The Dink Network

Hello Again

March 8th 2017, 04:31 PM
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March 8th 2017, 04:37 PM
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Skurn
Peasant He/Him Equatorial Guinea duck bloop
can't flim flam the glim glam 
I've never shown it to anyone in real life and I'd probably be too embarrassed to

you just have.
March 8th 2017, 05:45 PM
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LeprochaUn
Peasant He/Him Japan bloop
Responsible for making things not look like ass 
If you share your work with others more often it'll help a lot to better your writing. I thought it was mostly good. The "Scare them shitless" line really threw me though. It doesn't feel fitting at all for a narrator that seems to have a vast vocabulary and was using alliteration three times in the line just before it. "Scare them shitless" is far too crass and simplistic for this narrator. Also I'm pretty sure you meant single-handedly and not singe-handedly. Another thing is the "life unflashes" phrase. I understand what you were going for, but I don't think it works. This is mostly because it's just awkward to read. I would look for another way to get the idea across.
March 8th 2017, 06:13 PM
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Skurn
Peasant He/Him Equatorial Guinea duck bloop
can't flim flam the glim glam 
don't listen to lep. write rule-less. it's more fun that way.
March 8th 2017, 07:07 PM
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Skull
Peasant He/Him Finland bloop
A Disembodied Sod 
Hi there. I remember you.
March 9th 2017, 06:38 AM
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Robj
Jester He/Him Australia
You feed the madness, and it feeds on you. 
Your name is familiar. I believe I remember you.
March 9th 2017, 01:10 PM
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Bluedy
Peasant He/Him Romania bloop rumble
I like Frutti Fresh 
Why hello there. Around a decade ago I was but a baby, so I probrably don't remember you. But welcome back
March 9th 2017, 02:07 PM
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Hi. Nice.
March 26th 2017, 10:01 AM
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Spacehog
Ghost They/Them
 
Many thanks for the feedback, particularly LaprochaUn. Was helpful to have critical comments on it so thank you kindly
March 26th 2017, 02:08 PM
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baphomet
Peasant He/Him
I Like War. 
Goodbye again.