The Dink Network

Hello Again

March 8th, 04:31 PM
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March 8th, 04:37 PM
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Skurn
Peasant Female United States xbox steam duck bloop
i like pie 
I've never shown it to anyone in real life and I'd probably be too embarrassed to

you just have.
March 8th, 05:45 PM
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LeprochaUn
Peasant Male Japan xbox steam bloop
Responsible for making things not look like ass 
If you share your work with others more often it'll help a lot to better your writing. I thought it was mostly good. The "Scare them shitless" line really threw me though. It doesn't feel fitting at all for a narrator that seems to have a vast vocabulary and was using alliteration three times in the line just before it. "Scare them shitless" is far too crass and simplistic for this narrator. Also I'm pretty sure you meant single-handedly and not singe-handedly. Another thing is the "life unflashes" phrase. I understand what you were going for, but I don't think it works. This is mostly because it's just awkward to read. I would look for another way to get the idea across.
March 8th, 06:13 PM
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Skurn
Peasant Female United States xbox steam duck bloop
i like pie 
don't listen to lep. write rule-less. it's more fun that way.
March 8th, 07:07 PM
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Skull
Peasant Male Finland bloop
"I'd like to be a tree..." 
Hi there. I remember you.
March 9th, 06:38 AM
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Robj
Peasant Male Australia
You feed the madness, and it feeds on you. 
Your name is familiar. I believe I remember you.
March 9th, 01:10 PM
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Bluedy
Peasant Male Romania steam bloop
Flyest artist you know 
Why hello there. Around a decade ago I was but a baby, so I probrably don't remember you. But welcome back
March 9th, 02:07 PM
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Hi. Nice.
March 26th, 10:01 AM
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Spacehog
Ghost
 
Many thanks for the feedback, particularly LaprochaUn. Was helpful to have critical comments on it so thank you kindly
March 26th, 02:08 PM
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baphomet
Peasant Male Germany
Tanke och tal!!! Ro! Ro in sinnets land!!! 
Goodbye again.