that I'm looking at the file, there's also this:

It can be finished

A more modest goal, but one the DMOD as uploaded still falls well short of. It wouldn't have taken a lot of effort to change the readme. Then again, I guess whether the DMOD can be finished depends upon your definition of "finished." I'm certainly finished with it.

141: The Fairy Named Bincabbi Author: Scratcher Release Date: November 4, 2002

"See you in hell, sucker!"

Scratcher pulled this one's listing off of the site a long time ago, but I've got it, so I'm playing it anyway. It's still on the Dink Network if you want to hunt through the files directory for it.

...I wouldn't, personally.


No it isn't! That is clearly a bonca.

This time, The Idiot Named Dink is tasked by an even dumber king with pleasing a Fairy that apparently is threatening to destroy the world. He fails miserably.


She's so charming, though!

Yeah, this doesn't go much of anywhere. I spent most of my time dying due to the sextillion dragons scattered throughout the map that you can't possibly fight. Once you know where you need to go, however, getting past them isn't difficult. All you do is fetch a necklace for the fairy, but give it away in order to secure passage back. She responds by (apparently) destroying the world.


My favorite thing about this DMOD is a sign that actually breaks when you hit it. Wheeee!

If you gave me just one word to describe this DMOD, I wouldn't bother, because describing things in one word is impossible, and you'd be dumb to ask. But if a world-destroying fairy made me do it, the word I'd use would be "Why?" Now, you might say that that word isn't descriptive, but if you played this DMOD, you'd understand.

*Why, when you have to out-puzzle a guard to enter the castle, is the winning question, "What's a diary?" That is in no way a puzzle, nor should it be difficult to answer.

*Why does the blue fireball magic you start with not show up until you equip the sword? It's weird. And why do the words "Brr.. Cold.." appear wherever you throw the magic? Are all the trees talking trees now?

*Why is there apparently such a thing as a "bridge shop?" Actually, after all the bridge repairmen in DMODs, it's kind of nice to just cut to the chase.

*Why does the local poet describe himself as a "poem writer?" This is not a good sign.

*WHY ARE THERE DRAGONS EVERYWHERE WHY WHY

And so on. I haven't got much to say about this one. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go take a nap.


Ahh!