Hello Again
I've never shown it to anyone in real life and I'd probably be too embarrassed to
you just have.
you just have.
If you share your work with others more often it'll help a lot to better your writing. I thought it was mostly good. The "Scare them shitless" line really threw me though. It doesn't feel fitting at all for a narrator that seems to have a vast vocabulary and was using alliteration three times in the line just before it. "Scare them shitless" is far too crass and simplistic for this narrator. Also I'm pretty sure you meant single-handedly and not singe-handedly. Another thing is the "life unflashes" phrase. I understand what you were going for, but I don't think it works. This is mostly because it's just awkward to read. I would look for another way to get the idea across.
don't listen to lep. write rule-less. it's more fun that way.
Your name is familiar. I believe I remember you.
Why hello there. Around a decade ago I was but a baby, so I probrably don't remember you. But welcome back
March 26th 2017, 10:01 AM
Spacehog
Many thanks for the feedback, particularly LaprochaUn. Was helpful to have critical comments on it so thank you kindly