The Dink Network

College Theme Paper Fun

November 5th 2007, 01:00 PM
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VaultDweller
Peasant He/Him United States
Wanderer of the Wasteland 
Read this today around the web.

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THE COLLEGE THEME PAPER: HE VS. SHE

Remember the book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus"? Well, here's a prime example offered by an English professor at an American
University.

"Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. one of you will then write the first paragraph of a short story. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back and forth. Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. There is to be absolutely NO talking and anything you wish to say must be written on the paper. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached."

The following was actually turned in by two of my English students:
Rebecca -last name deleted, and Gary - last name deleted.

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STORY:
(first paragraph by Rebecca)

At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the question.
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(second paragraph by Gary)
Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about
than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago.

"A.S. Harris to Geostation 17, he said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..."

But before he could sign off, a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.
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(Rebecca)
He bumped his head and died almost immediately but not before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who
had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4.

"Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her.She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspapers to read, no television to
distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully.
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(Gary)
Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through the congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan.

The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret Mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid, Laurie and 85 million other Americans. The President slammed his fist on the
conference table. "We can't allow this! I'm going to veto that treaty! Let's blow 'em out of the sky!"
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(Rebecca)
This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic semi-literate adolescent.
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(Gary)
Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh shall I have chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F**KING TEA??? Oh no, I'm such an air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels."
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(Rebecca)
As*hole.
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(Gary)
B*tch.
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(Rebecca)

F**K YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!!
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(Gary)
Go drink some tea - wh*re.
**********************************************
(Teacher)
A+ - I really liked this one.

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Sincerely,
The Vault Dweller
November 5th 2007, 02:24 PM
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DaVince
Peasant He/Him Netherlands
Olde Time Dinkere 
WHoa, the story spread THIS far?! I didn't quite expect that.

(Note: I know the guy who's in the same class as that dude and probably helped spread the story around. )
November 5th 2007, 07:25 PM
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Chrispy
Peasant He/Him Canada
I'm a man, but I can change, if I have to.I guess. 
I take it this happened sometime in 2002? That's the earliest I see most of the mentions. (That, and 2006 saw a resurgence)

Proof: 1 and 2.

(Yeah, as soon as you said, 'I know a guy...', I was immediately suspicious.
November 5th 2007, 07:37 PM
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DaVince
Peasant He/Him Netherlands
Olde Time Dinkere 
It could very well be that it wasn't the guy, I know that.
November 5th 2007, 10:26 PM
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Striker
Noble She/Her United States
Daniel, there are clowns. 
Yeah, like Chrispy said, I've definitely seen this before, and quite a while ago. I actually kind of doubt this was real as the two participants are almost too stereotypical.
November 5th 2007, 11:44 PM
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fireball5
Peasant He/Him Australia
Let me heat that up for you... 
THAT got an A+? at my school they would have had their parents called!
November 6th 2007, 02:24 AM
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Chrispy
Peasant He/Him Canada
I'm a man, but I can change, if I have to.I guess. 
The point of the lesson was that people suck at working together.
November 6th 2007, 02:32 AM
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lance
Peasant He/Him United States
 
THAT was VERY funny; I LOVE'D the fight scenario at the end (was it for real, or all a joke?); You know.... this would make a VERY cool party game!
Who-ever would probably shorten it to 1 sentence a piece, and then see what happens?!
ALL IN ALL, I HAVE TO GIVE YOU 2 KUDO'S FOR THE POST!!
November 6th 2007, 03:48 AM
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Striker
Noble She/Her United States
Daniel, there are clowns. 
1) This is supposed to be a college paper.

2) If that's truly the case for your school, FB, then I certainly lament fates of the next few generations approaching adulthood... and I thought my was ducked.
November 6th 2007, 04:41 AM
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fireball5
Peasant He/Him Australia
Let me heat that up for you... 
our school doesn't like swearing and 'rude language'. we had two big meetings about it. boys in one room, girls in another. i personally don't know why they split us up, but who cares they got the point accross
November 6th 2007, 07:52 AM
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Chrispy
Peasant He/Him Canada
I'm a man, but I can change, if I have to.I guess. 
Frankly, that's pathetic. Let me guess, abstinence only sex-education, (my school had the same, they never even *mentioned* the mechanics, it was that bad. Oh, and kissing was wrong too.) and a zero-tolerance policy that requires zero-thought to enforce?

Yeah, I dislike the school system. Then again, I'm also of the opinion that it'd be a bad idea to waste water if some of my old classmates and school were on fire, so that could be a contributing factor.
November 6th 2007, 09:52 AM
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DaVince
Peasant He/Him Netherlands
Olde Time Dinkere 
Meh, I hate when people do that. There isn't anything immoral about those things.

Actually, I'm a born pacifist, but yet I swear. Why? Because there's swearing that doesn't offend anyone personally, like dang and ducking. (which will now be censored by TDN's swear filter. <_< )
November 6th 2007, 08:49 PM
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Striker
Noble She/Her United States
Daniel, there are clowns. 
Heh, mine was a bit different, they told us the mechanics, but claimed birth control was not effective. The same zero-tolerance bullshoot was implemented by the time I got to High School. It's always comforting to know that current and future generations will be sufficiently desensitized to thoughtless and arbitrary authority.
November 6th 2007, 09:10 PM
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dinkmega
Ghost They/Them
 
Oooh I remember something like this being aired in cartoon network some years ago, some mini-cartoon thing (bad translation) "This is a real story, it happened to a friend's friend..." or something like that. Really funny
November 6th 2007, 11:31 PM
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fireball5
Peasant He/Him Australia
Let me heat that up for you... 
at my school sex-ed, both boys and girls were combined (no, not in THAT way, i mean in the same room) we learnt about the 'mechanics' and i didn't hear anything about birth control, although i know what it is. RU486, and all the other stuff.