Reply to Re: Wild ARMs book
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I really liked it. I would like to read more. 
A few suggestions though...
In the dark, you could barely make out the appearance of the room
Try to avoid using second person as you write. Most of what you have written is in the third person. That means don't use the word "you" as if you are directly talking to the audience.
Another thing it is easy to read if you write the dialogue like this instead of altogether in a paragraph form.
"Hey Bob!" said Jim.
"Hey what's up?" Bob replied.
Overall it was entertaining and I would like to read more. If you need someone to help you proofread send me an email.
A few suggestions though...
In the dark, you could barely make out the appearance of the room
Try to avoid using second person as you write. Most of what you have written is in the third person. That means don't use the word "you" as if you are directly talking to the audience.
Another thing it is easy to read if you write the dialogue like this instead of altogether in a paragraph form.
"Hey Bob!" said Jim.
"Hey what's up?" Bob replied.
Overall it was entertaining and I would like to read more. If you need someone to help you proofread send me an email.
